It’s often been said that men only have enough blood for one head at a time, which would explain some of the out-of-left-field things they say in the bedroom. But it seems they’re not alone in that regard: Based on The Coast’s 2024 Sex + Dating Survey, it seems all of us get a little tongue-tied when our hands are busy. Or, uh, other things.
In this year’s survey, we asked you to share the worst pillow talk you’ve delivered—and heard in return. Your answers didn’t disappoint. One Coast reader says they were proposed to “immediately after a blow job,” while another had an equally unfortunate memory: “Hearing your parent call for you while you’re bent over is pretty cringeworthy,” they wrote. No arguments there.
Below, we’ve compiled a list of the worst of the worst when it comes to dirty talk. Consider yourself warned.
*Disclaimer: This story contains graphic language*
“I miss my wife”
“Are you done?”
“Say you love me”
“I want to fill you up and give me a brother, mommy”
“You’re boring”
“You remind me of this girl that used to blow me, I wonder what she’s up to these days”
“Can you feel my dick in your brain?”
“Lick me”
“Bounce on that cocktail you dirty slut!!!”
“Just don’t move”
“I called someone ‘king’ once and he went off about it being disrespectful to the British king”
“Fuck my mouth”
“I want to watch you make love to a dog”
“Do you want little Peter?”
“Gotta go”
“Am I big enough?”
“Why are your boobs so small?”
“Spread that ass”
“I gotta pee”
“I’m your polar bear”
“Mud and sewage. Ooooh.”
“I have VD”
“Well, that’s not going to work”
“Eat my shit”
“I need to fart”
“I want to lick your ass”
“Asked if I could urinate on his face (p.s. our last date)”
“Your sister sucks better”
“Oh yeah, you’re having sex with (says their own name)”
“What did you say to my mom?”
“Oh, I never use condoms”
“Your friend sure is hot”
“I love Pierre Poilievre”
“‘He’ likes you”
“Where is it?”
“I want to skull fuck you”
“The smell is bothering me”
“I feel old”
“Do you come vaginally?”
