QHere’s a non-COVID question for you: I’m a queer white female in a monogamish marriage. I vote left, I abhor hatred and oppression, and I engage in activism when I can. I’m also turned on by power differentials: authority figures, uniforms, hot guys doing each other. Much to my horror this thing for power differentials […]
Dan Savage
Posted inLifestyle
Is it a problem if my horrible boyfriend leaves?
QIt’s taken a lot to do this, but here goes. I am a 38-year-old gay male. I have been dating this this guy for one year and 10 months. It’s been a lot of work. He cheated on me numerous times and he lives with me and doesn’t work and I’ve been taking care of […]
Posted inLifestyle
One marriage, two sex drives
QI’ve been with the same amazing man a dozen years. We’ve had our ups and our downs, same as any other couple, but these days life is better then it ever has been for us. Except in the bedroom. A few years ago he started having fantasies about sucking dick. Specifically, he wanted to suck […]
Posted inLifestyle
How much libido is too much libido?
QI’m a 31-year-old female. Last week I suddenly started to experience an overwhelming, compulsive and near-constant state of physical arousal. I’ve masturbated so much looking for relief that even though my entire lower region is super-sore and swollen and still, it’s like my whole body is pulsating with this electric arousal telling me to ignore […]
Posted inLifestyle
Stop with the secrets already
Q I was raised in a religious home and didn’t lose my virginity until the embarrassing age of 26. I was told by the church to save it for marriage, and I was a virgin until I met the woman who would become my wife at a party. I said to hell with it, we […]
Posted inLifestyle
The trouble with swallowing and more quickie answers to sex questions
QI am a super-queer-presenting female who recently accepted that I have desires for men. My partner of two years is bisexual and understands the desires, but has personally dealt with those desires via masturbation while my desires include acting. Her perspective is that the grass is greener where you water it and that my desire to act […]
Posted inLifestyle
The no-pandemic challenge
QYour last two columns and your last two podcasts were all about the pandemic. Everything everywhere is all about the pandemic right now. Can you give it a rest? For maybe a week? Could you answer some questions that aren’t about pandemic? Any fun kink questions come in this week? I could use a break […]
Posted inLifestyle
Open and shut: pandemic polygamy
QMy husband and I got married in August of 2019 and we were together for over five years before getting married. I’m very happy and love him with all my heart. I want to have his kids and support his entrepreneurial efforts as he supports mine. We don’t fight, we just have some tiffs here […]
Posted inLifestyle
How to maintain intimacy during a time of isolation
QMy question is on managing “gray area” intimacies during the pandemic. I have a lover/friend that I’ve been hanging out with—fucking, drinking tea, going on hikes, eating ice cream, watching movies and other activities—for about nine months. He’s 36 and was married for 10 years, and due to that experience he’s been a bit emotionally […]
Posted inLifestyle
Quickies in the time of COVID-19
Q I’m wondering if you know of a word that describes the fetish of getting off from talking dirty. I’ve searched a lot, and I can’t find a label for this kink or fetish. While googling around, I did learn some new terms, like “katoptronophilia” (being aroused by having sex in front of mirrors) and […]
Posted inLifestyle
Brownie points
Q I’m a cis bi woman, and I mainly have sex with people with penises. I have a really gross problem. It’s been an issue for as long as I’ve been sexually active—but in the past few years, it seems to have gotten worse. If I am being penetrated vaginally, especially if it’s vigorous (which […]
Posted inLifestyle
Sleep apnea and oral sex, a full-throated investigation
Q I’m a middle-aged gay man and I was recently diagnosed with sleep apnea. This is a disorder caused by the soft tissue in the throat collapsing during sleep. On top of making me feel tired and awful all the time, sleep apnea is associated with a long list of health complications. I’m writing you […]