Look both ways
I get it. You almost got hit by a car. I am not debating that. But before you go off your rockers and start blaming the person driving the car, did you remember to do something you learned before you went to preschool? Look both ways before crossing the damn road!!! Even if it is…
Another cup
I don’t come in every day, but at least once a week. I love it in there. The morning staff (usually the same two people) are always so friendly, fun and seemingly happy. You make my day, just by me coming in to have a quick chat and a yummy drink. Thank you for brightening…
Still in my heart
It’s been six weeks and I thought it would get easier. We’re not right for each other. I think we both know that. So why do so many things remind me of you? Every song on the radio, every room in my house. It was up and down….so down and so up. I can’t see…
Not asking for your parenting advice…
I am sick and tired of women (pregnant and otherwise) giving parenting advice. If you have yet to push a child out of your cooch or cluster feed for six hours straight, STFU and keep it to yourself! Real life reading is not equal to real life DOING. I also don’t want to know how…
Thanks a latte!
To the barista with the pink hat on Spring Garden Road, thanks so much for the talk we had. I was having a crappy day and it was a better pick-me-up than the latte you made me! Hope I can count on you again when I’m feeling down. —Double Skim Latte
Halifax council looks to make highly paid employees’ salaries public
In Nova Scotia, the provincial government makes public its employees salaries over $25,000 and the cost of their travel expenses. As well, all payments over $5,000 to private companies is public. That information is easily accessible on the provincial Public Accounts web site (click on “Supplementary” links). The New Brunswick government takes it one step…
Heartless
You are the most cold-hearted, manipulative, emotionally unstable, self-centred and hypocritical women I have ever had the misfortune of getting tangled up with. I can do better. —It’s Not Me, It’s You
Apple Store opens Saturday
The long-awaited Apple Store is opening its doors this Saturday at 9:30am. The store, located in the Halifax Shopping Centre, will be the 25th Apple Store in Canada.
One Tooth comes to Spring Garden Road
One Tooth Yoga, a retailer of Canadian made yoga wear has opened a new store in Park Lane Mall (5657 Spring Garden Road, 444-0040). Its moisture-wicking, fast drying, pill resistant clothing can be used for yoga, as well as for other kinds of physical activity (running, Zumba, Pilates, etc). Clients even wear the clothing just…
Chemical society
People who spray their lawns with pesticides make me sick—both literally and metaphorically! You have no respect for the Earth or the people around you. You are poisoning future generations. You are helping to destroy your homeland. For greener grass. Disgusting! We have enough chemicals/toxins in our everyday life as it is, no wonder so…
On with it!
The reason she’s not dating you is because you obviously haven’t asked her. It’s like driving past a bad car crash…you can’t help but slow down to look. She wouldn’t be spending all that time talking to you if she wasn’t also interested. Take a hint man. —The Friend Watching You Waste Time
You think being a pedestrian in Halifax is bad?
Today I was in the lovely Pictou (the town). I was leaving the knife factory after making a sweet purchase and stepped up to the crosswalk. This guy comes racing up the street (well over 50 km/h) in his car and blows past me. As he approached (I somehow knew he didn’t give a fuck…
Thank you for the lesson
You were having a tough time. I offered to let you live in my home. You moved in. You moved out. You stole my stuff and had your friends piss on my wall. Bitch. —An Old Friend
Basket case
Why would you steal my laundry basket from the laundry room down the hall? I know it’s one of you people from the new family that just moved in because in twelve years I have never had a problem. Didn’t it occur to you that I’d see it if you use it? You are an…
Soak up some DCAF
If you’re a comic fan counting down the days until Hal-Con, Strange Adventures is making the wait easier. On August 19, the first-ever Dartmouth Comic Arts Festival (DCAF) is taking place at Alderney Landing (11am-5pm). The event is free and will be an opportunity for people to learn more about comics, shop, meet cartoonists and…
You’re unforgettable
I know I was taken for a ride but I can’t stay angry. I miss you. —No regrets
Tricks are for kids
I am a natural born vixen. I grant men (and women) their fantasies and ultimate desires for the bargain price of $200 an hour. But, I do not sell sex. I am not a whore. I am your friendly, neighbourhood dominatrix. The foot fetish freaks, the smoking enthusiasts, the latex lovers, armpit-lickers, whipping posts, inanimate…
Soccer mom
A group of parents were watching their kids play soccer, and there were other children too young to play, so they were having fun on the slides, and swings nearby. One mom yelled out in front of all the other parents how many times he gets yelled at by his teacher. Then you, my dear,…
Informed customer
To the manager at a gas bar: Yes, I track my gas mileage, it is law for a vehicle used part time for business. Yes, my engine sucked ass for exactly one tank of gas, the gas I bought from your station. Even my receipts and odometer readings show 3/4 the fuel economy that I…
Visiting hours
To the gentleman who was at the DG Wednesday/Thursday last week. You were there visiting. Light brown medium length wavy hair with your Ray Bans holding those locks in place, your face tanned and beautiful, hazel-green eyes and full luscious lips with a warm smile, your arms and pecs well defined, your legs long shapely…
Stye in the eye, priced sky high for this guy
I go to the doctor, he says “No big deal, take this for seven days.” The pharmacist says come back in an hour. When I come back, the lady says “We haven’t started, come back in five minutes.” When I come back the second time, they say “$15 please.” I ask how much the eye…
Get it together Spryfield!
How many people are going to try and steal from my work today?? Seriously?! Are you really going to try and sneak a perfume tester into your pocket while two employees are watching you?? What is wrong with you! If you’ve got the stack of cash in your pocket like you said you did why…
Take your meds
To the bipolar woman I work with: I sympathize with your unfortunate situation but please, please, please take your medication. You’re making it a very unpleasant environment. Hell, you make me feel bipolar when I go from being happy at work to living in hell when you come in. Now I know why everyone in…
Blight of the Nova Scotia hoe ram
To all you, hoe rammers, breaking up our magnificent rock, in the name of another corporate goof, it is August, arguably, the finest month of summer in Nova Scotia. It is shameful enough, you allow that foreign entity to ram you up at 7:00am, but to continue on until after 5:00pm, well that is just…
Customer service training
If a customer makes an order through your drive-thru service, and the customer decides to pay with debit, but your debit machine is not working due to technical difficulties… don’t just stand there with that stunned, ditzy look on your face and repeat to your self, “Ummm, what do I do?” It isn’t rocket science…
Night sounds
Laying awake in the middle of the hot and humid night, I listen for the sounds of the night. I hear the sound of the crickets. The sound of the leaves on the trees gently moving. I hear the sound of cats fighting. The sound of the street cleaner. Once in awhile a Harley may…
Woozles looking good
Woozles Children’s Bookstore (1533 Birmingham Street, 423-7626) has had to deal with every business’ nightmare: construction, blocking the sidewalks on both side of the streets leading from Spring Garden Road to the store: on one side of the street, the new TD bank building was going up, and on the other, City Centre Atlantic is…
I love The Coast
Whenever I have something to get off of my chest. I write into The Coast. I feel that there is someone out there that is listening to me. Some of the comments that people write back to one of my bitches or loves really help me, whether I always agree with the comments or not.…
Imagine
This is just a short bitch. Imagine one of your husband’s relatives buying your husband a computer so he can look at porn. You see the wife and husband recently has had a little trouble in the bedroom so your husband goes to one of his female relatives and tells that female relative all of…
We’re not friends
Okay? We’re not friends, we have never been friends… you don’t typically start a friendship by sleeping with someone. I don’t want you to be my boyfriend, but I wouldn’t mind a little wining and dining. However, you make it pretty fucking clear that you don’t want to date me and want to keep what…
La vie en rose
You sent me such lovely messages (sleep deprived and beer-fuelled as they may have been) and I replied with short, snippy ones. When I got your text, I was caught off guard and spoke too soon, saying things I didn’t really mean. Things moved fast with us, but that was because it felt so easy…
Moksha Yoga comes to Bedford
Ready for the heat, Bedford? Popular yoga chain, Moksha Yoga is opening a new location in Bedford this spring. What is “Moksha yoga”? According to the website, “Moksha Yoga is a green, clean, hot yoga series that stretches, strengthens and tones the muscles while detoxifying the body and calming the mind”. Eager…
Hollywood has run out of good ideas!
Jesus H. Titty Fucking Christ!!!! A movie about bicycle couriers?? I could shit a better idea than that! —You Couldn’t Get Me High Enough To Go See This Crap
Psycho friend
We were having a great time in downtown Halifax and both got a little drunk. When we went to get food after being out to bars until the wee hours of the morning, we got separated. You messaged me to see where I was at. I told you where I was and to meet me…
Tuna supreme
I love to eat tuna right out of the can. The tuna that I was eating had a different texture to it than what I was used to eating. When I went to put the empty can of tuna into the garbage, I freaked out because I had eaten a can of tuna supreme CAT…
Longing for autumn to come
I just love to cook homemade meals. Meat, potatoes, baby peas, baby carrots, sweet potatoes and squash, dripping in homemade gravy. I cannot cook homemade meals in my house this summer because this summer has been extremely humid. If my kitchen gets too hot then my fridge stops working. So you can say that my…
And the local economy is going down the shitter
Because of the terrible business sense and work ethic. Let me explain through a little story. Bought a new house. Want to install a fence. Called three fencers and emailed three “handy men” type fence ad’s from Kijiji for quotes. Three of the called fencers showed up as arranged to measure for quote. This was…
Be still my heart
I saw you walking over to your Harley at the old coffee shop down by the ferry wharf around 2:30 Sunday afternoon. You looked just stunning. Just want to let you know that you will always be in my thoughts. I see you every once in awhile but I know I can only look. Hope…
Lost keys
I recently lost a set of keys and went to many stores to try and locate them. When I would ask to see what keys they have found there were many of them that had war amps tags on them that have been sitting at the store for months even years. If you work at…
Adam Levine Lookalike
You know exactly who you are…and you know exactly what you do to me…too bad you aren’t around when it’s time to play but again, it’s nice to have some alone time to myself and my toy I named the BIG T. I wish I had rechargeable batteries! —The Dreamer
Once upon a time on the 20 Herring Cove
You were sitting on the bus across the aisle from me on Wednesday all the way from Spring Garden Road to the end of Spryfield. I’m not sure if it was the playful smirks every time you caught me glancing at you, or the fact that I love a boy in a hat, but I…
Hubby and tubby in their cubby
If I gotta hear about your “Hubby” or “hub-unit” one more time, I’m gonna have a freakin CONNIPTION! I called my so-called BFF 2 weeks in advance to invite her to a birthday party of a mutual friend. She FACEBOOKED me a week after the party saying she received my calls but sorry was busy…
Bubbles on the bus
To the lovely lady with her feet up who smiled at everyone as they entered the bus, after me came a well worn, but loving mother of three, stroller and bags in tow, on a sticky hot August afternoon. While the older two were happy to find adventures at the back of the bus, the…
Hey, blue eyes
I have been crushing on you since the first time I ever saw you, which was a little over five years ago…maybe someday we will have fun talking about that, or, even better, doing something about it. —Your Brown-Eyed Girl
Next time is here
OK, now that I have been reading the responses to these bitches, I have grown fearful of NOT taking action. So far, this week, I have told off the bus driver, phoned the cops on my neighbour, smashed out the tailights of a car that violated my 3ft zone on my bicycle, door slammed a…
To the woman who came into my store looking for a cat
You need not be so rude, I am just as concerned for animals as you, however, just because there is a cat walking around Dartmouth Crossing, doesn’t make it “dumped.” There are homes around this area now, and I have seen many cats around with collars on. So you need to eat a bigger bowl…
Try some caffeine for energy
To a certain coffee place: Listen, I’d love to support you guys. You have vegetarian food and you’re local. And we should have more places like you nearby. But your service is TERRIBLE. Somehow you manage to have as many servers behind the counter as anywhere else, and yet they take five times as long.…
BREAKING NEWS: Transit union files grievance over ferry cuts
The union representing bus drivers and ferry workers has filed a grievance with Metro Transit, objecting to cuts in the ferry service scheduled to begin August 27. Amalgamated Transit Local 508 president Ken Wilson confirms that the grievance was filed Friday, but would not discuss it with The Coast. “I gave my word I wouldn’t…
A squatch
I will always remember the night we first really hung out, when everything sounded super “squatchy” and the weekend we watched Canada go for the gold in trampoline! I’m sincerely honoured to be your friend. I’m glad you turned out to be all that you seemed to be. You’ve taught me lots! —Red Rose
Bored, horny…
Halifax, get it together, it’s time. I was going to be gentle but I’m going to put the whole city of halifax in a headlock until you give up, and tell me where all the single, intelligent, interesting, thoughtful, adventurous men are hiding in this city. —Curly
Affirmative Industries takes former Urban Home space
Affirmative Industries, which is a non-profit agency that helps mentally ill and other people with disabilities attain economic independence, is opening a new retail outlet in the former Urban Home space at 5689 Cunard Street, just around the corner from The Coast office. The store should be open sometime next week, says Lori Edgar, AI’s…
Busker ballerina
To the automaton lady busker, I know I say how a lot of girls are cute but when I saw you, I saw true beauty. Later on when I was having a beaver tail in front of you, you opened your mouth as if to say you wanted some, so I ran over and let…
Tess to be featured on You Gotta Eat Here
Tess (5687 Charles Street, 406-3133) is going to be featured on the second season of Food Network’s You Gotta Eat Here. For those who haven’t seen the show, host John Catucci finds comfort food-serving, off-the-path restaurants and showcases their food and interviews owners, chefs and customers. “The restaurant was closed all day yesterday [August 9]…
Skanky whores get past the doors
My boyfriend and I attempted to go out to a certain stuffy dance club last weekend. After being turned away for wearing denim shorts we watched as about three girls in Daisy dukes enter the bar. We later emailed a complaint only to get the response “there are different rules for girls, I hope you…
Parking downtown arrrgggggg!
Thx so much to the fucking pigdog metre reader who ticketed me on Granville Street Thursday afternoon at quarter to four when I ran into my office building to get change for the godamned metre. I was gone 90 seconds tops, and I come out….god damned ticket on my windshield! Where did he come from.…
Leicester’s now licensed
Leicester’s Deli & Cheese Emporium (6253 Quinpool Road, 431-3771) is now licensed. Owner Bill Riley says he had no problem navigating through the complex Quinpool liquor rules, probably because he’s not intending to run live bands through the place, and he’s only serving beer and wine. But Riley does plan on extending his hours, in…
To the guy old enough to know better
The next time you run a stop sign and gun out onto four lanes of traffic at 2:30pm on Robie Street, think twice…you actually lauged at me and asked me what was wrong with me because I flipped you the bird and yelled “what the fuck are you thinking” after you so ungraciously blew that…
Me
Happy Birthday! —Me
Sports bar
Went there for lunch. TVs were wayyyy too loud—I’m talking movie theatre loud. We had to ask to have it turned down so we didn’t have to yell at each other. The nachos were horrible (no cheese, barely any veggies, mostly dry chips) and the server (who is apparantly the manager/owner) was a complete tool.…
We heart Homie
This is to our little doogie, who was the best dog ever! We love you so much and that will continue for the rest of our days. We will always remember that you were the sweetest, cutest and funniest part of every day you were here. Needless to say, it was because of you that…
Hot TIFF
High fives all around for the local filmmakers taking their babies to the glittery Toronto International Film Fest. Namely, Ashley MacKenzie’s When You Sleep (MacKenzie was also accepted to TIFF’s intensive four-day artistic development program, Talent Lab), Mike Clattenburg’s Crackin’ Down Hard, Jason Buxton’s Blackbird and Jason Eisener’s offering in The ABCs of Death. May…
What a rotten rich bastard
When it comes to birthdays, I am the first person to remember, buy a card, put money in it, buy a present or whatever the case may be in that particular situation. When I went to pick up the mail this morning there was a birthday card addressed to me. It was from my Aunt…
Chicken chicken BAWK
I hate how I’m crushing on you so bad but am too terrified to make a move. Frankly, I think you are out of my league, but the few times we have hung out we seem to click well. Everyone keeps telling me to just go for it, and maybe someday I will, but for…
Miss Serial Monogamist
I understand you just got out of another long-term relationship. But let’s be serious here—a night of great conversation, great dance floor shenanigans and great spontaneous balcony sex does not come around as frequently as we’d all like. My biggest mistake last Thursday was walking you home and not grabbing your number before we parted…
Peter Kelly to appear before judge
Mayor Peter Kelly’s problems with the Mary Thibeault estate will soon take centre stage at Probate Court. Kelly was a family friend of Thibeault, and in her will Thibeault named Kelly as both one of 18 heirs, and as sole executor of her estate. Thibeault died on December 7, 2004, and Kelly was appointed the…
The baby bump
What ever happened to the pregnancy smock? Today all you see is mainly the baby bump almost covered up with a t-shirt. A woman while carrying a baby is a sacred, private and special moment in her life. It is so very beautiful to see an expecting mother wearing lovely maternity clothes, not a regular…
Gelato t-ime!
To the local shop that just opened a new location on South Park Street, I love you! Your gelato rocks, your staff are super friendly (and give lots of samples!) and everything being made on-site just rocks my socks. Just looking at the paninis make me drool. The art show was also super cool. I’ll…
City to audit Trade Centre Limited’s management of Metro Centre
It’d be hard to find an auditor in town who isn’t looking at Trade Centre Limited. Last month, city auditor general Larry Munroe dropped a report on the city council’s audit committee, basically calling out the provincial crown corporation TCL for outright lifting the city-owned Metro Box Office ticketing agency, thereby depriving the city nearly…
Stifler’s mom syndrome
Q I’m 16 and I like my friend’s mom who is 35. She’s married and has two kids. But I really like her. What should I do? –Help One Really Needy Youth A Here’s what you shouldn’t do: You shouldn’t say anything—not to your friend, not to your friend’s mother—and you certainly shouldn’t try anything.…
The Campaign
The Campaign, directed by Jay Roach (Austin Powers, Meet the Parents), takes American politics to the gutter, reaping a flawed system for comedic profit. An undefeated North Carolina congressman, Cam Brady (Will Ferrell), comes up against Marty Huggins (Zach Galifianakis), a puppet of two CEOs looking to exploit a lucrative opportunity, and the battle ensues.…
The spirit of ’72
When it comes to international hockey, Canada has an all-consuming passion for the World Juniors. No country cares about junior hockey quite the same way. While other countries turn their attention to and make their name at the Olympics or the World Hockey Championship, Canadians get twitchy at the thought of the annual World Junior…
The Bourne Legacy
For those who haven’t recently watched The Bourne trilogy, it would be a bit of a leap to watch Tony Gilroy’s The Bourne Legacy. Aaron Cross (Jeremy Brenner—he’s no Matt Damon) has a parallel story to Bourne’s (who’s mentioned, but isn’t a character), fleeing assassination by his own bosses at the CIA. Marta Shearing (Rachel…
Free Will Astrology
Happy Birthday! LEO ((July 23-August 22) When Tchaikovsky wrote the musical score for his famous 1812 Overture, it included 16 cannon shots. Literally. These blasts weren’t supposed to be made by, say, a sledgehammer pounded against a wooden mallet, but rather by the detonation of an actual cannon. As crazy as that is, you’ve got…
Stuf’s Robots at Attica
Some hug-able robots are now available at Attica Kids (1566 Barrington Street, 423-2557). Stuf’s Robot dolls have arrived in time for fall re-decorations. The toys are assembled from hand silk-screened, cotton canvas and stand up-right. The robots come in multiple sizes and colors (red, green, blue and yellow). If robots don’t appeal, Attica also carries…
Like That
It’s not often you get to witness a romantic evening between a young woman and a killer robot, but sketch comedy duo The Young Geologists hopes to provide you with such an opportunity through its show I Don’t Like You, happening Thursday and Friday at The Bus Stop Theatre. “I enjoy writing stuff that’s different…
Ruby Sparks
Stranger Than Fiction blends with Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind in the new metafictional romance Ruby Sparks. Awkward author Calvin (There Will Be Blood’s Paul Dano) finds a cure for his writer’s block imagining the most manic, pixiest, dreamiest girl possible. Which makes things pretty confusing when she shows up, fully formed as his…
Beerfest’s got high hops
If you’re going to have a great beer party, you have to serve great beer and invite great beer guests. The sixth annual Halifax Seaport Beerfest is fast approaching, and Canadian beer author Stephen Beaumont will help make it a memorable occasion—appearing at the festival and hosting the Rare Beer Dinner at Brussels Restaurant on…
Hope Springs
How late is too late to rekindle the flames of passion? That’s the question in the honest and surprisingly adult Hope Springs. Though married for 31 years, Kay (Meryl Streep) and Arnold (Tommy Lee Jones) have long ago drifted away from any sort of intimacy. Much to Arnold’s chagrin, Kay boldly signs the couple up…
Extrasensory experience
In this age of omnipresent internet and cultural over-saturation, the No Wave movement has almost more utility now than it did as an underground art and music scene in the early 1980s. Avant-garde electronic, minimalist synth, post-punk, industrial, jazz punk artists are forced to operate in disparate and dark places. Even in obscurity, or perhaps…
Operation: Opera
These days, while the rest of campus is shrouded in mid-summer silence, the theatres and subterranean corridors of the Dalhousie Arts Centre are a hive of activity. In mid-July, 70 young musicians and directors from across Canada descended on Halifax for the Halifax Summer Opera Workshop, a four-week program that culminates in a week-and-a-half of…
Victory
As a former “involved” (read: obnoxious) sport parent, I could relate right away to the single dad (played by Kevin Kincaid) in Michael Melski’s Hockey Mom, Hockey Dad. He’s living through his eight-year-old son’s hockey prowess and banking on NHL dreams. Natasha MacLellan plays a newly divorced mom who is sweet and shy and all…
Twenty-four seven
Alanah Corriea shares her world in A Year in a Life, an imaginative and youthful exploration on life. Corriea, a recent high school graduate and a member of ViewPoint Gallery since age 15, describes herself as “the type of person who changes every five seconds.” She brings out her dark and playful side in her…
Cursed Arrows point home
After two years of living on the east coast, the husband-and-wife grunge duo Cursed Arrows are taking their operation back on the road to Toronto. The pair originally chose to live in Nova Scotia to work on its music far away from the roar of the big city. “The eastern shore is beautiful, especially when…
The Nature of Christopher Wright
Eau Claire, Wisconsin is now known as “the place Bon Iver is from” but this folk trio has been in operation since before all of that business. Formed in 2004 by brothers Jon and Jason Sunde and Jesse Edgington, the trio plays pastoral folk in the vein of The Low Anthem and Fleet Foxes—you may…
Writers write… and win prizes
Writing is a lonely art. But if you do it right, you will be heaped with praise. Why, just today The Writers’ Federation of Nova Scotia (WFNS) revealed the winners of the 35th Atlantic Writing Competition (AWC). Judges Susan White and Sue Carter Flinn (both past AWC winners); Devon Code, winner of the Writers’ Trust…
Magic money cards buy coffee
I hope someone got to enjoy that latte, the optimistic colour pallet of your interior, the fashionably uncomfortable swivel chairs, your attractive employees, and the Bodumesque tea pots. I hope you give your next patron the option of paying for this service with modern day magic money cards. Yes, I understand the mystical Ethernet wires…
News flash
An important news flash for you: Your better half is actually not “detail oriented”—he’s a control freak. He controls you, your children and attempts to control everything around you. You make yourself feel better by applying other labels, but it’s straight up control freak. After seeing firsthand how he reacts when someone outside of his…
Art school
Thank you! Not gonna lie, I did complain more than I should have but now I look back and I realize how much I’ve learned! I am so thankful I picked you! Halifax has lots of opportunity to give! LONG LIFE TO YOU! I won’t forget you. —Me
