Blonde Bitter Bitch
To the blonde girl serving me at a certain bar downtown on Jan. 31, CONGRATS! You gave me hands down the worst sevice I have ever gotten in my entire life. If you want a good tip from customers maybe try not to be a condescending bitch and actually do your job right. That being…
Stranded
I walk into the doctors office, maybe the same doctor I’ve seen since I was young, or another doctor whom happens to be in the building. I sit down and begin to speak. I say, something along the lines of “ I’m trying to deal with what I told is ADHD, and I’m tired of…
I saw you the other day
I felt nothing. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? —Gone But Not Forgotten
Parking lot scare
Saturday I parked my car and got out as usual. I was called back to my vehicle by a tall man sitting alone in his van. He accused me of hitting his vehicle. I was very polite, asked to see where, and of course there was no evidence. He started to become violent so I…
Rejection sucks
Not only does it suck, but people do it so politely, as to think I’m really the one in the wrong. I don’t understand how i am coming off and I don’t feel like myself. I wish something nice would happen for once. Maybe for once I can get the job. AND maybe for once…
The stuff you see on buses… (and you wish you didn’t!)
It is unfathomable that it even needs to be stated but some people never got the memo, so here goes: bus seats are for sitting. Bus seats are not your personal foot stools so keep your ignorant-ass, salty, mucky, stinking feet off the seats. What were you raised by pigs? Honestly! — Bus Bitch Du…
Hate…
I hate you, plain and simple. I hate what you did to my lungs, although they’re getting better. I hate what you do to my wallet and my daughter’s milk money. I hate my stained fingers and constantly washing my hands. I hate smelling you and seeing what you’ve done to people. I love to…
Hey there, tropical TO hunk
I know, I know, the distance is bogus; but you are so unbelievably worth it. I really think one day I’ll marry your adorable elf self. I have been working hard on being a cool individual, so watch out! You got one strong ass lady coming your way. Thank you for believing in me and…
Birthday love
Thanks to the five-some I got to spend my birthday with. I had a beyond wonderful time with some great food and awesome laughs. You guys are the best! Thanks for making my birthday awesome! —Joli Chat
Read and ignored
Its been 5 years of this nonsense, I honestly don’t know why I even bother. You are the worst rainy best friend anyone could ask for. I had to pee on a stick without you. I miss you – just answer your phone, it’s really not hard. —Post Secret Would Have Taken Too Long
My own personal MacPass
To my new favourite Haligonian, So i was coming over the bridge in a snowstorm and my loonie got stuck in a little film of snow on the inside of the money basket. Of course, the gate was up, I didn’t realize and drove straight through and set off the alarm. One of the bridge…
Damn people
To you damn people standing in the street, asking for us to come up and talk. You are so over my nerve. In one day, I have had 3 of you asking me to come and talk. I know what you want… Money! Good luck. I am looking for some. I have students debts to…
Show up for work!
Please show up for work! People have to cover for you when you’re not here.. so you’re having a hard week/month/year? Can’t take the stress? Calling in sick constantly so you don’t have to come in? Then get another job..Some of us are covering two or three jobs here and its stressful enough as it…
Techno grandpa
To the older guy at the bar on Saturday Night dancing to dubstep, techno and other electronically created music. Thank you! You made mine and my friends night, we’ve dubbed you Techno Grampa and hope you continue to dance like nobody is watching! All the best! —1/3rd The Age, Not Nearly As Cool
Movie night
Dalhousie Art Gallery’s African History Month free film series, curated by Ron Foley Macdonald, kicked off yesterday, continuing every week at 8pm until the end of the month (6101 University Ave). If you know what’s good, you won’t sleep on this one, last Tuesday featured The Black Power Mixtape 1967-1975, next week is Melvin Van…
To Dartmouth, with love
Not that you need an excuse to love on Dartmouth…but here’s a great one. This Saturday (February 9) has been deemed Love Dartmouth Day, a celebration of the ever-growing group of great businesses in its downtown district. Getting a jump start of Valentine’s Day tenderness, Love Dartmouth Day is encouraging shoppers to do some shopping…
Sour grapes
Re: The St. FX faculty strike: Reading the comments on the mainstream news websites, and seeing an overwhelming amount of resentment and bitterness towards the faculty beause they are asking for a raise to bring them inline with cost of living and other Universities. People saying they shoudl be happy with what they got that…
Defying Gravitas
Looking for your annual dose of Greek tragedy spin-offs and metaphysical “comedy” brought to life? Look no further than the King’s Infringement Festival, on until February 9 in and around King’s College campus. Student written, student directed and student acted, this week-long festival features 28 plays in total, including gems like Oedipus and Stuff and…
I know you love Charlie more than me, but…
You’re the peanut butter to my chocolate – the dark toast to my eggs and the spinach to my smoothies. Third time’s a charm baby. —Will You Be My Funny Valentine?
Fake money
I went to pick up a few things from a large Canadian company that likes tires. After I made my purchase I was given “store money”. I don’t save it, not many do, I put it in the donation box at the cash like always. Sure enough my wonderful not made in Canada tool breaks…
Couch dweller #1
Toblerones, tears, triumphs and tribulations got nothing on us. You are my rock – thank you for the countless calls, cuddles and caring. We may be missing the crew but I’ve never been happier to have you. — Couch Dweller #2
Garrison’s growing up
You read Whitney Moran’s story about growing microbrew scene last week, right? If so, you were probably curious about exactly where Garrison Brewing Company would be expanding its operations. At the time Garrison’s Brian Titus was tight-lipped about what nearby location the brewery would be taking over, was but today he let the cat out…
Mattress actress
The only reason why you have had any kind of theatrical success in Halifax is because you’re willing to sleep around. Too bad that’s all you have to offer…You sure as hell don’t have any talent. I can’t wait until you fade back into obscurity where you belong. —Xoxo
I adore your absurdities
I have to say it. You three are my best friends. You are genuine. Happy love day Artemis, Chief, and Buddha. —Hershe
Asshat Chef
To the new chef in the cafeteria of a school over looking a certain harbour: Why in the hell would you want to not give people food? “I’m going to keep ALL of the food, just so these bums can’t have any.” Have you never learned that sharing is caring? You’re an acrimonious dude… I…
In awe of you
You make everyone’s day so much better without even trying, and I admire you so much for that. I’ve fallen so hard for you, and your laugh, and the little hop in your step…even for your terrible attempt at southern accents. If only I was a bit better with words, so i could explain just…
Drunk pizza place asshole
I just tried to warn you tonight about the paddy wagon pulling up after you blatantly were pissing on a certain awesome movie store, and you decided to try to pick a fight with me. Fuck you, hope the dreadlock rattail works out for you. —Do-Gooder Turned Bitcher
Smitten but broken
We were at a fast food place on opposite sides of the restaurant, and I noticed you looking over. You had a pink sweater on and I a red one. We locked eyes a few times, and I thought you were really cute. I spent my whole lunch hour trying to build up the courage…
No permits have been issued for new convention centre
An observer might look at the gigantic hole in the ground between Argyle and Market Streets, feel the blasting for excavation and see the bulldozers loading up dump trucks to haul away the rock and think, “that new convention centre is really moving along.” That observer would be wrong. In fact, the city has not…
Are you talking to me?
Were you talking to me a while ago in a Bitch? Were you accusing me of lying to you, of getting you in trouble? You stated you could have helped me in ways no one else could, if only I didn’t lie. You know the negative results of what you did to me and how…
I had this idea…
…and I thought it might be easy. It seemed so natural. The idea was very simple – I’m a boy who’d meet a boy and fall in love. I still hold on to the dream, but I know life often makes things a little more complicated than I’d started out thinking, more complicated than things…
Trying to start a real business
To the assholes that wont stop emailing me with made up bullshit stop wasting my time. I put an ad up on a local site looking for gardening equipment so me and brother can start a lawn business. We got no money and lots of people have garden sheds full of shit they dont use…
A little love for Leo
To that wonderful little Leo chick who’s been there for me in so many ways I can’t even begin to think about counting, you are my favourite person. I love you, and I have no words to express the depth of gratitude I feel towards you. You have done so much for me, and I…
Lost in the woods
Oh deary. I may have to stop coming to dance class. Not because everyone else is amazing and has been dancing for years, or that I stand out like a sore thumb, or due to the fact in all honesty I kinda suck at choreography…Those are all silly reasons to stop making Mondays my favorite…
You’re my dog!
And you can’t read! But I love you so stinkin’ much. I know so many single ladies with big dogs and it’s because you are all wonderful, giving souls that make our lives better despite the fact that my schedule now revolves around feeding you and picking up your poop. Obviously you can’t read this,…
Nova Scotia Dairy Act
Why do we have controlled prices for milk? Is it to keep the prices low and reasonable? HELL NO! Is it to ensure that there is a MINIMUM retail price charged for milk? YEP! Someone got it into their heads that NS dairy farmers can’t get a fair price for their milk unless we force…
A day in the life…
Moving through this world with grace can be tough at times – this past Friday being a good example for me. But I do love this town and love living here. In my 52 years I’ve lived in four other major cities in this country and two smaller ones, but this is my favorite and…
Burnside angel of mercy
You may not be an ambulance driver or an E.M.T. but you certainly saved my bacon (and the rest of my ample frame) when you stopped and offered me a lift home on Thursday. Your kindness to a stranger on a blustery afternoon was immensely appreciated and will, most assuredly, be paid forward. Many thanks.…
Halifax drivers
We’ve all seen it. An empty right hand lane with a traffic jam in the left lane because everyone wants to be in the left lane several kms down the road. What a waste of pavement! And, what a bunch of fools you are. I like to get into the right hand lane and drive…
Roofing rumble
We’ve been having some really horrendous weather lately, so much so that the siding on our house started to rip off completely in the wind! My dad and I had no idea, but you and your friend came and knocked on our door and told us, and what’s more you got up on a ladder…
Anchored Coffee ahoy!
This week will brings yet another flavour to remember cafe, bakery and butter-lovers heaven-on-earth, Two if By Sea, by. Since scoring the Business Development Bank of Canada Young Entrepreneur Award’s top prize, the cafe’s co-owner Zane Kelsall’s dream of growing the TIBS brand to include a roastery has gotten real. With a home next door…
NS: Your men are shallow!
I can’t get over the picky men around here who overestimate themselves. I have lived in larger Canadian cities and I have to say, without a doubt, I’ve had more trouble getting a date let alone a boyfriend in Halifax than any of those other cities. This has nothing to do with other cities having…
Tiny Lab, big ideas
Come spring there’ll be another business helping to paint Gottingen Street green. The eco-conscious child care centre, A Tiny Lab, will move into the work-in-progress and future home of The Hub, 2172 Gottingen Street. With 15 years of experience in early childhood education Jillian Farris looks forward to offering a welcoming natural space for kids…
So confusing
I don’t love anyone, but I definitely did like you. If you didn’t feel the same why not just say you’re not interested, instead of going on about how busy you are, everyone knows no one is that busy. You’re so much older, yet so indirect, I guess being straight forward isn’t your thing. I…
Get it right!
While reading another bitch I was irked, I can’t take it anymore. “Cement” is a material used to make concrete, mortar and grout. Barriers dividing a highway are not “cement.” Neither are sidewalks, buildings or basements. That would be like walking down the bread aisle and calling it flour. —Canned Soup
Your ombre hair is the light at the end of my tunnel
You have supported me in any and all of my ridiculous rants, calmed my heinous insecurities and held my hand through whatever crisis of the day I have. You cannot fathom how much you mean to me, and, how much I appreciate your friendship. Your words calm my soul and have such a soothing effect…
Weight Watchers whiner
I sat next to you at the Weight Watchers meeting the other day, you smiled and seemed friendly enough. When the meeting started and the leader began her talk, you offered a few comments. Fair enough. Sharing at a meeting is good. But as the meeting progressed you wouldn’t shut up. When someone else was…
Straight or curly?
I applied to where you work, and you said that you’d write on my resume that I had cute hair. You had rockin hair too, and I totally would’ve asked you out but I got nervous! (Also wasn’t sure if you were into other girls). Thanks for the job help and the smiles! PS, get…
Pumpkin puke
To the people on West street who STILL have a (very rotten) pumpkin on their steps- seriously?! Can you please put your gross, street-level rotten mess in the compost? You must know you’re grossing out the entire neighbourhood. — Your Neighbours
Now my conscience is clear
With my life crumbling around me,I was too needy. I would’ve stopped if you told me I was being a bother. I knew you were aware of our situation. Which was why I became childish that you shunned me… I wanted to explain my words and actions. Shame we can’t remain friends,… I really like…
An angel in the McCain
To the honest soul who found my forgotten Macbook in a Dal classroom and immediately returned it to security: you actually rule. I hope you ride the good karma wave for a very long time to come. Thank you for reinvigorating my faith in humanity. — Absentminded Arts Student
Brooklyn Warehouse’s kitchen campaign
Team Brooklyn Warehouse (2795 Windsor Street) knows a thing or two about crowdfunding. Remember last year when they raised over $20,000 in two months, helping them to build a sweet new front room/patio? That was pretty clear evidence of how possible it is to get by with a little help from your friends, supporters and…
KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!
Dear Mother Nature, I know we’ve had our differences in the past and I told you to blow me. Isn’t the way you’re acting right now taking things to extreme. Fuck off already! —Must Nail Feet To Floor
Selfish and insecure
Just because you’re unhappy and angry given your life circumstances, doesn’t mean you can take it all out on me – passive aggressively of course. I’ve done nothing but be insanely nice to you despite you treating me as a second, third and fourth option. You clearly have an issue with my best friend, you…
Control your dog
Your dog was big and scary. Your dog ripped a stick out of my 4 foot tall boy’s hand. Dogs do that. It’s part of their nature to play with sticks. I know we were in an off-leash part of the park…but it’s a people park too…not just a “dog” park, lady. If my kid…
Well that really happened
The memory of our first encounter is stuck looping in my mind. You were tipsily entertaining me. But when I casually grazed your arm, I felt something. I don’t know how else to describe it: electrical/chemical/inevitable. I knew we had to be together. Years later it ended coldly and abruptly with a rearing of our…
Wow, in that much hurry to get to a red light?
Wow in that much of a hurry to get to a red light? You made your point , but spit up gravel on my paint job to get ahead of me. I feel really sad for you. I would report you, but I am sure that the level at which you reside will just have…
To the beautiful person who found my laptop
Thank you so much to the saint who noticed I left my laptop on the #1 bus, and gave it to the driver for me to frantically pick up later. You are a person of true moral character, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you ever see a large fellow…
To a Tea
When Morgan Dowler And Levon Campbell first started brewing kombucha, they didn’t necessarily think you’d be drinking it. Dowler—who studied natural nutrition—and Campbell—the one time manager of Heartwood Bakery & Cafe— kicked off the tasty project for fun just a couple of months ago, using local, organic produce to make a tasty array of flavours…
Hey best friend… again
I am really happy for you, and I realize that our friendship has come to a point where things have changed and we both need to adjust a bit. Know that no matter what, I am not going to give up on us (even if I am a total bitch to you for a week…
Get OUT OF THE CENTRE tonight
Brave the absolutely insane winds tonight and be handsomely rewarded for it at tonight’s Out of the Centre screening, an evening devoted to showing off the work created by the 24th annual Centre for Art Tapes media scholarship recipients. For six months, local artists John Hoar, Leigh Kirkpatrick, Susan McEachern, Dave Ron, Jonathan Rotsztain, Joshua…
Memory, loss and legacy Unraveled
I would never presume to critique choral music. I don’t know the whys and hows of what makes it good or bad. But that being said, one doesn’t need to be an expert to recognize that the Camerata Xara Young Woman’s Choir makes very beautiful music, and that their new show Unraveled is brilliant on…
Tea lady
I was working, you came in for tea. You couldn’t speak because you were so sick, so I gave you a cup of tea on the house. You came back in later and stealthily slipped an envelope my way. I opened up a beautiful thank you card with a gift inside. It meant so much…
Tacos and art: Is this what heaven is like?
TO DO: Saturday, February 2, from 10am-12pm, drift in a dream-like state over to The Food Wolf’s truck at the Historic Farmers’ Market, eat a face full of delicious tacos, and gaze in wonder at the tiny works of locally made art in front of you, while that magical Food Wolf house salsa drips down…
Man pulling teenagers
To the man who was pulling the two teenaged boys on the sleds down South Street last week, you made me smile on an otherwise cold and miserable day. I could not help but wonder how in the world you managed to pull those sweet young men who must have weighed at least 100 lbs…
To the king of awesomeness
We had a thing going on for a summer or so and it was a blast! Then you left in December 2011 and your band picked up real good when you came back so we didn’t really hang out. I just wanted to tell you that you are a really cool laid-back guy! I’ve never…
Cue sad music!
To the boy with the soft brown curls who always wears a plaid shirt under his work tee– I’m sorry that [your, uh, international chain media store] closed on Spring Garden. You gave A+ service every time I went in and I’m sure you won’t be unemployed for long. You liked my headphones. I loved…
Reefer sadness
November 6, 2012 was a momentous day for marijuana in North America. That’s when citizens in Washington state and Colorado voted in favour of ballot initiatives that decriminalize the possession of marijuana by adults. Washington’s Initiative 502 regulates the sale of marijuana through the state’s liquor control board, and extends drunk driving laws to cover…
Hyde Park on Hudson
The steamy escapades of Franklin Delano Roosevelt (America’s sexiest president) come to light in the dumb little historical comedy, Hyde Park on Hudson. Kind of doing a reverse Daniel Day Lewis in Lincoln, Bill Murray barely stars as the cigarette-smoking prez who entertains the visiting King and Queen of Canada at his country estate while…
Free Will Astrology
Happy Birthday! Aquarius (January 20-February 18) Poet Jacob Nibengenesabe was a member of the Swampy Cree, a First Nation tribe in Canada. He wrote shamanic poems from the point of view of a magical trickster who could change himself into various creatures. In one poem, the shapeshifter talked about how important it is to be…
Mural of the story
Brenna Lord’s EN-TRAILS exhibit stares back. Hidden faces in Lord’s wall-spanning mural, now on display at Plan B’s B-Side Art Gallery, inspire appreciative double-takes. Somewhere between Alex Grey’s luminiscent energy-bodies and Frank Miller’s pulp-noir impressions, Lord’s episodes form a mercurial whole. A faery in the mural could have dropped her wings in black ink and…
Fighting poverty requires more than charity
If one is not poor themselves, it is easy to look at a neighbourhood like Highfield Park or the north end of Halifax as nothing more than inspiration to donate to a food bank. In the time I’ve spent living in poor communities in both Cape Breton and in my new home of north Dartmouth,…
The Importance of Being hilarious
Oscar Wilde is the king of intelligent comedy and The Importance of Being Earnest is his crowning achievement. The Neptune Theatre production gives this gem all its due with a sumptuous set, opulent costumes and first-rate performances. Michael Therriault is a suitably impish Algernon and his puppyish manner is balanced nicely by David Leyshon as…
Gottingen Terrace back from the dead
Gottingen Terrace, the affordable housing development planned for the old Sobeys site on Gottingen Street across from the library, seemingly died last September. But now comes word that it has risen phoenix-like from the dead. “It was off in September; we had failed,” says Grant Wanzel of the Creighton/Gerrish Development Association, the nn-p[rofit organization that…
Tied with a Bowie
Slap on your blond shag wigs, ruffled shirts and tight pants. And don’t forget your crystal ball—CKDU is turning 28 (in terms of years on air, which is like dog years for radio stations) and there’s going to be prizes for dressing the part. But, why Bowie? “Why not Bowie?” challenges station coordinator Gianna Lauren.…
Craft club
The post-holiday season can be one of frigid temperatures, resolution rejection and those pesky winter blues. Luckily, a surefire Band-Aid solution can be found in our friend, beer. And just in time, there are big things a-brewing in the Halifax micro scene. For a city with an already stellar lineup, the continued growth of Halifax’s…
Freshly popped
There’s nothing tragic about the Arkells joining The Hip on tour again this weekend (they last toured together in 2009) for a pop-rock/indie-rock/rock on mashup night of Canadian talent and they’ve come a long way from the crowded campus bars and dorm room hits that won their debut album Jackson Square a Juno Award. The…
Bring the Rakkas
All of us make compromises, but fewer of us do so in pursuit of our creative ambition. When we come across a successful example like Dennis Shaw-AKA D-Rakkas of South Rakkas Crew (SRC)—we take for granted their life choices. Just over a decade ago, Shaw relocated from Toronto to Orlando. “I had to work three…
Active culture
There’s something about print. Even with growing technology, artists still flock to the printed form. “We have the instinct to create with one’s hands,” says Ericka Walker, a visual artist and instructor at the Nova Scotia College of Art of Design. With the accessibility of machinery at the Dawson Print Shop, artists mix digital imagery…
Mailbag January 31, 2013
Hands off Armdale As an Armdale resident, I have been attending the Purcells Cove Water and Sewage community steering committee meetings and paying careful attention to what is happening here and in the surrounding area. As many of you know, HRM has been looking into the feasibility of extending water and sewage service to Purcells…
Random play
What time are you playing?” It’s a text many local musicians have received and it’s possibly even more annoying than asking for guest list, especially since the answer is always “show o’clock.” This is a town with notoriously late start times and lineups that play it fast and loose, so Old Blood’s Josh White and…
Fresh Prince
Making music comes easy for 20-year-old rapper Psyc Tha Prince (AKA Devell Thompson). With a home studio and an in house producer, it’s easy to see why he started so young. “I started when I was 13,” he says. “That’s when I really started to record because that’s when we got the studio in our…
Caplan remembers when
At first glance, Ben Caplan seems like a sage of east coast indie rock. After all, he sports a wizardly beard, screeches out a uniquely soulful sort of stripped-down folk, plays for gleeful crowds at massive fests like SXSW and is drawing legions of fans to local gigs like his shows at the Company House…
Bullet to the Head
Sylvester Stallone’s grizzled hit man really didn’t need a day like this, you know? Playing resigned contract killer Jimmy Bobo with a crunchy sorta detachment, Stallone headlines the hard-boiled gangster flick Bullet to the Head. When Bobo is screwed over and his partner killed, the longtime thug must team up with a visiting detective (Sung…
All about addiction
Q I’ve been a fan of your Savage Lovecast for a long time, but I had to write after hearing Marty Klein’s awesome talk about the fallacy of “sex addiction.” I am 27, and for most of my adult life, I have suffered from complete sexual dysfunction with partners. I was ashamed and thought I…
Stand Up Guys
After serving a 28-year stint, Al Pacino’s low-level criminal gets paroled and picked up by now equally elderly best friend Christopher Walken. Together with old getaway driver Alan Arkin, the three spend an evening on the town visiting brothels, flirting with waitresses and snorting crushed up prescription pills. It’s a sad, pathetic party in the…
Warm Bodies
A promising premise is frustratingly under-utilized in Warm Bodies, a zombie romantic comedy without any brains. In a post-zombie apocalypse world, survivors struggle to find food and medicine while avoiding packs of roaming corpses. But after kidnapping a young woman he’s attracted to (because he’s stolen the memories of her boyfriend by eating his brains),…
Take me with you
You are the best thing in my life, I have never felt as good as I do with you. I know you have a million dreams and ambitions, that is why I love you, I don’t want to hold you back from them, I want to go with you on your adventure! At least stay…
This week at city council
Bayers Lake expansion The first item of importance was the approval of some property buy-backs necessary for the expansion of the BLIP agreed to last year. “Buy-backs” are the last part of a development agreement the city entered into when it sold a big chunk of west and to the south of Kent to BANC…
You were always on my mind
I barely know you and we only spoke a handful of times but you’re wandering in my thoughts almost everyday. The last time I saw your sweet face was in the summer and it was only a drive by. I wanted to stop and talk to you but nerves got the best of me. It’s…
