I was so hurt… that day I thought you’d dumped me. You said you weren’t ready for closeness and that I needed more from you than what you can give me. I felt so rejected and I didn’t know why I was being rejected… I felt like all the things I told you, and all the intimate moments we spent together were meaningless and that is why you wanted me gone. I figured your distance and actions were because you were with someone else or not interested in me because of someone else.
I think about you every day you know. I want to talk to you all the time, but I feel like I can’t message you.
I have never met someone like you. After making that connection with you, texting with you for months, seeing you in person, how do I go back to how life was like before? I wasn’t miserable before you, but I am miserable now without you.
It is so hard to open myself to anyone – do you know how ridiculously easy it was for me to open myself up to you? How safe I felt with you? I feel invincible with you. It’s not that I needed you to complete me, I don’t need anyone to complete me. But, the things you do to me…
I think I finally understand where you were coming from. Like maybe you were “someone’s” for so long—that you can’t be that for anyone right now.
I hope you know I would do anything to be with you.
That day we went to the beach, and you played “Summer Love” in the car—you touched me—my mind was caught up in a whirlwind of possibilities. Was that just me reaching for anything that gives me hope?
You have made me feel alive, and made me realize what I’ve been missing in my life. You are SO beautiful—your eyes cut through me to the core, I dream of kissing your lips at night…
Was that kiss you gave me on the cheek that day the goodbye kiss and I am just too much of an idiot to admit it to myself?
Now I am probably one of those people on the hated list I’d heard so many times when I was on the inside. Now I’m on the outside, looking in… And it’s so cold.
I could lie and say this is without expectation, but I will always do my best, regardless, not to put my expectations in front of your needs and feelings again. Even now.
I just wanted you to know how much I have missed you. Missed your messages to me, missed having you care about me. To check in with me, to shoot the shit with me. And to be close with me.
I want so much to be close with you, and to you. I had so many fantasies built up in my mind of you. The reality of you—blew away the most hopeful anticipations I could have ever had of you.
I told a mutual friend I was falling in love with you that time we went to the beach. That I was trying so hard to keep it contained because I knew that you needed space and you didn’t know where you’re head was at.
But oh my god it feels so right with you.
I wish to be one of those people you can say you love without hesitation. The luckiest people in the world from my perspective. I want to earn that you know.
I want you so bad. I know it all happened kind of fast. If that is my fault I’m sorry, I really had good intentions you know. I’m not a bad person! I never wanted to hurt you if that is what I’ve done!
If there was any way I could be with you again, if I had an opportunity that I missed because I didn’t tell you my feelings, I’d never forgive myself. So here I am, for you, always. —Dartmouthy
This article appears in Oct 4-10, 2012.
Frig, I don’t know what to say D.
Come to the next summit and we can cry in our beers together.
When is the next summit?
Dear OP, maybe a pool party will help. Clothing optional,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=…
Thanks Hugo. Sounds like a plan 🙂
Oops You must be Dartmouthy? Sorry to hear it didn’t work out.
Dartmouthy my computer said your last post was by someone named Oops…
It’ll all be ok…
There are still about thirty thousand people in just this city alone who will bang you.
Move onward and upward.
Ya Zed, because banging and loving MUST be the same thing…..
well no.. but hey, it doesn’t hurt to cheer her up.
Zed,i really wouldn’t know anything about that…..hope you are ok Dartmouthy…..i wish i had some good insights for you, but i really don’t, except that maybe watching war, horror, and comedy movies to take your mind off things might help (sometimes extreme dvding works)….sucks to be on the receiving end of crap….sucks even more to be dropped because of what someone else may have said or done….try the comedies, it might put a little smile on your face, at least i hope….you certainly have my empathy. Take care, SheSang
d’mouth is a man and a father
Thanks Paingirl–i thought Dartmouthy was a guy…..btw, hope you had a nice Thanksgiving:)
good company, free range turkey and veggies up the yingyang^^
Yum! Yum! and Yum!! Glad it was great!
hope your weekend was good too, two days off in a row…pure luxury (with a monty python voice)
Thanks for the words of encouragement guys 🙂 it took me a while to get over her. My heart leads me astray sometimes. It would be easier if I was an emotionless douchebag perhaps. But I’m better than that and I guess even love doesn’t come without risk. Her loss and my gain to have the chance to meet someone who deserves my attention 😀
http://static.someecards.com/someecards/us…
That’s a great attitude Dartmouthy–I think I might try copping it…and those ’emotionless douchebags’ only THINK they have it easier…you sound like a real sweet guy–a rarity…you are absolutely right: her loss. Hope the day is being kind to you:)
@Paingirl: thanks :D….bit of a rough week end, but also good:)
…and Paingirl, LOVE the ecard:D ya made me laugh!!
Thanks she sang… and thank you for having my back pg :))
good company, free range turkey and veggies up the yingyang^^
Sounds a lot tastier than the can of beans I had for TG supper. 🙂
It’s a dude??!?!?!
My perceptions are forever skewed… the world is tilting…
well, more-so than normal.
I take my statement back… since you’re a guy there’s only about 3 people in the city that will sleep with you. Good luck finding that needle in this shit-stack.
Hey Boru, most of my eves are spent alone, and I tend to spend as much of most holidays as I can by myself (just the way I am, plus a couple of other reasons); but I am really sorry that you had to spend TG alone and birdless….for what it’s worth, I really am thankful for your online company and for you always taking the time to respond…..
Food (and wine) for thought: when I am blue (which actually is most of the time), I try to cook myself something special (feeding only 1 means you can buy yourself good stuff!), and if I need motivation I pick up a bottle of wine to drink while I cook and eat (it often ends up in something else as well, like scallops, or whatever)…there are some really nice cheap wines from Chile (nice body, but light) that run $10-$13 per bottle, so you can have a nice treat that doesn’t break your bank…and I usually play some quiet jazz (galaxy radio) to top things off…sounds boring, I know, but it is actually a nice way to spend an eve…and when you (am using the royal You) treat yourself like you are a special person who is deserving of treats, then you tend to feel better and are better able to connect with people (friends and otherwise) who will treat you better…DO THIS at least TWICE PER WEEK B!!….That being said, next time I make turkey I will make sure I have a supper plate for you–even if I have to stop into the Celtic Corner to give it to you!! Hope you are having a nice day today Boru:)
…and pets help, but you know that. ditto about the turkey boru, do you like all the fixings too? some people are only in it for the stuffing and smashed taters^^
SheSang Your special treat evenings don’t sound boring at all sound very relaxing,I’m jealous.I don’t eat much(I don’t want to get into the reason’s here)so I usually don’t cook a big meal just for myself…..Although,I know it’s rude to invite yourself for supper(I really don’t even know you)but,I do like wine and some jazz and I’ll eat just about anything…lol.That’s if you don’t stop talking to me because I was rude for inviting myself for supper.
I’m having another shitty day(SURPRISE,SURPRISE a day in the life of…).I still have no running water in my bathroom sink or kitchen.My running water stopped a few days ago.Sunday night I scalded my left hand carring hot water from the bathtub fawcett to my kitchen sink to do dishes.
Again up to my FN eyeballs in aligators.
Painy I like it all.I’m a brown turkey meat meat eater.It’s been so long since I had a decent meal, I think my system would fail if I ate anything healthy or kinda healthy.
God (or reasonable facsimile) Love Ya’s.
hey Boru–you weren’t rude:) and i will def have you over for dinner sometime soon…btw, I am going to the Marquee to see the Cool Blue halo reunion eve on Oct 20th (there big hit back in the day was “Too Much Kathleen [in my system]”)–you are welcome to join me, as are the rest of the comment crew:)
@ boru: btw, hope the day improves:)
You think you’re having a bad day…
this is a painful anniversary.
I have 6 shots lined and waiting for me when I get home.
Sorry your Thanks Giving sucked guys 🙁
Only reason I did anything is because my cousin invited me over.
Turkey was on sale yesterday $1.47/lb, so I bought me one and some root vegetables, and made about 5gal of turkey soup (want some?).
Maybe all us depressed lonely hearts can get together for a Christmas Season drunkX, er…I mean celebration.
Jazz dosen’t help my bad moods, my solace is Heavy Metal Hurtin Music.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=playe…
BTW – My dog Blue pretty much kept me alive and sane during the worst of it.
Zed Why is this day painful?
I expect to be homeless soon.
Hugo, you must like Papa Roach and Alice in Chains…..Static X can be pretty good for the mood too–angry with a funny edge (look up ‘Dirthouse’ or ‘Love Dump’)……
@Zed: Really sorry it’s a bad day today man:(…hope you feel better soon…hugz to you, SheSang
Zed gets hugs today.
@PK: for sure <3
Zed I hope you feel better soon.I’m sorry for asking such a personal question.Stay well.
SheSang I’d love to go to the Marquee with you.
Awesome Boru! The show is a week from this sat and it starts at 8pm. I was thinking of going around 730 to grab a beer first and see if I can say hello to my friend Barry, who plays in the band but lives in TO (I believe this is a one time show)–haven’t seen him in yrs, but we chat on fb now and again…we could meet earlier if you’d like….pub supper first, even–say at the Triangle, which isn’t too far away (just up the hill then down the hill and over 2 blocks)…lemme know whatcha think girlie!!
SheSang I’ll see you at the Triangle.I’ve never been there but I do know where it is. 🙂
Boru–remember it’s on the 20th…btw, how will we know each other–dress colour code plus code word:D…like secret agents, or PanAm flight attendants!!!…hehhehheh…it’s gonna be fun, but we do need to figure out how to connect….and what time you’d like to meet at the Triangle (the Marque show starts at 8)……think about it and let me know:). Hugo, you mentioned getting together in Dec, but you should think about joining us, if you have the time–everyone else welcome too–open invite:). The band, as I recall, are very fun and super tight!!!
Turns out it wasn’t too terrible.
I watched the presidential debate and drunkenly laughed at how America has it WAY worse than we do right now. How the hell did Romney ‘win’ that farce?
jebus.
Have fun at the show peeps, and thanks all for the support.
Not expected… appreciated.
the vp debate should be good for a larf http://p.twimg.com/A4Zks0PCUAAuhLl.jpg
Oh god… I wish I could watch it tonight… I’ll have to wait for a torrent.
Biden and Ryan in Kentucky… that’s like setting up a debate between Bill Clinton and Larry the Cable Guy in Arkansas.
Crazy ideologies abound and nothing but laughter for a solid 90 mins.
http://0.tqn.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/g/m/…
SheSang What colour should I wear and you think of a code word?
I’m excited about it…Wow,something to look forword to.
SheSang I can’t come up with a way we will know each other.I have a lot to think about right(stress,stress and more stress)now..family,moving, etc.I’m looking forward to meeting you,I just can’t think of how we’ll know each other. Can you?Your a smart cookie,smarter than I am, for sure. 🙂
SheSang I GOT IT.:) How about we both wear something TEAL colour?I picked the colour, you pick our code word?I haven’t a clue how we’re gonna hook up before the 20 to decide the time,can you?
I hope your having a great weekend.We’ll talk soon. 🙂 🙂