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It’s become increasingly difficult to feel safe as a woman in Halifax, in this world. Our desire to feel safe and comfortable is mocked, criticized and ignored. Every mistake we make is thrown in our face and used to prove that we don’t deserve any better. –East-coast woman
This article appears in Jan 8-14, 2015.
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It’s become increasingly difficult to feel safe as a man in Halifax, in this world. Our desire to feel safe and comfortable is mocked, criticized and ignored. Every mistake we make is thrown in our face and used to prove that we don’t deserve any better. –East-coast man
“Anyone who thinks sexism is not ingrained in our culture needs to man up, grow a pair, and stop being such a douche”
THE MISTAKE
“Every mistake we make is thrown in our face and used to prove that we don’t deserve any better.” East-coast woman
A clue to the nature of the dilemma is to be found in the nature of your “mistake.” Did it involve paying customers in seedy hotels? Did you charge too much and the angry customer threw the money in your face? Write back soon.
A pleasure as always,
Cheerio!
Yup, just jump on the I am woman, woe is me train. Get real. Just remember men are the victim of crimes more than women are, More men are missing than women.
I’m sleepy and I wish I was a millionaire!
Well, I must congratulate South House (at Dal) for running a forum on misogyny to bring awareness to the issue and create constructive dialogue on the topic. It’s a refreshing departure from the lynch mob mentality of late and will do far more to further the cause.
Maybe now we can actually have a rational conversation without the over-exaggerations and scapegoating a small group of people.
Many women I know are fierce warriors and take no prisoners when it comes to disrespect.
Teach your children well.
Amazing how anytime any woman anywhere gives voice to the fear she feels, some gas lighting piece of shit immediately pipes up to dismiss that fear because, you know, the menz! Won’t someone think of the poor menz! Maybe I should attach a photo of my penis so you know it’s ok to take me seriously.
You have an irrational fear of men, OB, just like I have an irrational fear of spiders. You have been conditioned to fear your male counterparts by groups that get paid to instill that fear and personify it in the media. As women get closer and closer to absolute equality, which you already have under the eyes of the law, these groups are forced to keep you ever fearful of a dwindling number of redneck misogynists in order to feel relevant enough to keep their cushy jobs. As a society, we will never be able to police peoples thoughts and there will always be a certain number of dumbasses that will resist change until the bitter end. It is your job as a modern woman to assert yourself as a confident member of society, not societies job to do it for you. Women before you have done the leg work, the heavy lifting if you prefer, now stop pretending you have it rough by using “fear” as your crutch.
Not all crimes against women, committed by men, are crimes of misogyny. Some of them are just crimes. Not everyone who makes an off-color comment about women is a misogynist, sometimes it’s just a comment.
What a steaming pile of patronizing bullshit. Women have been trained to fear men since the dawn of time. It’s not some recent invention of the feminazi illuminati. And until pretty recently they’ve had damn good reason to fear men. It’s only in the last couple of generations that domestic violence and sexual assault have been taken seriously by society. If we, as men, want women to stop fearing us, mocking, dismissing, and patronizing them for that fear (all responses which have already occurred in this very thread) is not the way to achieve that goal.
Listen here, Fucko (Stanley), I have a mother, a sister and a wife who I have nothing but the utmost respect for. I treat, and always have, every single woman I come in contact with with the same respect and dignity. I am a male member of society and, judging by the men I consider my friends, I am not the exception, I’m the rule. I refuse to accept blame for anyone else’s actions I cannot control, just as I refuse to accept a woman’s irrational fear of something she cannot control. Please do not speak for me, represent yourself and, yourself only.
Stanley, do you really have a penis or is the testosterone increasing the length of your clit? Nah, just pulling it dude..
Seriously though, stop generalizing. Not all men behave as some university students have. Statements like yours are just as bad as the feminazi lynch-mobbers. No wonder they (and you) are being mocked/corrected/ignored. No one wants to hear people whining about their problems. Try taking a proactive approach instead of ridiculing the Masters of the Universe.
Show me where I made a generalization. Quote me where I said all men should take the blame for the actions of a few. Fact: Women are afraid. Fact: When they express that fear they are mocked, dismissed, and patronized. Case in point, comments 1, 3, 4, 5, and 9 on this thread. The irony of the very response the author of this bitch predicted being played out in the response to it seems to be lost on most of you. Fact: Those reactions do not make women less afraid. What they do, and what they are meant to do, is shut women up. What I’m suggesting is that we not do that. How fucking radical and reactionary, right? Stephen Harper here claims he treats all women with respect, immediately after treating East Coast Woman to a patronizing rant about how she should or shouldn’t feel and concluding with the suggestion that she just needs to grow a pair. How about when a woman says she is afraid, you just acknowledge that? Don’t mock. Don’t belittle. That’s not taking responsibility for somebody else’s douchebaggery. It’s showing empathy for another human being. And that is something that would help women to feel less fearful.
Stanley, read what you wrote. The re-read it. Then read it after a nap. Then stop putting tampons in your butt.
Oh great another white knite male feminist who thinks he’s a hero for ‘standing up’ for us. You have no place speaking for women, you’re not our saviour. Why are you such an advocate for women’s rights? I really do question your motivation. No man without alterior motives is such an aggressive supporter of a movement that really doesn’t have anything to do with you. We don’t need you to defend us, we are doing just fine without you. I trust Hing Frogg and Steven Harper more than I do you, sir. I award you no points.
Blame the media for your relative increased feeling of danger. I’m sure if you went back 100 years, when women couldn’t even vote in this country, you’d be worse off as a woman than you are today. Doesn’t mean there aren’t shitty things happening to people today though.
As a woman I can confidently say that I’m not the scared little forest creature that you think I am. Gosh what a big and noisy world this is. Won’t someone please protect me? Isn’t there anyone willing to talk tough on an internet forum on my behalf? I make a good salary and I have a good education, I’ve never experienced any barriers in my personal life because of my gender. That’s not to say that others haven’t but I am sick and tired of hearing my peers claim they are oppressed. You are not. You don’t get hand-outs because of your vagina, ladies. You work like the rest of us. Not everyone gets to be a manager but if you put in your time and WORK hard, you can succeed. You have every possibility.
Lol, I love how you paraphrase what I said into something you can use as amunition for your lost cause, Stanley. I neither mocked nor dismissed anything the OB said. I merely pointed out that her fear is, IMO, irrational and confidence is the key to controlling fear.
Why do you accuse me of being part of the problem? Does it make YOU feel superior to me? Good for you, Sport!!!
gad, and people wonder why there is such a fucking chasm between the sexes.
why do so many men take affront when a woman says she fears men?
just because its a real fear doesn’t mean YOU are the cause of it. save your lash out for the jerks who cause it.
I don’t think Stanley wants to be a hero and I don’t think his comments were ‘speaking up’ for women. I don’t consider those comments demeaning, insulting, patronizing. sounded pretty reasonable to me. any human being who calls for reason and kindness is welcome in my camp.
step away from the edge of extremism.
men get all bunched up in a football huddle to protect their testicle juice.
women circle their wagons and bristle with arrows.
if ya’ll want to jump the fence and become gay all of a sudden, the problem will be over. we can divvy up the continents and never the twain shall meet. fine with me, I would be just as happy if the species dies out because we do nothing but fight and bicker.
RSVP
LucyinTheSky (3:15PM)
Very close to my thoughts about Stanley as well. However, you must admit that he has a wonderful sense of humour.
A pleasure as always,
Cheerio!
Gooddog Molly, you don’t think his comments were ‘speaking up for women’? Why do you not think that? Because he speaks about women as though they are victims and you are more comfortable with that, I wonder? I am not comfortable being thought of or treated like a victim and I am not afraid. Neither you, nor OB, nor Stanley but-kiss speaks on behalf of all women and certainly not me. Thank-you.
Stanley, you don’t think women talk shit about men”
no. I just happen to be confident enough to not take offense if someone sneezes in my direction.
I am going to start signing off as Jesus H Christ almighty on a jumped up pogo stick
My main gripe with the OB’s bitch is that she uses the word “us” and claims to speak for all women. I am confident that my female partner, sister, mother and many female friends do not live in a constant state of fear. They are all confident, successful professionals who stand up to anybody who aggresses them in any situation. The real irony is that, contrary to this bitch, the most common complaint I have heard from female colleagues (and seen myself in person in the office) is that they are more likely to be undermined by other women than to be criticized by men. They have commented to me that they feel like they are generally treated fairly by the men but other women seem to be threatened or jealous of their success and try to derail them with petty gossip, putting up roadblocks, and backstabbing. Go figure!
Well in my place of work neither the women nor the men behave that way, but we run a pretty tight ship there and wouldn’t tolerate that sort of behaviour. From either gender. Typically, I don’t relate these attitudes to either gender, they are individualistic. Professionalism is a huge component to being successful. People who do not behave in a professional manner in the workplace, whether that includes sexual harassment or undermining a co-worker and hence the rest of the team, do not last long in a highly competitive business environment such as ours. Similarly, individuals who demonstrate commitment to the success of our business, who work hard and have strong ethics (to name a few things) are likely to succeed or receive exemplary recommendations if they feel they would be better suited for advancement with another company. This is the way the world works.
I don’t ‘identify’ with the op’s situation, but I don’t feel threatened by it either. I didn’t get all bristle-y about her speaking on my behalf – I know its fairly commonplace in certain environments whether I frequent those environments or not, whether I would be subject to harassment or not.
like my typical responses to bro tim or more ‘I don’t judge all men on you two louts’ I don’t feel lumped in with any particular group of women.
the backstabbing ‘queen bee syndrome’ is real (hopefully dying out as women gain confidence and moving space) but I think it will take another 100 or so generations before we can slough off our pre-technology survival urges.
Some women need someone to stand up for them. Not all. But some. I’m happy to stand up for those women, and stand aside for the others. But that’s not the point. Calling out other men for being douchebags isn’t about standing up for women. It’s also about standing up for men who aren’t douchebags. I read an article about a study where they interviewed a bunch of convicted rapists in prison. Every single one of those rapists believed that ALL men would rape if they were sure they could get away with it. Same thing with guys like the Dal douchebags. They think all men think like them. It’s up to other men to tell them they’re wrong. Jesus, why is that such a fucking cognitive brick wall for some of you people?
Oh, and I’m also passionate about gay rights. But, wait for it… I’m not gay. Can’t wait for the theories as to what my agenda might be.
And of course, whenever a man breaks ranks and rejects the official position that misogyny is all in women’s heads, the faithful react by questioning his masculinity. Can’t say that’s ever been hurled at me before. Nope, that wasn’t predictable at all. Fuck it. I have to go polish my armour.
I see how you operate Gooddog Molly. Because I have enthusiastically stated an opinion that differs from yours, I must be ‘bristle-y’ and ‘threatened’. Obviously. Whereas you, and those who support your opinions, are ‘confident’ and ‘reasonable’. Gotcha.
I don’t need to theorize about what your agenda might be, Stanley, I already know what it is – you are a sanctimonious, holier-than-thou, who thrives on feeling morally superior to others. I’m not certain that there are women out there who need you to stand up for them, to be their protector. I think that’s a duty you have bestowed upon yourself. Women are capable of speaking for ourselves and defending ourselves without your permission and without your guidance. There are a lot of men out there who don’t believe in violence against women and who consider women equals who do not choose to place themselves in the forefront of the issue and ‘passionately defend’ us. Something about you does not sit right with me.
do I believe that women can be brutal to other women? yes. either from a weak position – backstabbing and undermining, or from a strong position, refusing to see that not all other HUMANS have the wherewithal to stride confidently through life. if a woman says she is nervous about getting into an elevator at night with a male stranger I am not going to tell her she is a weenie.
re the attitude of prison rapists. yes, I believe that. I support Patrick stewarts campaign of ‘just knock on the door’ because I believe that women can rant and rave and holler from here til eternity and it won’t have the impact of guys showing other guys ‘that’s not right’.
for the past couple weeks with the dal shit being spread everywhere, ONE of the things that really bugs me is way too many men saying ‘all men think like that’. I don’t believe that. I would really prefer to hear from more of the ‘I don’t think like that’ section. its not sycophancy. its not sucking up to women. its not betraying bros. how horrid for men to ridicule another man who says ‘I don’t think like that’ and to start hauling out the loafer lightener jokes. given the pressures most boys grow up under, its still one of the worst things you can accuse another guy of. crappy, but there it is.
why do so many people get so intensely personal about these discussions?
^^addition to above thoughts. the rcmp member who witnessed the beheading on the greyhound bus has taken his own life.
(Vince Savoia, a former paramedic and founder of the Tema Conter Memorial Trust, said Cunningham isn’t alone in being afraid to speak up.
“When they finally do come up and ask for help, they are harassed, they are ridiculed, they are isolated, they are ignored,” said Savoia.
With nowhere to turn for help, some turn to suicide. Ottawa’s fire chief is calling the situation a national epidemic.)
no one should ever be ridiculed or shamed for feeling overwhelmed by such a thing. I know cops, firefighters, ems have to tamp down a lot because they have to keep going out there, but they are not made of stone. we have to let them bend sometimes or they are going to break.
Fuckin-A, Lucy, own that shit like a boss!!!
Excellent posts Lucy!
Stanley and the OB, let me summarize some learning for you:
– as you read, Lucy doesn’t need your “help” or protection. And I’m certain there are far more Lucy types than non-Lucy types in Halifax.
– most of us fellers try our best to be decent people and to treat other men and women decently. We expect the same from our friends and associates, both men and women. We don’t need the you to tell us how to conduct our lives.
– don’t let media sensationalism give you a tainted view of the world. It’s all about selling their product through fear. It’s not the reality of most peoples’ day to day lives.
– this site thrives on pointing out bullshit, hypocrisy and excessive political correctness. Don’t post unless you are ready to be called on what you post.
Take care and keep warm.
RSVP
LucyInTheSky (6:02PM)
Very close to my own thoughts about Stanley as well. However, you must remember that he has a wonderful sense of humour. Only rarely do we encounter someone with such subtlety and sophistication combined with an unimpeachable moral rectitude. I predict a brilliant career on the stand-up comedy circuit.
A pleasure as always,
Cheerio!
I am sorry you are frightened, it is unfair. However I feel it’s important to point out that safety is a fallacy, fear is largely a choice. You may not have the choice to feel it, but you do have the choice to act on it when you do. If you want to feel completely safe, give up, it will never happen. There is no such thing. Life is scary for everyone. Some people are violent, some people aren’t. At some point you will have to decide, do you want to live scared, or do you want to live in spite of it.
Prejudice is prejudice, and each case has to be dealt with specifically without over generalizations clouding the groups of wrongs on either “side”.
Adults (18 and older) make up apx 70% of the world’s population, women count for apx 50% of the adult population.
So what about the other 4.7 billion people?