To whoever wrote the sad Christmas song about a dying cat and the radio station who played this song: Why did you write this song? It doesn’t rhyme and there was a lack of poetic language. I was expecting that things would turn around and the cat would find a cozy home but it turns out the cat died because it had no home on Christmas. Nobody wants to cry on their way home from work over a fictional dead cat, especially at this stressful time of year. I just do not understand your motivation for writing it and I certainly don’t understand the decision made by the radio station to bring sad thoughts to all their listeners. —please don’t make me cry again
This article appears in Dec 19-25, 2013.
all sorts of songs will make one cry. christmastime or otherwise.
ivan, one of the most prolific commenters here, has confessed to me how he sobs each time Bobby Goldsboro’s Honey comes on his radio. (it’s about a homeless tree)
by the way, a dead cat is not fictional. there are many that are homeless and near death. send a little money to a rescue and you will feel better.
Was it a country station by chance? Country-music people like to kill stuff…
GDM – I hate you, so very, very much >; )
*And by “hate” I actually mean love.*
But most Christmas songs/stories have that mawkish element to them.
Especially that one about the fellow who was born in a barn and went around telling everybody what to do until he came a cropper with a pair of rum coves in Johnny Arab Land.
*Inner Voice* “You mean , Jesus?”.
Yes Inner Voice. I rather suppose I do.
*Tonight the part of Ivan Sonofabitch was played by Hugh Laurie and the part of Ivan’s Inner Voice was narrated by Rowan Atkinson.*
hugh laurie??? oh gawd, this old dyke just got a hot flash
Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an’ Kalamazoo!
Nora’s freezin’ on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!
Don’t we know archaic barrel
Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don’t love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!
Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Polly wolly cracker ‘n’ too-da-loo!
Donkey Bonny brays a carol,
Antelope Cantaloupe, ‘lope with you!
Hunky Dory’s pop is lolly gaggin’ on the wagon,
Willy, folly go through!
Chollie’s collie barks at Barrow,
Harum scarum five alarm bung-a-loo!
Dunk us all in bowls of barley,
Hinky dinky dink an’ polly voo!
Chilly Filly’s name is Chollie,
Chollie Filly’s jolly chilly view halloo!
Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Double-bubble, toyland trouble! Woof, woof, woof!
Tizzy seas on melon collie!
Dibble-dabble, scribble-scrabble! Goof, goof, goof!
(thanks to Walt Kelly, creator of Pogo)
“hugh laurie??? oh gawd, this old dyke just got a hot flash”
Any way you slice it, still a better love story than Twilight.
10 Worst Christmas songs ever:
Rocking Around the Christmas Tree – Brenda Lee – this one is just crying out for a big glass of roofie-nog and a stained pink chiffon party dress. Maybe even some embarrassing instagrams
Feliz Navidad – Jose Feliciano – quick, somebody call I.N.S. and lets start checking Green Cards.
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer – if you find this even vaguely amusing you’re probably going to either die of cirrhosis or a mattress fire.
The Chipmunk’s Christmas Song – did somebody say remake by Captain and Tennille?
Santa Baby – by whichever peroxide slore is au courant this season. Madonna did it, so did Gwen Stefani. Maybe Miley can take time out from corrupting the morals of midgets and sledgehammers to make it her own.
Silent Night – Stevie Nicks – probably the loveliest of all Carols, Endora’s throaty version conjures up images of awakening in a Juarez motel room on Christmas morning with a monster hangover, missing wallet and watch, and a dead 16 year old prostitute in bed next to you.
Do They Know It’s Christmas – Well ,nearly 50% of Africans are in fact Christian, so yeah, prolly. And yes, Bono, I do thank God it’s them instead of me. Now Fuck Off!
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus – and it’s lesser known sequel “I saw Daddy dogging the babysitter” – all wrapped up in a nice neat little 48 Hours documentary narrated by Bill Kurtis.
Barking Dogs Jingle Bells – you did know they were all euthanized when the recording session was done. Right?
But the worst – absolute worst is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gosGBYU5vIE
and now you know why there’s a bounty on those fuckers, Down Under.
I was given a Dockyard Cats Calendar – they make me sad and glad at the same time, the Bailey’s with several Beer chasers might also be involved?
Oh, fuck, Ivan, now I’m thinking of the Christmas singing snakes’ album – hiss-hiss-hiss et al. Bahawhawhawhaw!!!!
Ivanski, here’s Jimmy Fallon’s take on the worst songs, including the singing snakes – oh, fuck, it still makes me giggle:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pK4mFT2oXHs
I’m not a cat lover but it would seem to me the writer is warning people about adopting animals and then abandoning them, which happens frequently at Christmas, be it cat or dog. Think twice or even three times before getting one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgaQEkxKid0
Juan, hate to say this lad but poor old Jose is an American, green card not required. And I do prefer “Grandpa Got Run Over By A John Deere”. And no doubt Catwoman Eartha Kitt is rolling over in her grave on what was done to “Santa Baby”.