When we first met, you were eating pork on a stick and telling me all about how you did not believe in God. So how was I to know, that your Orthodox Jewish background meant so very much to you, and would eventually lead to our breakup? No, I will not take three years out of my life to change religions, and fuck you for leading me on. —Broken Hearted Shiksa
This article appears in Sep 23-29, 2010.
orthodox and he ate pork …. he’s a putz 🙂
What martym said!
Huh?
maybe it was kosher pork ?!?
a jew eating pork is like a whore not wanting to be paid for fucking you. but if you want some real nice pork, see me.
I hate people who pretend to be something they`re not until they have you in a relationship and then start showing their true colours. This guy is a douche. Good for you for leaving his ass.
i guess a lobster boil is out of the question^^
He needs to be baconflogged.
What a ridiculous person… if you don’t believe in God and you eat pork, how can you be an Orthodox Jew? That is mind boggling.
I could use a good bacon flogging myself.
mmmmmmmm baaaaacon…..
flog me with some scrambled eggs too while you’re at it.
Did he have a beard, dressed in a dark suit, and wearing a wide-brimmed black hat? I think I saw that dude eating at the Dawg Father’s cart!
I’m blond….what’s a bacon flogging? …..I thesauruses it…bacon whipping? How do you whip someone with scrambled eggs??
RC- whipping them with bacon because they;re Jewish and Jewish people don’t eat bacon (if they follow their religion). Maybe you were just joking and now I look like an ass for trying to explain it…damn
yep… good ol’fashioned bacon beatdown.
I’m not sure how to go about it with eggs…
but I know it’d be the tastiest beating I’ve ever had.
semites do not eat pig flesh or shellfish, ’cause it says so right here in this book…makes sense i know *snort*
something about hooved animals. I used to work at a Jewish summer camp on the states… mmm… Kosher hot dogs are tasty!
Some Jews are lame. I usually call them Zionists though.
Surpisingly (or not), the Jewish and Muslim dietary requirements/restrictions are the same.
I was debating moving to india until I remembered how much I love steak….
and how pissed they would be if they saw me giving a cow a power-bomb.
i’d be all ‘me, myself and irene’, emptying a clip in the fuckers head while they all watch on in horror.
mmmmm, nothing like a thick, 8-10 oz NY striploin.
the semites don’t eat swine=cloven hooves. checks feet, okay i’m safe^^^
zZz, you forgot to wrap that steak in bacon.
so, muslim folk and Jewish folk don’t eat pork? How did Christians get the pork monopoly?
because it’s written down in a bunch of books…oh and ya gotta have faith. puking on the pope et al
It’s in Mark Chapter 7. Here are the verses:
14Again Jesus called the crowd to him and said, “Listen to me, everyone, and understand this. 15Nothing outside a man can make him ‘unclean’ by going into him. Rather, it is what comes out of a man that makes him ‘unclean.’ “[f]
17After he had left the crowd and entered the house, his disciples asked him about this parable. 18″Are you so dull?” he asked. “Don’t you see that nothing that enters a man from the outside can make him ‘unclean’? 19For it doesn’t go into his heart but into his stomach, and then out of his body.” (In saying this, Jesus declared all foods “clean.”)
20He went on: “What comes out of a man is what makes him ‘unclean.’ 21For from within, out of men’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. 23All these evils come from inside and make a man ‘unclean.’ “
Thanks Bro Tim – I’ve learned not to spread shit on a bagel.
jebus was never the problem occifer bro
TTFN – recently?
Actually, I thought the Clayton Biosolid spread had a nice salty tang to it.
PG, God and Jesus are not the problem in the church. The problem as with everything else resides in man (and woman). It’s people who fuck things up, puts spins on things, rationalize ideas and use churches, synogouges, and mosques as weapons for their vitoral. I’ve always said God came up with different religions (including those in the Far East and elsewhere) as a test to see if man can actually put their shit together and live in peace. In this one thing I think God failed.
Religion is a man-made deal and there’s no proof that a Jesus even existed since each major religion bleats the same story about virgin birth, son of whatever, the ultimate sacrifice, yada, yada, yada. The Bible is just a contradictory morality tale with plenty of fire and brimstone to keep order among the faithful while digging them in the back with a collection plate. I’d put more faith into the idea that we’ll all just a big Sims game and one of these days, someone’s gonna light your poodle on fire.
that was very well put mr. tim. i think you make good rational points, i love theology but i just don’t buy it. i know there are people of science who believe in god, i’m just not one of them. i will endeavor to be more tolerant as a bitch…i worship the trees
It’s true. If Jesus were alive today and saw what the church did to his teachings he’d be very sad and probably asked to be killed.
I worship the cat paw and purr. They have the healing power of whatever higher power people choose to worship.
PG, I think I’m in love or at least lust.
Anybody read this?:
http://contemporarylit.about.com/od/fictio…
Amen to that Tim & Fat.
But then again Jesus might just as well go all “money lenders in the Temple” on their asses, metaphorically speaking of course.
simmer down big fella. no rosie i haven’t read that…too many books not enough time. i agree newt but you need to add cold wet noses. four-legged critters rawk
PG it’s totally worth a read! I think you can get in on audiobook. I would follow any gospel written by someone named Biff. And yes indeedy, creatures of the four legged kind do rawk!
audiobook…think about who you’re talking to, i can barely copy and paste…i less than three cubed books of paper^^plus i hear enough voices what? gotta go^^^
Oh, right. My bad. So get the book and while you’re walking the critters have someone read it to you 😉
Amen to Hugo who amen-ed to Tim & Fat. Having been brought up a good baptist girl, left that fire and brimstone faith at 16 when the preacher smashed on the pulpit and claimed “all those who do NOT believe in the Lord Jesus Christ our Saviour are going to HELL for eternal torment and damnation”. Um… there’s a huge population of the planet that I just cant discount because those ruddy meddling missionaries haven’t converted them yet. Soooorry, but I believe in something a bit more fluid and peaceful and benign.
Oh ya, that and I wanted to have premarital sex – and dance – and have the occasional drink of wine – and play cards… so I figured I wasn’t cut out for that cloth anyways. My poor mama still worries about my soul. 😉
oh dearie me…very happy for you. the bear went down that road, but he shrugged it off at twelve. some times when i’m pondering stuff, i feel we are somehow being greedy with life. hey this is cool why do we need a god…sorry too much thinking
It’s a family thing – when you don’t really know much better and still don’t have the experience for yourself – it’s easy to not see the world around you. The adults that pound pulpits and preach and rant, well, they just seem to like their own sense of power… there are peaceful, gentle ways of believing in anything you like. Anything forceful turns me off like a switch now. I mean, anything religious… *snort*
Guess I lucked out, UCC, even back then our minister taught us to question.
His motto was, “when in doubt…shout”.
Evil & greedy people have had over 2,000 years to twist words.
For those of you who are evolutionist, who believe in the totality of science, deride faith and belief because it is without tanigable evidence, two words.
String Theory.
Please summarize the theory in a paragraph, Professor Phurst. It is Monday and my eyes refuse to read the entire page of wiki.
Okay Hugo… I’ve HEARD of it, but advanced middle age is playing havoc with my memory… help!
Little tiny strings (under tension) that hold the universe together.
The point is…long way round.
All these scientist had all these ideas about quanum and relative time/space, so many diferent views and theorys. Then came along another scientist who thought that everybody was right, and made up another theory that made all the other theorys work. Make sence yet?
So everybody is happy…YEAH…..we were all right about our theories because another theoratical physist said so. So that means that it’s true.
BUT……there is no proof what so ever to back up String Theory, just belief & faith.
Thanks Prof. Phurst, I think I get what you were trying to say, but not the theory itself. Mondays. They eat my brainz.
i am having a strong sense of deja vu…ruby jane and miles hold my hand
Not to worry notsoNTH. ’tis monday, and I just finished a spiff.
ST is pretty high end stuff, I’m only familiar with the basics. lol – you have to go to school for about 4 years just to learn the language.
ralmn are you baiting LS or what ? 🙂
I totally and utterly failed all my physics exams in high school so…..yeah. 😀
I wonder if the hapless American diplomat who urged the Arabs and Israelis to “settle their differences like good Christians” would be pleased to see just how accurately both sides have spent the last 60 years doing exactly that.
>; )
Perhaps marty, perhaps… It’s a rainy Tues after all, what else is there to do? Though I think LS has skipped the rest of this thread – start pulling out String Theory and he may think we mean knitting.
String theory
Think CERN
THey’re at the cutting edge of trying to figure/find out more about that, maybe we’ll all be praising Higgs Boson as god before to long ~;)
But I find the name “String theory” a bit unfounded…if you look at the definition they are talking about a ‘string’ that is -quote- ” The average size of a string should be somewhere near the length scale of quantam gravity, called the PLANCK length (which is about 10 to the negative 33rd power centimeters)
Or about a millionth of a billionth of a billionth of a billionth of a centimeter “-unquote-
So in otherwords unbelievabley short & there’s no way you’ll be using one to tie your shoes up in the near future
All this talk of religion makes me think of Slayer’s “Hate Worldwide” (which I think would make a great song to blast at the anti-abortion protesters 😉 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPSutpPzsPA Lyrics are in the description or, if you don’t know what that means, here: http://darklyrics.com/lyrics/slayer/worldp…
I should warn you that Slayer is potentially NSFW, depending on where you work.
I adopt the silly string theory….
it’s like science, but more fun.
nsfw? do they still sell that stuff zZz? it’s flammable i know that…heehaw
NSFW = not safe for work
zZz you are seriously cracking me up over here!
merci pf…too many acronyms. i guess if i can play the penis song at the shop i’m safe
De rien 🙂
Slayer’s “Hate Worldwide”
slayer kicks ass
Indeed they do. Were you at the concert?