Mar 26 – Apr 1, 2015

Mar 26 - Apr 1, 2015 / Vol. 22 / No. 43
Subscribe to our newsletter Be the first to know about breaking news, articles, and updates. Subscribe today Gabrielle Papillon’s first Coast cover has been a long time coming. The local folkie/punk/film score fan already has a bunch of albums. But this new one, The Tempest of Old, is a whole other thing. It deserves our […]

Calling Out to the Universe

I met you two years ago on St Patricks Day at Durty Nellys, after you have been celebrating with some of the boys you said. You invited me and my friend to sit with you and we all laughed and carried on. I was wearing a multi colour Kelly green , black, grey and cream…

A Different Kind of Cold

[Image-1] I can deal with the frozen ice world of Halifax. In fact, I’m kind of over talking about it – some of these sunny afternoons, walking in the street in lieu of snowbanked sidewalks has given us a strange comedic solidarity with one another. But this is a different kind of bitterness: in January,…

Canned fish and nice kicks

To the handsome gentlemen in front of me at superstore with the kipper snacks, tomatoes and white sneakers… Has anyone ever told you you look like Andre 3000… Your gorgeous! —I’ll donate that $2 tomorrow

A Not So Bitter End

I don’t know when it happened, but we grew apart. We were the friend group that I thought would always last, instead we lasted up until the growing pains were too much. I’m sad to be out of it and on my own, but from out here I can see all the cracks in the…

The Rules Apply To Us All

What is up with these people while dropping off or picking their kids to and from school or on Friday afternoon that they think they can park , double park and park where ever they please , St. Alban is a tiny street and when buses are trying to bring the buses to the depot…

This teacher hate needs to stop

I am so sick and tired of the overall abuse and lack of support that teachers receive in this province – especially after the winter that we have had. It is not the teachers’ fault that we have had so many storms, but they are the ones who suffer by having their marking day taken…

My darling man-friend

Thanks for being a bright spot lately in my otherwise grey little life. Your honesty and adorableness never cease to amaze, keep loving, keep painting, keep unapologetically being yourself. Life is long, no need to rush it. —Orange Bird

hi GHIE

this is submissive-gentleman we have viewed each other’s profiles on zoosk would be happy if you replied to this ad, and we could explore things a little more —sg

Evil exists

I went crazy listening to the spanish Shakira “Ojos Asi” song over and over one time. I was practicing a bellydance number so I would play this song on repeat until I got the coreography right. The song contains sacred Arabic chants, which I didn’t understand, but later googled. The music was very catchy at…

I’m giving up on women

Its official, I’ve given up on women. I love women, but trying to have simple fun sex with a woman has become an endless quest. Sex is fun, its good for you, its natural, its healing, its free!!! Why have we all forgotten this? I’m in my 40’s, average looking, healthy, mentally well, and very…

Thanks for nothing Halifax.

Dear city of Halifax, What a wonderfully dangerous city you have created for us this winter. It is dangerous for pedestrians, drivers, cyclists. The only people not affected are the bedridden and the dead. This city is a laughing stock of a joke. You certainly do not care for your population, because if you did…

Fish fingers

To the dude who drooelled all over his woman’s pussy, sounds like you took one for the team. I get it though, once your down there you feel obligated. Haven’t you ever learned how to discreetly do the sniff test? First you reach downstairs for a diddle in the middle, digging deep into those sugar…

Parking Passed along

To a beautiful young woman at CH, thank you for the parking pass to the College Street parking lot on March 25th. You help me to avoid a parking ticket during the snow parking blockade, although you may have hestiated that I may not actually have needed the pass. Just to let you know, I…

Icy Sidewalks

A big thank you goes to the friendly ginger bearded man who helped this clumsy girl up after I wiped out on the very icy commons. —v

Birthday Card Person

Thank you to the person who found my almost- ready-to-mail birthday card! I really appreciated what you did – picked it up, took it to a well known south end cafe and contacted me to let me know it was there! Now it will have a really exciting tale to tell to its fellow mail.…

Big Brother Canada?

What a fucking farce! One person east of Toronto? How can they call it Big Brother Canada. Why not Big Brother Ontario and west. I know one person who will not be watching!! —Not going to bother

Ready Set Love!

Been feeling pretty lonely lately. And it’s not a true lonely feeling I suppose as I have friends, and family. More of a yearning for something else…yearning for a different life perhaps? I’ve always wanted to meet The One. Share my life with them, mutual respect and love, the whole sha-bang. It just constantly feels…

NO Honest reporting

I have just read another absolutely BullShit report on inflation ! Seems inflation in Great Britian has dropped to -Zero- percent. And Lady’s & Gents that’s really bad ! ! Or at least it is according to the idiot reporter who broke the story. You see according to this rocket surgeon of a reporter, its…

Gouging

[Image-1] I don’t mind the high prices for lunch, but charging extra for a debit card? Over a dollar extra? It’s not the high cost of parking that’s keeping people away from your downtown business. —Rarely Carry Cash

Snart

AKA snow art…a thank you to the artist who built the teeny tiny snowman on the side of a snow pile at the bus stop of Hammond’s Plains and Bedford Highway. I smiled all day! Took pics, sent it to friends, made them smile. Then made it the background on my phone! Adorable!!! —The Cinster

You are not alone

[Image-1] Dear Halifax and Nova Scotia. I love you but you are not the only province with youth exodus, people working in the west or difficulty providing jobs. You’re a big kid now, pull up your panties. Open up your eyes. Things aren’t easy but adult life rarely is and yours is better than it…

Parking ticket ridiculousness

THROW ME A BONE HERE, CITY. I need to put my car somewhere. If there IS snow removal happening in the near vicinity then I know NOT to park there. HOWEVER if there is NO SNOW REMOVAL IN THE NEAR VICINITY do not give me a $50 ticket. That is fucking ridiculous. We are not…

Winter-weary citizens

A big thank you to everyone in the HRM who has dealt with all of this awful weather with humour, patience and a willingness to help however you can. Your efforts are appreciated! —Wishing For Sunshine

YOU’RE fat

[Image-1] Hey boyfriend, YOU’RE fat. Not me. Yeah, you. You know that gut you’ve had for three years, the one you keep saying you can get rid of in a week? Still there! So sometimes I eat more than you, and that grosses you out? Ever consider that I might just be hungry sometimes? I…

Slice of the day

Don’t you love when a big company buys you out? Says they will make your business better, and then they close you down. Well, all I have to say is FUCK YOU ASSHOLES and goodbye to the fresh smell that left the city smelling so good. —Baker Boy

Too much gravel

This is a bitch and a love. I love this cafĂ© so much. They are really awesome. But they play the same Tom Waits album—over and over and over—every single time I’m there. It’s too much. It’s way too grating. It’s like sandpaper rubbing all over my mind, so I just leave. —Love You Still

Are you mixed up

Here’s to the people who take the time to put their doggies’ poo in a bag and then leave it there…On the ground. What the fuck is wrong with you? —Poo Picker Upper

#Stormlust

Hello neighbor, it was nice to officially meet you and your accent. I could shovel out cars from ditches all day long with you. Piqued. —Let It Snow

Fuck winter

To the two ladies making out on the snowbanks along Windsor Street one sunny afternoon last week: You are both adorable. Your giggling, unabashed affection was a greatly appreciated ray of sunshine in what’s been a bleak, frustrating winter for everyone. We should all be lucky to have such joy. —Keep Your Butts Warm

Thanks for making our lives more difficult Halifax!

Love how the city comes by and widens the street at midnight. After the warm day yesterday, the snow became saturated with water, overnight the temperature plunges. The people wake up and head out to start their day and find two feet of SOLID ice chunks and the tires of their cars frozen in to…

It’s raining Atlantic Journalism Awards

From Fort Mac to Ralph’s Place, Coast writers like to go the extra mile for you, and a batch of Coasties have just been recognized for their efforts. The short-list of nominations for the 2014 Atlantic Journalism Awards came out yesterday, with four Coast projects up for local journalism’s biggest prize—a plaque plus a year…

Mail?

Why is our mail not being delivered in Fairview? There has been a shoveled path directly to our door. I can understand not walking over ice, but snow? We are in Canada right? No explanation, nothing. It’s disgraceful and shameful. —Do your job

Thanks for nothing Maintenance Enforcement Nova Scotia

Reviewing my case at the 1st of each month is like getting throat punched by one of Snow white’s dwarfs. It says this man owes me almost 10,000! This biological father makes thousands and thousands of dollars in a month, spends the money on coke and gambling but I don’t see a cent. You have…

Male Entitlement?

Is it too much to ask that if you go out with someone on a first date (a blind date) and you know that you are not interested in them, that you pay for your own meal/drinks? I totally get that buying you a meal or some drinks does not entitle me to anything but…

Precious Resin

Sorry for not recognizing you when I last saw you. I was having a bad day and somehow I lost my sh*t on you. Ever since I have felt like the world’s biggest ass, and I could not be sorrier for how I acted. I only hope you can one day accept my apology. Our…

Flower power

I love the people who are attempting to brighten things up by decorating snowbanks. It’s a lovely gesture in an otherwise dreary landscape! —Spring is coming, right?

What kind of doucherie is this?

[Image-1] It’s not that many years since I and my friends were on the dating scene. It was always an unstated no-no to give out details of your exploits. Anyone who got too explicit was considered a bit of a douche. That’s why I find recent events so perplexing. Posting sexually explicit, voyeuristic smart phone…

Wrong bus number 61

Hi, I was a bit too nervous to chat you up on the first bus and lost you as soon as it stopped in Dartmouth. We both accidentaly got on the wrong 61 and when I saw you walking back to the terminal I waited, missing another bus home, and waited till I could take…

Admin runaround

Dear University: I’m sure your administrators aren’t all idiots. It certainly seems like they are, but you just can’t get this concentration of incompetence by fluke. In the guidance department, in the registrar’s office, in the biology department, and elsewhere- it’s almost impossible to get someone to do their job. You, oh provider of knowledge…

Nova Scotia’s Kitchen Vignettes gets a James Beard nom

Some of the biggest names in food will congregate on New York on April 24th for the James Beard Federation Book, Broadcast & Journalism Awards. Known as the Oscars of the food world, the awards celebrate the best of food in America. And sitting amongst all of the nominees will be Nova Scotia’s own Aube…

Moronic, Lazy, worthless people

Third and final bitch of the day. To me, work is a part of life that we don’t enjoy doing, but we have to to make ends meat. Or at least that’s what I thought it was until I worked in Cape Breton. When I was 18 I had my first job cleaning beds at…

Media Madness

[Image-1] I’ve noticed that unless news comes from a “legitimate” news source in Halifax, people just completely ignore it or it’s shoved under a rug, never to see the light of day. I’m sure we all can recall the quagmire involving the ex-Mayor his failure to execute the wishes of someone who entrusted him to…

Embrace big ideas or Nova Scotia will never turn the corner of prosperity

[Image-1] The March 21 Globe & Mail article, “The Incredible Shrinking Region,” is honest and depressing. While it provided important context and outlined our current economic and demographic challenges, it didn’t reveal any real surprises. The insightful political history was the only “new” content for me but then again, I was raised in central Canada…

Feelin’ Warm and Fuzzy

Dear Halifax, I love that everywhere I go I see friends and friendly faces. It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside! —From Away, Here to Stay!

Sexy Science Man

Sure you’re physically appealing, but I like your mind the best. I look forward to our weekly video game & music. I’m very patient, which is good, and I’m grateful. —Glitter Queen

How hard is it REALLY to clear snow?

Dear Halifax, Let me start by saying – I see you. I know you’re out there every day working hard, sleeping in your baco (yeah, I see you sleeping in there). But seriously, the main argument I kept hearing on the radio is that “When it snows, it freezes, then becomes nearly impossible to plow…

Government spending

In a world where everyone and everything is in debt in one way or another, we rely 100% on our government to ensure our safety and prosperity. From health, to safety, to education, all aspects of our lives are managed by the government of Canada. It blows my mind when counsel and mayor spend money…

Morris East scores at the International Pizza Expo

The world’s most passionate pizza people were in Las Vegas last week for the International Pizza Expo 2015, a two-day event that drew 3,000 exhibitors and 7,000 eager attendees. Halifax’s wood-fired pie connoisseurs, Morris East, were among those thousands, bringing a souped-up version of their Pear pizza with them. “It’s a place to learn everything…

Gladstone Parking Nightmare

To the pretty lady whose parking spot I stole at the Gladstone Professional Centre on Tuesday morning (March 24th) around 10am. I was running very late for a doctor’s appointment for my 7 y/o son, who had just thrown up all over himself in the car before we had to circle that miserable parking lot…

You have my resume

What is the point of writing a resume if I also have to fill out a form with all the exact same information that’s on my resume? It shouldn’t take 40 minutes to apply for a job, I’m playing a numbers game here and you’re wasting my time. Just read my damn resume. —unemployed and…

March Madness Day 9: Ginger beer vs. Coke & Doritos vs. Barbecue

Our March Madness second round starts today with some pretty heavy hitters—flavour-wise. It’s been a weekend, so I’ll refresh your memory on what we’re doing. We’ve matched up chips and pop in an all out to the death fight, who will reign? Which snack will we have to eat forever and ever? We’ll know whenever…

What does this grungy snowbank look like to you?

[Image-1] It snowed again. Impossibly, Halifax received 40 centimetres from a “15-20 centimetre” snowfall on Saturday night. Airplanes fell from the sky; Instagram photos were whiter than normal; the hope for spring—already a withered husk of a dream—shriveled yet further. It’s over, you guys. It’s always snow from here on out. Winter now surrounds us…

Priorities….?

So…the province is willing to pay one of the big banks up to 22 million dollars to provide, what they say, is a possible 500 jobs….that’s all well and good…I have no issue with anyone providing jobs….but what I don’t get is why the government has to bribe these corporations to do so….said big bank,…

True Gentleman

To the young man waiting at the Duffus and Novalea bus stop on St. Patrick’s Day. You were at the bus stop before I arrived, it was cold, and the bus was late. When it arrived you kindly gestured for me to board the bus before you. Your parents did a wonderful job raising you…

Snow day reads

To the girl at L&B who loves Marquez – You’re beautiful, and I should have chatted you up more. I was going to stop by your table but wasn’t sure if that was your guy you were with or not. “They were two happy lovers among the crowd, and they even came to suspect that…

Famers Market Douchebags

[Image-1] A special thank you to the hipster douchebag fuckfaces who have ruined the local farmers markets for regular people shopping for regular food. I don’t want to hear live music at a volume more suitable for a bar. I don’t want to be subjected to the stink from your organic, hand made artisan soaps…

Winter Clearance Crews Doing Things Arse Backwards

I live in a side street off South Park and Inglis. I spent 40 minutes Friday afternoon with a tiny metal spade, pushing the snowbank back about 4 feet, one spadeful at a time, and digging down until I exposed the entire curbside sewer. I was never so glad to see a rusty storm sewer…

Thanks HRM

Glad to see you are hard at work…..You ask residents to clear sidewalks and catch-basins….so I spend over an hour, sweating my moderately sized butt cheeks off, clearing the only catch-basin on our cul-de-sac, so that you could come along and push that last 3 inches of frozen slop back into the huge hole I…

TaiChi snow clearing, please!

Fuck those incompetent snow removal subcontractors! The city should hire whoever clears the snow around the Taichi centre on North Park St. to do the whole peninsula! The whole parking lot, sidewalks around the building and even the little stairs behind the centre down to Bauer St. are immaculately cleared and salted seemingly momentarily after…

Brenton Restaurant replaces 1,001 Nights

The last few weeks have brought a lot of changes to 5677 Brenton Place. Unfortunately, both The Cellar Bar & Grill and its upstairs neighbour 1,000 Nights have both served their last meals, but the brand new Brenton Restaurant is the bright spot in this story. The family business is the brainchild of Amin, Mahmood…

Solar City might just keep on shining

[Image-1] Solar City, the renewable energy program that seeks to brings solar heating to thousands of Halifax homes, wants to expand. In a report to be given to council this Tuesday, city staff are recommending continuing the program for three years with an expanded budget that will offer solar options for electric and space heating.…

Neptune Theatre launches 2015/2016 season

Neptune Theatre’s 2015/16 season launch was announced yesterday, and yes, there is a Shrek musical. Now in its 53rd season, Neptune’s lineup includes six productions as part of the Fountain Hall series, and three in the Studio series. There are also four “bonus features”: Hank Williams Live – 1952 October 9-11, brought to life by…

OBEY Convention VIII second announcement

Now it’s really spring! Here’s OBEY’s latest announcement of artists for the May 21-24 festival, passes available now, FYI. From a press release yesterday: “The OBEY Convention, Atlantic Canada’s festival of contemporary music and art, is ecstatic to announce Syrian wedding singer turned international techno sensation, Omar Souleyman. He comes to us from a string…

Smoke’s Weinerie opens today

Alright, enough about the burgers, let’s move on to another meat-bun combo. How do you feel about hot dogs? Today marks the grand opening of the country’s first Smoke’s Weinerie, which launched side-by-side with the newest local location of its sister restaurant, Smoke’s Poutinerie, at 393 Pleasant Street. Similar to the Poutinerie’s creative and wide-ranging…

March Madness Day 7: Diet soda vs 7-up and Party Mix vs Pringles

We’re back/still at it, chugging away at this Coasty-version of March Madness, a really sporty, stats-heavy bracket that has your favourite treats—pop and chips—fighting for the top spot of the tournament. If you’re just tuning in now, you’ve missed a full week of bottles and bags and should probably catch up here. Here’s a look…

Closure and the social media accounts of the dead

[Image-1] Over the years, the Facebook community has grown exponentially, and, as life runs its course on all of us, people keep dying. More and more posthumous profiles continue to haunt cyberspace. Whether it’s creepy or comforting, we are the first generation to ever have to deal with it. Twenty-four-year-old Alex Walker lives in Halifax,…

An unending cycle of violence inside the Burnside jail

[Image-1] One of the core responsibilities of government is to ensure the safety and security of all citizens. The citizens in our correctional facilities, staff and residents, are no exception. Over the past 18 months, a string of serious incidents and injuries at the Central Nova Scotia Correctional Facility, known as “Burnside,” have led to…

The Ivany Report Report: Chapter four

[Image-1] The future prosperity of Nova Scotia should not be sacrificed on the altar of partisan politics.  —Ray Ivany It seems the few times our elected officials take a break from partisan politics are during international hockey tournaments and following the death of well-respected, famous Canadians. Not even military action or war prompts the kind…

Half-heard, Chapter 30

Friday afternoon. Myles’ shadow descended over a mountain of combusted garbage bags hurled carelessly over the uneven tufts of dried, blonde grass outside his and Welnot’s house. In typical pre-party cleanup fashion, the Northwood roommates put everything that couldn’t fit under couches or in closets into garbage bags and tossed it out the door.  Sarah…

Free Will Astrology

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Pisces (Mar 21-Apr 19) The term “jumped the shark” often refers to a TV show that was once great but gradually grew stale, and then resorted to implausible plot twists in a desperate attempt to revive its creative verve. I’m a little worried that you may do the equivalent of jumping the shark…

Papillon soars

Gabrielle Papillon May 2, The Company House “I was reading the newspaper a lot and I was frigging mad,” says musician Gabrielle Papillon about her recent lyrical influences. “Newspapers are depressing.” Girl, you said it. Papillon’s latest album, the swirling and diverse The Tempest of Old, released last Tuesday, is darker than anything else she’s…

Butts, bored, BDSM

Q I found this in an online sex ad: “Straight guy with an addiction to massive cocks in my ass.” This “straight guy” went on to mention his girlfriend. Can a person really identify as straight while wanting to be fucked by men? I understand that straight guys can like ass play too, but it’s…

Review: Insurgent

The only Hunger Games ripoff that’s managed to stick so far—See you in hell, The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones! Didn’t care even a little bit, The Maze Runner!—Insurgent, part two of the awkwardly billed The Divergent Series, finds Tris (Shailene Woodley) and Four (Theo James) in exile with complete dodos Caleb (Ansel Elgort) and…

Review: Cast No Shadow

Between the isolation, landscape and accents there’s something distinctive about films made in Newfoundland, a combination that folds too easily and accordingly into the “regional” box Telefilm wants to shove movies from these parts into, while giving off that UK vibe movies from Nova Scotia and New Brunswick don’t. The most successful Newfoundland films lean…

Gimme Lisa Fischer

Talking with Lisa Fischer about singing is a spiritual experience. Both an accomplished backup singer and a solo artist, Fischer’s views on both types of performance veer close to Errol Morris-documentary-subject territory. Sure, she’s talking about singing, but she’s laying down some pretty heavy truths about life. You may recognize her from 2013’s Oscar-winning 20…

Return of the PIG

There are very few eternal truths in this world. You shouldn’t be a dick to animals, shows don’t start at 10pm and the internet is the shittiest place to hang out (thanks Be Bad). But there’s maybe one more beyond those: Truro has housed some of the most wildly inspiring, chaotic and punishing music this…

The Seagull takes flight

Could there be a more fitting play than Anton Chekhov’s The Seagull to launch the graduating class of Dalhousie’s Fountain School of Performing Arts? The show’s director, Tanja Jacobs, doesn’t think so. “This play explores what it is to be an artist and to want love and life in the arts. That’s very much what’s…

On the Verge

Even off stage, crammed into a tiny office, the youthful energy of Votive Dance’s Verge production team Andrew MacKelvie and Kathleen Doherty is palpable. Exuding a very Frances Ha-like eager enthusiasm, the pair dissects their first big performance—a collaboration that will reframe how you think about live music and dance. “Typically, it’s one accompanying the…

Where we practice: Vulva Culture

WHO THEY ARE Last summer, Amy V (Scribbler) realized she needed more elements for her new solo experimental-pop project, Vulva Culture, so she recruited certain friends with special talents: Kayla Stevens brings harmonic and effects guitar, Evan Matthews drums with a classical background, Hannah Guinan (Old & Weird) owns unconventional basslines and Bianca Palmer locks…


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