I just wanted to say that you are a bad friend. —Hurtie

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25 Comments

  1. it’s like people are nearly flat-out asking us to highjack these convoluted threads….

    A blond went to the doctor and he asked her what the problem was….
    she said “it hurts when I touch my left leg here…”
    “interesting” the doctor replied… ” anything else?”
    “Yes, doctor, it also hurts when I touch my ribs here…”
    “hmmm, that’s very interesting….” he replied… “what about your arms?”
    “Why yes doctor, it hurts when I touch my left arm here…”

    “well my dear, I think we can have you fixed up in a few weeks…
    You, my dear, seem to have a broken finger”

  2. “will i be able to play the piano doctor?”
    “yes, my dear”
    “good i couldn’t play before”
    groan

  3. One day there were three tomatoes walking down the street, a mama tomato, a daddy tomato and a baby tomato. Baby tomato is walking too slowly, so the daddy tomato goes back, steps on him and says ‘ketchup!

  4. Q: What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
    A: The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

  5. hmmmm, fun fact, I can solve a rubik’s (angel… no x) cube in under 2.5 mins.
    I’m used to playing with it all the time…
    and with the cube too

  6. hahahaha nice zZz

    I thought of you when I put that one up

    Because of the rubiks though..let’s set that straight lol.

  7. he has such a ‘shyster’ look to him….
    like his eyes are dead, his hair is plastic, and his smile is always forced.

    did Grant Imahara make canada a robot as a prototype before building Craig Furguson’s skeleton robot???

    call CSIS, someone needs to check this out…

  8. meat curtains is still the most descriptive I’ve heard…
    I always think of steak though… nice, thick striploins just dangling….

    mmmmmmmmmmm

    what were we talking about?

  9. A man and a woman were sitting beside each other on an airplane. All of a sudden the woman sneezed. The man said “gesundheit” and then watched as she shuddered for a moment, took out a tissue and appeared to wipe herself between her legs. The man was a little surprised but politely kept to himself.

    A few minutes later it happened again. The woman sneezed, shuddered a little, then grabbed a tissue and wiped between her legs. The man’s curiosity was building.

    Again, a few minutes later, the woman sneezed, shuddered and then grabbed a tissue and wiped between her legs. The man’s curiosity got the better of him and he finally asked, “Ma’am, I hate to pry but I was wondering if there was anything wrong? I’ve watched you sneeze and then wipe between your legs. What gives?”

    “Well, you may not believe this,” began the woman rather sheepishly, “but whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.”

    “Really,” exclaimed the man. “Are you taking anything for it?

    “Yes,” she said. “Pepper”

  10. Most have you have probably heard this one but fuck it:

    There once was a woman with three kids. She decided one day that she was kind of sick of being a mom, and decided to off the kids. She knew that bullets killed people, and being that she was blonde thought that if she made some soup with bullets in it, that would do the job.

    So that night she was feeding her kids the bullet soup and of course nothing happened at which point she decided: “hey, maybe they’re not so bad, I’ll keep them around”.
    Later that night after putting her children down to sleep, and in bed herself the first little girl walks into the mothers room crying. So the mother asks the girl what was wrong and the girl replied:

    “mommy, I was peeing and I peed out bullets”.

    So the mother told her daughter that is was probably nothing to worry about and that they would go to the doctor in the morning.

    The first little girl went back to bed and soon after the second little girl approached the room and she was crying even harder.

    Same thing, mother asked what was wrong and the girl answered:

    “mommy, I was peeing and I peed out bullets”.

    So the mother told second daughter the same thing she had told her first daughter and got her back to bed.

    Soon after the little boy approached the room and he was bawling. The mother looked at her son and asked “what’s wrong honey, were you peeing and peed out bullets?”

    To which he replied: “No mommy, I was whacking off and I shot the cat!”

  11. What’s the difference between an old cat and a little pussy?

    An old cat will bite and scratch but a little pussy never hurt anyone…

  12. dear hurtie, how was this other person a meanie, did they take your candy or some shit. if you don’t outline what the bitch was, and against whom. well then, get ready for a lot of flack on this board.

  13. Yeah, bad friends suck ehh. Better than having no friends at all, though… sniffle…

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