Is it too much to ask that if you go out with someone on a first date (a blind date) and you know that you are not interested in them, that you pay for your own meal/drinks? I totally get that buying you a meal or some drinks does not entitle me to anything but a pleasant evening of conversation with you, which you did deliver and we had a great time. But then you said you didn’t want to see me again and I felt disappointed and used. The disappointed feeling is to be expected because you really seemed like a cool person and we did have fun but I do feel like you took advantage of the fact that I was interested in you and you were not interested in me and allowed me to spend a lot of money on you. In this society, I am the entitled one? Because it is assumed that I expect sex in exchange for paying for dinner and drinks? But I don’t, I’m not looking for a one night stand, I would really like to meet someone special – like you. You acted like you really liked me and even said things that made it seem like you were interested. Like Louis CK says, the fact that any woman agrees to go out with any man is a miracle. (really funny bit, look it up) … and I understand if I’m not the guy for you, that’s just how it goes sometimes. But ladies, please understand, men feel a lot of pressure to pay on first dates (even if you don’t pressure them). If you are genuinely interested in equality, please don’t take advantage of that fact. Especially if you aren’t interested in the guy, at least OFFER to pay for yourself. We may be the enemy to a lot of you but we are still human beings, we still want to be loved and accepted by someone and we still feel used when you do this. —Still Looking
This article appears in Mar 26 – Apr 1, 2015.
Maybe next time you should ask about a second date before dinner ends. If she says no ask for separate bills when the server arrives. That way neither of you feels either used or obliged.
CHANGING GENDER ROLES IN SOCIETY
“In this society, I am the entitled one? Because it is assumed that I expect sex in exchange for paying for dinner and drinks?” Still looking
The question, of course, is why is it assumed that you expect sex in exchange for paying for dinner and drinks? It is assumed as a result of the changing gender roles in society. In what way have those roles changed? They have changed as a result of the influence of feminism.
Feminism, the view that males and females are equal in every respect, has had a very positive effect on society. The female is no longer in a position of dependence on the male. They are equals. However, in certain social encounters such as that in the restaurant, an older and more conservative social etiquette sometimes still prevails resulting in role confusion. For the conservative male he is simply following prescribed social norms in paying for dinner and drinks but for the liberated female this is but another indication of her subordinate position. She is no longer an equal. It is an affront.
However, it must be put in the larger context. Instead of taking it personally the conflict should be seen as simply a matter of changing gender roles in society. But changing gender roles do not directly dictate behaviour in specific cases. There is no general rule. But in times of social flux the direct method is usually best. Simply ask her, “Do you mind if I pay?” Once that has been cleared up, you can engage in interesting conversation such as discussing the changing gender roles in society. Maybe that will do the trick (heh, heh).
A pleasure as always,
Cheerio!
Meet for coffee first. It’s cheaper.
To be fair, pretty much all girls I’ve gone out with recently have offered to at least split.
Hey, in honour of one of our departed colleagues:
http://www.freeallpictures.com/wp-content/…
mothers, rase you’re daughters to be the kind of siritonin sucking emotional grifters you want you’re sons dragging home between prison sentences and rehab.
p.s. – no trannies.
You would know ^^
The pricey first date just does not work in my experience. It’s too much pressure and it gives the impression that you’re kind of desperate not to mention frivolous. My 2 cents. Cheap first dates man, and short too. Dinner dates are for couples, imo.
Transfopic.
**Transphobic**
If you ask for a second date and she says no…
I’m pretty sure the first one ended right there.
If you ask a woman out for a dinner date, make it clear when asking her out if you expect her to pay for her own meal. You said you enjoyed the meal and her company, so what the fuck is your problem… you’d only be happy to pay if she had wanted to see you again? If so, then you’re both a cheap-skate and a loser.
If you asked her out, you pay. It’s simple etiquette.
“Simple etiquette” is no longer so simple. See my “Changing Gender Roles in Society” (04/01, 8:56AM).