Haligonians share their worst dates

If you’ve been following the drama from the latest Love Is Blind season, you’ll have been reminded of one of life’s near-certainties: The people we date are full of surprises. (And they ain’t always pretty.) The TikTok talk of LIB contestant Ben’s alleged history of leaving business cards behind after his hook-ups wouldn’t even hold a candle next to some of the stories you shared with us in our 17th annual Sex + Dating Survey, though.

Hundreds of Coast readers filled out this year’s survey—anonymously, as always—spilling the tea on bedroom blunders, secret sexual fantasies and dating disasters in our fine coastal city. And the responses to our prompt, “Tell us a story of your worst date or hookup,” elicited a flood of replies that are too good to keep to ourselves. Read some of the highlights below:

*Disclaimer: This story contains graphic language*

“Her boyfriend showed up.”

“He was lactose intolerant and had dairy before coming to pick me up.”

“Once, a guy picked me up and said we were going to the movies at the mall. He almost crashed the car on the way there. When we got to the mall, we had car sex in the parking lot, and a dad and his kid almost caught us. Then, when we went to watch the movie, I had to pay for everything. Afterward, he dropped me off in the middle of nowhere because his sister ‘got in a car accident.’ It took me two hours to get home.”

“Having a date coming to pick me up for a dinner date, and when I came downstairs, he was naked with a red bow on his penis.”

“I dated a country music singer who, in his sleep one time, kneeled over in front of his couch as if presenting himself to be fucked doggystyle, then proceeded to pee all over his living room floor. And I am into watersports, but not on laminate flooring with a pile of unframed artwork under the couch.”

“We went on a date, and then he took my fake ID from me because he was a bouncer at the bar.”

“I was engaged for nine years.”

“I let my mom set me up with my coworker’s daughter. Biggest mistake ever.”

“Went rollerblading to impress a guy, ran over some gravel, fell hard and bruised the whole left side of my body.”

“He shit the bed in the middle of the night.”

“When a guy said he was looking for a white woman to ‘make sure the white race doesn’t disappear,’ because ‘white people are having less and less kids compared to others.’”

“I had a gut feeling about this guy, but I went home with him anyway. That was my first mistake. He put on Casablanca, showed off his tiny little book collection like he was some impressive intellectual, and then he presented his own dick for sucking like it was a foregone conclusion. He proceeded to fuck me in five-pump intervals as if he could barely keep himself from cumming. He slapped me across the face without asking (not the first to do that but definitely the last), and he also spit in my mouth without asking! Not yucking anyone else’s yum, but I don’t enjoy that, and it’s ridiculous to assume. I left as soon as it was over, and this man still had the audacity to ask for second date LMAO.”

“I met a guy online who wasn’t out, which is fine, but we had to hook up in some weird outdoor bathroom thing (not an outhouse, but outhouse adjacent).”

“The man made ZERO noises or grunts when receiving oral and during sex. I walked out mid-pump, put my clothes on and left.”

“Went out with a girl I liked and thought she liked me. It was going well for a first date, and then at a coffee shop we ran into a couple of our friends who were also on a date, and one of them said to the other about my date: ‘Hey, there’s my friend I was telling you about. The one who’s getting married this summer.’ I guess we weren’t on a date after all.”

“I went on one blind date, and it ended up being my teacher who was completely creepy.”

“Got dressed up to go to a guy’s house, and he finished in two pumps.”

“He asked me out to sushi as a first date. Made such a big deal about how excited he was to treat me. He crashed my car into a curb on the way there and then also couldn’t pay the bill at the restaurant. This was my ex, and I still dated him for a year.”

“Got way too drunk and started crying mid-fuck.”

“He wondered why I didn’t have any John Cougar Mellencamp in my collection.”

“I pooped on him… oof!”

“A girl brought me home one night but had me climb through her window into her bedroom because her parents were home. I started to get the sense that she didn’t really like me, so I decided to leave—but when I went to climb out the window again, she said I could use the front door. (Which was weird, but OK.) So I went to leave and walked out of her room to her parents chilling in the living room. Obviously, they were shocked to see me. Then she came out and started fighting with her parents. Turns out her parents were quite racist, and she wanted to make them mad by bringing a person of colour home. I was basically chased out of their home and told to keep ‘my dirty Muslim hands’ off their daughter. I’m an atheist lololol.”

“I went on a date with a guy who wore what looked like a stick of Kryptonite around his neck.”

“He cried in MY bed after I said I didn’t want to have sex, and then he asked me to leave the room so he could be alone, in MY ROOM in MY APARTMENT.”