We used to hang out all of the time, but now you’ve been hanging with other people and don’t seem to want anything to do with me anymore. Every time I invite you out to do something (for drinks, movie, et cetera) you always ask who’s going to be there. Vast majority of the times, it’s with me, my boyfriend and some other people. The last 5-10 times after I’d told you who’s going, you turned down the invitation.
Since we’ve been friends for over six years and we’re close as fuck, I needed to get to the bottom of this, why you were being so anti-social now. When I confronted you about this on the phone, you sigh and snap, “Gee, isn’t it fucking obvious? It’s always you and your man, so-n-so and her man, such-n-such and his woman…I’m single and single people don’t wanna hang with a bunch of fucking couples all the time! God forbid you guys do something without your partners!” Then you hung up on me!
Wow, couldn’t even let me explain that I had no idea you felt this way. It’s not my fault that all of our friends are paired up and you’re still flying solo. If not wanting to be the only single person in the group is the sole reason why we don’t hang so much anymore, maybe you should get a serious boyfriend yourself. You’re 31 years old and have been having casual sex since you were a teenager. Perhaps it’s time to grow up? I hate to break it to you, but as you get older, you’re going to find yourself surrounded by more and more couples. Unless, um, you go find much younger friends, which I don’t think you’d want. Maybe if you’d been in a committed relationship before, you’d know us ‘taken’ people are with our partners because OH MY GAWD we enjoy their company and love them to fucking pieces!!
Anyway, that was an extremely bitchy thing to do, yelling at me and hanging up. You’ve got some serious issues and maybe it’s best if we part our ways, at least for a little while. —Yes, All Couples, Sorry!
This article appears in Aug 23-29, 2012.
OB, I’m actually on side with your friend here.
My honey & I are not joined at the hip & as soon as I wake up & find that has happened…. I’m fucking off to the Caribbean for a couple of weeks alone. She regularly has girls nights out, sleep overs & has “gasp” gone on vacation trips with friends & family without their men…. “Oh My God” how do we ever survive it !
I go out with friends for a night, gone fishing , hunting, been away for more than a week etc… some how we have survived & no sign of dometic trouble yet.
Maybe you should try more than 15 minutes unhooked from your new beau’s belt loop, your relationship might survive it & if it doesn’t that’s a pretty good sign IMO that it wasn’t much of a relationship in the first place.
Agreed @ More. Never, ever toss your friends to the curb for any relationship. HUGE mistake. Inviting your friend to hang out with you and your boyfriend isn’t the same as having quality girl time. I don’t blame your friend one bit, although she should have been more tactful. If your relationship fails, who is it that you will run to? Best to make sure a friend will be standing there with open arms!
Hezz well said.
Being fortunate enough in having friends & family you can count on , is one of the things in life to truely cherish IMO
Another case of desperation. The OP has found or probably ‘settled’ or stalked to death someone and now has ‘ a man’. Honey I been down that road before and it ain’t what it seems. Maybe you’ve already found that out and are jealous of your single friend. You will soon find out that ditching your friends for your ‘newly found coupledom’ is the stupidest move you’ve ever made, right next to becoming ‘a couple’. But, alas, I get ahead of myself. You can blow your own horn for awhile but eventually you won’t be able to conceal your jealousy for your friend’s freedom. But that’s ok, we’re all entitled to our mistakes. You’ll get sick of your ‘mistake’ soon if not already. The grass is not greener on the other side and anyone who has had a relationship of any sort KNOWS this! Except you. Or maybe you do. Wise up honey and try to get your friend back into your good graces, you are going to NEED her someday when you come out of denial. Signed: Grass ain’t greener, that I Know!
OB, you asked, she answered. Because you didn;t like her answer you decided to take it public to disrespect her. You OB are a big time douche.
Get a life woman!! Another example of a someone totally losing her identity after marriage…Why can you no longer go out without your man stuck to your ass? Like is he a hubby or a hemmeroid? I don’t blame the friend one bit for ditching your pathetic ass and not wanting to hang around your sappy kissy faces all night, holding hands n suckin arse the whole time – how BORING. She was friends with YOU before you got married not your man. If her friendship meant that MUCH to you, you’d tear yourself away from THA MAAAAN for a whole hour to have coffee with her. But now that you and hubby are a package deal and must be inseperable at all times (not cute) you may love him but she does not and doesn’t have to. Suck hole & smother another few years, it won’t be long till hubby leaves.
OB,you seem manipulative and immature yourself. In your first paragraph you say you invite your friend to hang with you and “other people” which is true in a purely techincal sense. However, it isn’t until your 3rd paragraph that you confirm that the “other people” are other couples. Were you trying to get readers here on your side, before revealing that critical piece of information? As you can see by the responses thus far, people are sympathatic to someone not wanting to be the 3rd, 5th, 7th or 9th wheel. Was your friends response over the top and a bit childish? For sure, but the maturest of adults can also act like that given the right circumstances.
You also blame your friend for this, and proclaim it’s not your fault (absolving yourself of all responsibility) that everyone has a partner, and that it’s her problem she doesn’t want to be the only single person there. The only option you give her is to find a partner so that she wouldn’t feel out of place. GOD FORBID, you actually go and hang out with her outside of your couples group, as again it’s not your fault she doesn’t have someone, right? You know friendships are relationships too and they take work as well. Ever think about meeting them halfway? Maybe if you made the effort to hang out with them outside of that group, then they would feel more comfortable coming to hang out with said group. Either way OB, you seem like the bitch, not her.
this is why it’s much easier not to have friends to hang out with.
no pestering calls, no ‘what do you think, honey’s, …
I can’t blame your friend… who wants to be the 5th, 7th, 9th wheel?
Have you even tried inviting a single person to set them up with? yeah, nice friend you are.
And your continually calling them and inviting to the same social situation expecting different responses is quite insane, by definition.
if you want to keep the friend, cut the leash and get a little one on one time FFS.
Otherwise, move on and enjoy your double/triple-dates until you’re single again and crawling back to get some hang-out time.
it’s like I was channeling Uncreative… I’m you, 3 minutes later.
Upon closer examination of your situation I see the problem loud and clear. Why in the name of Sam Hill do you need to have so many other couples or a group of people accompany you and your man. Good Lord lady has the dew come off the rose that quick? It is very obvious that you are lonely and in need of constant stimulation as fillers that your man is not meeting. May I suggest you get yourself some counselling and see if you can get back a little self respect and a life of your own. Wow, I feel sorry for you honey. Get that friend back you lost the hubby is on the way out I fear.
“maybe you should get a serious boyfriend yourself’
Or maybe you should schedule sometime with your friends away from your partners, or is it impossible to be apart from your partner for only 1 evening a month? lol.
People tend to get into relationships and forget everyone else in their life, and then they have no one to turn to when the relationship inevitably ends.
I think you’re the bad friend here, OB.
She may find herself surrounded by more couples as she gets older, but hopefully she will find friends that make time for her and don’t have to be attached at the hips to their partners.
sometimes the best friend you can have, is yourself. and to hell with others. do you really need a bunch of otherpeople hanging around your neck?
@Uncreative: “You know friendships are relationships too and they take work as well.” Well said Uncreative. And oft forgotten….OB, if you ruminate on this statement alone you will probably garner some much-needed mental exercise, and maybe save a friendship–your friend obviously WANTS to spend time with YOU, and I don’t think it’s just the coven-o-couples that is the issue. On a side note, if your partner really is all-that, then your need to spend some one on one time with your gf should be inherently understood.
For whatever reason your friend is single. If you and your awsome man split you will have no single friend to run to for comfort.
Before I met my man I didn’t enjoy hanging out with coupes who did almost everything together. To this day I still don’t.
Frig we as a couple hardly ever do anything together other than grocery shopping and the odd time actually go out to a movie and dinner.
How about trying to go out with your friend without your man and you will see the benefits of having your own lives outside of the relationship.
Your lucky as hell to have such a friendship.You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
A sign of a true friend or someone that cares for you is being able to tell them the truth without them leaving you. I think that holds true for all relationships in your life that are dear to you.
All couples? Blech!!! What kind of single person wants to hang with just couples? I think you always have to be with your stupid boyfriend because you’re worried he’ll mess around on you if you’re not there. I kinda hope he IS messing around on you…
Not feeling the love OP? Afraid to leave hubby alone in case he enjoys the downtime?
Relax and have some fun with your friend. Hubby will still be there when you get back, maybe.
Lol, bunch of relationship hatin’ dumbasses. Blah, blah, blah, the person in a relationship tries to include her single friend in her life and is automatically an asshole, has self esteem issues, and is a raving bitch with no self identity. Fuck all you idiots!! I married my best friend, and will never be guilted into feelnig bad for wanting to or spending any amount of time with my wife. Sounds like you grew up OB, and your friend hasn’t. There is nothing wrong with spending time with other couples, and there is nothing wrong with inviting your single friend along, if she chooses to act like a psycho, thats her problem.
Troodon
If she continues to hang off her husbands ass he’s definitely gonna bolt the first chance he gets.
Nobody is hating relationships. Go for it but don’t smother the guy with ‘couple’ stuff or he will be out of there faster than a NY minute!! No one, especially husbands, like to be smothered with coupleshit. You need to get a life and cut the appendage off that is sticking you to your hubbys ass. ughghghghg it is so pathetic it is sickening I bet hubby never bargained on getting a wart on his ass for a wife.
being single myself I understand where she comes from. Luckily have a great friends with great spouses but we still spend time without them. I was friends with them first then the hubby.
I do shy away from events that are mostly couples as you feel awkward and many times left out of conversations that surround ‘couplehood’.
Would I like to be part of couple? Of course, but haven’t any luck in finding a great guy. Until then, I hang out with friends as well as times with friends and spouses.