It’s not like it was a huge surprise, dickwad. I told you I was intersex months before we started doing anything sexual. You lead me to believe that you were okay with it. As hypocritical as it was, I’m not pissed that you freaked out when you saw what was down there. A lot of people freak out at first. I’m not even pissed that you dumped me on the spot, I’ve learned to expect that occasionally. But you took it way too fucking far, you crusty shitball. You proceeded to share my personal anatomical details with people I would have NEVER shared it with. People that you knew would NEVER understand. People who are now making my life fucking HELL! There’s a reason I don’t tell everyone that I’m intersex. It’s not because I’m a devious little liar, I’m just not ready to deal with all the shit that comes with everyone knowing at this point in my life. You’re right, I am a freak, but at least I was in control of my own freakshow before you came along. You are nothing but a festering slop of douche pus.
—“it” never should have trusted you.
This article appears in Mar 5-11, 2009.
What is intersex exaxctly?
I believe an intersex person is someone with ambiguous genitalia. Genitals that are sort of a mixture of a penis and vagina. I watched a documentary on it once talking about how doctors encourage parents to pick which gender they want their kid to be, and then they perform surgery on the newborn to make their genitals look more like a penis or a vagina.
That is completely ridiculous. I’ll never understand how some people are so ignorant.
Those sicko doctors probably figure they are doing the kid a favor. Poor kid, I can’t imagine how hard it is to grow up in that situation. OP, I hope your genitals were left intact.
Well, the parents have a 50/50 chance of guessing right. Too bad the decision can’t be made until the kid can decide.
The only reason someone should be operated on without consent is if the problem is detrimental to the patients health.
They also have a 50% chance of being wrong, Cranky, and the consequences are way worse if they are wrong.
I think it’s better to just leave the poor kids genitals alone, raise them as one gender until they are old enough to figure out that they aren’t normal, and then explain everything and let them choose which gender they are most comfortable being.
Then when they are old enough they can get cosmetic surgery if that’s what they want. It’s not too late to have the surgery when they are older, Cranky, trans people do it. But that type of surgery at any age does not leave you with a perfect looking, perfectly functional penis or vagina.
Uh, yeah, it goes without saying(or so I thought) that in a 50/50 chance you can opt wrongly. Yes, the wrong decision is way worse, which is why it is ‘wrong’.
I feel bad for the OP, they trusted the wrong person, who is obviously a douchey asshat.
There was a show on a few years back called Freaks & Geeks that handled this subject in a pretty nice way. You can get the boxed set for it now. Check it out.
Lots of intersex people don’t want to choose. Intersex can be its own kind of gender. So, it’s not a “50 percent chance” thing at all.
This really isn’t what I was bitching about, but I feel strongly about this subject, so…
Yeah Todd, I was left intact, thank God. Cranky, the decision can be made when the kid is old enough to decide. I was left alone, and I chose, and I’m fine.
Intersex people who were operated on as newborns often have serious emotional and physical problems when they grow up.
A common misconception is that people who have uncommon genitalia can’t have sex or orgasm. The only people I know who are like this are people who had parts of their genitals removed during surgery when they were born.
After a week of hell at school, it’s nice to see that some people actually aren’t completely ignorant about this.
Sounds like you’re in High school, “it”. People in high school are disgusting fucks when it comes to anything “different.” When I was in junior high my best friend came out as bisexual and since I was her friend I got ragged on relentlessly about how I MUST also be bisexual, and I even had some of my personal belongings stolen and vandalized with some pretty nasty stuff. But, as you get older and leave the festering cesspool of assfuckary that is high school, you’ll find that there are more accepting people out there than you might think, so, hang in there.
I took some soc during my arts degree, and one of the courses touched on this subject. These days, doctors are starting to refuse to do sexual assignment surgeries when an intersexed child is born because a 50/50 chance is just not good enough. Often they get it wrong, assign the wrong gender and that’s hell for the poor kid. Often, these kids grow up and have painful reassignment surgeries to make them the gender they feel they are. And some people, like “it” choose not to. So, more and more the opinion in the medical community is towards leaving the kid alone and letting them decide when they are ready. I think this is a positive thing. We’re so hung up on what genitals we have and how they look that we’re forgetting that there are people out there who, despite having a penis feel “female” and vice versa. I think in these cases there’s enough turmoil they have to deal with, a fucked up sexual assignment surgery shouldn’t be one of them. In fact, we’re so obsessed over this that there have even been cases where circumcisions have been botched and the child was reassigned with a vagina because their penis was deformed. In one notable case I read about the kid grew up as a girl, but always felt like a boy and through years of therapy ended up going through painful reassignment surgery in their 20s. In other cases, girls born with very large clitorises were reassigned as males causing the same shit show as the kid who had the circumcision accident.
Just remember “it” most people rag on others for anything and everything in high school (and later in life) because it makes them feel better about themselves. Most of the assfucks who are harassing you are probably so insecure they get off on making your life hell. You sound like you’ve already accepted who you are and can deal with that. Keep your chin up and don’t let them get you down (as cliche as it sounds)…the best way to fight back is to not let them get to you. That’ll really chap their asses!
PK gave some good advice, and it’s true, young people can be such jerks and are just wary and scared of anything that’s remotely different. I think it’s great that YOU’RE happy you werent’ operated on and seem to be comfortable and happy in your own skin.
I know it seems like the end of school is a long way away, but it’s not, high school is just a blink and then it’s over in the long run. 🙂
Betrayal is bad no matter what sex you are or aren’t. You didn’t deserve that, OP… nobody does. Don’t let anybody live rent-free in your head. Every day on this side of the sod is a good one, not because others woke up alive but, because you did.
Kitty, thanks for the insight. Can you also tell us why they (doctors, parents) can’t just leave “it” alone? We say our gender is on our brains and not our loins so why reassignment surgery in prepubescent children? I mean, if there’s a hidden testicle causing pain/infection then, absolutely, bring on some corrective surgery, but if the person feels okay in their skin why not leave it that way until they have a mature outlook. Can’t they get assistance with hormone issues (is removal of the ‘other’ really organ the only option?) and then choose for themselves once they’ve had some practical experience as an adult?
Wow OP. That’s really fucking disrespectful. My sympathies.
wow. whatever was down there must have been pretty bad. what does ”intersex” mean, anyway?
wait, nevermind.
WOW I sound like a complete dumbass.
Anyways,
I agree. You don’t change your mind on such a personal issue. If I were you I’d crush his balls so hard you couldn’t tell what he was anymore. Then you could have some fun calling him ‘it’.
People suck like that, may as well get used to it. More of us are, ‘sexually ambiguous’, mentally and/or physically than would ever be able to let on in this violent and prejudiced society that we all live in.
Who gets to say that there are only 2 sexes? Parents? The Church? The Government? The Majority Rule? Doctor-as God?
OP, this might just be a blessing in disguise, maybe your soul mate is attending your school but knew nothing of you until this fiasco… 🙂 Sounds like you’re still in control of your own freak show! It should really be said that school is nothing like actual real life either, it will pass sooner than you know… Honestly, life gets better!
I guess he’s just not inter you.
Hahaha, I guess not Joeblow.
Thanks for all the kind words. They are few and far in between these days. You’re all right about people in high school being dicks. That’s the reason I chose a gender in the first place. I have enough to worry about without the dickheads distracting me, grades, exams, getting into university etc. I’m going to get into a nice big university in a nice big city where I can finally be my good ol androgynous self in peace.
good for you it!!
ps good one joeblow
Um, so, I’m hopelessly ignorant about this whole intersex thing, but curious too. Do you mind if I ask you some questions? They will probably sound really dumb, but bear with me. You seem pretty cool, like you don’t get offended easily.
I was just wondering how you decided which gender to pick, do you feel more like a certain gender or are you totally neutral?
Ummm, I cant speak for all people like me. Some people do feel like one gender or the other, and some like a third gender. But I guess I don’t really feel like either gender. I was raised as a boy, and then when puberty hit I didn’t really get the deep voice and other masculine traits, and I’m not comfortable with hormone supplements… so it was easier to pass as a girl. Really I just chose whatever was most convenient. My parents gave me one of those boy or girl names haha.
I went to college with an intersex person, but when she was born her parents choose her to be a man, but as she grew up she wanted to represent a woman, and she switched. It was messy, unfortunately – and it meant a lifetime of pain for her because her parents (and society) preferred men. But when I talked with her she had a great attitude and didn’t seem too angry about it all.
In the end, there is someone for everyone. (It took me 15 years to find my someone.)
I don’t want to be offensive here or anything, but now that you’re old enough (I imagine) to make a clear decision, wouldn’t it be easier for your well-being, mentally, to choose one gender or another and have surgery to make it happen?
Don’t worry about being offensive, compared to some stuff I’ve had thrown at me your inquiry is positively charming.
I understand where you’re coming from. Being a normal man or woman with normal looking genitalia would save me a lot of hurt, and your right. That’s partially why I chose to be female for high school, because its easier than being myself. I’ll wear high heels to make social life easier. But I will never surgically alter my genitals. It’s got nothing to do with being proud of my uniqueness, or fighting for a third gender, wocka wocka wocka. As admirable as all that crap is, It has nothing to do with how I feel about things.
The reason I won’t get surgery is simple. I like sex, and surgery down there always means loss of sensitivity, loss of nerve endings, loss of everything that makes sex fun. Usually the result doesn’t even look like a normal penis or vagina, or if it does it doesn’t function properly, or gives you pain when you pee, or infections, more surgery…
For me, it’s not worth it. Even though people are going to run screaming from my bed most of the time, once in a while I find someone who’s totally cool with the way I am. Some are even turned on by how different it is, and we have a great time. I’d rather have occasional mind blowing sex with open minded people than frequent orgasm-less sex with people so narrowminded that they’d run away at the sight of anything different.
As far as my mental well being goes, I’ve been through a lot of shit already, I can take it. But life without orgasms? Not so much.