Haligonians are a talkative bunch. We’ll gab at the grocery store, in line for the movies, in the middle of a crosswalk… anywhere, really. And that includes the bedroom, it seems, according to The Coast’s 2025 Sex + Dating Survey. Nearly three-quarters of respondents to our 17th annual anonymous and sexy survey say they’re into dirty talk or open to it, depending on the mood—even if one in six admit they have no clue what to say when they’re doing the deed. And those are just the self-aware ones.
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Raw data: Results from The Coast’s 2025 Sex + Dating Survey
In keeping with one of our favourite annual traditions in the survey, we asked you for your poorest pillow talk. And hot damn, did you ever spill the tea. One Coast reader says a partner once told them “this is the third-most I’ve ever wanted someone,” while another remembers an ex-flame saying “you remind me of my daughter.”
Read through some of the best—which is to say, worst—replies to the question, “What’s the most cringe-worthy thing you’ve said or heard during sex?” below:
*Disclaimer: This story contains graphic language*
“What are you doing?”
“I forgot to feed the chickens”
“Unnnhh you like that, little girl?”
“He started talking about his ‘horse cock’ and how big it was… It was maybe slightly above average.”
“Sometimes you have to put yourself first”
“Daddy”
“Are you done yet?”
“They call me old Saint Dick ‘cause I’ll be cumming down your chimney”
“Wow, your dick is so… veiny”
“Saying I’d been ‘laminated’ after being cummed on”
“Is it in?”
“Commit to it”
“Is that dust on the fan?”
“I need to take this call”
“Can you see my muscles?”
“What’s the square-root of two?”
“They neighed like a horse”
“Suck the shit off my cock, bitch”
“Do something”
“Do you have any body-image issues?”
“Gotta return this text”
“Take me down to the Paradise City”
“I’ve never been so hard in my life (we were only making out)”
“Can I get a Subway footlong with double meat and extra mayo?”
“Is that it?”
“Turn over”
“Smile”
“Swallow”
“They slapped me in the face and said, ‘That’s what kink is, right?’”
“Try harder, I’m really close”
“That someone else was a better lover than me”
“I want to suck my toes”
“Did you take out the garbage?”
“Neato”
“I want to fuck your daughter”
“I’m going to cum up your ass and then fuck your mouth”
“He talked like a theatre kid. So everything that came out of his mouth sounded like a scene from a weird play.”
“Are you sure you’re a lesbian?”
“You’re hot for an old man”
“I said someone’s dick was smaller than I expected”
“I’m so lonely”
“Next”
“It’s going to go so deep you’ll feel it in your throat”
“Yes, bitch!”
“I farted”
“I think I have a yeast infection”
“That’s a big fella”
“Ever fuck a girl on her period?”
“You’re small”
“Bazinga”
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This article appears in Feb 1-28, 2025.