I am a single mother. My child is 10. She lives with my parents. They have guardianship, which apparently gives them the right to forge documents and make it impossible to get ahead in life so I can, again, parent my offspring. I make too much money to apply for legal aid. I make too little to afford a lawyer from the HRM referral society.
I am paying out the rear to just see my child, who, as of late, has started being coached through phone calls (I can hear them doing it), has been used as a chip or pawn in my parents’ attempts to separate me from the man I am living with and has been having panic attacks and fits on the phone when discussing the situation.
She should be with her mother, who sees her every moment she isn’t working or too broke or absent a lift to be with her.
I know they do not have to accommodate me, allowing me to stay over at their house, but considering the documents they forged to maintain her presence there, and the amount of money I spend to be there, I would say it is allowable. We are FAMILY after all.—Missing the girl in Halifax
This article appears in Apr 8-14, 2010.
i’m just guessing there’s been “issues” in you’re past; cause i’m pretty sure this has springer like qualities deep down
Shouldn’t have done whatever you did to lose her in the first place.
How did they get guardianship? All I know is, I’d get rid of any dude who made it possible for my folks, or anyone else, to have my child…and that’s exactly how it seemed, the way you wrote it. If they have guardianship, and wanted me to get rid of my dude, and I would have a chance to get my kid back by doing so? Buh fucking bye.
I feel like there is a whoole fucking novel between the lines here and we didn’t get a copy.
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Doesn’t family court have mediators and other such options to resolve such issues which don’t require the hiring of lawyers? Regardless of past mistakes, if you are on the straight and narrow now (and have been consistently for some time), the justice system/child welfare is not insensitive to your rights (even if it means visitation rather than custody). Your parents have been raising for your child for 10 years or so, so emotionally (at the very least), she is their child now. As well, it doesn’t sound like your parents have totally turned their backs on you. It sounds like they still have concerns for you and your child. As far as choosing between your man and your child goes–it appears you have already chose your man–you just haven’t accepted that you can’t have your cake and eat it too
tell him to man-up and get out of your house so you can deal with the important things in life, like your (other?) children. Once that’s on track AND he’s good for them he can come back. If he doesn’t… you really didn’t want that bullshit in your bed, did you? Take a risk FOR YOUR KIDS. Men tend to come and go but your kids are always your kids. Priorities, lady!
“Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry” Sounds like you should call Jerry Springer up and get on the show. We’d love to see some Nova Scotian representin’.
Lady, why on earth is this “man” you are currently living with so much more important to you than your child?
You didn’t call him a “husband” “boyfriend” “step-parent” or even “partner”—from your account he’s just some non-committal “man that you are currently living with.”
Oh, yes, that is a VERY safe and stable situation for a child. (Not!)
Do you have any idea how DANGEROUS it can be for a non-related man to be in a casual, semi-parental, live-in situation in a home with a child? Do you realize how THREATENING it is for a child when a parent brings multiple adult strangers into their home?
I suspect that is just one of the reasons you don’t have guardianship.
Seen it thousands of times before: woman refuses to protect own child from current (temporary) “man” in her life, chooses “man”, while child is neglected, abused, kicked out of house, etc. (Also happens when gender roles are reversed.)
Get your shit together and maybe you’ll be fit to be parent again.
Your man is obviously more important than your child – your parents can see it but you, being a total dolt, can’t. I wouldn’t let you within 100 feet of the kid. No wonder the kid’s acting out, you stupid flake.
I don’t think this has anything to do with the man. Her parents are raising her child because she is unable. Her parents most likely have the child in their best interest.
What? Do you want your 10 year old back until you’re broke again? Then pawn her off to your parents to take care of her? How many of those 10 years did she live with your parents?
I think the man is a significant part of the story, but not the whole story.
LOTS of people are single parents who parent their own kids, without the intervention of lawyers or social workers. Removing a child from a parent’s legal custody is generally an extreme measure.
The very fact that the child is not just being temporarily “taken care of” by the grandparents, but is in their legal custody tells me that there must be some pretty serious stuff going on with the OP. The current “man” in her life is probably a symptom of much bigger problems.
And let’s face it, if the man in question was a real gem, who was actually a positive influence in the situation, I am sure the grandparents wouldn’t object to him so strongly.
‘…as a chip or pawn in my parents’ attempts to separate me from the man I am living with…’ – I think that makes it pretty clear the man in question is why the grandparents won’t turn over the child. And so they shouldn’t. There are too fucking many kids out there FUCKED UP because Mommy or Daddy don’t want to sleep alone – I wish people would be more goddamn responsible about the human beings they bring into the world and put the kid’s needs in front of their own.
That kid’s gonna have issues no matter who raises it now.
I’d still bet if the guy left, the parents would still hold the same position.
Sometimes it is, what’s not said.
I agree with TTFN: you’re obviously choosing this guy over your kid. If that’s why your parents are asserting their “power” to keep your kid.
Perhaps you should revaluate your priorities!