Ed & Big Sky Pipe
Ed, Great Falls, Big Sky Pipe
UPDATE: Commons approves NDP climate bill
Climate change Bill C-311 receives final approve in the House of Commons.
Health scare: They Came from Eekum Seekum
This is not a real doctor or a zombie. He’s not even one of the cast, just some undead guy on the internet. If your doctor has been looking a little undead lately, there’s no need to be alarmed. Might be a mild case of method acting, getting ready for They Came from Eekum Seekum,…
Introducing…Your New Favorite Cover Band
PANACHE! Dave Burns first heard Judas Priest purely by chance. “My cousin Vance was cleaning out his tape collection and passed me a copy of Priest Live,” he recalls. “I freaked out on that tape. I wore it down pretty good.” Years later, after witnessing the likes of 2 Minutes To Maiden and Gunts and…
Pro Hockey Life opening in Dartmouth
This is a heads up for hockey fans, if you can tear yourselves away from the playoffs for half a second to read the news. The details of exactly where and exactly when are still sketchy at the moment, but by mid-summer we should have a location of Pro Hockey Life open at Dartmouth Crossing.…
Friendly fellow on the #1
To the friendly fellow on the #1 Monday afternoon around 4: You smiled at me like you recognized me and then sat down next to me, where you proceeded to read a comic book. Sorry I wasn’t more receptive. I was exhausted and confused. I was wearing a red jacket and carrying a bunch of…
Loving me some Bitchers!
I want to send some love to all those who frequent the bitch page and leave their entertaining remarks behind. I’m just getting hooked on the LTWWB as a new resident to this fair city, and honestly, I’m learning so much from your un-moderated voices. So loves to you – don’t let it change your…
Dear Aliens,
Hawking may not want anything to do with you, but I would welcome you to our planet with open arms and acceptance… even it means my head explodes from your superior telekinetic powers. —UFOTOFU
To the I.T. guy in the white shirt
You and another guy came in and put in a new computer monitor. I was on the computer in zombie Monday mode and you managed to wake me up a bit and cheer up my day. You seemed super cool, so thanks. —Angel
Dear biopsy needle,
… Fuckin’ ouch… Sincerely, —My left tit
Cycle on the Circ
To the motorcyclist on the Circ at the Main Street merge… Thank you for causing the accident this morning that tied up rush hour traffic. Hopefully you learned a lesson – always do a check before merging – you’re not invincible. You caused two other vehicles to hit each other when they slammed on their…
You have one minute to get what you want, and leave.
Seriously, we close at nine. I know you guys know it so PLEASE don’t come in at EIGHT FIFTY-NINE. You force me to stay open later and run late on cleaning up. I wouldn’t mind as much if I didn’t have to get up at five the next morning. I think you all just sit…
Ever watched a Southpark episode titled “The F word” ? Maybe you should…
To the military guy who rides his Harley through the Darkside on his commute to work: Are you for real? I mean seriously, dude…the big ass flags on each side of your top case, the replica of a German WWII military helmet you’re wearing (in a very tasteful and understated chrome finish), the bad-ass wannabe…
Mr.Clean
You stink. Standing there all manly-like in your white t-shirt with your muscled-arms crossed. You smell like fruit, when you should smell like a lumberjack. —I should never have left Sol Pine
No Help
My car died the other day on Dunbrack. I was on the side of the road for over an hour, and no one would pull over to help. After a hour of this, I flagged down a cab. I had to pay a cab to take me to a gas station, and then back to…
Karma will be a bigger bitch than I EVER was!
To my douche bag of an ex boyfriend…. grow the fuck up. I get that we had issues in our relationship, but you lead me to believe that we could work all that shit out while on this break… you were just stringing me along. You were too much of a coward and a liar…
Bullshit Stats
Have you heard the news? One in three convenient stores sell tobacco products to minors. What sort of distortion is this? If this is anywhere close to true why haven’t 100s of stores been charged with this offense. The fine for the first offense can be up to $2000, the second $5000 and the third…
Kansas Walks the Walk
Day 2 Montana Moocows Not just the cows, but most creatures I pass cannot believe their eyes—that some lunatic is walking. Horses here are beautiful, and mostly they come as close to me as they can, and once I feed two of them some of my bagged peeled baby carrots. They come for a look…
Canada’s Best Live Band Comes to Halifax
boys had better beware I was really hoping that Toronto twang-rock legends The Sadies would be making more than one stop in the Maritimes after it was announced they’d be playing Sappyfest, and calloo callay, here we are. They’ll be playing the Paragon on July 31st at 10:30pm. Tix are $15 in advance and go…
Juliette Lewis is Coming
her + gilbert grape = best couple It is my natural inclination to ruthlessly mock actors and actresses who also “make music” (Minnie Driver? Billy Bob Thorton? Instant hilarity!) but for some reason I can’t do it with Juliette Lewis. It might have something to do with the fact that some of her songs with…
Are you too vain to wear eyeglasses?
To: the white blond haired woman in her twenties with blue eyes that match her shiny new car… Yes, you, the one who hit me while I was stopped at the red light at the corner of Springvale Ave. and Joseph Howe Drive, Sunday, May 2, 2010 around 7 pm… Are you too vain to…
Gonna Walk Down Thru Eclectic Avenue
hey, look, it’s DJ Pizza! CKDU is kicking off a new monthly fundraiser tomorrow night (Wednesday May 5) at the Seahorse called Eclectic Avenue. The first edition is happening tomorrow with DJ Bumpsie, DJ Zack Shave, the First Aid Kit and a “surprise guest” whose name rhymes with Itch Ow Loin. Think about it for…
Pete’s has a new location
Uncommon Grounds has closed down on Hollis, but going in there is a new venture from eternally cheery food entrepreneur Pete Luckett. Pete’s To Go Go (1801 Hollis Street) will open “mid-summer,” they say. Here’s the lowdown, from the helpful email Shoptalk received, on what the shop will offer, aside from the Pete’s sandwiches and…
Big boobs
M.K I spent all winter without you in my life, and it was a pretty gloomy winter. We have had our bit of drama, (like all good friends do), but the whole time we weren’t chilling I missed you immensely. I love that you teach me something new every time we talk. I think you…
Handsome A
I was over the moon when you surprised me! Two nights in a row. I’m giddy, woozy, can’t get you off of my mind. Of course I’m hopeful, but I’m keeping my expectations low and even if it doesn’t work out: I’ll always remember our all-nighter, dancing at the Paragon, the lunch-revealing piggyback ride home,…
Please, Please… Acknowledge!!!
Dad, I love you dearly, but holyfuckinshit you need to learn how to use a phone in 2010. 1) Call Waiting is not the epitome of rudeness and your phone will tell you who is calling on the other line so that you can decide whether or not you want/need to answer. It’s been, like,…
Frustrated Shopper
I shop at this drug store because of its convenient downtown location, and its points system. But every time I walk in that store I get pissed off. It’s the most poorly designed, worst laid out store of its kind. Every time I am looking for something specific, I end up pacing laps around the…
Classy lady, not fucked up ganster
Today I was walking to the bus stop in the north-end Dartmouth, I was looking fabulous in my cat eye shades and vintage outfit and my awesome beehive, to finish the ensemble I wore my most favorite accessory, my red bandana wrapped around my awesome do’. As I walked by a group of wannabe gangsters…
NHL Refs Suck
They just do… Montreal and Refs vs. Pittsburgh. —Tired of Crappy Calls
I’m a fool for you
You’re my best friend and I completely fell for you…. But is your way of telling me that you feel the same is acting like a elementary school boy with a crush on a girl in his class. Cause you wrestling with me to pin me or making fun of me is really starting to…
Shower Curtain
I hate you. I hate that your magnets aren’t strong enough to keep you in your rightful place in the bathtub, and how you always end up floating up and assaulting me in the shower. I try to battle you with water pressure, but you always sneak back up and wrap your gritty, thin wet…
Wait
It’s not so much that I’m lonely. It’s just that I’m wondering where all my friends have gone. —Bad at people.
Go Habs!
Gaaaaaah! I missed the game. Who the hell schedules an NHL game on Sunday AFTERNOON??!?! —Go Habs
More Artists Announced for Sappyfest
More artists announced for Sappy. Many of my favorites and yours will be there. My wallet cries; my heart sings. I’m gonna post some links/myspaces later when I’m not at work, but in the meantime, here’s what you can expect down in sunny, sunny Sackville the weekend of July 30-Aug. 1. Buy tickets and learn…
Proposed YMCA/CBC development will break HRM By Design height limits
[image-1] The proposed rebuilding of the YMCA and CBC buildings along South Park and Sackville Streets will require Halifax council to amend height limits included in the HRM By Design planning guidelines for downtown. That amendment would be the first break in the planning policies adopted in 2008.
Backstreet’s Back, All Right.
Okay, I’m not going to beat around the bush: The friggin’ Backstreet Boys are coming here on August 18th to dance it up at the Metro Centre. Well, four of them, anyway – Kevin Richardson, the middle-aged looking one, left the band in 2006. yep, still old. However, Greasy, Druggy, Whatshisface and BlondieJaw are all…
SuperNova: Grandma Noda’s Tigers
Grandma Noda’s Tigers is a unique gem of a play that touches on everything from the impermanence of worldly things to the enduring, endearing quality of love and forgiveness. Not bad for a 55-minute puppet show that speaks to everyone from the very young to the very old. From the first ethereal ping of the…
Our Thyme Café Grand Opening
Over in Dartrmouth, Our Thyme Café (98 Portland Street, 406-7467) is having everyone come by for a celebration May 6, from 8am to 5pm, to enjoy the grand opening of their newly renovated addition. Expect local celebs behind the counter serving lunch, samples of the sweet treats, organic coffee and more.
Moda Urban Dining opens
They were hoping to be up and running this week, with all the inspections and menu complete, they’re just waiting for the liquor licence to come through, so be sure to drop by Moda Urban Dining (1518 Dresden Row, 405-3480) in the old Anatolia space in the next little while to see if the doors…
My girl
You’re away for maybe one more month, possibly 7 weeks… I’ve been in a mini mid-life crisis at times, over my career not being what I want it to be, and getting over pneumonia and the way my body always hurts, even on a good day. I pick up my phone to check and the…
Long drive home…
To the boy in the red hoodie on the last 80 into Bedford: Thank you for raising your arms in success as the annoying loud phone girl got off the bus… it purely captured the moment we were all feeling… but seriously am I talking too much? Do you want me to stop? yes? no?…
The cat whisperer…
To the lovely lady who runs the cat rescue organization in Halifax. Even though it didn’t work out quite how we’d planned, thank you so much for lending me the live trap for free, driving it to my house, and taking us to the location. Thank you also for your advice. You’re a gem. —Mistaken…
Notable Om Nom Noms
Hmmm, burritos… You folks make some great food. I absolutely love how your employees can play their own music. It keeps my sonic landscape interesting and puts me at ease… even when its death metal. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE never force your employee’s to wear uniforms! Let the people be comfortable and focus on making me…
Getting my money’s worth…
The highlight of my mornings (And sometimes afternoons) are my trips down for coffee from my favourite international coffee company. To be honest I half go just to see the hot staff; Seriously though, if I’m going to be spending five dollars on a chai latte, it helps to have some awesome eye candy. I…
Mmm mmm pizza
To the young pizza guy that ‘mmm mmm’ed me tonight in the hallway… thank you. I came home after a shitty week, threw on my sweats, scrubbed my face and brushed my hair and ordered pizza feeling blue. I realize most girls would get their knickers in a twist by a ‘mmm mmm’ but sometimes…
Street art is f’n awesome, even the sh!tty stuff….
I just wanna thank all artists HRM wide for their effort to spice up this city with everything from taggers to spray cans to brush and easel on the hill! keep it up! It puts a smile on my face every time I see a piece and makes me warm and glow every time Ii…
What would Karl do?
I’m moving now and everything reminds me of you; that fucked up purple dinosaur you gave me to stop those silly nightmares, Siddhartha, Narcissus, your Obama article… I love you. Come back already. We can be friends. I promise it will hurt, but probably not forever. It’s my fault. —See you June 30
HOPE
sj2: It’s hard to find your way in the present, when yesterday’s fears erase the beauty of the day be fore’s wonders – when the loyalty of love carries no weight, and when the fear of the moment overwhelms the strength of the past. I am here… so is hope. —sj1
Is it wrong to pray for a miscarriage?
So you’ve been dating a girl for a couple of months now and decided that you guys want a baby… Your parents have to pay your rent because she hasn’t worked long enough to get maternity leave. Both of you smoke… cigarettes and pot, drink A LOT (how many times has she gotten kicked out…
Turning Left
Turning left off Quinpool onto Oxford during the night time, for some reason pisses people off tremendously. Waiting for oncoming traffic to go by took all of 5 seconds, which during someone goes flying around me in their car at like 70km/h, and the next person goes by honking at me. There’s NOTHING wrong with…
It ain’t rocket science
To the stoned counter girl at the movie place. Is it that difficult to make sure that the correct DVD is in the case before you put it back out to rent? Why would you even be taken them out of the cases anyway? Was pretty pissed when I didn’t get the movie I actually…
Shadow Warriors
Who are the idiots that spray painted the corner of South Park and Spring Garden? You idiots, “fuck the police.” There are kids everywhere in that area, not to mention some pro-social Haligonians who are at very least indifferent to the popo. I was walking to the gym today and I noticed at least 3…
Happy Birthday Old Man!
For you I: -wear the jersey of the team I don’t care about. -laugh at your unfunny jokes. -hold your hand even though your hair needs to be cut. now that’s love. —Boobles
To the litter vigilante
To the woman jogging on Duffus who promptly ripped down my lost cat poster as soon as I’d put it up and walked away: What the hell is wrong with you?! When I asked you why you did that, you said you take everything down because it’s litter… Even lost cat posters? Really? When I…
‘Cruel monster’ hails from Dartmouth
This bitch was submitted with a link to a story link from an outside news source about the sentencing of a former Dartmouth resident to 16 years in prison, after pleading guilty to second degree murder for the killing of his girlfriend in Red Deer in 2009. ~ ed. A fine fine example of bullying…
Hyprocisy
One week you don’t the like hi-rise the next you don’t like urban sprawl, where do the new people go? Wow, they CHOOSE to live in your city, make up your minds. 1775 or 2010, this wont go away folks, we come everyday. —Just frustrated about my town
Now I know why they call it “Deadmonton”
I could write a Love for Halifax, but since that’s already been done ad nauseum because it’s such a great city, I figured I might as well write a Bitch about the complete opposite of Halifax, a crappy shit-hole of a town known as Edmonton. So-called greener pastures took me to this ugly, depressing dump…
Hey Oil Slick
…fuck off. —The sea
Damn you parking enforcement
Nevermind this bull that once a parking ticket has been issued it can not be voided… Just so all you know, these morons can void it even though they say they can’t. They have nothing to lose. They don’t make commission on giving out tickets, just a shitty hourly wage. Seriously, next time you issue…
Stop editing my comments!
I am getting so tired of posting comments on a particular Canadian news site’s news stories only to find out later that my comment has been edited before being posted. Words are changed around, the spelling is fucked with, it’s fucking annoying. I try to come off as an asshole, and instead I look like…
I won’t run you over, but someone probably will!
To the “mother” (and I use that term loosely) that I encountered on Farnham Gate Rd Friday who was waiting for her son to be dropped off by his school bus: FUCK YOU! You waited patiently for your son to arrive by bus so you could walk him across the road and onto another, how…
Standers
To the people who stand on a packed bus, when there are a shit-ton of seats behind you, go sit the hell down, or let people pass you so they can sit the hell down. It’s not about being lazy, it’s about not smelling what someone had for lunch that day because the bus is…
Seriously?
As a daily commuter of our “super fabulous” transit system (ha!), I tend to drive in from out of town, park at the Sportsplex and then take the bus over. This stops a little more traffic into the DT core and helps with Carbon a tiny bit. I thought it was free to park there…
It was Seven, it is G Lounge
As Shoptalk reported last recently, in the former Seven Wine Bar spot a new lounge is opening from the same owners. It is now officially named: G Lounge (1579 Grafton Street, 444-7774) will open May 6, with hours of operation being Tuesdays, Thursday-Saturday 5pm-2am, and the grand opening weekend May 13-15.
Starfish Properties prize supports NSCAD grads
A dress from Chloe Gordon’s fall 2010 collection. Though Starfish Properties may have the ire of those frustrated by empty Barrington storefronts (read Carsten Knox’s interview with Louis Reznick), the development company has been doing their best to align with the artsy crowd: first hosting last year’s AGNS party in the gutted Roy building space,…
Five Fishermen up in the grill
The legendary seafood restaurant Five Fishermen (1740 Argyle Street, 422-4421) is now undergoing changes. Their downstairs section, once known as Little Fish Restaurant & Oyster Bar, has closed and will soon to be replaced by something called Five Fishermen Bar & Grill, to open in June following renovations.
RELAX
I still think about you all the time. I miss the fun we were having getting to know each other. I know it doesnt matter now but I really think I could have fallen in love with you… my feelings for you will always remain where we left off. Miss you friend. —Doing the right…
CHOIRBOY
The nickname I gave you for all the innocence you like to protest….tough now I know better. You are the most amazing lover a woman could have. I never imagined I could know such pleasure. Your touch, lips and eyes always make me tingle. My only wish would be to someday have much longer to…
You know it’s meant to be when….
You stumble in through the door, totally hammered, and I have to babysit you until 3am. Now you are probably wondering why this is not in the Bitch section. Because I got to take care of you the whole night, and make sure you were okay, and then laugh at your hungover ass the next…
To the guy who told me he was single…
So I met you at Freemans, sweet and innocent you were.. we dated, we kissed and spend amazing night together. Then I saw you with your fiance…and met 2 other girls who actually though you were single.. is there any one else? What an f-ck—g prick you are, I feel bad for your fiancee. —M.V
Baby Mama Bitch
You’re one sorry piece of shit excuse for a fucking mother. You have no personality, and can’t make healthy decisions on your own! You seem to be breeding children to get tax child benefit checks every month, and as the kids get to a certain age you give them up. Unfortunately, I have a kid…
SICK OF “HIPSTERS”
‘m serious, all of you “hipsters” seriously piss me off. Worse than emo kids. Hell, I like emo kids more than you. First of all, your fashion sense is appalling. Whoever wears a damn stocking hat in MAY is an idiot. Second, the tight pants – gotta go. I don’t wanna mistakenly check you out…
Good To Go
Day 0 Helena, Montana April 30, 2010 As Jodie Foster kept saying in Contact, I’m good to go. I have been outfitting and provisioning in Helena, Montana since Tuesday night. Bob (the carrier, not, alas, the cat) arrived in perfect tick from Philadelphia thanks to Jill. I now have everything I really need. Yesterday there…
Convention centre costs: up to $170 million without furnishing and equipment
Until today, the public discussion about a proposed convention centre in downtown Halifax revolved around a government expenditure of about $100 million. That amount would pay for the public portion of the proposed complex—that is, the convention centre proper. Construction of the adjoining hotel and office complex would be paid for by the private developer,…
Parched for Powerthirst 3
Red Bull may give you wings, but Powerthirst gives you birds! And now it’s real at powerthirst.ca. Comes with a bottle.
Videos We Love
uh-oh videos!
SuperNova: The Misfit
There’s a lot to like about Anita Majumdar’s exploration of so-called “honour killings”, not the least of which is the actress herself. Majumdar is talented mimic, bringing to like a whole cast of quirky, memorable characters. She is also a breathtakingly graceful dancer and a playwright adept at using humour to explore difficult topics. The…
Free Comic Book Day Madness
Free Comic Book Day, the industry-wide, international promotion of comics, returns for another year, with plenty of opportunities for deals, as well as the requisite free comics from every major publisher. Quantam Frontier (3087 Robie Street, 446-8233) will have all that going on, as well as fundraising barbeque for Hal-Con (only 182 days left!!!) starting…
Halifax Cycle Gallery opens
The dream of a pair of owners, John Wesley Chisholm and former Idealbikes manager Roger Nelson, Halifax Cycle Gallery (6299 Quinpool Road, 407-4222) is happening on Quinpool. As manager Robyn Badger explains, the endeavour is as much a money-making venture as it is about the spirit of the thing. “John Wesley is very involved in…
Dear Late Night Street Cleaner Vehicle on North Street
The horrific screechy moan noise you make creeps me the fuck out. —Just Sayin’
Bitch police
You have got to comment on every bitch that is posted. The “I am so smart and informed” and “holier then thou” attitude is amusing in an I’m laughing at you sort of way. I hope you don’t get a life so we might enjoy your pathetic attempts to be clever for years to come.…
Another cockroach bitch, really?
When I contacted the property management to tell them that I didn’t want to deal with the office people they said they would send someone over to speak with me. Surprise, surprise… It was the woman who works in the office downstairs. I was notified 2 minutes after our meeting took place that she would…
Ex-Roomie GET YOUR CAT
To my ex-roomie, come get your cat, the thing misses you like crazy, It wakes me up in the middle of the night running up and down the hall, scratching at my door, I feed her for you and even clean the litter box, but please I am begging you come get your cat, I…
NO IT ISN’T!
I can’t take it any longer. People who say “It is what it is” need to have red hot pokers jammed up their nostrils until their brain melts. Everyone knows it is what it is. If it wasn’t then it would be something else. You think you’re so smart and look so smug as if…
It’s the Pit: Meris Mosher’s graffiti belt buckles
Meris Mosher When The Pit, the graffiti wall on Lower Water and Morris streets, was recently demolished, a cultural history was destroyed too. Over the years, layers and layers of (technically “legal”) street art built up like icing on a cake, undocumented and often unnoticed. But Meris Mosher was watching. Since 2007, the NSCAD grad,…
Zuppa Theatre’s new play
We’re totally game for Zuppa Theatre’s Sport & Social fundraiser on Saturday night (the AARC at Armbrae Academy, 1400 Oxford, $5, 19+), especially when we heard about the pie-eating contest, with pies made special for the occasion by theatre moms and volunteers. “Everyone’s eyes really light up for that one,” says Zuppa’s Sue Leblanc Crawford.…
Community to mark anniversary of Tanya Brooks’ murder
Readers will recall the murder of Tanya Brooks last year; Brooks was the woman found dead in the window well at St. Patrick’s-Alexandra School: Tanya Brooks was murdered May 10, 2009—both Mother’s Day and her daughter Chelsey’s 20th birthday. Her body was found the next afternoon by a school staff member. On May 28 Tanya…
Live Art announces new season on International Dance Day
Montreal Danse Troglodyte Plastique It’s an appropriately busy International Dance Day (and a recently declared Nova Scotia Dance Week), for Live Art Productions: Tonight is the premiere of Denise Fujiwara’s new piece at the James Dunn (420-0003 for tickets), and the launch of their 2010-2011 season. Although contemporary dance might not be the loudest or…
Festival Roundup
Summer festival season is nigh. Last week the folks behind Evolve, the Obey Convention, Long Live the Queen and Sappyfest announced their line-ups (or part of their line-ups, anyway) and started selling tickets. I decided to ask all these enterprising folk to share their organizational skills, their favorite bands on the lineup, and why they…
SuperNova: The Bone House
Is exercise anything that makes your heart beat fast? If so, The Bone House could be considered a first-class workout. It’s a very different kind of theatre experience, one that had people giggling nervously from the moment that “mind hunter” Eugene Crowley (Chris Fassbender) stepped on to the stage and flashed his wide, slightly creepy…
SuperNova: Piaf: Love Conquers All
Edith Piaf—or should I say Naomi Emmerson as Edith Piaf—played to a packed house at the opening night of the SuperNova Theatre Festival. The French singer’s story, from her impoverished beginnings through her superstardom to her sad descent to death, is played out in the one-woman show Piaf: Love Conquers All. The play is a…
Simon and Garfunkel also Rescheduled
i’ll forgive you if paul wears that haircut as a toupee According to this posting from the Chronicle Herald, Simon and Garfunkel are postponing their tour so Art can enjoy a period of “rest and rehabilitation.” The shows originally scheduled for May 17 and 18 at the Metro Centre will now be happening July 24…
In-house munchies are a plus, too
To the apocalypticly stoned girl working the drive through: I just wanted to thank you for not screwing up the order, especially when I asked for iced tea with no ice and you exploded with laughter. I know it must have freaked you out to have a disembodied voice coming through your headset, and despite…
Seventh Heaven
Thank you, oh thank you my beloved Canadiens for making this spring the most exciting one in a while. True, it was big beating the Bruins in 2008, but putting Ovi and the boys in their place (on their own ground) was super sweet. I couldn’t think of a better birthday gift than to have…
Les Habitants
Thank you, for reminding me that I love hockey!!! Way to put the puke Ovechkin in his place… —Youppi
A cheap bass amp?
My crazy friend introduced us at the Seahorse, you bought me a Keiths, we talked about bass amps. I should have got your number! Look me up on myspace. —Darkside east coaster
Dear flabby-assed, know-nothing, button nosed shitsack,
A loose turd floating in a bucket of stale pee would make better parenting decisions than you. You exemplify a stupidity and a depth of ignorance usually reserved for the mentally retarded homeschooled children of Klan members in Alabama. The thought of touching you without the use of some kind of long stick is vomit-inducing.…
ARE YOU INSANE?
Dear folks/insurance companies launching law suits against the city of Halifax for the fire last year: Are you retarded? Suing someone because they risked their lives to save your ass? If your house was damaged you have insurance, this is what insurance is for. Insurance companies, pay the damn money and shut up, how much…
I thought you liked good music
I was just asked to turn down my music by a roommate. Awwe muffin… You have a new job and you actually DO something now. Of course I have obliged, cause that’s the way I am. Now what about all the effin’ nights of bitches trampling up the stairs in heels at all hours of…
FUCK U 2 THE CAR MIRROR BANDIT
Fuck u 2 the punk who smashed my passenger side window on queen street last Sunday, fuck u, u punk bitch. I hope one day I’m walking home and catch you, as this is not the first mirror smashed on that street in less then a week.—r@ycarl
Same Ol’ Situation
In a move that most likely surprises no one, Pacifico’s White Party featuring Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has been pushed back from its original date of May 6. So, you know, there’s still time to shell out $85 to hang out with this deliriously tanned pile of man-skin, sinew and gloss. If you don’t know…
Go local on Barrington Street
We’ve all heard about the problems on Barrington Street, but the real story might be how longtime retailers have managed to survive and even thrive downtown, despite the closure of businesses, which recently have included CD Plus, Carsand Mosher and Peep Show Girly Boutique. And at press time, we’re receiving word that locally owned outdoor…
Love for Luedecke
It takes awhile to find your stride, your path and your purpose in life. For some, it’s a life-long journey. Chris Luedecke first found his footing when he quit his job and started to take himself seriously as a musician. It was tough at first. Not only did he have to convince himself, he had…
The Back-up Plan is too cute
It’s nice to see a born star like Jennifer Lopez back in a movie, even if it’s a movie like The Back-Up Plan. As New York pet store owner Zoe, a stagnant love life and biological pressure leads her to become artificially inseminated, only to fall for the right guy later that day (that’s just…
Oceans opens our eyes to the deep blue sea
Disney’s newish nature arm—oh African Cats, we can’t wait to roar for you—re-releases this multi-country co-pro in honour of Earth Day. Narrated by Pierce Brosnan, Jacques Perrin and Jacques Cluzaud’s Oceans traverses the normal Lorne Greene territory of baby turtles crawling out of the sand, cavorting dolphins, lounging (and hilarious) sea lions. And then the…
Master M.O.P.
Ed: Too good to be true? First Art Garfunkel and now these guys. Tickets for Saturday’s cancelled M.O.P. show can be refunded at point of purchase. I didn’t expect to hear guns in the background or the sound of girls screaming orgiastically in a club when calling Billy Danze of M.O.P. at his home in…
True Story by Andrew Hines
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The Perfect Game almost hits it out of the park
A well-intentioned sports pic about the first non-American baseball team to conquer the Little League World Series. The team is the Monterrey Industrials from Mexico, coached by a going-to-seed ex-Major Leaguer who has retreated back to his ancestral home in shame. There, wallowing in self-pity, he is cajoled into coaching and shaping local boys into…
Pavement
What is there really to say about Pavement that already has not been said, except that if you own the band’s albums already than this low-priced career retrospective is redundant and offers nothing new (except maybe for the neato artwork). Not a single “unreleased” scrap or live recording—much of that came on the better deluxe…
Laura Chenoweth moves to top three in the Design Forward awards
As we wrote, about a month ago, local designers Laura Chenoweth and deux fm were competing in the semi-finals for Fashion Takes Action’s first FTA Design Forward awards, dedicated to finding the best sustainable clothing designers in Canada. Close to 40 designers made the first round, then it was 14, and now Chenoweth–who is passionate…
Nightmare on Elm Street is too thin for nightmare material
In this film and the superior 1984 original, the premise is the same: a fringe member of the early-childhood education job sector, Freddy Krueger is burned alive by a pitchfork mob as punishment for the kind of crimes that ensue when desire meets access. Krueger then kills the children of the mob in their nightmares.…
David Byrne & Fatboy Slim
Just when you think David Byrne couldn’t get any more out there, he pairs up with Fatboy Slim to produce a conceptual double-album about Imelda Marcos, the shoe-loving widow of the Philippines’ dictator, who was no stranger to the dance clubs. Structured like a four-act musical, leading up to Marcos’ fated fall, noted female musicians…
Theatre Arts Guild: How it Works
There’s no doubt in my mind that Daniel MacIvor is a brilliant playwright. I’ve seen five of his plays in Halifax in the past few years, and I’ve been smitten with every one. But the sixth, How it Works, is by far my favourite. In Brooke, the 19-year-old crystal meth addict who is at the heart…
Imagine Halifax: Cool Culture
The Chamber of Commerce is reaching the middle of its five-part discussion series, Imagine Halifax. The theme of the third discussion is Cool Culture, though the perspectives coming forward on the panel are more of the well-established cultural honchos of Halifax. The facilitator will be Chris Hornsberger of Halifax Global, with panellists Ann MacKenzie (Film NS),…
David Hoffos: Scenes from the House Dream
The busy video installation artist, who lives and creates in Lethbridge, AB, beams his Scenes from a Dream House into the AGNS for nearly three months after a run at the National Gallery of Canada (in between trips to the Yukon and the Olympics). Hoffos’ “multi-year, multi-phase” project consists of five dioramas of everyday spaces,…
Slow Food Nova Scotia Spring Supper
There’s nothing slow about ticket sales for the May 1st Slow Food Spring Supper, taking place at Christchurch Anglican on Ochterloney Street in Dartmouth. With a handful of Nova Scotia’s top chefs slicing, dicing, toasting and roasting some of the best food our province has to offer, it’s no wonder. Chefs Craig Flinn and Darren…
View to a kill
Actor Chris Fassbender still remembers the day over 10 years ago when playwright Marty Chan asked him to read the script for The Bone House. He’d worked with Chan—who is also a well-known writer of fiction for young adults and children—on several light-hearted comedies, but this was something totally different. “I flipped through the script…
Slam dunk spirits
In honour of the Premier Basketball League’s All-Star weekend at the Metro Centre, here are some slam dunk beverages—one kind of booze, inside another kind of booze, for a perfect combo of grace and taste. Nothing but net. PBL All-Star weekend, May 1-2, Halifax Metro Centre, Brunswick at Duke Streets, $20/$15 ($25 weekend pass), 451-1221,…
Cheech & Chong’s Hey Watch This
Full disclosure: this film was reviewed by a sober person. Still, it’d take an awfully big stash of awfully kind bud to make this half-assed effort from stoner icons Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong remotely watchable. The movie features footage from their recent reunion tour, which apparently was a live performance without a pulse. The…
Acres and Acres
“People would be sitting there playing cards, reading books, gazing out the window watching the country go by,” says Kris Pope, one-half, with Dave Scholten, of Acres and Acres. “Then we’d set up and do a mix of covers and our originals. The majority of the people you’re playing to are 60-plus—you don’t want to…
Girl Crazy
Sadly, Russell Smith’s male protagonists have not learned anything in the 18 years since his debut How Insensitive: Justin is another white, middle-class, artistically unsatisfied Toronto wimp, whining about his dead-end life as a college teacher. And he too thinks with his love stick, another play-it-safe dude in pursuit of another so-called “dangerous” woman with…
Paul Gross’s devilish side
Paul Gross has one of those faces that never changes. It’s been 16 years since he got his breakthrough role in the Mountie-in-America television show Due South, but his mug is none the worse for wear. At age 51, he’s still taking on the bad guys and charming the ladies in films like Gunless, which…
For & Against
Two ringed coffee stains collide on the book’s front cover. The contact causes an explosion, a darker drop with squibs. On a stark white background, these rust-hued circles express the thrust of McCartney’s work: opposing emotional spheres may well overlap to form a new state of mind and of the heart. The duality of push…
Terminal disease
Brenda Hurlbert left her father’s funeral in New Brunswick with a few of his most prized possessions. Hurlbert sat down at a video lottery terminal on the Digby ferry headed back to her home just outside Yarmouth. It wasn’t long before she’d blown through all of her money—all but a coin collection willed to her…
Market Day
Mendleman, a young rug weaver waiting for his first child’s arrival, has his life thrown in disarray when he finds out the salesman he relied on has closed up shop and he can no longer get a decent price for his rugs. The story unfolds from the daybreak of one day until the next, slowly…
A Prophet rises
Originally touted as a contender for an Academy Award, Jacques Audriard’s prison thriller deservedly won a Grand Prix at Cannes. It’s a taut, nakedly violent two-and-a-half hours following loner Malik el-Djebena (Tahar Rahim), an illiterate 19-year-old French Arab, incarcerated for assaulting a cop. Malik quickly gains the attention of the prison ringleader, a barrel-chested Corsican…
Caribou
I was ecstatic when Dan Snaith, AKA Caribou, finally received long-overdue attention when he took the Polaris Prize for his album Andorra, two years ago. His work (especially his jaw-dropping, double drum attack, multimedia live shows as Caribou and Manitoba) has been drooled over by music junkies and critics for years, yet he always existed…
Gunless is too G-rated
There’s a lot to like about this comic Western from writer-director William Phillips, a film that’s nothing if not eager to please. The central gag—Paul Gross plays an American gunslinger who can’t find himself a gunfight in a small Canadian town—is a winner, and the mix of laughs, love story and western conventions is clearly…
Andrew Downing
This is music composed by cellist/double bass player Andrew Downing for two silent films, Impossible Voyage and The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. For some, silent film scores may only ever be done live, but taking that position may mean missing out on some inventive, narrative chamber ensemble music. In all, 11 other musicians join Downing…
Christina Martin and Ryan MacGrath
“I think it’s quite different,” says Christina Martin of her new album, I Can Too, produced by Dale Murray. “It’s got way more punch rhythmically; sonically, it’s 10 steps forward for both of us, I think. That may just be because I had been talking about it for so long, and we had more experience…
Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings
Like a storyteller before the age of print, Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings preserve true soul music through decades of dilution and gimmickry. Though James Brown and the Stax sound are still heard on recordings, this is the crew that keeps it new. Jones’ career rebirth in her 50s may not have occurred without the…
A fine Habs-it
A true diner—any diner worth its salt—is like a hockey team. Your hockey team. Nothing they do is good enough. The coffee’s always lousy, the eggs are undercooked (again), they burn your grilled cheese, yet for some reason you keep going back. But lord help the critic who pans it. They’ll get an earful about…
Defective bullshit detectors
Q I read the letter from the woman who had cheated on her ex and now wants to patch it up. I have a similar situation, except it was my ex-girlfriend who cheated on me. We’d been living together for a few years—we were engaged—and then she suddenly moved out “temporarily” to “work out some…
Highway Connections
On April 12 transportation minister Bill Estabrooks announced the second biggest highway capital budget in the province’s history. More than $300 million is going to roads and bridges. This is how we save the economy. In a government press release Grant Feltmate, director of the Nova Scotia Road Builders Association, noted, “In the short term,…
Free Will Astrology
TAURUS (April 20-May 20) A little knowledge can be dangerous. I constantly meet people who have boxed themselves into tight spots by misusing their smattering of astrological information. There’s no better example of this than the superstition about Mercury retrograde, which is supposedly a bad time to begin anything new. During one such period last…
Nothing but a fur pile in Furry Vengeance
Furry Vengeance is bad. Bad like you would expect. Family films usually try to shove an unrefined and insincere message down your throats amid the groin jokes and Furry Vengeance is no exception, although, this time the message is “green.” (No details beyond that.) Now let’s have fun. Film reviews require a quick description of…
Couldn’t wake up without you.
You wake up at 5:30 in the morning to make me tea and toast before I go to work. You make sure I have my keys, money, Ipod and my medicine. When we watch a scary movie you’ve been known to have to check to the closet for monsters, serial killers and even E.Ts. Thanks…
Ms Misterious
So we used to cross paths every morning on barrington until I moved. Then it seems you changed your route because we then crossed paths every so often on Brunswick when I was running early… which I tried to be every day… simply to see you walk by. some days I smile, some days not……
Strippers and Marriage: A Match Made In Heaven?
I read another bitch which just reminded me of my own annoyance: I’m engaged to be married and have been pestered by a lot of my buddies for not having a stripper at the party. I hate to break it to you guys but I’m not “whipped” simply because MY idea of celebrating our marriage…
Wife Poacher
I hope you rot in hell you spineless wife poaching asshole. — Dubai
“Spare some change?” GTFO.
I would like to give a big “fuck you” to the dirty bum that came in to my shop last night and stole some of our tips. This man was banned from our store last summer for attempting to steal our tips before, bothering other customers for change, and he would also often go into…
