Dear vagina,
When I take a pee in a public washroom and squat over the seat so I don’t have to touch it and possibly get a disease, it would be WONDERFUL if you would stop directing all my piss onto my leg thus not getting it in the toilet and all over my leg/the seat. Pee goes IN the toilet, not on my leg/the floor/the seat.
Thank you, Me. —e
This article appears in Nov 4-10, 2010.
How many Vaginas read the Coast? Like seriously? this is the second vagina bitch this week!
You could use toilet paper to cover the seat before sitting down if it makes you feel better.
Or just realize that the you can’t get a disease from sitting on a toilet seat. You can get a disease WHILE sitting on a toilet seat. But not FROM sitting on a toilet seat.
Yeah, vajayjay and pee in one B!tch, made my day 🙂
…and that’s where our new medical clinic will prove useful snoop. admiral ivan had a catchy name for it *squack*
It does no good to sqaut above the seat…the crabs in their jump 15 feet !
-Sorry, couldn’t resist.
But if you’re really that freaked by the remote possibility of a desease carrying toilet seat, do what my poor old mom does & carry some of that ‘handwash’ purse sized sanitizer…it’ll kill the germs on your hands & it’ll kill the germs on the seat, just give her a good wipe down , then rest yer arse right on the seat !
problem solved ‘eh ~;)
just sanitate your entire life op.
I see you plan on being sick in the future.
constantly.
Think I just went blind. Euwe.
“bitches with itches”™
You *do* realize, OP that pee doesn’t come from your vagina, right?
Please tell me you know this, ’cause…
Again, way TMI. Thank you snoop for your voice of reason.
People these days appear to be anatomically confused PK. Very few seem able to comprehend the difference between a vulva and a vagina. Please, people, stop showing your ignorance! The external part of female gentalia is called ‘the vulva’! ‘The vagina’, aka ‘the birth canal’, is the interior part of the female genitalia, best viewed with a speculum because it is “inside” the body, not external of it.
BTW: OP, ‘hovering’ for females is not an anatomically effective posture for aiming into the toilet but quite so for having equality to guys who are also quite adept at peeing on toilet seats!
One the subject of wishful thinking: Imagine a world where NOBODY ‘hovered’ in ladies public washrooms, then the seat would be pee-free for everyone. As soon as the first ‘hoverer’ pees on the seat, EVERYBODY is ‘hovering’ and peeing on the seat (as well as the floor, so we can dip our pantlegs into it and track public pee all over the place, including back to our homes.)
Of course I meant to type ‘on the subject’ not ‘one the…’.
i learned this stuff in grade seven
Here ya go Princess
http://erinrages.blogspot.com/2007/08/girl…
http://womenshealthnews.wordpress.com/2007…
Me too, cyber-sis, which makes the current trend of referring to female genitalia as a ‘vagina’ both puzzling and laughable.
Hugo, there was a ‘pitch’ on Dragon’s Den a couple weeks ago for one of these. It was vetoed as impractical. Where the heck would we carry it? Or effectively clean it? Eau de porta-potty is not something we strive for as a signature fragrance. As if women don’t have enough to worry about, with those pesky diaphrams jumping out of their purses in public! (shameless Seinfeld reference)
Actually the P-Mate is disposable. I wonder if comes with a sanitary wipe?
PK, that was hilarious.
But OP isn’t showing her ignorance, she’s just using vagina as a way to state her biological gender (because if she was a guy she wouldn’t have this problem). Everyone knows that technically the vagina is only a portion of female genitalia but in common language we refer to the whole package as a vagina for simplicity. After all, If everyone was completely literal in their wording all the time I’d probably go insane and kill myself.
VAGINAS FOR ALL!!!
Sebastian finally got that sex exchange?
Thank you, PK for asking the OP if she knew where pee came from!! There are other parts down there.
Uh OP … what are you doing, why is your piss not following Newton’s rules. Why isn’t it falling down? Is your pee hole situated funnily?
Also, when you pull down you $2 bloomers and squat … that bitch rubs all over the toilet seat rim anyway … mmm tasty.
poor baby, i feel for you, i really do. having one of those thngs doing that must be terrible.good thing about trouser snakes, just point and pee. hard to miss where you are aiming at there, unless you are giving it a few shakes, before giving it a few shakes. know what i mean????
Hey, you can’t get STI’s or anything from a toilet seat…that’s a myth. Sit down all you want, it’s been working well for me!
make you a deal o.p., next time you gotta go, call me, and i’ll be your seat, nice and warm too. yuk yuk.
I don’t get what is so difficult about correct reference in regard to vulvae. You can’t beat two syllables over three syllables for simplicity. The vagina is as visible as the vas deferens yet the male genitalia is not referred to as such. Saying vagina when referring to the vulva is as anatomically correct as referring to one’s ear as an ear canal.
Don’t blame the vagina.. I think this is a level one issue.. meaning, you’re not doing it properly. I don’t piss all over myself when I squat.. sometimes some pee gets on the seat but I just wipe it up before I leave the stall.
Just really straddle the toilet and squat close, right over the hole without touching anything.
It’s not difficult, it’s just not important. Society has collectively agreed to refer to female genitalia in common language as vagina, not vulva, not clitoris, not urethra, not cervix, not labia… vagina.
No one read this bitch and was actually confused by it. There is nothing to gain by using proper anatomical language in this instance. No one seriously thought that OP was pissing out her vaginal canal. Hopefully we are all smarter then that.
Sheesh
I’m gonna tweet that “Don’t blame the vagina …” since I have nothing else to tweet.
<.<
let’s get together donk, then your tweeter will be twittering for a week.honest first nations aborigional. can’t say the other word, not politically correct and all that shit.
While I’m finding it INCREDIBLY difficult to resist this proposition, you know, since you’re so dashing and all, I must decline. However, I do sincerely hope some lends you their tweeter so you can tweet all over it.
😛
Why don’t you go to the Parade of Lights with ole Suckers, Donk? Maybe if Birdie or PK come we can all make it a big party.
Fo’ real? Are you serious my boy?
… I don’t think we’ll have many common talking points, and you know on some level it would be paedophilia :|
Are you pre-pubescent?
Post
Then it wouldn’t be paedophilia. 😀
I seee what you did there …
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh if Birdie says yes. Lol all on her. Ha.
I’m just being a technical schnook lol.
You’ve got a deal. If birdie comes you have to go with ole Suckers 😀 PK will definitely go if we promise to get food.
where we all gonna meet up at?
i’m sure the Lifemeister would help you say … manually/appendage manipulate the offending organ for … little or no charge 🙂
I don’t know how a vagina pees. When I’m drunk my piss comes out my meat missile in random ways sometimes. If you have you have to sit down make a protective layer of tp. It’s pretty fucking simple.
Nice Going Fat Chance
What day is the parade of lights? I googled…can’t seem to find the date?
http://www.halifax.ca/visitorinfo/WhatsHap…
I found it Nov 20th – After opening search 20 pages – I found the correct info on Facebook….WTF.
SIT THE FUCK DOWN!! Unless you have an open wound on your ass/leg you ain’t going to get a fucking disease from sitting on a toilet seat. Did you not take jr high science? FUCK!
I tried to help but you would have none of it.
such impatience.
I love ya zZz….sorry I’m so impatient! I’ll buy ya a hot chocolate at the parade k.
How was laser tag? Any bitchers show up?
Here’s a suggestion – the citizens of HRM should arm themselves with hard candy and pelt His Worship with it when he comes on the parade of lights.
The seat isn’t going to kill you. If you are that paranoid about it, carry disinfecting wipes with you.
grrrr.
enough of the constant disappointment and angsty shit.
I’ve wallowed long enough.
flat out, basically everyone canceled so I didn’t go.
I stayed home and forgot about the world for a night.
literally… I have no idea what happened after about 3pm.
Fuck you NGF. I’m not going to the parade of lights with you. You’re so fat you’d block out all the light!
zZz…I’m sorry to hear about you evening….I hate to be disappointed as well so I do feel your pain. But I said Hot chocolate….and the good stuff…Starbucks or second cup with the real whip cream and Chocolate skor shavings on top!
PK…I love food! I’ll usually go anywhere if food is included too…so unless it was a rotten joke between you n NFG… then I don’t think he was trying to be mean. Put on that green turtle neck and come out for the fun and festivities!
Hey MOD…any chance there’s room on the coast float for a few Bitchers??
Hahaha and the plan fails. I would prefer laser tag cough cough cough cough hack cough hint hint wink wink nugde nudge. Or like multiple bitchers. Ya feel me.
miserably.
Nov 13th is still on so far though.
be there or be two right triangles sharing a common hypotenuse.
Don’t squat with your knees so close together. Ffs even my dog has this one figured out.
Gross
LOL @ zZz trying to make me his oldhand.
And PK you’d EAT the fucking light, cow. “MOooooooo, look at da lights! *CHOMP, BURP* No parade!”
Statistically speaking, public washrooms are more likely to have less germs than your own bathroom. Think about it. Most public toilets are cleaned several times a day, possibly even hourly. Your bathroom is likely cleaned once a week. You may have less people using it, and it may not look dirty, but the germs are still there. And if they haven’t killed you yet, neither will sitting on the seat of a public toilet.
I tried molding you into oldhand
but I had 600 spare pounds of clay left over…
So I made an Oldhand Terracotta Army.
Now you have friends and won’t be so depressing. You could have made a clay penis too.
I started to but sebastian couldn’t wait for me to complete it….
he just took it and ran off to the washroom.
Now it’s going to smell like poo and cigarettes (but not actually cigarettes).
Wipe the seat off with a piece of TP until dry, sit down, do business. Wash hands, repeat. I haven’t gottten one butt disease in my 30 years on earth OP, neither will you. Suck it up, and stop being such a germophobe.
Seriously, who the fuck is scared of getting a disease from a toilet seat anymore?
If you have cuts on your ass and there’s someone elses blatant bodily fluids on the seat, then yeah, don’t sit in it.
Who the fuck sits on a visibly dirty seat? I think OP might have a few vaginal infections already. Talk about paranoid!