Get fucking real!
I, a man making almost six digits, with a nice house, car and good-looking to boot—just got asked out by a woman who works retail and takes the bus. And she looked at me like I had five heads when I said no. What is this world coming to? –Out Of Your League
Bus driver
I was headed to work and typically I am beyond late for the bus on weekends but on this particular morning I was on time. The bus pulled up, with no one on it, and I stepped up, showed the bus driver my student bus pass and she says, “Student ID please?” to which I…
Home cut versus frozen
Why is it that some food establishments have frozen fries and other have fresh cut fries? Fresh cut fries are WAY better than frozen processed ones and to buy the potatoes to make home cut fries is cheaper than buying the frozen ones. What gives? Just sayin’. —Fry Guy
Stealing from a child?
To the cretins who opened up my garage in the night, took and abandoned my whipper snipper (fine, you could have had that), and took my son’s electric scooter. It was a gift from his father. You don’t have the proprietorial charger, so you can’t use it. The only thing you achieved was to hurt…
80
To the girls in the back of the 80 on Monday night who said I was cute as I got off the bus…I dunno why I rolled my eyes and ignored you, that was a nice thing to say and it’s not often guys get compliments from random strangers on buses. So thanks a lot,…
Appreciation for the finer things
You are a construction worker on top of a hotel looking incredibly hot in working pants and red safety straps across your chest with no shirt. Definitely something to behold. Just a guy who can really appreciate another guy. —The Big D
Some people’s children
What is wrong with parents these days? And I’m not talking about welfare bums or unwed teenage mothers. I’m talking about seemingly normal adults with homes and jobs and not a sweet fucking clue how to raise children, never mind teach them common sense, manners or respect. On my street the lawns, both front and…
Happily reunited
On the weekend I lost a wallet downtown and was really devastated about the thought of replacing all of the cards inside my wallet. The following day my wallet was in my mailbox and I thought I would never see it again. I wish I would have been home when you returned my wallet so…
The park is not a landfill
To the lovely people of Fairview—The Titus Smith Memorial Park is not a landfill. Please stop treating it like one by dumping your used furniture and other miscellaneous garbage there. Respect yourselves and respect the neighbourhood and most of all respect Mother Earth! —Thanks
O, my burrow loves
I can’t wait to walk in the door with a six pack and give all you guys, and Frett, and the cats the biggest hugs ever. You guys rock, and I’m so stoked for another round of open mics. P.S. I sent beer from Alaska in the mail today. I miss you kids. —Lil Yuk
Just can’t stop
Every time I pass that long hard shaft, my mouth waters. I can’t wait to unfasten your package and squeeze my hand inside, pulling out your goodness and slowly sucking out your saltiness until I must have all of you. You fit so perfectly in my mouth and sit so aerodynamically on my tongue. You…
Psychological warfare
Go ahead and blame me for the fact that you cheated on me. Go ahead and insult me in front of others. You are a little boy with no sense of self control or idea of how deeply your selfish actions impact the lives of others. You only feel guilt when you are caught in…
Shark derby
You can call me a bleeding heart, I don’t care. Is there any point to catching sharks? I can understand it from a research perspective, but are the sharks then used for their skin or flesh? It’s not catch and release, so what’s the payoff? Please someone enlighten me. —Paingirl
Car horns and sirens in radio ads
I think I’m a pretty good, conscientious driver. I don’t cut people off; I look both ways; I check my mirrors, et cetera. So, whenever a stupid radio ad or traffic report comes on the radio, complete with honking horns and sirens, I shouldn’t get startled and assume someone’s beeping at me. But I do.…
It gets better every day
I never would have thought, or even dared to dream, it could be this good. Then you came swaggering into my life and things have never been the same. I can finally be myself, without apology or explanation. This has been the best summer of my entire life. Thank you for being so amazing! —Pretty…
Fairview lawn jockeys must stop
Living in Fairview for all of my life, I can tell you that I’ve seen many things, but the young punk driving around in the beemer convertable, music blaring, with both the front and rear seats jammed full of lawn jockeys takes the cake. Do they belong to you or have you “borrowed” them from…
Single friend flying off the handle
We used to hang out all of the time, but now you’ve been hanging with other people and don’t seem to want anything to do with me anymore. Every time I invite you out to do something (for drinks, movie, et cetera) you always ask who’s going to be there. Vast majority of the times,…
Video of the day: Bloody Diamonds, “Monopoly”
Spooky rockers Bloody Diamonds have released a new video in advance of their mega fall tour taking them from the falafel-laden streets of Windsor, ON to the salty shores of St. John’s, NF (please bring back some of that beer with the horse on it). Have a peek and follow them Deadhead style on the…
Were you raised in a fucking zoo?
There is a special place in hell for parents who toss dirty diapers into the woods around parks and lakes. —Diaper Rashed
I voted you stay
You were with your buddies, and you approached me and started a conversation unfortunately I don’t remember what about, exactly…all I remember is your friend wanted to go to another bar and you asked my opinion. I voted you stay. You were awfully charming… and by the way, you really aren’t THAT old. —Delighted Stranger
Retail woes
Every store, hotel, restaurant, coffee shop, et cetera wants your name and phone number. If you don’t want to offer this information all it takes is a simple “No, thank you.” From there we can all move on with our lives and get along just fine. I don’t need to hear a snarky “Why do…
Blessed be the public library
Looks like the public library has hit a new low. It’s not enough that it has become a daycare for lazy parents, it is now a religious institution as well. This past weekend one of Halifax’s fine book repositories was host to a religious gathering. Am I the only one who finds this offensive? A…
I meant to say I love you
We were together some time ago. I knew I loved you then I came home one night in my apartment and I told you I wanted to break up. You left in tears and cried yourself to ruins on the football field. The coach sent you home. At the time I thought this was what…
Yards to inches
While watching an old game show on television over the weekend the clothing attire that the women contestants were wearing seemed to have been made out of yards and yards of material. Comparing to the inches and inches of material that is put into the workmanship of today’s womens’ clothing attire. Can you imagine how…
I love you, me
Hey handsome! Things haven’t been going that great lately but they also haven’t been going that suckily, either. Just wanted to send you (me) a wicked awesome high-five combo and congratulate you on getting rid of the crazy chick and landing a nifty apartment in the process. Way to take life by the pigtails and…
Councillor Debbie Hum bows out
I’m back from vacation, and vow to start election blogging every day. First, though, a bit of catch up. Hum calls it quits Councillor Debbie Hum sent out a press release Friday announcing she would not run for reelection. She didn’t answer her phone when I called today, but here’s the text of her release:…
Barista in training
To the two lovely ladies that gave my friend and I free experimental coffees the other day, thank you very much they were delicious. I hope your new job works out well for you. —Local Caffeine Addict
I love you
I love you. That is why I had to let you go. I know you can’t wait to leave Nova Scotia. You said every relationship you had here ended because of your background. Maybe I don’t count because I was never your girlfriend. Your race, religion, background does not matter to me. I accepted you…
Don’t become a teacher
Every time I hear another student who has chosen to pursue a teaching degree because their arts/fashion/general science/kinesiology/communications/languages/whatever won’t get them immediate employment, a little part of me dies. The CBC, Canadian press and various other media outlets have tried to warn people over the years that there is a critical teacher surplus, as in…
A sober rant
I recently gave up drinking and realized that there is limited access to non-alcoholic beers in grocery stores and to my knowledge none available in bars. Sure there is the regular sludge they sell at such and such store but there are some n/a beers out there that would be great to have available in…
So long, paycheque
Holy shit what the fuck is wrong with people here? Why are people so absolutely willing to pay such high rent? The same rent price would get me twice the space in Montreal, Ottawa or Toronto. No wonder Halifax is sprawling. No wonder people would rather buy a car and live in the suburbs. Fucking…
Dear Halifax
I was up at 4:30am, flying from Toronto back to Halifax, ugh, miserable (especially after one too many with my girls in TO the night before). Hardly slept on the flight, should have brought a sweater, BUT THEN…the day flipped. On my way out of the parking garage there was the sweetest parking attendant—yes he…
Beh-Beh
I love you. I know I don’t always show it, but I really do. And I will miss you when you’re gone. I promise you. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, my heart may actually burst. <3 you lots. —Ice Queen
Feelings are intrusive
I said I wouldn’t care, but then you turned out to be great. Not just great but everything I was fucking looking for (well thus far you haven’t turned me off). Yes, you have some annoying qualities…but besides the couple flaws that you have you are what I want and I am terrified that I…
What happened Halifax?
Downtown Halifax is sitting at a D- grade. With restaurants closing, the boutique district almost non-existent, what’s to draw people downtown? To bring people to what makes Halifax, Halifax: the small businesses, the people who put their life into their stores to bring Halifax some character and personality. I don’t even need to mention the…
Lost cell on Lower Water Street
To the two men who found my cell phone on the sidewalk and went through a huge kerfuffle trying to return it to me…thank you!! I’m sorry I didn’t express my gratitude more when you came into my work and personally handed me the phone. I was rather dumbstruck at the time, I didn’t even…
Fleas on the bus
So I get on the bus (the #7) to come into work this afternoon and the bus driver had just been bit by a flea and was scratching his ankle furiously. Then, WTF, I get a huge chunk bitten off my arm (I AM exaggerating somewhat). Well, I get a big welt from a bite…
Girl that thought I was cute and awesome
Thanks for thinking I was cute and awesome. Sorry when the guy who also thinks I am cute and awesome got upset about it and distracted me long enough to not save your phone number. I thought you were cute and awesome too. —Cheek Bones
Ordering water
So tonight I was at a certain bar for the first time in awhile. So I went to the bar and I ordered and a beer and a glass of water. I have bronchitis, and really needed some water to simmer the coughing. The server proceeded to give me the beer and a BOTTLE of…
Close your legs, ladies!
So, yet again I see another sleazebag making his way around Citadel Hill to take photos of girls spread-eagled in their bikinis while they sunbathe. However, I’m confused about what to bitch about. Is it the greasy dude pretending to talk on his iPhone while getting as far up the bikini-clad holes as possible to…
I have my eyes on you
Your company had no problem taking my money. Your company had no problem assuring me I could have it refunded when things went wrong. When I decided on a refund all of a sudden there was a problem. The way you conduct your business is, at best, untrustworthy. There is no question you are more…
Which civic bonehead decided to do this?
Downtown Halifax sidewalks (especially Argyle Street) are looking so friggin’ terrible lately since the town idiot(s) decided to fill holes in the concrete walkways with unsightly piles of asphalt. So, now, we have to step over poorly mixed black asphalt bumps and blemishes that stand out like a bloody sore thumb. Another stupid cheap-out that…
I will mind your heart
My wanting you, I think for once in my life I am being totally selfish. You are charming and very good-looking and sure you have your faults, some I’m aware of. You tell me to find a nice guy who loves me for me, does he exist? I don’t know, I really don’t think so…I’ve…
Shit hounds beware!
I like to do my daily walking along the boardwalks within this beautiful city because it is easier on my joints and sometimes cooler in temperature. Signs are posted for dog owners to keep the dogs on a leash and to clean up after your dog. Why do you people who own small yappy dogs…
Cam Smith is ready
It’s always gratifying when someone notices hard work. And when the folks noticing are the hip hop experts at XXL and the hard worker is Cam Smith, it’s even better. Smith was hand-picked by XXL Magazine to compete in their Ready or Not Singles Challenge, where tracks from MCs are voted on by the public…
Sad sailboat
To the guy whose sailboat is just sitting there at the bottom of the Arm. Many people would love to have and take care of that beautiful sailboat you just neglected and let die. Every time I drive by it pisses me off. Get your boat out of the water and give the boat to…
Music or cycle, you choose
To the hipster riding the fixed gear red bike who turned onto Bloomfield off Isleville, you’re lucky to be alive. You were wearing earphones while riding a bike in the city, are you a fucking moron? I barely missed you as you blew the stop sign, bobbing your head looking behind you. You didn’t even…
Fucking bugs
So as much as I love summer the one thing I hate the most in this world other than the cold weather is the damn wasps and hornets. Every damn time I go for a walk the frigging things stalk and chase me. I do not wear scents or have anything on me to smell…
The Apparition
Malevolent supernatural entities get a suitable vessel for their evil, household mould and mildew, in the eerily stupid The Apparition. Young homeowners in a newly built subdivision, Kelly (Twilight’s Ashley Greene) and Ben (Captain America’s Sebastian Stan) unknowingly become the target of one of those evil phantoms college kids are always conjuring up. This particular…
Fall music preview
Above player not working? Check it out direct on Mixcloud SEPTEMBER Ale x Hickey Blackbirds (Independent) Country and bluegrass tunes that Hickey says explore “the glories of moving home to Nova Scotia after two decades in Toronto.” Let’s hope there’s at least one song about donairs. September 22 Charlotte Day Wilson Palimpsest (Independent) New Halifax…
Energy investment
Last month the Chronicle-Herald editorialized that the province and Utility and Review Board should “rethink the policy of levying conservation charges on power bills.” In the face of rapidly escalating energy costs, that’s something a lot of Nova Scotians have been doing at home. The Herald’s argument is that Efficiency Nova Scotia costs ratepayers tens…
Lone Wolf
It’s been four long years since the elusive William Matthew Mays III (or Matt Mays, as he’s better known) submerged into the dark and mysterious abyss that is album-writing, after his last record, Terminal Romance. But, after a couple broken guitars, hours of self-critique, and much, much ado, he’s finally ready to come back up…
Free Will Astrology
Happy Birthday! VIRGO ((August 23-September 22) A guy I know was invited to hang one of his paintings in a New York gallery—on one condition. It had to be a piece he created on the spot, in the gallery, on the day the show opened. That would be way too much pressure for me to…
Where the Wild is
Jenn Grant hasn’t seen the movie Beasts of the Southern Wild yet. Understandable: she’s been busy preparing for the release of her new album, The Beautiful Wild, and a fall schedule jam-packed with tour dates. But the acclaimed film shares more in common with Grant’s record than just a similar name. They’re both elemental affairs,…
Two boys, one girl
Q I am a college-age gay male. Last year, I dated two guys. The first—let’s call him Mitt—I dated for five months. He broke up with me, and it hurt as much as breakups do, but I got over it. A few months later, I dated another guy— let’s call him Paul—for a month. I really…
Evan’s seafood heaven
It’s a comedy of errors in the Alderney Landing parking lot. Cars hug every corner and the sun shines almost oppressively. A small crowd is huddled around the pay-to-park machine, cupping hands over the screen, trying to cut glare and figure out what buttons to press. After each success, another group spends another two minutes…
Premium Rush
New York’s newest superhero rides a fixie in the non-stop Premium Rush; a cyclist porn chase flick starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Levitt plays Wilee (like the Roadrunner-chasing coyote) a high speed bike messenger who proudly zips around Manhattan on a fixed gear, steel frame bike with no brakes. After picking up a seemingly ordinary delivery from…
In a HUFF
In 1965, Bob Dylan led the transition from traditional American folk music to the new folk revival, pissing off fans by playing with amps in Newport, Rhode Island. But the Electric Dylan controversy helped redefine folk and expanded practice in other “common man” genres like country. Exposing stasis, Dylan used his resources to make folk…
Hit and Run
Real-life sweethearts Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard give audiences a window into their relationship in the mostly mundane car chaser Hit and Run. When college prof Annie (Bell) gets a once-in-a-lifetime job offer, fiance Charlie (Shepard) decides to leave witness protection and drive her to their new life. But a jealous ex-boyfriend, and the violent…
Old & Weird
This debut cassette scrambles my brain. It’s like one of those black- and-white drawings that looks like a wistful old woman wearing a pearl necklace; then, when you return to it, it looks like an eagle soaring over a lake of fire. The presentation is deceptively simple, the lines are nuanced and multi-dimensional. The spindly…
Props to Energy Rush
So the thing about Energy Rush—and it’s possible that because we’re old and love guitars and don’t have or really know any children that we’re just going to come off as ignorant—but the thing about Energy Rush (formerly Summer Rush) is that is has consistently brought huge people to town and doesn’t get a lot…
Black Moor
Canada’s own new wave of British heavy metal revivalists, Black Moor, return with their sophomore album Lethal Waters, a collection of high-octane tracks that resemble the punishing ferocity of early Iron Maiden, Judas Priest and speed-metal-era Metallica. Starting off with the Rob Halford-inspired wails on album opener “Hellraiser,” the band charges forward with galloping guitar-chugs…
Thrashfest returns
If you’re planning to attend the sixth installment of “the Hell-raisingist metal Halifax has to offer,” you might want to rest up first. Keep that neck and those devil horns good and loose, nice and limber—you’ll need them double time at Gus’ as you listen to the business from Spew, Burnt Church, Inmortis and Terratomb…
Patti Smith
For some, the rap on Patti Smith has been that she avoids singing melodically to remind people she’s a poet. The surprise on Banga is how well she combines singing and reciting and how snappy the pop element is. Old CBGB’s colleague Tom Verlaine (Television) pitches in with loyal Lenny Kaye to weave guitar magic…
Funny Money is rich
If laughter is the best medicine, then Funny Money will cure what ails you. It’s two hours of pure silliness and fun that has even the actors cracking up at times. When a milquetoast accountant (played by loose-limbed funny-man Christian Murray) finds a briefcase full of money, he decides to abscond with it to Spain,…
Usher
Looking 4 Myself is the seventh studio release from the fella who introduced the world to the Biebs, Usher Raymond. Clocking in at a little over an hour, 18 tracks of Usher’s brand of pop-infused R&B is fairly grating by the end of the record. The first three singles “Climax,” “Scream” and “Lemme See” are…
Great Lake
The impact of feminism and self-discovery is clear in Political Poetics, a 40-year retrospective of Lake’s work. Heavily influenced by second-wave feminism, Lake’s photography is the perfect combination of technique and powerful storytelling. Viewers will experience “Choreographed Puppets” in a new way. The original piece features Lake hanging from black ropes with two men as…
Construction sight
Artist Ehryn Torrell finds inspiration in gutters—she talks excitedly about the surprising hints of colour you’ll often discover amongst the gray palettes of mud and concrete: “Whether it’s a gum wrapper or a bracelet or a sock, there’s always pops of colour,” she says. Torrell’s exhibition of paintings, Self-Similar opens this week at Saint Mary’s…
