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July 12th 2015.
Just a reminder that this is the day you ruined my life and forever changed it.
Many things have changed. You created a change in me.
Police enable rapists.
The justice system enables rapists.
Universities enable rapists. —D
This article appears in Jul 14-20, 2016.
29 Comments
The police, justice system and universities do not enable rapists. You may feel that way but it’s not true. Stop yourself from being victimized by whatever experience you had and enjoy your life. Making absurd claim such as the ones you’ve made here won’t help; it just makes people question your assertions.
The police apprehend rapists, the justice system determines their fate.
Universities do not enable rapists.
Move forward and enjoy life.
Best of luck, really.
I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you have success putting this behind you, even with no validation from the justice system.
And the justice system always gets it right, right? Nah (see Stanford Swimmer)
Sorry to read this OB, hopefully you will heal over time.
I will not tell you to move on, or it takes time, or be a survivor instead of a victim. I know they do not help and would only serve to invalidate you further at this point.
All I can say with any sincerity is that I am so sorry that happened to you. It shouldn’t have.
This is why i refuse to use a cab ever again. They get charged when caught but other taxi companies will hire them anyway. Can’t trust anyone now. Sorry about what happened but best bet is to trust no one unless it can be proven without a doubt.
No, women who don’t report rapes enable rapists. Women that are poor and incredible witnesses enable rapists. Because the vast majority of women, as women’s groups like Avalon would have us believe by their statistics, don’t report sexual assaults at all, or, wait too long and the evidence is destroyed, is not the failure of the justice system. That would lead me to believe that there is a systemic problem with how women view law enforcement and the justice system, and apparently universities now as well.
In order to exact a conviction of sexual assault, where most of the evidence will inevitably be one person’s word against another, there will have to be some hard questions asked and answered, because that’s how the law works. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean that you get to say something and someone goes to jail, no questions asked and no trial. Life, nor the justice system, work that way. If you expect people to believe you when there is no evidence, except for your statement, then your credibility will be on trial. Period. I’m not saying it’s perfect, or even just, but that’s the way it is and I highly doubt it’s going to change.
I’ll make this short & sweet – seek professional help to assist you on the road to emotional recovery. LTWWB is not the proper forum to turn to for an issue as serious as rape.
you know, at one point, I am very sorry for what happened to you. you didn’t deserve it. However. the other side of this is that no, police don’t enable rapists. I want to educate you so you stop this narrative and use it to your advantage. Police MUST ask hard questions because the LAWYERS force them to in order to get a conviction. POLICE are NOT comfortable asking the victim of a rape these types of questions. NO MORE than YOU are in giving responses to the questions. But the COURTS insist they be asked by investigators so that the COURTS can represent you, the victim with a fair chance of conviction. if you DO NOT answer the questions that police are forced to ask, then YOU enable the rapists. please put the blame squarely on the shoulders of the lawyers and lawmakers and not on the police.
That really sucks.
We still have too much of a culture of blame the victim.
I am sorry this happened to you.
OB, you go ahead and think that way and we’ll see where that gets you. Personally, I think nothing good will come from it.
No JereBat, you are reading with emotion and without logic. What I wrote is indeed fact; you just don’t like those facts.
No, I will not feel sorry for someone because it helps to victimize them. Being a victim of a crime or human condition does not help anyone.
I speak from personal experience having been beaten and left for dead by hetero guys years ago (please, go ahead and say you wish they finished the job). I still roam the streets as gay as ever. I will not be a victim.
There goes Charlie comparing apples to oranges. Way to go dude. Guess what? You don’t get to tell others how they should be coping with their traumas based on how YOUR coping skills shaped YOUR recovery. What happened to you has zip to do with the OP. No one is asking you to “feel sorry for someone” but your lack of empathy if not shocking, certainly is consistent with other comments you’ve made on rape stories.
OP: What TTFB said. Professional help can help you navigate this.
PS Charlie Brown: what happened to you is horrific. You were lucky to have survived. I hope the homophobic thugs were brought to justice.
@TTFB
Agreed!
And this forum is certainly not a place to seek professional advice on such an issue.
Charlie Brown: Why would you think I wish they had finished the job? What those guys did is horrendous. Good on you for surviving and thriving, but not everyone responds to trauma the same way. Geez.
For victims of rape. Report it immediately. Do not clean up, either yourself or where it occurred as you will destroy any evidence. Cooperate with the police and medical teams. Get counselling
GV: huh?
OC , arent you the one with a double degree?
Huh? What the hell are you talking about?
I will take that as a No.
You’ve lost me dude. Seriously haven’t a clue what you are going on about.
I have 2 degrees and I can find work. But I am a straight white male with christian values. #Racefluid #Genderfluid #Orientationfluid #Religionfluid #LevelofEducationFluid #QualityofEmploymentFluid
For the record, I am not comparing apples and oranges. Read what I wrote. My point is we both experienced trauma. OB has chosen to be victim where I have not. It’s not about ability, it’s choice.
Your comment just proves that you really still don’t get it. The OP does though and that’s all that really matters.
Apples and Oranges:
Both fruit
Both round
Both similar in size
Both high in vitamin C
The juice of both is a popular breakfast staple
Both thrive in similar climates
Both have skins
Differences between Apples and Oranges:
Either you’re trolling me OC or I’m not understanding your point. Please elaborate, otherwise…
Not trolling. I’ll break it down for you.
1. Being severely gay bashed is NOT the same as being raped. Both are violent and horrific but the similarities end there.
2. Recovery from traumatic assault happens in stages.
3. Everyone is entitled to experience these stages at their own pace according to individual coping mechanisms and personality types. It is not a one-size-fits-all modality. Yes, there are people who wear the “victim” crown forever. These are simply the ones who are stuck in their progression through the healing stages. (Perhaps it is this segment you are addressing with your non-emphatic “not feel sorry” assertions?)
4. No one chooses to be a victim. It is forced upon them. Learning how to cope with it takes time.
Your assault occurred “years ago.” The big difference is that the OP is in the beginning of their recovery from a much different type of assault both physically and psychologically than yours, and from the tone of the bitch, is in the anger stage. They are entitled to their anger. They are entitled to go through their stages of recovery just like you were. This is where a little empathy is helpful.
What a crock!