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Hey boyfriend,
YOU’RE fat. Not me. Yeah, you. You know that gut you’ve had for three years, the one you keep saying you can get rid of in a week? Still there! So sometimes I eat more than you, and that grosses you out? Ever consider that I might just be hungry sometimes? I exercise—you don’t. I watch what I eat—you don’t. I’ve put on 10 pounds in the last three-and-a-half years, and now I’m not hot enough to activate your sexual animal instinct? (Also, what animal instinct are we talking about? A gerbil? Cause it’s never really been all that wild.)
You don’t give head; you complain about everything; you’re neurotic and self-absorbed, and we’ve had sex a handful (a handful!) of times in the last year. Now you’re going on about how “we don’t communicate.” Guess what? I listened to you, and all you had to say was that our sexual issues (your sexual issues) are because I’m not fit enough for you, oh master of fitness and moderation. Wow. I have put up with a lot of your shit, but this is too much. And the worst thing is, I’m not fat at all. This is just classic issue-avoidance. But you still made me feel like a worthless piece of garbage (funny, you do that a lot). So…I’m taking my fat ass and waddling out of your life. You, and your bad breath, bad attitude and bad manners are just not worth it. —Shoulda Tapped That Fat Ass
This article appears in Mar 26 – Apr 1, 2015.
Bye! Next?
Don’t waddle. Run!
and don’t you EVER go back!
Dump him, now. You already know you deserve better so what are you waiting for?
So many dudes are waiting for you, eager to give you head.
Not wanting to give you head and blaming you for not turning him on? Sounds like someone loves the cock, not the pussy!!!
Good for you, OB. Sounds like you can do better.
I have an older male acquaintance who has similar delusions. He’s as old as dirt and thinks he can get a twenty something chicks. He has a big belly that he has carried around for the last twenty years yet thinks he is in fantastic shape. Maybe he can hang out with your ex and swap tall tales.
Jesus you’re starting to remind of me of ‘Life Sucks’ the only other person who just whined about peoples issues but never had any ideas for resolution.
AN EXCELLENT BITCH
“You and your bad breath, bad attitude and bad manners are just not worth it.”
The bad attitude and bad manners are bad enough, but bad breath? That’s the killer. It’s just not worth it. An excellent bitch.
A pleasure as always,
Cheerio!
Yes, and?
Being Jesus and all, I am omnipotent. Bow before me and eat of my flesh; drink of my blood; and stop complaining. I have my own crosses to bear.
^^^ and with Easter coming up you have a busy schedule of events – it being Holy Week and all and then there’s your resurrection which, I’m sure, is a traumatic event.
Secret code translations!
1. As a friend of mine found out, if you have a relatively new partner and they say, “I don’t mind if you put on a little weight.”, what they are really saying is, “because I’m sure gonna pack on a pile of it. Hand me that family size bag of chips!”
2. If your partner suggests “Maybe we should have an open relationship”, what they are really saying is, “I’m tired of our relationship but I was hoping you are dumb or desperate enough to stick around and be a backup for times when I can’t find anyone else.”
3. Guys, if your partner says, “No. I don’t want anything special for my birthday.”, what she really means is, “You shouldn’t even ask! Now make sure you make a big fuss over my birthday you dumb shit!”
Does anyone else have some secret code they can share?
“No, it’s fine.”
Run, fellas. Run.
“I need to reinvent myself.” = “in a way that doesn’t include you.”
Now Willard, I want you to stop that. I want you to stop that right now.
OB, I know several guys who seem to suffer from “itchy feet” syndrome. They typically last anywhere from six months to three years in a relationship. It doesn’t seem to matter how nice, smart or attractive the women are.
One of those guys sounds a lot like your ex. For some reason, he doesn’t have teh courage to break up with women so he makes it impossible for them to stay with him. He finds many imaginary faults to point out and generally mistreats them until they get so sick of him they walk away and he is free. Sound familiar?
… so send this card to your ex for Easter:
http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewca…
It is not just the government that should be left out of the bedrooms or sex lives of others. Some people just overshare too frigging much of their sordid little life dramas. Bleah.