QI’m a heterosexual cis woman in a monogamous marriage. My husband and I have always struggled to connect sexually, mostly because he has extreme anxiety that makes doing anything new or different difficult. He’s been in therapy since before I met him, but it doesn’t seem to be helping much. His anxiety has caused him […]
Dan Savage
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Hot for student
Q I’m a 40-something gay male professor at a small college. I try hard not to get attracted to students, and usually succeed. But it’s tough to resist when you’re surrounded by hot, smart, horny young guys in a rural area. Over the years, I’ve ended up having sex with several students. None of them […]
Posted inLifestyle
Sissy that talk
Q My boyfriend and I met online to explore our kinks. We’d both been in relationships with kink-shaming people who screwed with our heads. Since we weren’t thinking it was more than a hookup, we put all our baggage on the table early and wound up becoming friends. Eventually we realized we had a real […]
Posted inLifestyle
Quickie thinking
Q My little dick has always held me back. I didn’t date in high school because I couldn’t stand the thought of girls discussing my tiny manhood. That said, I’ve adapted fairly well and become skilled with my tongue and hands. The biggest problem is that my dick is just small enough that the head […]
Posted inLifestyle
Cheaters’ club
Q I am a guy in my 40s and a classic sexual scoundrel. I cheated on my ex-wife and every girlfriend I’ve ever had. I’m currently dating a woman in her 20s. We are both each other’s ideal type. She has as scandalous a past as I do. We met via a hookup app. We […]
Posted inLifestyle
Why we set impossibly high standards
QI’m a Seattle local who basically grew up reading your column. I think you’ve always given really sound advice, so I’m reaching out. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We started out poly, but I was clear from the start that when I fall in love with someone, I lose all […]
Posted inLifestyle
Three-city swing
We brought Savage Love Live to the Music Box Theatre in Chicago, the Barrymore Theatre in Madison, Wisconsin and the Pantages Theatre in Minneapolis over three nights. As is always the case at live shows, the crowd had more questions than I could possibly answer in a single night. In this week’s column I’m going […]
Posted inLifestyle
Mom and I know about dad’s cross-dressing kink
Q I’m a 35-year-old bisexual man in a LTR with a man. My question, however, has to do with my parents. As an adolescent/teen, I was a snoop (as I think most of us are, looking for dad’s porn stash, et cetera). I was probably 12 or so when I found evidence of my dad […]
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Parenting the pubescent bondage kinkster
Q My son has always liked handcuffs and tying people up as a form of play. He is 12 now, and the delight he finds in cuffing has not faded. He lobbied hard to be allowed to buy a hefty pair of handcuffs. We cautioned him strongly about consent—he has a younger brother—and he has […]
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Fists of pleasure, fists of roommate irritation
Q My roommate is a gay man who is into getting fisted. A lot. We were FWBs until he moved into my place, when we agreed it would be better to not have sex anymore. It’s worked out fine. He’s been here for a year. Here’s the problem: About two years ago, he got into […]
Posted inLifestyle
What’s the deal with physical ideals?
QI don’t listen to your podcast religiously, but as soon as I told my best friend this story, she said, “That’s a question for Dan Savage!” Backstory: I have a monogamous partner who I live with. It’s a heterosexual relationship, but we are both bisexual. That little inkling of homosexuality really drew me to him […]