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'Tis the season, mothersnackers. From now until whenever this thing is over, your Coast-style March Madness bracket is in full swing. This year's iteration of March Madness—chips versus pop—may have been dreamed up during the 3pm peak office snacking hour, and it may prompt a whole lot of unplanned trips to Joe Thomeh's, but one thing I can 100% guarantee, it'll be an all out brawl. Last year's March Madness was an outright shitshow, will this year be as shocking?
We carefully curated a list of the best chips and pops on the planet, and there will be no arguing on this point. We mercilessly ranked them according to deliciousness—again, any complaints will fall on deaf ears—and now we are forcing you to choose.
Take a look at our bracket below and let the rage begin:
Today's first two hot matchups are the respective top and bottom of the flavour heaps. Representing for pop: ginger beer and Brio and on the chip side of things, Doritos and Popchips.
Let's break it down. Ginger beer is the best. If your juvenile tastebuds find it a widdle too spicy-wicy then please grab your soother and leave, you adult baby. Brio tastes like weird medicine. I suppose if you put a lot of booze in it, it could be acceptable. But then again, add booze to ginger beer and Brio has once again found its sickly medicinal ass handed to it. A dark and stormy is always going to be a lot better than a Brio and whatever-it-doesn't-matter-it's-all-going-to-taste-like-Brio. I will admit I've willingly chosen a Brio before, thinking it was cool and I looked really mature drinking it. But that's something every dumb 20 year-old does. Are you a dumb 20 year-old?
Like I said, it's your choice (just don't choose the wrong thing):
Chip-side, it's more or less the same situation. Doritos are the best. The top seed. We haven't broken them up into flavour subcategories because this is just a silly poll, please chill. Personally, I think Zesty is life and everything else can suck a capital D. But I hear some people like Cool Ranch. Are they the type of people I'd invite to a dinner party? Of course not. Also worth noting is that Taco Bell has embraced Doritos and when you talk about good taste, you're talking about Taco Bell.
Popchips are lame and we all know it. No one has eaten a Popchip and thought it was better than a real chip. You eat them out of guilt and guilt is a feeling that shouldn't go anywhere near your food. The flavours are depressing, the bag isn't even made of real chip bag material and THEY ARE HALF THE FAT OF REGULAR CHIPS! Go away, Popchips. I'm angry just thinking about you now.
See you tomorrow!
