I have an extremely bad nut allergy. My girlfriend knows this very well from our episodes at emergency department. She got me a box of chocolate covered almonds for Christmas. I think she is trying to kill me. What should I do? —Afraid

This article appears in Dec 26, 2013 – Jan 1, 2014.

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  4. Here’s what you do OP, wait until your girlfriend goes to work, then write a note with these five words on it “you did this to me” (preferably in your own blood). Then eat the whole box of chocolates as quickly as possible and try to end up in some kind of funny position, like as if you were Homer Simpson doing that thing where he runs in circles while lying on the ground. That way when she finds you and the cops show up, it will be a strange mixture of sadness/horror/comedy. Everyone walks away happy.

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  5. Eat the candy & Remember that line.

    “What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger “-Friedrich Nietzsche

    Either way you’ll end up better off OB. ’cause even if you die you won’t have to be around that bitch yer seeing any longer.

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  10. DTMFA, OB. A decent girlfriend should be dressing your ass or, at least, doing the book/music/haberdashery thing. Chocolates to a supposedly intimate partner screams “I’M JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!” I remember being in high school and getting my sweetheart at the time a full-blown spread of stuff I knew he liked or needed and would use regularly. Those were the days when you could do all that with $50. Nowadays, it’s a little tougher.

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