To the bitch who cut my lock and stole my bike:

I hope you appreciate the terrible gears and lack of a tune-up. You see, it was a brand new birthday present I bought for myself and I hadn't yet brought it back for a tune-up. I hadn't ridden a bicycle in two years and was riding this every day, and telling everyone I knew how excited I was, and how glad I was I finally got things together and got myself a bike. I was debating quitting the gym, so I could spend less money and be outside more. I was starting to feel proud about getting in shape again.

My pathetic, un-tuned bicycle isn't worth enough to get your ass anything of worth. All it's worth is a little of my money, my happiness, and my mistrust of Haligonians in general. I literally can't afford another bicycle. As this was my investment in a new job, I'm pretty much screwed.

Thank you, for making this city a meaner place for me.

It's a brand new blue "700C Everyday Tour Hybrid Bicycle". My friends and I will be watching for it. —Bikeless