You pathetic piece of shit with your straightened bob haircut, looking like some sad stereotype from a blaxploitation film…Who the fuck do you think you are, stalking a lone girl late at night walking home?
I told you to fuck off, and that I was on my way home, but you followed me down the street in your car, pulling over every block. Your 50-year old white lady driver just added to the creep factor, and no, I don’t like weed, and even if I did, you can take yours and shove it up your sorry ass.
How dare you make me feel threatened in my own neighborhood! I was having a great night, and then suddenly I was afraid for my life, envisioning terrible scenarios and planning escape routes when I was just trying to walk home. Fuck you, you sorry ass piece of shit!!
To all the males out there that think women overreact to the “perceived” threat of being a woman alone at night on the street: When was the last time you had to fear for your life and the sanctity of your vagina? When was the last time you suddenly felt that your life could be terrifyingly changed in an instant? When was the last time someone tried to take your power away, and scared you so badly it left you shaking?
Why should being a woman automatically mean knowing fear?
—A very angry me0w
This article appears in Sep 10-16, 2009.
don’t you just fucken love halifax.
Men don’t have vaginas you fucking idiot.
Tell that to your favorite tranny, hali. LOL
That really sucks Meow, I hope you are ok. I don’t think guys can ever really understand the innate fear of rape that girls have. Until maybe the threat of being sent to prison is in their minds.
It may be reasonable to say the presence of testosterone may inhibit fear in this sense. I’m willing to bet a (real) man has NEVER felt the kind of fear women deal with entering a supposedly empty house or walking down a dark street. Doesn’t mean they should be aware of it or respect it.
I bet we could sift through Kay’s past comments and find a very interesting list on what a (real) man should be.
PAS, you could look up “Human Male” in a biology textbook and make some pretty accurate assumptions about what I think a real man is… you’ll notice the picture representation of a human male does NOT show one pretending to be a human female.
I guess the white woman in her 50’s driving the car was an innocent bystander, eh?
After much discussion in the past few weeks on women being preyed upon by male predators, reading of another woman’s experience still impacts me deeply. Although meOw was not physical assaulted, I can empathize with her fear of the potential for danger.
Men often dismiss this fear as an overreaction. Their tendency to trivialize a woman’s instinctual fear of a man following close behind her in the night reveals that they have little in their own personal experience which will allow them to understand why this is a problem for women. Perhaps it is men’s lack of empathy or inability to understand that cause women to not share their experiences with them. This is unfortunate as men tend to think that sexual assaults on women by men are a rarity. Thinking this, of course, just causes them to continue to feel that women are being paranoid.
Yet, women do share with each other. Even when they feel that they cannot speak of their experience to the police (usually male strangers), they do tell other women. Women have a better grasp of the statistics involved in the sexual assaults of men on women than any agency that tracks such things. This is one way in which we protect ourselves. We inform each other. So, it is not that we are paranoid, it is that we are warned.
There is not the space here to try to explain what the difference between rape and physical assault is, but I think men can understand, at least, the sheer size and aggression difference between men and women. If a lone male (never mind a group of males) traveling behind a woman late night chose to overcome the female in front of him, the sheer strength difference automatically puts the female into the position of becoming the victim. The intent of the man behind the woman (which a woman can never be sure of) is not the issue here. It is that if the man chooses to overcome her, the difference in strength alone virtually guarantees the outcome, and the woman traveling alone is well aware of this.
I do not think it is too much to ask, although they do not understand, that men trust that the fear women feel is real and legitimate. This does not mean that men should not walk behind a woman at night. It merely means that men should not trivialize women’s fear when confronted with it. But, if a man does become aware that the woman in front of him is acting nervous, why couldn’t he slow his pace or cross the street? He would slow his pace or cross the street to talk to a woman that he found attractive, so why can he not do so in order to reassure a woman that he is not a predator?
Did you see that runner from South Africa? Caster Semenya? I doubt ‘she’ gets messed with.
Thanks, PAS. I was pretty freaked out last night, but I’m alright now, just feeling rather bitter about the whole thing.
It just really infuriates me that being a woman means I get to go through life periodically having creepy dudes harass, threaten, or intimidate me, or worse, attempt to rape, abduct or beat me up.
The thing that really gets to me is the woman that was with that asshole. What kind of poor excuse for a woman goes along with that kind of shit? There is something just so unsavoury about an old white lady driving around a greasy hood rat while he harasses women late at night. It immediately set off my alarm bells. If it was just one guy, or a carload of guys, I could maybe chalk it up to a bunch of dumb jerks out to get some kicks, but I sense that those two had much darker intentions.
Doesnt it tell you something about humans that a woman has an innate fear of the opposite sex? That fear didnt just pop up over the last little bit, it has been engrained in our dna from millenia of men brutalizing women and women having little or no recourse. If a woman is scared, even if the situation doesnt seem scary to a man, that doesnt mean that it’s not scary to a woman. Men will never learn because they havent had that fear. With the exception of certain ethnic groups, most men have never known what it was like to not be a real person under the law, and have no rights. You cant stop us from being scared but for the love of Pete, try to understand where we come from.
I was followed home from school once when I was 12. I was a latch key kid and i lived in the valley while my parents commuted to Halifax to work which added to the scariness of the situation because by the time I DID get home (I ran once I realised I was being followed) I was all alone.
This was in broad daylight in a small town. This guy was easily in his 50s or 60s. It really fucked me up for a long time and my mom almost had to take time off work to deal with it. If something like that can happen in a small town, it can happen anywhere 🙁
So, I know how you feel, me0w. *sigh*
I hope you reported it. God forbid it happens again and the person goes with them…
Meow, did you have a cell phone ? Phone 911 as soon as you felt threatened. Tell the operator your location and the urgency of the situation. I know everyone here hates cops and think they are evil, but they are probably less evil than the culprit.
Also get the license plate number if you can and make a report.
Phone it in anyways with the details you do have, if you give the police a chance you might be surprised what they can do. The police track things like this, and the people doing it are usually known to the police, so not that hard to solve.
It certainly doesn’t help with all the abduction stories popping up lately. I’ve never been comfortable even being hit on, by any guys, so a lot of my apprehension around male strangers is even what I would say if they started casually hitting on me. Then I think it comes down to intimidation and what HKM said about being overpowered. If you say or do the wrong thing what are they going to do in retaliation? People don’t like being rejected, and even just being yelled at by a stranger would be enough of an assult to freak me out for a few days.
Another incident wherein all men get painted with the same brush: “To all you males out there…” Well, that’s about 49% of the population.What a drag to have to hear this Oprah-ish manhate propoganda again.
You say there was a female driver, any statements to make to all ‘you females out there’. Assholes come in both varieties.
Being followed? Call the police. Beware, though: some cops are men.
Plushtashe: I think what the OP wrote was “To all the males out there that think women overreact…” so she wasn’t generalizing, you dismissive douche. The whole point of this bitch / discussion is to try to enlighten some of the male population who think that there is no reason for a woman to feel threatened that our fears are warranted. Congrats on completely missing the point.
Glad you’re OK Meow. I agree with yorkke: report what you can. The cops will start a file or something so if these two try something again, they can start connecting the dots.
On the bigger issue of women and power and all that, I totally appreciate what’s being said, however, not every man is a big burly brute and there are some men out there who know what it means to be intimidated and have their power taken away. There are times when anyone can be made helpless. Granted, it may happen more frequently or easily to women, but I don’t think they have a monopoly on it. I had a friend who was in Africa doing some aid work and he and his wife got jumped by a group of guys with machetes. They were stripped, hog tied and robbed. Thankfully they survived…but I guarantee my friend knows what it feels like to fear for his life and to feel powerless to help himself or his wife.
I know that’s not the same as walking home after a night out in Halifax, but I’m sure there are a few stories of powerless males getting beaten up or mugged or swarmed in Halifax.
1. Carry a Cell Phone (even one that isnt “activated” you can still dial 911).
2. Diall 911 and say you are being followed home. Give location. Cops in hfx arent the best but they HAVE to respond, as if anythign were to happen to you they’d be up the creek.
3. Problem solved, vag still intact, dignity even higher as you stood up for your rights and did the proper thing.
I called the police this morning to report it, and the cop I talked to didn’t seem to give a shit, was uninterested in the details I was trying to give him, treated me like I was wasting his time and quickly dismissed me. This is essentially the same treatment I have been given by the police on other occasions, even when reporting a much more serious incident. So yeah, I’m happy for those who continue to have faith in the police, but unfortunately I don’t.
While I appreciate what you’re saying and have sympathy for your friend’s terrifying experience, Miles, I would venture to guess that the fear and emotional repercussions felt by his wife were tenfold what he felt, simply due to the fact that it was fairly unlikely for him to be sexually assaulted in that situation. In saying this, I absolutely do not mean to trivialize the effect that experiencing that level of violence has on ANY human psyche, but I think the big difference between the genders in situations like this is the rape factor, which is something that few men will ever have to experience.
While any of us can be victimized at any time, I think it’s the frequency or likelihood of women to experience this in our lives that causes us to be particularly wary and fearful, and I wish that more men could be sympathetic to this fact. Sadly, I have a hard time thinking of any woman I know who has not experienced being harassed and intimidated, molested, or sexually or physically assaulted by either a strange man or even someone they knew and trusted.
I’m not at all trying to say that all men are evil and not to be trusted, or even that there aren’t some men who have an understanding of what women go through. But judging by my experience and some of the comments on this and similar threads, there are a lot of men out there who don’t take the experiences of women very seriously and don’t consider our fears to be justified.
I’m a female, and I’ve been sexually assaulted before. Most recently, I had a man on my roof, looking at me threw my skylight, jacking off. That was pretty scary, so I know how you feel. It sucks we have to deal with this in our own neighborhoods, even in our own homes. But I don’t think it’s fair to say a man will never understand.. I think you are forgetting how many young kids (maybe even more males then females) get sexually abused by strangers, family friends, even their own immediate family. Yeah, it’s very unlikely men will have to deal with this sort of shit when they’re older.. but maybe it has happened to them as a child, or to their girlfriends, sisters, mothers. They all aren’t insensitive assholes.. ALOT of people, will never understand how it feels to be raped, sexually assaulted or abused, not just men, women as well.
Miles, women are not saying that they have the market cornered on fear, intimidation and helplessness. We are saying that when we are without the protection of a group or when the shadows of night close in (less help potential, more hidden areas), we feel more vulnerable and that we have for good reason for feeling this way. It is unfortunate that all men must be considered suspect in certain situations, but since women’s top predator is man, she must do this in order to gain any advantage possible if the danger proves to be real. It might not be your fault, but it is not our fault either.
We tell you this so that you will understand and respect our feelings of concern. If you feel the need to talk to a lone woman, do not crowd her to do so. You do not have to move toward her in order to say, ‘Hello”. Blocking her path is an aggressive act as is following her when she chooses to walk past you. What purpose is served by blocking her path, following her and/or forcing her to speak with you, when she clearly is trying to avoid you? The purpose, regardless of the intent, is to force her to do as you want her to do. You want her to stop. You want her to talk. You want her to pay attention to your need. A woman is angered by the fact that you think that you have the right to do this. And, she is angered by the fact that she must adhere to your demand because you are stronger and more aggressive than her. A polite ‘no thank you’ is often not enough to deter your need to ‘at least try’.
As far as your friend’s experience went, it was a horrific situation that is feared by most. But, his fear would be of pain and death. His wife’s fear would be of being ripped inside out by a group of men, additional pain and then death. Yet, strangely, I have heard that the most immediate fear of the man in this situation was not of pain or death but that he would have to watch his wife being raped. And, the wife’s immediate concern is not only that her husband would be killed but that he would have to watch her being raped.
I say strangely, because the impact of rape on women seems at times to be trivialized, yet, in a situation such as this, it is more feared than death itself.
“But I don’t think it’s fair to say a man will never understand…”
I agree, poolshark, which is why I never said that. I merely said that it’s too bad that more men don’t try to understand or sympathize.
I am certainly aware that males are also potential victims of sexual abuse, but contrary to what you state, females are statistically far more likely to be sexually abused as children, and infinitely more likely to be sexually assaulted in adulthood.
Obviously (and thankfully), not everyone, male or female, will know what it’s like to be sexually victimized or assaulted, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask that people try to understand and be sensitive to those that do, and not dismiss their fear as irrational.
The vast majority of procreation amongst ducks is due to rape. Male ducks will even rape other male ducks. They infact chase each other down in the air in order to do so. It the need for the male to ensure his seed is spread.
HKM and Meow, I totally get what you are saying and won’t argue that women deal with this shit more often and probably more severely. I was just pointing out that many men can at least identify with what you deal with and are sensitive to the shit women have to go through. It’s just that you don’t notice those men because they aren’t jacking off on your skylight or trying to get you into their car. The guys who make you feel uncomfortable are brutes and predators. They terrorize everyone, male and female alike. Those people will NEVER care about how they make anyone else feel except to derive pleasure from the fear they cause. The rest of us understand.
Showing your fear is absolutely the worst thing you can do. Sorry, I never had your problem perhaps because I’d stir up my pissed-off gene and stomp home alone with that ‘don’t even try to fuck with me’ face. I realize not everyone can do that but it sure as shit is better than feeling intimidated.
Poolshark, I once said to a man (who, as a boy, had been sexually abused by a man) that someone such as himself could understand how a woman feels about rape. You know what he said to me? He said, “I can understand how you feel about being raped, but as a man, I do not fear being raped when I find myself suddenly alone with a man.” He also made me aware that for him the impact of his rape on his sex life was not same as it was for a woman. He has sex with women, so he can disassociate his rape by a man overall, but, generally, a raped woman cannot do this, as her sexual partner is still a man.
Yeah, you’re totally right, Miles. Honestly, I’m lucky enough to have a whole bunch of intelligent, sensitive and understanding men in my life, and I’d like to believe that there are lots more like them in the world. The fact that you also fall into that category of men continues to come across through your insightful commentary, Miles, so thanks for being you 🙂
TTFN, make no mistake, I’m no meek and mild little flower. Although I felt intimidated, I didn’t let it show, and repeatedly told these creeps to fuck off as I walked away. There is a certain point though, where bravado is less valuable than the instinct for self-preservation. No matter how tough I acted, I could have been easily overpowered by one or both of them at any moment. When I realized that despite my efforts to deter them they were going to persist in following me, and to continue walking in my current direction would take me into an area where I would be more vulnerable, I opted for diverting onto a side street and looping back to an area where I felt safer.
I see your point, meOw – it really sucks that you can’t walk the streets safely at night. The only thing I can suggest is carrying a whistle or a personal alarm.
Holy fuck, that is insane!! Sorry to hear you had so much trouble with these retards.
I still think we need concealed weapons licenses up here… haha. Shoot his back window out and I’m sure he would’ve taken his weed somewhere else :))
And, having read more of the comments (there were 30 of them already!) …
I was molested as a child. By a woman, my babysitter at the time. So I know what it’s like to be victimized, though of course, the whole dichotomy of being abused by a woman as a boy, is the whole bravado factor of “Oh yeah you started early, good for you wink nudge” kind of thing.
When you are so freaked out to be open and honest with people you love or are in relationships with because of these things… it doesn’t seem so great.
But yeah… I’m sorry there are so many insensitive jerks out there who do mean/perverted/nasty things to innocents (especially women) who don’t deserve it, and don’t want any part of it. That part, I completely understand!
Jerking off on a roof, WTF?! Don’t think I’ll ever understand that.
That sucks, me0w, and I’m sorry you had to go through that.
See, folks, this is why I’ll tell my daughters to be armed at all times when they go outside at night. Rather they feel and possibly be safe before some asshole feels the right to get his rocks off.
No woman (or man, it happens) should have to go through this at all. If a guy stalks a gal and attacks or grabs her and gets shanked/stabbed/sliced/cut/gutted – so fucking be it! Some males need to learn that females aren’t here for us to shove a dick into or cook for us.
Start carrying weapons if you have to, me0w. If/when you’re ever grabbed or approached (in a threatening manner) and you have a blade or knife on you, use it! If he bleeds to death, fuck him; one less waste of space.
I figure the best way to deal with a creep that exposes hmself is to point at it and laugh.
Meow, were you talking to a cop or a Commissionaire or someone in communications? Any of the three can take complaints. If you’re not happy with the service, then call Standards and Training.
dartmouthy, I deliberately omitted rape by a woman on a boy because not only is it rare (that I know of), but I do not know what the impact on the victim is. I mean, although I can sympathize and even, to a degree, empathize, I still, as a woman, do not know what you went through, so I left it alone. I suspect that although you did not have to go through the ‘you probably brought it on yourself’ thing, your experience was still trivialized with such comments as ‘You lucky guy’ from men, and “But you were not penetrated’ by women. I imagine that your ability to be intimate with women was impacted in a negative way due to trust issues that stem from the abuse suffered. Yet, as a man (no longer a boy), it is unlikely that a woman would cause you to feel that you are in physical danger. Still, you have suffered sexual abuse, which means that you know the deep sense of shame and outrage that such abuse causes its victims.
I just read in the paper today, 2nd page, that an off duty officer was arrested for domestic assault. Is it any wonder that women feel hesitant to report such things as harrassment when you may be dealing with an officer such as I’ve previously mentioned or the kind of officer meOw had handling her call. Not saying they are all woman hating wife beaters, but many are hardly the upright, trustworthy people we’re told to trust as children.
I’d just like to add that further to Q’s comment in the other thread, I find it difficult to believe a man’s (or anyone’s) statement that they don’t know anyone who’s been sexually assaulted – unless you know like, almost no women. It’s more likely that you don’t know any women who have chosen to share their experience with you. Not all women have had this experience, that’s for sure – they estimate 1 out of 4 have been raped – but many women who *have* been sexually assaulted pick and choose who they reveal it to. This is because many people of both genders can react insensitively to the news.
“woman has an innate fear of the opposite sex”
Nobody likes the term but “alpha male” means something relevant here. Everybody on this planet experiences a normal fear reaction to loud low tones like big thunder. All of us. Men and women. Most men can produce similar tones and solicit the same foundational fear reaction in all the living creatures around him (save for other competing males who will display a defense or offense reaction rather than fear) these include women not usually armed with such a natural, near effortless, fear-soliciting ability. It doesn’t take long for us to understand tone of human language so all of us, boys and girls, shuttered when our Daddy’s voice boomed even before we knew what he was bellowing about. It’s only natural for the small and quiet to have to manage fear when faced with the potential for big and loud.
Sorry for your shitty luck, me0w. There’s safety in numbers. Stay safe.
to jennier:
it’s MY point that was missed. the ‘bitch’ involved a female driver– yet the male is the focus of the complaint and comment strand. HE couldn’t have stalked without HER driving so this is not a gender-specific anecdote.
that some men need enlightenment is obvious, but ‘tuesday night stalker’ does not illustrate that point.
I understand where everyone is coming from.. as a person who’s had these things happen to me personally, no one, even my friends who have also been raped will ever understand what I went threw afterwards. Everyone handles it differently. I went threw hell, but I can tell you I’m stronger because of it. I’m not afraid to walk home late at night by myself, like TTFN I put on my “do not even try to fuck with me” face. But then again, when these things happened to me, it wasn’t random, it was people I knew.
Someone brought up their friend and his wife being mugged and hog tied in Africa doing volunteer work.. I think I’d rather be raped myself, then watch the one I loved the most being raped infront of me, not being able to help.. I’m happy they were OK!
I think it’s silly to be arguing about this though.. anyone with half a conscience can sympathize with these sort of things, man or woman. And if they can’t, then they’re the people you need to watch out for, end of story.
sleep easy tonight, girls.
Can you believe, after 14 break-ins, with it being on the news every day, those stupid girls still slept with the door unlocked? Jesus Christ. This is what their professors have to work with.
similar to po0lshark here all brave walkin’ home alone in the dark. Hello? Anybody home? How much more do you need to hear in addition to your own story of rape to actually smarten up? People are stupid, indeed!