I’ve been on and off dating sites for years and despite a few dates, and making some GREAT friends with the complementary sex, it’s been a wasteland of unrewarded breath holding.
So why is it that love escapes many of us? Is it the test of one’s faith? Is is character building? Is it punishment for writing on the school desk in 1968? And what about these close calls, when people enter our lives and we’re happy to have them, ready to feel this is headed for love, only to have them turn into hyper critics who find restorative glee in expanding on every fault they can find in us? Or they use us? Or they just have no idea what they want? Or we remind them of a poodle that once bit them and they shoo us away.
And what’s with AMAZING first dates when you know you connected, you laughed and talked and found acres of things in common, and that first kiss goodbye effortlessly merged into a passionate public lip lock that was better than most of the nookie you’ve had. Including in the car. And then of course, no second date. Poof. Gone. Not today. “I NEED to see other people.” Ah yes, more notches in whatever notches are made in these days. And what about the whole “so near but so far” thing. When you actually meet people face to face as opposed to profile to profile, and you have a huge attraction. But the check list of why-nots appears like a proverbial black cloud.
Dating sites can even add to this craziness. “XYZ wants to meet you.” No they don’t or they’d write me and say I want to meet you. I’ve been added as a favourite? A favourite what? We’ve never danced… I’ve never cooked for you… I’ve never pruned your tree or arranged your furniture. Exactly what do I do that places me as one of your favourite anythings?
So what’s my point? What’s the answer? I have no idea. Welcome to my emotional happy meal. I guess we’re asking the question, not giving the answer. I’m not a toad… I can speak… love…laugh, cry, if I had to – make a cake out of a box. I have the drives of passion, presence of mind, elegance of thought, inspiration of dreams, milk in fridge. Why doesn’t someone “get me”. Why doesn’t someone want me? Why am I being denied? Hmmmm. Dunno. I have no idea. It’s a bloody romantic mystery. —Me
This article appears in Apr 26 – May 2, 2012.
nicely written, i would offer up our secret agent 195 but with the school desk writing in 1968…naw
OP, I think you need a double-dose helping of self-esteem. Your desperation is showing like gorilla sweat. Stop trying so hard, kid.
It happens when it happens.
You’re not being punished for anything. If you spend your life trying to read the tea leaves of your life, you’ll go crazy, OB.
Take each experience as an opportunity to learn some shit that may come in handy when you do meet someone worthy of your attention.
Don’t take dating sites seriously. Too many greasy guys, too many damaged women holding grudges.
When you meet someone who is ready, and you’re ready, it will happen.
WP
It’s not ALL desperation, TTFN. I understand where’s OB’s coming from, it’s a feeling of perplexity, where nothing makes sense.
I think it comes down to the fantasies people play around with in their heads. Nothing ever lives up to those expectations. Either OB sees the perfect woman, every time, through rose coloured glasses. Or, the current lady he’s focusing on loses interest in him because HE isn’t measuring up to HER fantasies.
It can be the simplest thing that breaks an attraction, and you don’t always see it coming, or catch it after the fact. That’s why more than a few new relationships break off after the the first round of sex. It can be a disenchanting world out there.
Hay Wheelie. That thing that I mentioned to you yesterday. The Box set. With my discount it’ll run you $31.50. Do you want me to proceed?
ooo, clandestine *goods and sundry*
Love is a farce.
how many people have you really met in your life?
out of 6 billion… you really think meeting <.00000001% should be enough to net you someone that you're more than compatible enough with? some people are stupid ass lucky… some settle… and some just learn to go without.
Ah, the drama of youth and that old well-worn emotional cry of ‘I’ll never find anyone! I’m going to be alone forever!’ When you get a little older, hopefully you’ll realize you don’t need a partner to make you happy. Sometimes it’s a fucking relief to be an old bat.
This is way more eloquent than anything I could ever write.
There are A LOT of weird people ’round these parts, OB.
The best way to solve this dilemma of yours is to get the fuck out of here.
I know I sure as FUCK am.
Can anyone really give a definitive definition of “love”? Maybe “love” is too personal to describe, possibly because it means different things to different people. If you are basing your “finding love” on some idealistic representation of what “love” is to someone else, then you may be going about it all wrong. What makes you think that you will find “love” when it’s convenient for you? Maybe you already had it and rejected, squandered, or ignored it for one superficial reason or another. The one thing I can tell you for sure is, without a solid foundation of absolute trust there can be no “love”.
Stay away from online dating sites–look at how many women that monster Rafferty met on Plenty of Fish.
“What is love? Baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me no more.” – Haddaway
Op….I don’t know why giving up & not looking for anyone ends up with you meeting someone.
For some strange reason it works.
I believe it has to do with, you are just going about your life , enjoying hobbies, friends etc. & that somehow attracts people to you.
It certainly worked well in my present relationship & not only wasn’t I trying to get involved with anyone, neither was she ! Yet here we are a few years later & its as much fun, if not more, than when we first met !!
I went on a date with the guy charged in the yarmouth kidknapping of the two women. He was on parole for a similar offense at the time i met him. thank god it was in a public place and he didnt know much about me….for the very reason that there are people exactly like that out there. I had NO idea and he gave no indication as to his true nature.
I only met him that one time and he was very polite. I only found out when I saw him on the news. I had already deleted my online dating profile months before. Now I would never trust anyone I met there.
RSVP
: Stephen Harper (04/30. 5:02PM)
“Can anyone really give a definition of ‘love'”? Maybe ‘love’ is too personal to describe, possibly because it means different things to different people.”
For the sake of the argument let’s say we are talking about “romantic love” as opposed to parental love, love of country and so on – is there is definition of “love?” The Concise Oxford Dictionary does give a definition of romantic love, to wit, “Sexual affection or passion or desire, relation between sweethearts.” But if this is the case, how does love differ from idealistic infatuation? How, on the other hand, does it differ from subliminal (or not so subliminal) lust? Both, it seems, are based on the idealization of the “other” and so might be properly called “love.” But is this where the question comes to rest?
To say that love “means different things to different people” is, in effect, to empty the concept of all its substance. It’s like saying that truth, justice, virtue and so on all mean different things to different people which amounts to saying that it means nothing at all. But the fact remains that some people are attracted to some and not others which, of course, is a commonplace. What isn’t a commonplace is just why this is so. Does it all come down to some primitive form of psychological hard-wiring? Are we the puppets of the interaction of our subconsciousness and our hormones after all? Is the concept – if it is a concept – amenable to rational analysis?
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Man, Org, you beat me to the punch – I was thinking the same thing with Will Ferrel and Chris Kattan bouncing the women off each other.
The dating game was pretty much the same in the 1970s except we had a horrible infestation of ‘lounge lizards’ – think 3’s Company’s, Larry (fuck, that show should have been drowned like a bag of barn mice)- all ready to hustle your ass with such cheezie lines, you’d become lactose intolerent if you listened to them long enough.
Then there was the gorgeous hippy boys, artists and/or musicians who would get the occasion gigs in Truro or New Glasgow but were consistently broke and cheating with some groupie from Mushaboom. I believe they still florish quite profusely, especially in urban centers.
Now cell phones and the Internet have changed the whole way we communicate. Face to face just ain’t what it used to be. But there’s no point suggesting to today’s kids what they’re missing by mutating their digits. They’ll learn soon enough when their grandkids have thumbs like giant spatulas.
Stop obsessing over it that’s like the number 1 thing that scares people away.
That’s it in a nutshell, Tommy. A tug of the forelock to you.
As has been said, maybe you’re trying too hard. Just relax and take a deep breath. Take up some hobbies, make love come looking for you.
And, there are always hookers or altar boys, depends on your religion, of course after the sex act they’re ALTERED boys.
Just remember most so-called women are dumb asses, OB. They say one thing but don’t mean it. They say another thing but don’t mean that either. Then they bitch and cry that there’s no guys out there because their over-inflated standards are higher than Chris Tucker in Friday. It’s like volunteers demanding employee benefits.
I agree 100% with Thomas.
And bitchez be crazy and shit.
Never chase, ladies. Leave the chasing to the boys.
If it means celibacy, well then so be it.
Yeah, and that just leads to a bitch submitted by someone whose guy fucked another gal after they thought they had something good going.
love it OP! Bleak… ain’t it? I used to date online finds but got out of it after realizing that most dates ended I
up in nothing more than a well spoken salesperson with little character or morals to back up their advertisements…
What about the love of someone hearing themselves talk?
..hmm… yea kinda sound like a hipster..jus say’n
mmmmm the desperation to avoid ending up alone that turns women into shadows of their former selves.
OMG, Treason, do you think he met those 2 women on the same dating web site? Creepy!
Infatuation wanes, love doesnt, MM. Thats how it differs. I wouldn’t expect someone who looks to the dictionary for the definition of “love” to truely understand. I guess there are some things that books just can’t teach, some things you have to actually live/feel, or the true profoundness of the emotion escapes them.
The fact that you would compare “love” with the “laws of attraction” truely shows your juvenile understanding of what “love” really is. I don’t think that love always feels the same. As an emotion, “I” feel it mixed in with all other emotions, like anger, happiness, safety/security, passion, sadness, trust… Maybe it doesn’t “mean” different things to different people (and maybe that was a poor choice of words), but, it can be influenced by other emotions. I don’t think that you can give it some flatlined definition, it’s a little more complicated/sophisticated than that.
No, SHIT Devil, I don’t think that was a poor choice of words. Moman just likes to over think everything, to make us think. But, I was surprised @ the depth of your first comment, and I think you have a better understanding of love than most grown up men I’ve met. Kudos.
I began the collection at my local record album store, Ivan. She was very happy to see the item.
Thanks for the very generous offer though.
Dog Body is getting a place of honour in the new apartment. I am still very touched by the thought you put into that(and the effort, though you got a Huffer’s Head out of the effort) 🙂
Wp
http://leatheroaks.org/Pages/Harnessed.htm…
Does look like a certain lifesucking bitcher to anyone else?
(poss nsfw)
Wp
Kule Wheelie. Anytime you need a line on a recycled tree, you just let me know. As my Kosovar gangster friend once said – “Only boulesh pay full retail”
DB used to hang in the military history aisle of the bookstore. The new digs have low ceilings, so I’m glad he’s found a new home. Huffer’s Head is nothing compared to the Elysian contact high of L’essence Du WheelieP.
THINKING ABOUT LOVE (II)
: Stephen Harper (05/01, 9:00AM)
“Infatuation wanes, love doesnt (sic), M.M. That is how it differs.”
Good morning Stephen. Unfortunately your arguments which you suppose establish the distinctive nature of love lack philosophical rigour and must be dismissed.
The first consists of what we call an “ex post facto” claim, a determination that can be made only AFTER infatuation has waned. But what about the case where both infatuation and love are measured at the same “start time,” i.e., at time T1? At time T1 Mary “loves” John but John is only “infatuated” with Mary. How, at time T1, can the difference be determined? For that matter, how is love to be distinguished from (well) subliminated lust at time T1? So the “ex post facto” argument is a non-starter.
Secondly, and equally illegitimately, you go on to distinguish love from its counterfeit manifestations on the basis of your “privileged access” when you claim that “some things you actually have to live/feel, or the true profoundness of the emotion escapes them.” But, in order to go through, the privileged access argument must demonstrate just how others (like me) have never lived or felt love and so are condemned to a state of ignorance on the issue. However, this you nowhere do and so the privileged access argument must also be dismissed.
Your third argument, what might be called “the argument from conceptual muddle,” equally fails. You write, “As an emotion, ‘I’ feel it mixed in with all other emotions, like anger, happiness, safety/security, passion, sadness, tust…” But Stephen, we’re not talking about “all other emotions,” only love and so, sadly, the argument from conceptual muddle must also be rejected.
Finally Stephen, you have misconstrued the entire point of my post which was not to obtain any “flatlined definition” of love but rather to use the dictionary definition as a departure point for further thinking about love. All dictionary definitions are, of course, circular and require further scrutiny by their nature but the real problem is whether the emotions are amenable to thinking at all which, in its turn, raises the question as to the fundamental nature of man: Is he ultimately rational animal guided by reason or a creature driven by passion and whim? Indeed some philosophers, oddly and self-contradictingly, have claimed that his reflection serves little more than a rationale for his emotions. I will let you reflect on this matter.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
NEW APARTMENT WHEELIE?
Ya movin?
Same building, different apt, PK.
FBook deets?
Wp
Ooooh yes FB me — if you’re moving because of what I think/hope you’re moving for… ^_^
Oh god….I’m going to make a fake FB account, find all of you, then harass you guys on there until you guys block me.
if you are goimng to these sites, with anything other than sex on your little warped mind, thewn you are shit out of luck. even that ebaloney site, is filled with skin hounds, trust me on that one.
you will find true love, where you least expect it to be, don’t go looking for it. you will only be disappointed.
i’m not a user of skynet, lizard, but please harass me on here^^
http://t.qkme.me/3og6z7.jpg
paul, i don’t do the rubber or leather thing, yet…..
Complimentary sex? Does that cum with a side dish and a breath mint?
I’m surprised you haven’t already done that with Tommy, Zilla!
Well then, MM… You can’t shut the garage door, because frogs don’t eat pancakes!!
You’re dismissed!!
xeno—I’m not sure if he met them there or not. I assume he did. I’m just really glad I’m cautious. My friends used to think I was just being paranoid. Obviously I wasn’t.
RSVP
: Stephen Harper (05/01, 1:56PM)
Stephen, is this the fruit of your reflection on my invitation to consider whether man is guided by reason or, rather, is his rationality simply a rationale for his passions and whims?
I hope not since not only is your statement unconnected to the question but there is no obvious relationship between the two parts of the assertion itself. In other words, Stephen, it doesn’t make sense. You must be under stress. Try again.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Zilla actually follows me on twitter. He sent me a picture of the Pope and called me a douche. It was quite odd.
I’m not following you on twitter. Also your face was photoshopped onto the pope and I called you a wanker.
http://img254.imageshack.us/img254/7904/po…
Ps. You’re a little late reporting this my Mexican friend.
It’s the time difference
Stay off da damn dating sites. The last time I was on there, I chatted with this really greeeat guy. Went something like this:
Him: Hey wanna get together tonight?
Me: Sure, wanna meet for a drink?
Him: I don’t really drink. How bout I come over and bring a movie?
Me. Uh why don’t we go play pool then?
Him: Uh I don’t really play pool. How about that movie? Where do you live?
Face it, those cast-off POF rejects are only looking for the fastest, easiest and cheapest route to the poon.
Treason, Here’s a little axiom of mine: “Just cause I’m paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get me” I don’t even think of it as paranoia anymore — more like a finely tuned bullshit meter.
Unfortunately Xeno, in the sick sad world we live in, bullshit meters are usually stuck on ‘high’.
So, OP. Do you have any responsibility yourself to contributing to your single state? I find that what people say they don’t like about others is because it’s part of who they are. A reflection. No offense, but you sound bitter, pompous, and a bit of a weirdo. Look into your own mirror before you go bitching about something that may be just your own doing.
It’s not karma op (if it makes you feel any better)
It’s Darwinism.
I’m sorry. I’m sure you wanted a prettier answer than that. But i prefer to give the honest one. If you’re having date after date and they’re never followed up with another one (or even a phone call) you’re clearly doing something very wrong. At the very least you’re attracted to the wrong people. But i reckon it’s more than that.
I reckon that eats_crayons never gets hungry because she is so full of shit.