Dan Savage

QI’ve always been excited by BDSM, but I’ve only minimally explored this side of myself until very recently. I’m a straight woman and it was difficult to find men who wanted more monogamish relationships on the traditional apps, and a challenge to be honest about what I am looking for where kink is concerned. I’d […]

QWhy are threesomes much more accepted in the popular imagination than foursomes? I was just googling “finding foursomes” and the first result is an article about threesomes that takes for granted that people are looking for MFF. That is a form of heteronormativity, right? I am not judging threesomes, of course, but asking why foursomes are […]

QI’m a nearly-80 straight male, with undiminished libido. I have no problem with it, just a persistent curiosity. Like, why now? And is it common among us old geezers? Male and female? I’m more sex-obsessed than ever before, including adolescence. Until my sixties, tits were my sexual focus, and other body parts were strictly subsidiary, […]

QI’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for the past year. The only problem is that he works with a girl he used to fuck. It wasn’t just sex—they would go on dates and even went on vacation together. He kept this little “detail” to himself for six full months before giving himself […]

QMy husband recently passed away. He was a wonderful person and we had 12 great years together. He was also very, very organized. His death was an accident, but everything was in order. He even left a note in a sealed envelope for his lawyer to present to me. It was one last love letter, […]

QI’m a thirtysomething gay man married to a thirtysomething gay man. For almost two years, we’ve been seeing another pair of married gay men around our age. They were our first experience with any sexual or romantic interaction outside of our relationship. The first six months were hot and heavy. We were together constantly and […]

QMarried guy here. I’m 33, the wife is 31. Our fifth anniversary is next month, but we’ve been together for almost eight years. We’ve recently both come out to each other as bi. She tried to tell me a long time ago, whereas I came to the realization only recently. We’re both interested in new sexual encounters […]

QI’m a straight man who’s been dating a woman for not quite four months. In the beginning things were light. But things started to get heavy quickly. Two weeks in she revealed her very serious abandonment issues, and then began asking me whether I really loved her and demanding reassurance that I wasn’t going anywhere and […]

QI’m a 29-year-old straight woman in Pennsylvania. My question is to do with choking and consent. I’ve had two experiences in the past six months or so where someone has tried to choke me without my consent.  The first time this happened, I coughed immediately but he tried multiple times during sex. I was caught so […]

QI’ve been married for 30 years to the same man. I have dealt with his tantrums, his screaming and his fits. He’s always had anger management issues. He strangled me once a few months after our son was born, and never did it again. I would have left otherwise. He’s had relationships with other women […]

QI’m a cis male in my late twenties. I’ve recently become consumed by a specific fantasy I fear is unattainable, a fear that has been made worse by several failed attempts to research it. A little background: Except for a couple dates and make-out sessions with other men, my sex life has always been exclusively […]