May 7-13, 2015

May 7-13, 2015 / Vol. 22 / No. 49
Subscribe to our newsletter Be the first to know about breaking news, articles, and updates. Subscribe today And just like that, the sun comes out and the city’s mood improves. Cover subject Savvy Simon is a perfect way for The Coast to welcome spring—they’re both bright, positive and full of an infectious energy that promises […]

What Happened to Tom?

I really love this coffee house but I miss them playing Tom Waits albums. The loss of Tom has been replaced by repetitive playings of Tallest Man on Earth and Father John Misty. This isn’t a bad thing but Tom got me in the right place to work and create. Still love this place but…

Grocery Store Bandits

[Image-1] A middle class family of four entered the store. The first item they selected was a large bag of grapes which they deposited in the rack at the back of the cart. All four of them immediately dove in and snacked on the grapes as they strolled through the store. I’m not sure how…

YOUR TICKET HAS A SEAT NUMBER ON IT

To the bald asshole in the red jacket who was playing musical chairs at Avengers last week and giving everyone attitude when he was repeatedly asked to relocate – your IMAX ticket has a seat number on it. If you can’t figure out assigned seating, then maybe you should wait for the DVD next time.…

I don’t know if I like you or LIKE you, if you know what I mean.

In fact, EVERYONE seems to like you and the things you do. Your presence lights up the room, and when you’re around things become funnier, more interesting and full of potential. But does that just mean I want us to be best buds? Or…a different kind of buds? I’m pretty sure you’re not interested in…

Thank you Halifax Transit driver

After an annoying RBC ATM at the Student Union Building on Dal campus ate my bank card and did not give me the money from my account, a lovely African-Canadian bus driver lent me his cell phone on Wednesday, May 6 so that I could contact RBC. He even offered to lend me money. Thank you…

Bread—seven dollars/loaf

[Image-1] Why are farmer’s markets suffering? Dear, no bread in the world is worth that much. When you responded that the price of your lilies were $12 each is why her face soured and she walked away. You see, greed is powerful. Jack up the price too much and it goes from being quality to…

Our emotionally starved society: The pervasive rot

I often feel pity for some when I walk virtually any modern Canadian city and see the psychically-squalid manifestations of modern material culture at work. I see people wearing their best poker faces, hiding the trembling and whimpering emotionally-starved infant deep inside. Eccentrics with loud fashion, feigning apathy yet really saying, subliminally, “Please notice me!…

Tig on comedy

I’m always going to do whatever I think is funniest. If something’s dark, I’ll do it. If it’s a sock puppet, if it’s a stool, I’ll do it. There’s no preconceived idea of who I think I might be now.” —Tig Notaro, from a 2013 interview with Sydney Brownstone in Mother Jones. Catch Notaro with…

Dear sunshine

I don’t know how I lucked into meeting you. Despite the world of differences between us, you’ve become a rock to me, and I to you. You didn’t run after my drunk rant about my personal bullshit. It made you feel safe to (also drunkenly) tell me about yours. I am so goddamn lucky to…

Liar, liar

You know when I tell you and everyone else that I love you like a brother? I’m lying. I’m pretty sure you are, too. —Chemistry, Not Biology

Urban Outfitters opens this Friday

It’s supposed to be a gorgeous long weekend, but my guess is that a lot of people are going to be spending it ravaging the racks of Halifax’s first Urban Outfitters (1652 Barrington Street), the consistently problematic, yet loved by many, shopping destination finally opens this Friday Thursday. After months of renos, years of rumours…

Precedence to everything unholy

Why aren’t more people talking about the fact that the Canada Revenue Agency is auditing the Sierra Club?! The CRA is blatantly telling the media it’s examining for “excessive political activity”. Citizens should be outraged! We’re losing our freedom of rights. —Losing hope

OMG FUCK YOU

I don’t care how you became a millionaire! You scamming sack of shit. —Go away and never come back

A friggin quarter…

[Image-1] I am a slightly old award winning global recording artist. I live in the South shore in a house that was bought and paid for by music. Mostly when I was a busker in Halifax in the 80’s. I don’t need to busk anymore but for a lark I go out and see how…

Mom

I’m sorry I wasn’t the perfect daughter. I’m sorry there were times I wish you were different, but you were perfect, just the way you were, for me. I do love you. I really do. —Mary

Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Chin Pubes have got to go!

A lab in new mexico says “beards are as dirty as toilets”, they are riddled with poop particles. Don’t touch that, kiss that or let that fuzz face near you. These are the things that cause urinary tract infections. The spit and dirt stuck in your matted facial hair makes me want to puke. The…

Vaping, E-cigs et. al

… they look even douchier than a cigarette. This huge tacky looking thing stuck in your mouth that you’re drawing so hard on your cheeks suck in. Classy. You look like idiots. —Dushe

Power hungry coucillors

[Image-1] To the bug eyed idiotic coucillor that did not like my comment about the next election to the extent you had to find any bullish excuse to have a go at me in the middle of a restaurant instead of dealing with the issue at hand. If you were actually listening to anyone else…

For A

Breaking up with you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but resisting your one or two attempts to reconcile was pretty sucky too. Once I realized that you’d never be able to love me like I loved you, there was no turning back. It’s pretty weird to know that you’re happy with someone else,…

Danny

I might ask you to come for a run with me sometime soon, but I’d actually rather ask you if I could buy you a drink. —M

To the couple who found my phone:

Thank you so much to the couple who found my phone on the waterfront and were nice enough to turn it in to the guest information! My life is in that phone, you are wonderful people 🙂 —Faith restored

Nova Scotia’s ongoing dysfunction

[Image-1] I saw the bit about voter fatigue and I can’t blame the people for being slack in this regard. Obviously the political-spheres are poisoned with corruption and probably always have been. Until the Federal Government becomes honest(which will more than likely not occur any time soon) Nova Scotia will continue to be overshadowed by…

Ticket for blocking driveway

Thank you for making sure I got a ticket for blocking your “driveway” that looks remarkably like a lawn with a large snowbank in front of it. To the Bylaw officer, you claimed you couldn’t get out of the “driveway”. My question for you is this; How did you get in if I was blocking…

Music for all!

After moving to Halifax in September, I was looking for a place to fit it and to share my passion for music. I was welcomed immediately into the Halifax Music Co-op’s family! The Halifax Music Co-op is this fantastic program that makes music accessible to anyone, regardless of skill or financial situation. I’ve met some…

Order of Canada

The Order of Canada has been awarded to 6,431 Canadians since its founding in 1967 (including every Prime Minister since, except Stephen Harper)! —The Dark Canuck

International Tell Your Crush Day

Dear Halifax, In light of the fact that tomorrow is international tell your crush day, I would like to tell you that I have a crush on you, despite the fact that you are as aloof as the friction on your winter sidewalks. I also have a crush on: -you, who are leaving soon -you,…

Nova Scotia Tourism Agency chairman is now a tourist

Let’s be honest, we’d all move to Ontario if we could. It’s just strange to see the board chair for the province’s newly-created Tourism Agency moving with his family back to Upper Canada. As reports Jean Laroche at the CBC, Cabot Links owner Ben Cowan-Dewar plans to attend meetings “every month or two.” Board chairs,…

Farewell Diminished Fifth Records

After nine years and 27 album releases, boutique metal label Diminished Fifth Records is closing up shop. Voted Best Record Label in Halifax by Coast readers five consecutive years, Diminished Fifth’s departure from the scene marks the end of an era for Halifax’s metal community as owner/operator Josh Hogan looks forward to bigger and beardier…

Summer is here! Police warn against leaving pets in hot cars

Anybody order a hot dog? In the surest sign that summer is finally here, Halifax Police today issued a release warning people not to lock their pets in hot cars. Forget the Public Gardens opening, locking dogs in hot cars is how Halifax loves to spend its summers. “On a sunny day, even with the…

Hue Design brings paint smarts to the Hydrostone

“I’m a paint nerd,” laughs Michele Muir owner of the brand new Hue Design Studio (5558 Sullivan Street). After 10 years working as a colour consultant, interior decorator and passionate furniture up-cycler, she decided to zero in on the science of colour, getting her Dewey Colour Certification and opening a shop. “I just realized, I’m…

‘night Mother lets it go

Sherry Smith has seen a lot of plays over the years, but there’s only one that has rendered her speechless. “I saw ‘night, Mother in New York in 1983, and when I left the theatre, I actually couldn’t speak. It was that powerful.” Now Smith is directing the LunaSea Theatre production of this Pulitzer Prize-winning…

Review: Joel Plaskett

The first thing you might ask with Plaskett is “Emergency or solo, rock or acoustic?” Drummer Dave Marsh and bassist Chris Pennell play on a good portion of the 13 tracks, often with extras. The Emergency is most robust on “Credits Roll,” where Erin Costelo’s piano boosts the bottom end and Peter Elkas adds a…

Arrhythmia nation

Hip-hop and spoken word artist Hermitofthewoods might not be the first artist who springs to mind for improvised jazz, but that’s part of what excites jazz musicians Tim Crofts, Norm Adams and D’Arcy Gray about their upcoming collaboration, Arrhythmia, the final concert of suddenlyLISTEN’s 2014/15 main series. “Every year I look for interesting artists that…

Hot pursuit at Forbidden City

It’s not the greatest first impression. The door creaks open into a hall that feels like the foyer of an old apartment complex: a scattering of abandoned mail sits fanned over a white pleather sofa, the harshly lit hallway ends with some plywood and a plant shoved in the corner. An unmarked door leads to…

Cerberus’ organic chemistry

“Good brewers conspire; they don’t collaborate,” says Big Spruce Brewing’s founder Jeremy White. This Saturday, May 9, signals the release of Cerberus Organic American IPA. The limited-run, one-off “conspiracy” between Big Spruce, Tatamagouche and Propeller breweries commemorates the inaugural Nova Scotia Craft Beer Week (which runs May 8-17). But it’s also a celebration of organic…

Beanstalk Baby Food’s got you babe

Picture this. You’re a baby. It’s that time of day where dad is bringing the airplane in, piled high with that goopy stuff he likes to pass off as food. Into the hangar (your mouth) it goes, but instead of green pea mush, you taste… squash? And apple and cinnamon? And it is delicious? No…

Free Will Astrology

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Taurus (Apr 20-May 20) Here’s one of the best things you can do for your mental and physical health: Withdraw your attention from the life that lies behind you, and be excited about the life that stretches ahead of you. Forget about the past, and get wildly inventive as you imagine the interesting…

Letters to the editor, May 7, 2015

Mother’s say I am writing because I saw your Best Mom Ever contest. I’m not interested in winning the prizes, but with Mother’s Day this weekend I would be happier if you’d share my story and acknowledge why my mom is the best ever. My mom passed away unexpectedly in February. It has been an…

Review: Avengers: Age of Ultron

“Where are all the ladies?” asks Maria Hill (Cobie Smulders) in Avengers: Age of Ultron, in a winky tone that is Joss Whedon saying “Look, I get it! I am a feminist too! I did Buffy!” Except there are only eight other women with speaking roles in a credited cast of over 100, and two…

The Jois of yoga

[Image-1] Manju Jois has given lessons on ashtanga yoga for nearly five decades. His father’s pupil at age seven, and a teacher since 15, Jois’s ashtanga combines aspects of strength, therapy, energy and cleansing. Before going to the US and Europe, Jois met with The Coast at the ashtanga studio in Halifax to share some…

Come on teacher

Q Last summer, I reconnected with a high-school teacher I hadn’t seen for a year. We first met when I was 15, and I had nothing but respect for him and his intelligence. I also had a crush on him for the next four years. Fast-forward a year. He is sexting me and sending dick…

Pressured to choose who I am: the issues of being multiracial

[Image-1] I’ve got an issue. It’s a personal issue. It’s a strong battle of my past, present and future. This is an issue my friends of multiracial parents will understand. Here’s my problem…how do I feel? If you guys are like me, you’ve spent your childhood answering questions such as “Do you guys have all…

Sage against the machine

Sitting in a bustling cafe on Gottingen Street, Savannah “Savvy” Simon is impossible to miss. Her long braids hang over her shoulders, nearly to her waist, and her moccasin-clad feet are tucked beneath her long buffalo-and-rainbow-patterned skirt. Beneath her white blazer, her tank top bears the words “L’nuis’i! It’s that easy!” With a smile that’s…

Want Nova Scotia’s economy to grow? Legalize pot

[Image-1] The “something to toke about” session is almost over, guys. For this series of four columns, city editor Jacob Boon and I agreed to skip the “should weed be legal” question and jump directly to the reality of its recreational and medical use. In previous columns, I bought pot at a price of $25…

What do we really know about Latin Americans?

[Image-1] 
On Friday night, a friend invited me for supper together with eight other Canadian friends. I was the only woman, the only one living in Halifax and the only one from Argentina. That was strange enough to awake the curiosity of the guy that was next to me. We started the typical small talk.…

Who’s to blame when apartments don’t recycle?

[Image-1] There’s a big waste problem slipping between the city’s cracks and winding up in the landfill. Compost and recyclables are getting mixed up with regular garbage—and the culprit is often apartment buildings. Living in a multi-unit building, you may have come across this issue. There will suspiciously be no green bins for organics, and…

Getting physical

Indie radio producer, media artist and Coast contributor Veronica Simmonds jumps into the 2015 Mayworks Festival with Work of the Dancer, a mixed media performance combining documentary audio, music by Lindsay Dobbin and contemporary dance, Thursday to Saturday at The Bus Stop Theatre. After meeting dancer and choreographer Jacinte Armstrong during a residency with Secret…

Desi Gordon’s expanding acoustic vibes

For the last few years, singer-songwriter Desi Gordon has been toiling away on the south shore writing love tunes between tours as a vocalist for fellow shore sweetheart Jennah Barry. On Saturday, Gordon’s songs make their Halifax debut with intense, ’80s-inspired instrumentation by Jay Crocker (Ghostkeeper) and Dice E. Parks (Joyful Talk), which take her…


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