This is a note to a customer I had at my register on Sunday
I rang in your purchases on Sunday afternoon and was making poliet chit chat with you at the cash register, when you told me that you had cancer and that your fiance left you when he found out. You menstioned something about having to decided wheter or not to get some painful medical testing done…
Debra DiGiovanni’s in Bloomer
Comedian Debra DiGiovanni’s smart (and funny and poignant) mouth has gotten her prime spots on Comedy Network’s Match Game and Video on Trial on MuchMusic. Finally, Just for Laughs took notice and DiGiovanni is making history as the first ever female that Just for Laughs has toured across Canada with her Late Bloomer Tour. You read that right. FIRST…
you better show some respect whenever the doc’s brought up
“that’s fucked up, but i’ll never forget the shit we been through. […] fuck the beef: i miss you. and that’s just being real wit’chu.” —nostalgia
Dear gas line installers in Bayers Lake…..
When you dig a trench across a busy boulevard like Lakelands Blvd, between St. Margarets Bay Rd. and Chain Lake Dr., would you mind filling it back in and paving over it so that it doesn’t have a 3 inch drop, like the one just past the coffee joint named after a deceased NHL player?…
le sigh, the good ones are always gone
Hey, I left a note on green paper, neatly tucked into your studio door, wondering if you’d like to date. That was before I googled your name (sorry) and realized you already have a beautiful little family and a busy life. I liked meeting you. —J.M.
labouring landlord
What a storm! It blasted us, POW, right up the wazzoo. Walloped and whamed, roared and raged, growled and groaned and left us with snow banks and backs soar from shoveling. Our landlord worked through the night with his snow soldier mercenaries. After bobcats, blowers, powerful plows and sufficient saliation we awoke to find a…
to my “friend”
with so many things right…you look for something wrong. —spot-on
that’ll leave a scar
I worry about you when I’m not ruing your existence. I don’t worry about you very often. —scab picker
Urban Outfitters is NOT coming to Barrington Street
Social media was abuzz this morning with news that Urban Outfitters will open a store on Barrington Street. Evidently, the story was first in AllNovaScotia.com, an online news service that guards its material so closely that reporters with other media in town are not allowed access, so unfortunately we can’t tell you what the report…
Winsbys is closing
The above sign is in the window of Winsby’s. It reads: We are sad to announce that we will be closing our doors for the last time on February 28, 2014. It has been a pleasure serving you for these many years but we can no longer be viable and regretably we must cease operations.…
Baffled from BC
For almost a decade I lived along one of the BC roads featured in the reality show “Highway through Hell”, and it seems they need to switch their filming location and focus on the roads and drivers of this otherwise wonderfully enjoyable city. Here are some tips for you select loco local drivers from a…
Do Not Feed The Greed!
Remember “White Juan” about a decade ago? Yeah, I know it was 2004 but surely you can shake off the cobwebs enough to remember that the whole of HRM was shut down due to inclement weather, right? So, what did we learn? Not a damn thing apparently! I was completely appalled to see that retailers…
Over the mountains
I am over rocky mountains in love with you I am across great plains in love with you I am through vast rivers and lakes in love with you I am cold days upon bitter nights travel in love with you I am battling storm and ice and darkness in love with you I am…
Best bus driver ever
To the wonderful lady driving the number one. You are driving on terrible icy roads yet manage to be both a awesome driver and STILL have a smile on your face. People like you make this terrible weather a little more bearable. I wish every bus driver was even half as rad as you. Stay…
there is poop on my door!!
to whoever decided it was a brilliant and funny idea to jam a huge wad of shit not only in my door, but right on the handle…you are a piece of shit and i hope you get 3 years of painful constipation as karma. why the hell would anyone ever do that? but thanks for…
Thank you Mr. Plow
Usually I complain about the plows adding to my shovel duties. Tonight, after 45 minutes of shoveling, the big plow came and, as usual, destroyed much of my efforts. BUT 5 minutes later the little plow came and zigged instead of zagged and took an extra minute to clear the end of my driveway. And…
Snow day
To the couple piggybacking eachother down Oxford Street in the middle of the blizzard: you guys are adorable! You braved the storm in the most badass, cute, and hilarious way. I hope you got to your destination safe and sound #maritime #winter #winning —Happy as can be
Arbour Hopper
I want to give a big thanks to the HRM who cleverly tore up everyone’s lawn to help pedestrians walk. If it wasn’t for the huge piles of dirt and grass on the icy sidewalk you failed to keep clear, I wouldn’t have something to step on to avoid falling right on my ass on…
NYE saviours!!
To the cabbie who took us in when we noticed no one was going for you, and for the lovely couple who were friends with my man who paid for our ride to Dartmouth when I realized I only had debit, thank you! After the horrid night I was having, you made my entire evening.…
Grey Toque
You struck up a conversation with me by the sweet potatoes at a Quinpool road grocery store. You have a friendly smile and seem like a nice fella! I wish I had introduced myself and given you my number, but I was feeling shy. Hoping to cross paths in the produce section again! —Purple Pom-pom
Your scumbag husband
You have no clue what your scumbag husband does or your too stupid to realize you need to get away from him. You admit your in a loveless marriage that you haven’t slept together in 7 years. Your not in it for the money since you had to declare bankruptcy 2 years ago. You are…
NYE please don’t be the rest of 2014.
I was at a certain bar and grill for the 3rd year in a row to see some friends play a show. They moved to Toronto a couple years back and come back for Christmas and play every year, it is usually the only time we see them. I usually have a blast dancing, and…
Blizzard: Metro Transit cancels bus service
Due to the blizzard conditions, Metro Transit is pulling all buses off the roads. Those buses with passengers on them will complete their routes before heading to the garage, but empty buses are going directly to the garage. We fear this will strand people at the various terminals, especially the Bridge Terminal. Ferry service is…
You are too picky!
You are still single at 31 because no guy you meet is ever good enough for you. Yes, it’s wonderful to have standards, and being attractive, smart, funny, kind, educated, and career driven, you of all people should have them. But you always find some deal breaker: He’s not my type (as in too fat,…
The Mighty Billie Dre & The Poor Boys
Billie Dre & The Poor Boys’ new video puts a silver lining on the freezing cold. Hockey! Ice or floor, it doesn’t matter, really. Take a look at this heartwarming underdog tale. I want them to make another but next time as the Hanson Brothers. Eh? Eh? Related Stories
Halifax Is Burning’s local love
Have a listen of Halifax Is Burning’s best of 2013 local playlist and pretend it’s December 31 again. Let’s make this the best year ever, guys. Hear more of the same and musings from host Trevor Murphy Tuesdays at 6:30-7:30pm on CKDU 88.1FM
Drivers
I have a question? Who is teaching the drivers in nova Scotia my god the carelessness and lack of road ediqute is scary, does anyone know how the four way stop works You know police don’t have the ability to be every where but in the end insurance companies have a way of sorting this…
Vote in the Best of Halifax Readers’ Choice Music Awards!
Now’s your time to shine, folks. Let us know your favourites of 2013 in the Best of Halifax Readers’ Choice Music Awards survey (or BOHM, for ease). Click here and vote to your heart’s content! You could win a $1000 shopping spree at Long & McQuade just by voting! Poll is open until Sunday, February…
The Dark Side?
So I walk with my Mum to check out the Dartmouth Christmas Tree the first Sunday evening after Christmas and….WTF….it’s all dark! Not a single light on!!! Our society normally leaves the lights on at least until Jan. 1st. After a massive ceremony to light it with a great turn out, what’s the problem? —Not…
You caught me as I was leaving
Shortly after midnight at the Marquee, New Year’s Eve, as I was waiting for my jacket to be brought up. I was waiting at the top of the stairs. You came to me and made a joke about being part of a train because of the way your friends were following you. I commented on…
NY Resolution – Get a Butt Can
Halifax is a World-Class city. I know this, because Haligonians say it is so. And Haligonians all smoke. I know this because of all the cigarette butts on the ground. But don’t worry, I’m going to give a solution. Its called a Butt Can. Here’s how it’s done: 1) Get a can. 2) Get some…
Where’s my fries??
To my favorite poutine shop: I know I haven’t been in lately, but WTF is up with the way smaller portions of poutine? You guys were well known for a huge helping of poutine even in the smaller size box! Now the box is half the size (even though the price never changed…). I’m saddened…
Dumbest hit and runner ever
To the dummy who dented my green hyundai in the Sobey’s parking lot on Wise Road between 3 and 4 pm new year’s eve.. I’d be angrier if you hadn’t been stupid enough to cut and run in front of a goddamned outdoor security camera. I’m giving you one week from the day this is…
Nut Allergy
I have an extremely bad nut allergy. My girlfriend knows this very well from our episodes at emergency department. She got me a box of chocolate covered almonds for Christmas. I think she is trying to kill me. What should I do? —Afraid
A late thank you
To the fine, fine person who found my cars keys in mid December and figured out which car it was, left a note on the windshield and my keys in a nearby coffee shop, I say a giant “thanks”. It was so yucky that day and I had my kids with me and no set…
Heartwarming Hippie
At right about this time two years ago, you came into the downtown store where I was working. As I was ringing you through, you told me you thought 2012 was going to be the best year yet. I was recently heartbroken, and responded pretty unenthusiastically. A few minutes later you returned with a small…
Craters 101
The first craters you will probably notice if you look at the moon over the next few nights are three large craters right in the middle of the sunrise line, called the “terminator.” These are named from north to south Ptolemaeus, Alphonsus, and Arzachel. But there are 3 other craters that you may have noticed…
Just play the movie
I honestly can’t say that I’m upset or mad. This bitch is more of an observation only. I’m at the afternoon matinee with my short attention span child and here is what we saw after the previews: – intro for RealD 3D – 20th century fox intro – Reliance Entertainment Intro – IM Global intro…
To the kind soul who found my wallet
Thank you!! Thank you for taking the time to contact me and then turn it into the police. Your good karma was very much appreciated, and I will pay it forward! I wish you all the best in 2014. —Pink Guess Wallet
Leggo Bitch
Why is it that when you buy a Leggo set for your kids that has several separate vehicles, they have several different bags but each bag is not for each individual vehicle? So you still have to open up every fucking bag, have the kids going through all the pieces and losing them and there…
Crushing With Synchronicity
I saw you today for the first time since we had that strange run-in at the library. You’ve been coming through my lane at my cashier job for months and I’m not sure why I blush so red and my heart beats so fast whenever I see you, stranger. All I know is that I’d…
the Man who paid for my purchase at Walmart Dec. 27th
I Didn’t get to Thank You because i didn’t realize what happened till i got home . I was on a budget / gift card. I came up short so i had to take off that lrg.1 lb box of Smarties for my children.I was gathering my bags when i heard you ask the teller…
Self/Hate
A cool-looking, heavy-set woman gets off the #52 in Halifax on a Friday evening and then the comments start. Two women – strangers – bonding over their shared projection of self-hatred onto a woman who clearly doesn’t base her self-image on misogynist beauty standards. I’m shocked by the violence in their language and saddened to…
Postmenopause
Shelter me from this demographic and their passive aggressive, opinionated, self-righteous entirely useless/unwanted advice. At the park, church, swimming pool, grocery store check out line line or restaurant: when in doubt, keep it to yourself. Who knew estrogen was the verbal filter that all women require? —Still serving a purpose
Ambulance help on Gottingen
To the guy who helped me carry the older injured gentleman down Gottingen and waited with me until his ambulance arrived – thank you. I had to rush away to an engagement so I didn’t get your name, but it was sweet of you to stop and help me out with him. Your kindness won’t…
You aint Santa!
You’re not Santa so what are you doing showing up on Christmas Eve during our family gathering? Seriously, who does that? You come over, uninvited and without calling first, and show up at dinner time with your husband and kids. I’ve never been a fan of people “dropping by” but this takes the cake. —At…
Best Tire Service Ever
This goes out to that awesome little tire shop on Robie and Almon!! Thanks for saving my all-season butt this morning so I could get out and care for my clients! Fast and friendly service, and you guys really go above and beyond the call of duty! Hope each of you has a fantastic Christmas…
World of Bitch
Why do I long for the dystopian society’s portrayed in popular movies and literature? Could it be because of the inevitable revolution that they all experience? Could it be the common goals, and enemies, shared by everyone in a dystopian society? There’s something beautifully harmonious about a cataclysmic revolution; the toppling of a corrupt government,…
Lotto Players
You people who play the lottery have to be the dumbest people out there. How much money do you figure you waste on all those tickets? The vast majority of you (and I do mean vast) spend far more than you win. It seems like every time I go out to buy something anywhere that…
Tell it on the Mountain
Spreading the news In a world that rushes headlong from Christmas to Boxing Day to New Years, there’s something lovely about being able to pause a moment to revisit the Christmas story. Onelight Theatre’s Tell it on the Mountain offers that opportunity with a blend of original narration by poet/playwright Clyde A. Wray, rousing gospel…
In like Lion & Bright
“It’s all about collaboration. It takes two, at least, to make things happen.” Local Source‘s Sean Gallagher is talking about his newest addition to the north end, a project he’s been brainstorming for about two years. Named for the pairs of oxen that would traditionally help clear land and plough soil to make farming in…
Meribah
And it came to pass that there was a pig. It was an animal that was unclean, and which belonged to a Roman soldier. It was his wicked servant. In its pained mind it sought me, a woman—with talents I did not yet know of. It found me on the street as I walked home…
Beyoncé
It’s NYE 2013. You will find me misting the room with Beyoncé Midnight Heat eau de parfum, drinking a mini-bottle of champagne, grabbing a vegan cupcake and turning up the audio/visual experience that is Beyoncé. Alternating between sexually charged, heartfelt and bombastic, the surprise album that whipped the internet into a tizzy doesn’t crumble under…
Letters to the editor, December 26, 2013
Christianity can handle it Oh boy! Another Christmas, another round of “won’t someone think of the Christians” moral catastrophizing from the brave, stalwart folks out on the front lines, standing up to the “PC police” (Letters & Comments, December 19). Those darn PC police, they’re everywhere! Why, just the other day I had my head…
2013: The year of suck
January After the province outsources its SAP program to IBM, 76 provincial SAP workers are offered jobs at IBM, but only 28 accept them. The other 48 bump other provincial employees with less seniority out of their jobs. • The Halifax Shipyard is awarded a $25 billion federal contract to build warships, and the average…
The Coldest Girl in Coldtown
We’ve all got our vices, and for some of us it’s YA novels. No judging. But even if you aren’t looking for your next hit of teenage-vampire love, Holly Black’s The Coldest Girl in Coldtown will still hook you. Sure, there’s a vampire love interest and the pacing is weird (every other chapter is either…
The Wolf of Wall Street
It’s the 1980s and Jordan Belfort is a self-made millionaire New York stock guy—you know, the ones who ruined the world recently. He loves sex workers, illegal drugs, throwing money around and having zero inner life or outside interests. The perfect person to play him is someone who has lived like this, so move outta…
The Disaster Artist
Fans of cult hit The Room in all its rose petal-strewn, surreal glory, would do well to dive into actor Greg “Oh, Hi, Mark” Sestero’s mind-boggling and hilarious account of the making of, and his bizarre and intense friendship with broken man/impossible puzzle/The Room director Tommy Wiseau. It certainly helps to have seen the movie…
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
Walter Mitty (Ben Stiller) is a quiet, careful man who works in the negative assets department of Life magazine, down in the basement. He supports his mother (Shirley MacLaine), picks up the slack from his free-spirit sister (Kathryn Hahn) and balances his chequebook by hand. He’s in love with a girl at work (Kristen Wiig).…
Dog Day
Nancy Urich and Seth Smith return two years after Deformer sounding fuller again, sending waves of their special brand of thoughtul fuzz-pop across the city (and the country: Fade Out has been number one on the Earshot charts). Trading vocals and guitar lines, Fade Out takes a walk around life, touching subjects like economics (“Dirtbag”),…
Inside Llewyn Davis
Like everyone else this holiday season, Llewyn Davis is a total dick—the chief difference being he’s got a guitar and no fixed address. He’s knocked up Jean (Carey Mulligan, in a delightful, swears-laden appearance), he doesn’t have any money, he’s a burden on all of his friends and he can’t even scrounge up a winter…
Gone Home
You show up at your parents’ home after returning from a flight abroad, but nobody’s there. It’s up to you to find out what’s happened by examining clues and diary entries left behind by the occupants, your family. Although it may sound like the set-up to a thriller, Gone Home is a first-person interactive adventure…
August: Osage County’s family lies
“You spend a lot of time as a playwright wondering why the hell all these people are in one location and why they’re not leaving it,” says Tracy Letts, author of August: Osage County. “When you write a screenplay, suddenly they’re free to go.” Most of those people running around sweaty Oklahoma in the film…
Marine Dreams
“It glides through the pearly sky,” Ian Kehoe cheerfully sings on Marine Dreams’ sophomore effort Corner of the Eye. The journeyed songwriter descends on new territory with 10 new minimally constructed folk-pop songs that are both thoughtful and poetic. The three-part vocal harmonies and shimmering 12-string acoustic guitar mark a slight departure from Marine Dreams’…
Bubbly wrap
With 2014 just around the corner, a lot of us will be popping corks to announce the new year. New Year celebrations and bubbly go hand in hand, but what to pick? More and more of us are eating locally, but what about toasting locally? For a long time, Nova Scotian wines were like the…
Omar Souleyman
Souleyman is one of the luminaries of Dabke, a style of Syrian folk dance music that has made its way to North American ethnographic fetishists and the crate-digging/blog-sniffing wing-tipped-Oxford-snobs via awesometapes.com and world music label Sublime Frequencies. Dabke is music for gatherings, and Souleyman’s ultra-minimalist, synth-driven take on it is no exception—this is music for…
Bastid noise
Paul Murphy was jostled in his seat, like an LP scratched by a frantic DJ, as Metro Transit route 80 lurched from stop to stop on the way from his Bedford home to downtown Halifax. At the time, the late 1990s, his turntable technique was as unrefined as that skittish bus route. But the aspiring…
The Silent Wife
We are truly living in the era of the domestic thriller. I can’t very well talk about The Silent Wife without comparing it to the (also) bestselling Gone Girl, both for the (sort of) shared subject–victimized wife becomes murderous villain; adulterous husband gets his due–as well as the he-said/she-said format. It works well in both…
Gonzo with the wind
“It’s a mix between the Commedia dell’arte, a live-action role-playing game and a pagan ritual,” describes Rhys Bevan-John, one-half of Misery (Loves) Theatre Company. With comic Bill Wood, the Halifax Forum will be transformed to a mystical, magical and weirdly fantastical New Year’s Eve party. Gonzo New Year’s Eve: An Elemental Bacchanalia is a coming-together…
Free Will Astrology
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Capricorn! (December 22-January 19) In 1588, Toyotomi Hideyoshi, the ruler of Japan, confiscated the swords, daggers and spears belonging to every citizen. He announced they would be melted down and used to make a giant Buddha statue. I’d love to see you undertake a comparable transformation in 2014, Capricorn. You shouldn’t completely shed…
Why won’t my man propose?
Q I’ve talked to my girlfriends, my mom and his mom, but I need some unbiased advice. I’m a 28-year-old woman in a relationship for three-and-a-half years with a wonderful man, also 28. I hit the jackpot: He is loving, sweet, kind, driven, active, handsome, generous. We’re very committed to each other and planning our…
The Christmas season is the most depressing time of year
Christmas sucks. OK, I don’t totally think it sucks but it does kind of depress me. Early in the fall—and sometimes even in the summer—I may pick up a gift or two to tuck away for someone. In theory, I look forward to buying gifts, getting together with people and all those other things that…
An Anti-Bitch
Here’s to the kind hearted person in front of my wife in the Timmys drive thru who paid for her coffee and drove away with not a chance to thank…. Merry Christmas. Nice to see there are still kind hearted individuals out there…..unlike the asshole who was recently spotted stealing other people’s Christmas gifts. Hopefully…
Give My Regards to Broadway
Dear former staff of Broadway Cheesecake: Thank you for being such a wonderful antics-filled cafe crowd, I appreciate you letting me use your place as my go to study nook, and I’m sorry some of you had such a rough go. All the best 🙂 —Coffee Addict
guberment werkin hard fourus
the howse last met on Dec12,2013, and no sckedual is released for Janyou-ary 2014. Dahm long Kristmass vacaeteon, hue approved this wanton waist of tax payher monknee? —sufferin from a NS edewcaishon. Cheep basturds!
