Dear Roomie: It’s quite obvious when you’re working on the ol’ clit there. When I’m relaxing after a long shift at the restaurant, I’d rather NOT hear your moans when you’re getting yourself off. It doesn’t matter what room I’m in, even if you’re in the shower doing it, I hear you. When I masturbate, you don’t hear a peep out of me. I get off, but I don’t need to broadcast it. Just stfu already! -Silent Masturbator
This article appears in May 29 – Jun 4, 2014.
You think you’re quiet OP, but we can hear you. It’s the sound of resentment. Those quieter than normal interactions in the kitchen, the awkward walk around in the hallway. When you empty the trash there is a ping of frustration, when you sweep the floor a hint of scorn. It speaks louder than the moans of your roommate, and this is her way of getting back.
BUT DOES SHE DO THE DISHES?
wait til she brings out the gas powered whatsit.
Tell HER this!! Telling us does nothing!!! Nothing!!!!! Next time you hear her moaning, knock on the door and tell her Seattle called and wants her to keep it down.
Instead of bitching on this board, why not make a suggestion to your roomie on a new game to play called ” Clit Wars”
She probably wants you to join in.
I retaliation, get yourself a fuck machine: http://www.fuckingmachines.com/site/shoots…
Your roommate sounds like sex with her would be way more awesome.
Shhhh! *fap, fap, fap*
Turn on some muzak when she start flickin’ dat bean – loud to block out her noises and give her a hint she annoying and you ain’t feelin her vibe. My power tools be generating serious kilowatts of power, o’er here daily cuz I gots a healthy sexiality… lord jesus sound like a halicopter takin’ off. I ain’t no friend to neighbors, I know dey must be heaurrin dat loud reverberating even through closed doors and windows. Douces mafuckas!
Be a good roomie and help her out.
Perhaps we’d be less judgemental if we were treat to an audio version?
Shit librarians say.
What no_fool said only in English.
THE METAPHYSICS OF MASTURBATION
: “When I masturbate, you don’t hear a peep out of me.” Silent Masturbator
: “masturbate, v.i. – produce an orgasm by exciting one’s own genitals. (The Concise Oxford Dictionary)
: “metaphysics, n. theoretical philosophy of being and knowing; philosophy of mind.” (The Concise Oxford Dictionary)
What is going on here? A superficial reading suggests that Silent Masturbator is annoyed by the sound of her roommate’s masturbating in contrast to Silent Masturbator herself who masturbates quietly. But is this all there is to this bitch? Hardly.
The real question is one of metaphysics, that theoretical philosophy of being and knowing, that philosophy of mind. A deeper reading therefore suggests what is really going on is not so much a matter of noise but rather a matter of what is going on in their minds. Let me explain.
Masturbation, by its nature, is a solitary exercise but one, also by its nature, which involves fantasy, a conception of the object before one’s mind while one is in the process of masturbating. The object, however, is not physically present. If it were Silent Masturbator would not be masturbating in a strict sense but doing something else. What must be done, therefore, is to engage the fantasy, whether of Silent Masturbator herself or her roommate is irrelevant. A concept of the generalized female masturbatory fantasy is required. So what about the fantasy? What does it look like?
The principal thing to understand is that the female masturbatory fantasy is usually embodied not in a particular individual, although this might sometimes be the case, but rather in a particular situation. How is that situation to be characterized? In the case of females such as Silent Masturbator and her roommate the fantasy is to be conceived in the form of a fantasies of submission. But of what does those fantasies of submission consist? This will vary with the individual but certain across-the-board commonalities might be identified.
Normally, female fantasies of submission involve subjection to one possessing looks, money and power or a combination of the three. When these qualities are conjoined – one thinks, for example, of JFK whose sexual prowess was legendary – there will be thousands of females who, having failed to join Jack in the White House pool, must resign themselves to vigorous but solitary masturbation. When there is a trade-off, money normally trumps the other two.
Take Jackie Kennedy. As far as we know, which is not very far, Jackie did not masturbate. She did, however, have a relationship with Bobby and, of course, with Aristotle Onassis, that ugly little toad whom she subsequently married for his money. That shows what came out on top for Jackie. She knew what she wanted, and she got it. Anyway, whether she masturbated while fantasizing over either is an open question, at least in the case of Bobby. I can’t see anyone masturbating over Ari, that ugly little toad. Then again, she really didn’t need to masturbate since she, like JFK, was something of a sexual acrobat herself outside the marital bed.
In any case, it’s time to end on a Jackie joke: “Other than that Jackie, how did you enjoy the drive through Dallas?” Pretty good, eh?
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
BUT DOES SHE RATTLE THE DISHES?
I’d put on my iPod when this little flap slapper beats off and hope to fuck the new litre of 2% milk isn’t missing.
Hey, look on the bright side…with your roomates healthy sex drive and her, aparently, constant masturbation habits (loud or not) you could do a lot worse. She could have a revolving door policy with a boatload of douchebags hanging out and farting into your couch and leaving you forgotten, pre-shower dumps. Hell, maybe you should even be flattered, she may be sending you a message to join in.
OP Do you really suspect your roommate is a “Female Masturbatory Vocalizer”,vocalizing just to piss you off ?
All females should be so lucky to be in touch with their sexuality and not be ashamed, to tell the world she feels comfortable in her own skin,by voicing the pleasures she receives while making love to her self.
Besides it seems her Female Masturbatory Vocalizing is making you a tad bit bi-curious..