I’m so sick and tired of being rejected! I asked out about 11 different women in the past year or two and every one of them said no! These are all women I got to know a little, not strangers off the street. And only three of them were hot, the rest were average-looking or moderately attractive. Just to fucking dinner, not to my place to fuck or anything.
I’m a very nice guy but I guess that doesn’t matter, does it? No, I have no car, or house, I live in a small apartment with two roommates because I can’t afford to live more expensively with my job as dishwasher at a certain restaurant, and I’m told I’m not all that good-looking. So fucking what? I’m a great guy who has scrounged some money together several times to buy these women dinner (I even told them it was my treat), still a no from them! Most of these women are aware that I’m nice, not a douchebag, because they see, and have heard from others, how good I am to my family and friends. But nice doesn’t cut it!
Guess I better settle for an unattractive bitchy girl who’s on welfare, because apparently the women I wanted at one point or another are too good for me! —Single and Frustrated
This article appears in Mar 25-31, 2010.
Halifax Match.
I’m not sure how old you are dude, but if at first you don’t succeed – try, try again. Why settle and make YOURSELF miserable? It’s like George Michael said – “You gotta have faith!”
Maybe some women consider a dinner date less casual than they would prefer on a first date. Perhaps a coffee date would be a good place to start.
I’ve heard the same complaint as yours from some of my guy friends. They meet a girl and she just wants to be friends. It’s because that ‘chemistry’ attraction is not there. When a girl meets a guy she knows when the attraction is there. It’s not easy to find but it’s worth it when you do.
A guy who is making the most of his life can be quite attractive to women. Be that guy so when you do meet a woman who likes the chemistry between you she’ll like the whole package.
I know nothing real about you or your situation
other than what you’ve said. All the same, that
tired, overused line about how “nice guys finish last”.
Weird thing about cliches. They often hold a element of truth.
“I’m a very nice guy” – There’s your problem
“No, I have no car, or house, I live in a small apartment with two roommates because I can’t afford to live more expensively with my job as dishwasher at a certain restaurant, and I’m told I’m not all that good-looking. So fucking what?” – This means shit all. If a woman is hung up on your job, lifestyle, appearance, etc, she’s not worth it. Move on.
“I’m a great guy who has scrounged some money together several times to buy these women dinner (I even told them it was my treat), still a no from them!” – Of course they’re saying no. You’re already trying to suck up by buying them dinner. In other words, you’re too easy. Stop being easy and make them work for it. Do something fun on a date, like mini golf. Pay your own way, loser pays for the other. Makes things interesting and fun.
“But nice doesn’t cut it!” – You say that but obviously you don’t understand why. Stop being nice!
“apparently the women I wanted at one point or another are too good for me!” – If you think like this, you’ll fail for sure.
+1, dgaf.
Once you play the nice card, your doomed.
Then you wind up with lots of hot girl friends who don’t wanna date you, and you torture yourself, forever.
so yea, don’t be nice. be direct.
unless you have two heads, on your shoulders, what the fuck is wrong. are you going to a church or something to meet these women? if no, then maybe you should consider finding something lower than youon the life scale. don’t go looking for these nmodel type bimbos, all they care about is themselves.just be cool, stay away from those fucking date sites that only suck you in, see a previous post here for info. maybe you and this chick can get it on.
First thing first. Take a good look at how you speak about women in general. For such a ‘nice guy’ you don’t seem to have much respect for women at all. Second…you mention that the girls you have asked were already your friends….the emphasis on friends is important here, because if they had wanted to be more than friends, they would probably have already let you know that in some way. Maybe you should ask a casual aquaintance, and if she does accept…and I agree about a coffee first….be respectful and a gentleman. Nice does matter.
Maybe you’re seen as spineless, OB. Halifax women aren’t fussy about those types. I don’t think any woman is a fan of the spineless type.
Join the DarkSide.
See ya at Seadog’s!
If there ain’t chemistry, there ain’t nothing. Go get yourself a blow-up doll and save the expense of some leeching welfare hag. It’s less drama and way less cleanup.
OK, OP . . . whatever you do, don’t “settle.”
If you’re really a nice guy, like you say, and you treat everyone with kindness and respect, while maintaining your own integrity, you do NOT need your heart (and future financial life) destroyed by one of those awful “bitchy” types that seem to be so prevalent these days.
Filling/wasting the time with the “bitchy” ones can add yucky complications to your life that will only make it harder to meet the good ones. So I’m going to give you some advice that will (hopefully) help you meet the NON-bitchy ones. And yes, they do exist.
“Nice,” however, also means being nice to—respecting—yourself: knowing your own standards, your most important likes and dislikes, knowing what the deal-breakers are, and not exuding desparation. It’s all about confidence.
I’d be careful about the “friend dating” thing—proceed with caution. Many opposite-sex friends sincerely like people as friends—really—but they are uncomfortable when a “friend” suddenly wants to take it to the next level.
Most of all, make sure that as much of your time as possible is spent with people you enjoy being with. Reduce, as much as possible, the time you spend with peope who you don’t really like or who don’t treat you right. Good people like you for who you are, and aren’t disdainful because of your job, home, car, income level, etc. (God, as if no one else ever had/has an entry-level job or had an apartment with roommates!!)
Try to meet people outside of your “friend” circle. Make sure that your “spare” time is spent doing INTERESTING things that involve other people. Don’t spend TOO much time doing stuff where you can’t meet people.
Remember, every person you meet probably has friends, sisters, cousins, roomates . . . see? (Yeah, there is an element of “numbers game” to all this, I’m afraid—but hey, now you know!)
Focus on LIKE at first. LIKE is really important if anything else is going to happen.
Also, dinner can be a bit formal/uncomfortable for a first “date.” Try a few coffee “dates” or maybe a beer at a pub or something first—and I will add here: she should reciprocate the offer to pay once in a while, or more than once in a while. It shouldn’t just be you “shelling out” for everything. If she doesn’t make the effort to equal things out, trust me, RUN!
This is important: spend LOTS of time at first just TALKING, finding out if you have anything in common, then, IF it seems right, try asking if they would like to join you at something “casual” like a walk, a bike ride, a game of pool—but don’t rush anything! Make her know that she can TRUST you.
Plus, if at this point YOU don’t feel that YOU want it to go further, well, you’ve had a fun time, no big deal, and you can move on (gracefully) and without any pain or melodrama.
If/when that seems to be going well, you could try offering a “treat” of a CASUAL (?) dinner—maybe nothing too fancy yet, depending—you’ll have to be the judge.
And THIS is important: with no pressure! Be a gentleman. You’re not “buying her affections.” You’re just setting up something enjoyable for the two of you. (You’ll KNOW if/when the time is right to switch to something more “romantic”—at a certain point, she might make the first move so you won’t have to.)
Some people on this board might think I’m old fashioned. Maybe, but I believe that true love is real and it happens all the time. (I am not yet convinced that online dating is the best way to find it.)
One more thing: contrary to popular belief, MOST people are not “very good looking” by Hollywood standards. But look around you: that rarely prevents people from getting together, does it?
(And, beauty is fleeting anyway. We all turn into frogs eventually. Even the hotties!)
You seem like a decent guy. Don’t lose heart. And good luck!
Now step away from the computer and get out there and start MEETING PEOPLE!!!!
Wow. Thanks RubyJane for the time and effort that went into that message. Seriously! I think a lot of people could gain from those suggestions.
My problems with guys in this city is that it’s all or nothing with them. They are either “too good” for you, and won’t give you the time of day, or they put you on a pedestal and try to cater to your every whim. There should be a happy medium!
Save your money and move to a bigger city.
Fuck Nova Scotia and every one in it.
Good advice Rubyjane. Showing respect isn’t old-fashioned. It’s what the girls who respect themselves are looking for in a man.
very good advice…dating can be brutal….i know ..i am living in dating hell…be nice for once to find someone that are who they say they are….but i haven’t lost all hope yet..
tresola, i’m availible, anytime. and i don’t bite, hard or often. i like sucking instead.
I wouldn’t count on it, ugly welfare chicks still think they deserve a stud.
First. Find a better paying job. Then if you are ugly you can make up for it in nicer clothes. Go to the fucking gym. If you can’t afford it, contact them. There are ways to afford free memberships. Look into getting a cheaper apartment.
Stop trying so hard to find a girlfriend, if they are picking up on any desperation from you then that might be part of the problem.
Focus on your own life and making yourself happy first. What is it you want in life besides a woman? Develop your interests, keep busy, go out and join something social, anything… martial arts? book club? a band? soccer? There’s tons of stuff you can do and be involved with around the city that cost little to no money. If you really can’t afford anything at all, take advantage of the freebies and volunteer. Become involved in doing things that make you happy. Work towards your own goals, what are they? Learn a new language? Get a job you enjoy more? Run a marathon? Become a better public speaker? Do anything, just don’t make your whole life about getting a girlfriend.
If you’ve saved up the money to go out to dinner.
You’ve probably got enough to hire a girl to ‘service’ you.
So go bust a nut & have fun for an hour or 2. You’ll spend your money & you’ll get laid, but you’ll have to eat at home.
You won’t be any further ahead with getting involved long term, but your really better off & you just don’t realise it because of that stupid grass is greener crap most humans suffer from.
OP remember these girls need to be over the age of 16
“And only three of them were hot, the rest were average-looking or moderately attractive.”—
Um, op, hate to say it but when you have no money, no car, have a low-paying job, etc. AND your unnatractive/ugly, you’d be lucky to get an average-looking chick. You claim to be “a nice guy” but yet you expect to land yourself a good-looking woman when you got nothing to bring to the table yourself (besides being soooo nice). Your right, being nice doesn’t cut it. It’s a shallow world.
And you failed to mention these women’s personalities and occupations, you only mentioned their looks. Are they nice and have resources (good-paying established career, car, house, financially independent, etc.) as well as good looks?? If so, then the answer is obvious: THEY *ARE* TO GOOD FOR YOU!!!
I’m not saying you should be with an ugly bitch who’s on welfare, but lowering your standards might help a bit….just sayin’
Haha sorry LS, I like the biters.
No house? Living with flatmates? No car? Dishwashing job? Definitely those throw up the RED FLAG for me when choosing to date a guy. Women or men don’t want to date people who are in that situation. I suggest getting a higher education, finding a career (not a job), and moving out on your own. You need to come across as successful, because no one wants someone in a lower class in society than themselves.
woman are full of shit and hypocrits when it comes to men who don’t have: money , looks , a nice place etc. They go on about wanting guys for their honesty and trustworthiness and blah blah blah … shut the fuck up and just be honest; you’re looking for a guy who will keep you in the lifestyle of which you’re accostomed end of story !
Has the possibility that you are too pushy/obviously creepy, ever occur to you?
Maybe he should hook up with “Miss Clingy, I Wanted To Do Him In The Bar At Our First Meet” in another thread.
perhaps the daters will have better luck here bro
You can have my girlfriend; nothing but hassle.
Is it just me, or does almost every guy who throws out the “how good I am to my family and friends” line wind up being a douche? Not saying that the OP is, but.. I don’t know. Being good to your family and friends is a great thing, but anyone who advertises that fact like some kind of “I’m awesome! really, I am!” badge sounds pretty full of themselves.
As for your financial situation, lack of car, etc…
As someone who works in a restaurant as well, I think there are several things that should be considered. If it’s obvious that you’re not trying to do anything to better yourself, or your situation, a lot of women are going to be turned off. Women tend to like confident, passionate men. This doesn’t mean that he has to be rich, but he should know what he wants, and be able to take steps to better his life. If he looks like he’s stuck in a rut, that doesn’t exactly make him very desirable. “Nice” isn’t going to do anyone much good if you aren’t willing to change and grow as time goes on.
Shrug.
“Showing respect isn’t old-fashioned. It’s what the girls who respect themselves are looking for in a man.”
Oceanlady, that is great. Now marry me.
In Victorian times, many men of science found it helpful to sprinkle a little chloroform on a glove and approach from behind…while effective, it seems to me to be very immoral and also highly illegal!
I think we all can agree there…
There’s only 1 bulge in a man’s pants a woman likes and it’s called a wallet!!
Ah, a “plongeur!” More “billets doux” from the underclass! I must say I do enjoy reading all the musings from Halifax’s lower orders! Keep them coming!
Cheerio!
stop being “nice” first of all, don’t be a dick but also don’t fall all over yourself to accomodate every single chick you meet, you’re worrying about how you’ll come off (trying to be nice) while all these women see is a guy who isn’t acting naturally…you want a woman to remember you for something way more positive than that…second DO, absolutely DO approach random chicks (at book stores, at the bus stop, buying groceries), its great practice and yeah you’re gonna get shot down but its the law of averages, use your head! after you make the friendship connection with a woman there’s rarely any chance of taking it to a higher level, its most often a one sided thing so don’t bother with it…take heart that you’ve got friends in the first place and when they see you with someone in the future they’ll probably be secretly jealous haha
hello bonjour homme du montreal cest fuck you 🙂
Montreal – Where the women look like women and so do the men!
Thank God for the Habs though!
I have a 2009 VW Jetta, nice apartment (with no roommates) and last year, pulled in $83,000 in my job. Guess what? I’M STILL SINGLE and I like it that way! I don’t need a man to support me!
montrealman – Go watch Ratatouille and take the plug out of your ass.
And the best part? You can write off your fancy apartment and heart-shaped vibrating bed as business expenses!
I don’t know where people get the idea that money matters because it sure as hell doesn’t. I can’t afford a car and yet I’m still getting laid. People that have money and like to advertise it (cough Molly) are a huge turn off. I don’t give a shit what someone does for a living, as long as they’re happy. Bragging just gives off a snobbish, I’m better than you, vibe.
Mostly already been said here, I guess, probably, but first of all, don’t be nice to women. Women don’t like that – OK, sure, they don’t want a guy to be a complete dickhead to them and tell them that they’re fat bitches, but don’t patronize them or “put the pussy on a pedestal” either. Just, I don’t know, talk to them, say whatever’s on your mind about anything. Lie and bullshit, just make sure you’re good at it. Be a little bit cocky and arrogant. Be a bit ballsy and don’t let rejection get you down. Say what’s on your mind and don’t hesitate or second guess yourself. I’ve found that sometimes when I’ve been talking to a girl and thought I said something stupid and really fucked it up, I can still get in her panties anyway as long as I don’t think about it too much.
Tell them you’re a cook rather than a dishwasher, or even talk to your supervisor and ask to start training as a cook. Women love a guy who can cook. Dishwashers? Not always so much!
If you’re ugly, you can at least try to dress well. Save some money for some nice clothes, or you know what? Get some style of your own if you don’t already have one. You can be the “trendy hipster” guy just by shopping at Value Village or the Salvation Army.
If all else fails, don’t be too hung up settling for the unattractive bitchy welfare girls. I hear they’re the type who really love their men, and give great head!
SPend your dinner money on a hooker.
tresola, for you i will make an exception, bite you as much as you want. and molly, if tresola doesn’t want to do the fun thing, look me up, anytime.
Guess you need to be more like ….
http://www.thecoast.ca/LovetheWayWeBitch/a…
dgaf…….jealous much?
Listen OP, most girls don’t mind if you have roommates and don’t have a car… but a lot of girls are looking for a future. Unless you plan to move out and get a better job and at some point grow up, you can be as nice as possible, but it’s not likely what those girls are looking for. If one dinner date leads to two or three, are you going to be able to scrape enough money together to continue? Just think about it. You don’t want a welfare princess because you know you’re too good for them, but you’re not bringing yourself up to the level of the girls who you’d like to date.
OP it will be a long time before women take the roll of provider. Yes men have typically held the more lucrative jobs in relationships. And are willing to share and shower their mate. A successful woman still needs to feel cared for. If her mate is making less, she feels like he in under her in alot of cases, but not all.
I’ll let you in on a little secret. Appearance means next to nothing when it comes to attracting a woman. It’s 90-95% about personality and confidence. You don’t have to actually be attractive if you convince her that you KNOW you’re attractive and people other than her find you attractive. (They don’t have to, she just has to think they do.) Also as sad as it is, the majority of girls respond better if you give off the impression that you really don’t give a fuck and don’t need them. They are odd creatures. A quote which sounds stupid but is painfully accurate is “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”, there’s probably several women out there who fity our criteria who would go out with you, you just haven’t met/asked/potentially stalked them yet (hey what you do is your own business.) So don’t settle just yet.
meh, most won’t even get as far as this comment since it’s so far down..
and by doing so, I’m first skipping over all the other comments and posting my initial thoughts. I may go back and actually review pending time constraints… and may change my position, but for now, here’s the first response to OP.
The women you’re looking for want a strong, self-sufficient individual who emits confidence and a sense of where their life is going. The women THEMSELVES may not know, but they want a person who knows what they want.
Being on tight strings with a low-end job that will get you no advancement, emitting you don’t think you’re attractive and are trying to just scrounge up any ol’ date…
being a ‘nice’ guy won’t cut it.
plenty of people are nice.
you need to be unique. passionate or entertaining… or devoted to some cause or some goal… something.
she’s not going to remember the nice guy because there’s tons of them out there.
HEY OP
Don’t you listen to those , who tell you women don’t like guy’s who’ll do the dishes. I know once i got laid, because i did her dishes. (its a bit of a story & I won’t bore you with it)
Some women really appreciate a guy who not only does dishes…but laundry as well without any complaints & actually does it without her asking.
The only thing we are certain that the 11 women our OP has asked out have in common is that they said “no” to the OP.
Therefore, there is not *necessarily* a problem with *women*, there *could be* a problem with the OP that makes him choose badly.
It doesn’t mean they’re out of his league, it just means he’s asking out chicks who don’t dig him, then complaining about it.
I have a girlfriend who has been single for 4 years, and rarely dates. She complains about it non-stop.
I finally said to her “then stop asking assholes out”. She hasn’t changed anything, except now she sits on her ass eating chocolate and whining about the weight gain… but I digress…
I suggest the OP gets some serious sit-down time with himself to figure out what he wants (not physically, but a general list). Physical should *always* be the last thing you look for, because physical appearance can be altered.
And BTW, OP, *you* are the only person guaranteed to be in your life for the rest of it, so you should start liking yourself a whole lot more before you start looking for someone else.
Op needs to get his ass out of “poor me” mode.
I disagreeees Gidget, no disrespect
Choosing the wrong people to ask out might be part of the problem, but in your friends case she just sounds stupid and annoying. People don’t like lazy unmotivated whiners… obviously you know her better than I, but hey.
And I think that physical appearance IS important. I mean, it would be wonderful if it wasn’t. It SHOULD be the last thing you look for. But the reality is that people judge you by your looks, even the high and mighty ones that say they don’t. And it’s nearly impossible to ignore someone’s physical appearance when that drives the first impression you have of them.
Everyone should take appearance into account when dating, of course it’s not the most important trait of a person, but you have to be physically attracted to the person you’re dating on some level… who wants to fuck someone they don’t think is all that good looking? Especially if you’re in a monogamous relationship forever, like most people are or are planning to be in.
I’m not saying rule out everyone you’re not all that attracted to, I’ve often found that I’ve been physically attracted to a lot of guys that I normally wouldn’t drool over after getting to know their personality.
And what do you mean physical appearance can be altered? Why is that a reason to set physical appearance low on the priories? Emotional state can be altered, income can be altered, happiness can be altered, personality can be altered, these things are MUCH more fluid than physical alteration.
Are you saying that it’s okay for someone to date a person who they are not physically attracted to (but has a great personality) and then expect that person to change the way they look just for them? That’s messed up! Don’t waste peoples’ time who you don’t find physically attractive, it’s not fair to you, or them. Everyone deserves to be with someone who finds them physically attractive.
But maybe I’m just superficial.
Sorry to be the one to tell ya bub, but it’s not “who you want”, it’s “who wants you.” Not all bitches are on welfare, alot of them have money and 90% of them are hot. The place to find someone you’re looking for is when you’re out doing what you love. What’s your hobby? What do you want for you in your life. When you start doing that everyday, even if it’s not your job, you WILL find someone that will make you happy. It’s true, just believe. Until then Costanza, keep wackin’….
And don’t listen to women for advice on women…. they know far less than we do about how they behave…. you’re good man, just giv’er…
Just how important is physical attractiveness to someone who can’t see, I wonder ??
How many of you are so brainwashed that your idea of beauty & Hollywood’s are exactly the same ??
For myself, real beauty is definately in a persons outlook, interests & personality. Looks can be changed, looks will over time change anyway, there’s nothing any of us can do about that.
But you find an adult who’s even half ways interesting & you share common ground…In my experience that’s a much more solid base to begin a relationship ,than looks !!
But if you just want to fuck her, for a bit, or show off some hot piece of ass, I can understand picking a Hollywood looking cutout !
Hey, I’m male… I just happen to be happily single-ish at the moment, but I’ve met someone & she’s no hollywood looker but that, as I’ve said, really isn’t all that important to me at this time.
smell and sound are the best
I wonder if this OB is the typical “shoulder to cry on” and is treated as such be females. Had it done to me for years and it’s true; it gets you nowhere. Honestly, OB, you need to put your foot down and remember that you have a spine.
When your lady friends want to use you to cry about their shitty dates/relationships/casual-fucks, cut the bitches off. It’s not being rude or unclassy to do so and women will attempt to manipulate the situation around to make you look and feel like you’re being “unfair.” Don’t fall for the shit.
Once you’ve demonstrated that you can be taken for granted you’re like a bloody corpse in a shark tank. The gals smell that and will just use you as fodder.
Another good idea is checking out different environments to meet women. Bars, Internet and friends are the worst ways to find a mate.
You may think that copping some attitude will hurt your chances but attitude doesn’t necessarily mean ‘bad attitude’. And, really, a LOT of women appreciate a man who can stand on his own two feet, think independently and act with conviction. Maybe your overly nice persona is perceived as a sign of weakness.
Fizz, I totally agree, physical attractiveness DOES matter, unfortunately. It’s not superficial, it’s NATURAL INSTINCT. In most cases, people end up with people of equal physical attractiveness as themselves. I’m sorry, but you don’t see many long-term couples where one is a 9 and the other is a 4 (unless the ‘4’ is male AND a millionaire, haha). Sadly, OP, you’re no millionaire, you can barely make enough to make ends meet, and you aren’t that good-looking you say, so I assume you’re a 5 at best. Yet you are asking out ‘hot’ and ‘moderately attractive’ women, and you wonder why they say no?????
I have an example that illustrates how much physical attraction matters: I had a friend that briefly dated this guy. She was really attractive (a 8 or 9) and the guy was probably a 3 or 4. However, he was a very nice guy, he wasn’t rich or anything, but his financial situation was probably better than the OP’s. Unfortunately, my friend couldn’t bring herself to do anything sexual with him, unless she had a few drinks. She kept telling me “He’s so nice though. I can’t stop seeing him!”. She was so hung up with NOT caring about physical appearance and NOT being superficial, she was absolutely miserable. I had to tell her “YOU’RE NOT ATTRACTED TO HIM PHYSICALLY! DON’T FEEL SHALLOW, IT’S NATURAL HUMAN INSTINCT!”. It so happens that she is with a much better-looking guy (who is also very nice and is financially dependent), they have been together for 2 1/2 years.