R. Kelly Trapped in the Closet Chapters 1-12

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R. Kelly Trapped in the Closet Chapters 1-12
(Jive)
Ten years from now when MuchMusic does a 2005 retrospective, R. Kelly’s hip-hopera Trapped in the Closet will make the clip show. Michael Jackson could learn a lesson from Kelly about diversion tactics: Trapped is so over-the-top, so questionable in intent, you almost forget the dude’s been indicted on child pornography charges. This is Kelly’s Passion of the Christ. When the first five musical chapters were released on Kelly’s best-selling album TP.3: Reloaded, he promised more — the DVD includes seven new video chapters. It’s hilarious in a MadTV, whoopee cushion, “don’t tell anyone I’m watching this or I’ll maim you” way. Just master your fast-forward button; the repetitive tone gets tedious quickly. Sylvester (Kelly) sleeps with a woman. Her (gay) minister husband comes home, trapping Sylvester in said closet. Sylvester’s wife is having an affair with a cop, whose wife, Bridget, is sleeping with a well-endowed midget. He sings his cell phone vibrating (“vi-i-i-braaaate”) and hanging up (“click”). Sylvester croons through his pre-orgasmic leg cramp, police sirens and gunshots. There’s no chorus, just astounding R&B vocal effects. Trapped wins this year’s award for the funniest morality tale from the most immoral source.
—Sue Carter Flinn