Dan Savage

Q: My boyfriend and I have been together over eight months. We really love each other, and I see us spending our lives together. At least I did, until something he said a few days ago. Long story short, for the last five months or so, he’s brought up marriage. Then a few days ago […]

Q: I have a problem with my happiness; he is a wonderful man who has a beauty that overwhelms me; we have a beautiful home; I am monogamous for the first time in a decade. But I just learned that I am the spitting image of a man in jail for raping my boyfriend. He […]

Dear Readers: I regard this column as a sacred tryst. Your faith in my counsel and willingness to take me into your confidence moves and humbles me on a daily basis, and the seriousness with which I approach my chosen profession would normally prevent me from turning your letters over to a bunch of unruly […]

Q: Over the past few years, my husband and I have realized that he has needs that I cannot meet. I do not begrudge him these needs, and I would fill them if I could. We discussed opening our relationship, but our therapist recoiled at the idea. If I can’t help him and we can’t […]

Q: My 14-year-old son just came out to me. He has a slightly older boyfriend, and they’re going to the school dance on Saturday night. I am adjusting to a truth I had long suspected. I am worried, though, that my son will get hurt. We live in the South—North Carolina—but our town has a […]

Q: Please stop using the word “retarded” as an insult, Dan. I know it can be hard to break a verbal habit, but please make an effort. Perhaps you should have a “retard jar” on your desk that you put a dollar in every time you use the word. When the jar is full, send […]

Q: My roommate is astoundingly hot. Her room is being repaired (the ceiling fell in), and, at her request, I’m letting her and her boyfriend sleep in my room while I take the couch. I’ve been able to contain my attraction just fine up to now, but the minute she entered my space I had […]

Q:I recently discovered, accidentally, while moving things out of my 16-year-old son’s room prior to a renovation, a cache of my sex toys that had mysteriously disappeared over the past year. While I’ve wondered how it was possible to misplace a glow-in-the-dark crucifix-shaped dildo (complete with Jesus in relief), it never dawned on me that […]

Q:I hope you address the recent rough-play-gone-bad death of New York City radio newsman George Weber. According to reports, it appears Weber met a guy on Craigslist for “violent sex,” and the guy stabbed Weber to death. If you have these kinds of fantasies—Weber wanted to be bound and abused—you’re better off doing it with […]

Q:The two things that I dig most on a woman are a nice big pair of…swim fins. Some of my earliest sexual fantasies revolve around Jacqueline Bisset in The Deep. It’s frustrating to have such a bizarre fetish. There is a small subculture devoted to scuba fetishism on the internet, but it’s a total sausage/snorkel […]

Q:I met this girl on an “adult” website and we’re supposed to meet. We exchanged a few emails on the service and then got each other’s screen names. Then we chatted over IM twice, just basic small talk, before exchanging numbers. On the phone she told me about her rape fantasy: She has always fantasized […]