To the guy[s] from a local swimming pool who dampened my night. You went over to the side of the pool while I was in it and said “Why the hell you staring at, it’s creepy, stop staring ya creep.” I was confused and caught off guard you even said that then after you and your “bros” went towards the locker room I heard with my good sense of hearing “Is he still staring?, fuckin fag.” First of all, don’t flatter yourself, I’m happily TAKEN with a very sweet man, Second, I usually stare off into space, deep in thought like “Will the weather be nice for Sunday so my family can go see relatives.” or “How am I gonna get enough money to go to a convention in Chicago.”. Third, I have a part of a right eye in terms of eyesight and I react to sound, touch and smell and usually when I turn to look in a general direction it’s usually because I hear a kid laughing, or a swim coach telling his students to do something, or even someone jumping off from the rope swing. You and your buddies really live up to the stereotype gym bully. congrats your utter douches, and when my boyfriend and my friends finally came, they think so too.
Have a Unmerry Christmas you judgemental dropout dumb fucks. —Semi Blind Casual Swimmer
This article appears in Dec 19-25, 2013.
“when my boyfriend and my friends finally came”
Are we to assume from that, that a little Shawshank shower room rough justice was visited upon the Duck Dynasty lads?
Obviously, you WERE staring. You could have explained that you have eye problems, you know. As for calling your friends for some rough justice, the rude people didn’t threaten you with violence .. but you seem ok with it. What does that say about you?
Personally, I find male homosexuals sorta ok, if they aren’t militant about it. I’d suggest that the best thing you can do to better the treatment of homosexuals is act responsibly, taking the high road where possible, and avoiding conflict. In other words, act like a decent person, not a thug. Remember, bad things happen to everyone .. some people are fat, ugly, etc. These people get called names as well, get bullied, etc. so it’s not unigue to you or your sexual preference.
Keep swimming, and keep your chin up!
I can tell a homosexual a mile away. Ever get in a group shower with one after the swim? One minute all is ok… next they sneak a rubber fist out of somewhere, stick same rubber fist up your ass and you leave with a broken anus. I can’t count how many times that has happened to me. I mean… even though it is kinda fun at the time… I relive the moment over and over in my mind like PTSD. I know I keep my ass and balls all shaved up and neat and tidy but there is just no need for anybody to haul out a rubber fist and shove it up anybodies ass. That is just asking for trouble. Especially if you don’t ask permission first.
where is anyone getting the idea op called in the troops? i thought he was there waiting for them.
gee buddha, i find black people sorta ok too, as long as they aren’t too uppity.
gay guys are great for doing your hair or for dinner party advice. dykes though, no point to them.
Well now, not that I have an opinion, but…
Ivan, have you heard of the Velvet Mafia?
Buddha, I personally find male heterosexuals sorta’ ok, if they aren’t militant about it. I’d suggest that the best thing male heterosexuals can do is act responsibly, taking the high road where possible, and avoiding conflict. In other words, act like a decent person, not a thug.
SOHI99, that wasn’t me! I NEVER haul out my rubber fist and shove it up anyone’s ass without asking permission first. Oddly, no one seems to mind…
And Molly, My Love! I CANNOT do hair nor am I good for dinner party advice. I can organize your mess; do your taxes; offer budgeting and other financial advice; and, generally tell you where you’re wrong…
This thread is amazing.
I shook hands with a gay man once, and he gave me the limp fish handshake. Whats up with that? I still don’t know.
I HATE that! Jesus Christ, WTF?! Shake my hand correctly! Odd, eh?
WALL-EYED IVAN
Ivan, you never told me you were wall-eyed!
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
R.S.V.P.s : Miete(y) – Yup. But I still prefer the Sopranos. The TV show, not the castrati. >; )
Good Dog Molly – you are correct , Madam. Nobody mentioned “rough justice” but moi. Looks like Ms. Buddhinsky is doing what she accuses others of. Making unsupported assumptions. Now, I do that to be a smartass, not to offer recycled Deepak Chopra
Montrealman: Wall-eyed?
http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-al…
Festive and on topic.
http://gawker.com/black-drag-dancing-santa…
“Now, I do that to be a smartass, not to offer recycled Deepak Chopra” – Ivan the Flatulent.
Nothing smart about your ass, I assure you!
I was referring to the head of Canada Post so please withdraw your fatwa on me for insulting your prophet.
bugger that buddha, i have seen ivan’s ass fart einstein’s theory of relativity
I like buggers!
And when my ass-grapes do a Harlem shuffle flashmob, even Kenny West is left speechless.
“Wall-Eyed”
RSVP
: Ivan #Otterbox (12/23, 10:08AM)
“Wall-eyed” is the more polite term for “cockeyed.” It usually involves one eye looking straight while the other is pointed up at the ceiling.
My guess is that the “Semi Blind Casual Swimmer” was wall-eyed, just like you.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Yes, Yes, MM, it’s all a rich tapestry but, yet again, you have singularly failed to explain “Why?”
I actually have that problem too.. I tend to stare off into space and I have been snapped out of my thoughts by some rude, no good for nothing asshole who thought I was looking in their direction.. I usually get bitchy girls ready to fight me for looking at them wrong. To the comment-er who said you were clearly staring isn’t right to assume that. How did these guys even know you were gay? Lucky guess? I bet your a good person and I wouldn’t let some guys who are CLEARLY afraid of you and your sexuality bother you.. They can live life their way and you can live life your way. I also want to say for everyone.. Gay people are the same as straight people.. get over it and stop allowing your fear of the unknown bring others down. I love all people if they are good inside and don’t care what decisions they make they don’t affect me.
Gays are not the same as everybody missjlneary. Heterosexuals aren’t the same as everybody. Blacks are not the same as everybody. Whites are not the same as everybody Bi-sexuals are not the same as everybody. Tri-sexuals are not the same as everybody. Mustard is different than ketchup. That is what is great about everybody. We are all different. Rubber fist up a strangers anus or not.
*shakes donation can*
Please, spare some change for the “Boys who can’t stop staring at chesticles foundation”?
*rattle, rattle*
(and Merry Christmas all!)
Scooter – I’m totally there. I hear there’s easy pickins outside a certain MLA’s office in Truro. *narf*
SOHI – you’ve had a rough year, Bru, but you’re tapping into a rich vein of humour and the power of laughter can never be over-estimated. Hope you and your kid(s ?) are able to have as good a Christmas as possible under the circumstances and better ones to come.
RSVP
: Ivan #Otterbox (12/23, 4:58PM)
Well Ivan, I thought it was obvious but it seems that I will have to explain “Why?”
The “Semi Blind Casual Swimmer” was wall-eyed but, in his case, while his good eye stared straight ahead his wall-eye stared not up at the ceiling – a vertical wall-eye – which, I believe, is usually the case but rather, appropriately, sideways at the wall – a lateral wall-eye. This is the key to the whole bitch. That is why the ruffians thought SBCS was staring at them and reacted negatively but of course he really wasn’t. The only question that remains is whether a lateral wall-eye will assist one in turning corners.
My claim that you suffered from the same astigmatism was, of course, only my Puckish sense of humour.
You might want to check out my new avatar. It’s in the spirit of the season.
Merry Christmas!
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Ah, I see.
Love the picture of The Altarboys, or, as the Archbishop may have termed it – “The Christmas Buffet”
My puckish sense of humour, at work.
Merry Christmas to you and the whippets, MM.
I love rubber fists up a strangers’ anuses!
According to the Urban Dicktionary, you are guilty of: EGGNOGLING, which is ogling or eye fucking a stranger over the Christmas season.
It makes me mad too when I’m out in a store and there are a million eyeballs on me. But den I just remind myself dat it’s because I’m so beautiful ..so I can’t really blame ’em. The eye just naturally goes to the hotness. You don’t need to make excuses about staring. You’re allowed to look wherever you want. But if you lock eyes for more than 3 seconds in the showers, it’s eye-rape.
RSVP
: Ivan #Otterbox 12/23, 4:58PM)
I’ve given this matter of the wall-eye considerably more thought. The poster claimed that he really wasn’t looking at the ruffians since, one supposes, he couldn’t see out of his lateral wall-eye but is this necessarily the case? Is the lateral wall-eye simply a useless appendage?
If the poster’s lateral wall-eye was fully functional then, in addition to the binocular eyesight familiar to us all would be destroyed. The sight in his good eye would lack dimension resulting is a loss of depth perspective. But worse, his visual field would consist of two, distinct views, the one straight ahead and the other to one side. This would result in serious disorientation, not to say schizophrenia. So that’s off the table.
However, the possibility of alternating the straight-ahead vision of the good eye with the lateral vision of the wall-eye might be a possibility. This would require hooking up the wall-eye with the optic nerve in the cerebral cortex to enable successful lateral vision but then the question arises as to just how the poster would contrive to make the alternation. This, of course, transcends simple questions of neurophysiology and enters the realm of philosophy, i.e., the functioning of the will.
So far, as you are no doubt aware, the functioning of the will in particular and that of consciousness in general has resisted all attempts to reduce it to neurophysiology. Perhaps you can see egress from the dilemma. Write back soon.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Well, I hope that your Christmas was not too preoccupied with the ontological implications of binocular vision and that you managed to have a good time , anyhow. Did the whippets get new matching jackets for their daily perambulations along the banks of the Saint. Lawrence.
SOBova got The Countess a laser pointer and I take a great deal of joy in playing the red dot on the back of her head (never at her face) and yelling “Take the shot. Take the fuckin’ shot!” SOBova shoots me dirty looks and accuses me of traumatizing the poor wee beastie.
The Countess doesn’t look too traumatized. She just licks her angelic soft belly fur. (Once again, to avoid any reader confusion: SOBova is my wife; The Countess is our cat)
Check out the hella kule prezzies I got for my nephew:
http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/17f3u1fg4l…
and my niece:
http://beautyisinside.com/wp-content/uploa…
They think Uncle Ivan is AWESOME!
RSVP
: The Ivan, etc. etc. (12/25, 9:45AM)
Well, the whippets already do have matching jackets for our daily perambulations along Lac St. Louis (just west of the Saint Lawrence) but the weather is presently too cold for them to venture out so I go myself. A very nice walk, about 3/4 of an hour, all in a long picturesque grassy/wooded park running along the water’s edge.
Yes, I can understand SOBova shooting you dirty looks as you took great joy in playing the red dot of the new laser at the back of Countess’ head but it seems to me the more serious concern is the fact that you took great joy in what can only be a profoundly mindless activity in the first place, assuming that is, that such mindless activities can coherently be called “profound” at all which, to be honest, I doubt. Perhaps you were in your cups.
Finally, I would have thought, in the interests of gender equality, that the niece would have received bomber and the nephew the mop. By attempting to transform gender stereotypes they really would have thought Uncle Ivan was awesome.
I shall continue to reflect on the ontological implications of the wall-eye but, sadly, without much assistance from you. Perhaps you might bring it up with SOBova. She sounds like she has a head on her shoulders.
Write back soon.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Sorry op but this bitch is akin to writing a biting review of a mosquito who bit you that one time in july. You are discussing the crude habits of morlocks. They don’t count. They don’t rate. They likely don’t even vote, attend school, work or even read or write past a 4th grade level.
They aren’t important. They don’t matter.
Keep telling yourself that. They aren’t important. They don’t matter…
“They aren’t important. They don’t matter.”
Hello, Pot, have you met Zwarte Piet?
Ivanski, I only wish laser pointers had been available when our two Siamese girlies, Sophie & Loretta, were our much-loved ‘practice kids’ – it would have truly been Cat Stooge Mania, complete with rapid-fire ‘whoop-whoop-whoops’ and lots of ‘nnnaaarrrrrrrrrrrs’, sound effects courtesy of their devious maw and paw. I miss them so much, especially during the holidays when they’d play ‘Chew the Tinsel and Expel It in an Interesting Manner’ – for almost 18 years, they never failed to disappoint us with their Xmas antics – one year, they both did perfect half-circle skid marks on our pale blue carpet at our Boxing Day party. They rocked, bless their sweet feline souls.
uncle ivan’s presents are perfect. nephew can nuke everything and niece can mop up all the blood n guts. symbiotic.