Where’d you get your license, a fucking cereal box?

Listen up all your motherfuckers who keep plowing through crosswalks while I’m trying to cross the street. I don’t care that you’re late for work, or that you feel you have room to squeeze by while a person is still walking across. You do not have this right. You know the fucking rules of the road, bitch. Don’t pretend you don’t see me. Wake the fuck up!!! One time an older couple driving a little piece of shit blue car plowed right through the crosswalk while I was walking — while looking me in the fucking eye. When I scowled at them, the passenger, an older, trashy looking lady actually GAVE ME THE FINGER! You fucking self-righteous! From now on I’ll be carrying my handy dandy iphone and snapping a photo of you bastards’ license plates and calling crimestoppers on you sons of bitches. —I have had e-fucking-nuff!!!

This article appears in Feb 4-10, 2016.