OK, you listen now: We were friends with benefits and nothing more. We hung out and had sex regularly since Christmas time. I didn’t want anything substantial with you and you felt the same way. I met another girl I had more in common with and was more girlfriend material to me. I decided not to contact you anymore and didn’t return any of your phone calls. I don’t know about anyone else, but if two people were just fuck buddies and one wants to end it (eg. they started a serious relationship with someone else), I don’t think they owe the other party an explanation. So I thought nothing of it and moved on. You didn’t. You blew up my phone all weekend leaving me screaming messages, calling me every foul name imaginable. All because I stopped returning your phone calls. You called me a manipulative inconsiderate asshole who didn’t have the guts to say to your face that I didn’t want to hook up anymore and why. What you fail to understand is, we were not going out together, we were just fucking, just having meaningless casual sex. If we were an item, by all means, I would tell you I wanted to end it. NSA relationships don’t need that official confirmation! No, I’m not chicken shit, I just felt like I didn’t have to give you any reason. Since you were just a fuck buddy, it’s really none of your damn fucking business why I stopped contacting you. Call me a dick, but it is what it is. Stop harassing me and find another guy or a vibrator! —Guy Who Moved On To a Better Girl
This article appears in Mar 7-13, 2013.
OK. You’re a dick.
Role reversal: what if this chick stopped talking to you and offered no explanation? That be cool by you? You wouldn’t be the least bit put off by that? Naahh..course you wouldn’t.
OP, you sound like a huuuuge jackass with no common decency. Yeah, she was just a fuck buddy, but still a human being, if you can wrap your inflated head around that, and it was incredibly rude of you to just drop out of her life without even a word.
Just wondering if this Bitch is a result of this Love
http://www.thecoast.ca/Lovethewaywelove/ar…
Well, now that we have a woman’s perspective, let me tell you mine…
The OB is right. FWB means just that. No one owes anyone an explanation – if you don’t want to fuck a FWB anymore, so be it.
The problem comes in when straight (heterosexual) people adopt gay practices and standards. It LOOKS good to you but when you put them into practice, they may not be all of what they seem…
Conversely, like gay marriage and metrosexuality, it probably won’t work, or if it does, it won’t work well.
Now – go fuck yourselves with a dildo, watch the children and wash the floors. Stop complaining.
Um…wouldn’t it have just been easier to have “the conversation” with her? I mean, fuck buddies or not, you were intimate and sometimes it’s hard not to have feelings. All you had to do was be honest “I’ve met someone and I’d like to focus on her. It’s been great, thanks. All the best to you”. Dropping off the face of the Earth and ignoring the lady isn’t cool. Just be honest, damnit! Sheesh! And I’m with djgirl–what if roles were reversed? You’d be pissed! Tsk Tsk!
Yeah boi!
Also, djgirl, do you play house or dub-step?
OP, you are a disgrace of a human being. How hard is it to just fucking say you don’t want to see someone anymore?! You’re an asshole and a coward. I hope your serious girlfriend disappears out of your life, never contacting you again, and you later see her walking down the road on the arm of another man!
There is no such thing as a “NSA relationship”.
can’t escape strings, they are everywhere
nice sleuthing mkegg, could be
You’re an inconsiderate fuck, OB. If you can’t acknowledge that, you won’t change it; and if you don’t change it, the girl you’ve deemed worthy of a relationship will see it, suffer because of it, resent you for it, and, either leave you or make your life a living hell. Your lack of empathy disgusts me.
uh no douchebag, actually you DO owe another human being word if you’re just going to disappear. You’re the worst kind of coward. I bet when shit goes down at work, or when a friend needs help, you’re nowhere to be found. Yeah.. i know your type. Coward. Can’t deal with confrontation. Pussy.
Your NSA can do better. So can your current. If i ever find out who she is, i’ll be sure to tell her.
when someone just disappears with no explanation I assume someone has been hurt, injured, kidnapped… KILLED.. you know? Because i don’t make a point of befriending sociopaths who just do whatever the fuck they want.
You probably scared the daylights out of her and wasted her time trying to figure out if your sorry, coward ass was ok.
FRIENDS? with benifits. You’re an asshole.
Lets be honest, though OP…you wanted her to keep contacting you so you could feel like a big man, otherwise you would have had the decency to let the person who was willing to fuck you for a few months know that you were done with that agreement. If this is the level of respect that you show for someone you were intimate with then I predict your ‘better girl’ will soon be an ex and you’ll be the one sending texts with no reply. DOUCHE.
More victims of the NSA FWB syndrome. It’s entire meaning is that neither party cares about the other. Look at it No Stings Attached means exactly that. Nowhere does it say the feelings of the other party should be thought about. It is all about the parties using each other, nothing about love or even a relationship other than fucking each others brains out. There is nothing in it about loyalty. FWB maybe a little different if in fact you were friends prior to being fuck buddies. If you were friends prior, then as a friend you should have told her that the benefits part was over.
Remember folks when you get into a NSA fuck buddy situation, do not expect any sort of loyalty. Further if you’re a FWB, your friendship changes forever and usually not in a positive way if the WB part ends.
I see it differently but maybe I’m just not the FWB type. I’d rather be single or in a relationship, just my personal preference. That said I’ve done FWB before…she found a boyfriend before I found a girlfriend and we really didn’t intend to hang-out afterward. She still had the decency to tell me she met someone. That gave me the opportunity to say ‘OK, no problem. It was fun, best of luck’. Rather than leaving me hanging, being ignored and not knowing why, etc.
It’s hard for me to imagine that, after fucking someone for several months, you wouldn’t owe the other person an “I’m moving on.” Don’t need to write a novel for them but a heads up seems legit. There’s a difference between ‘loyalty’ and ‘respect’.
we’re not here to argue the FWB suitability. It’s fine to have FWB. I have (not now. I’m happily coupled but in the past)
If you’re not into FWB don’t do it. For those of us who are, it’s perfectly ok.
The issue i think most of us take with this is his utter disregard for another human being.
You say friends with benefits op? Who the fuck treats a FRIEND like that?? Fuck the benefits
How do you define the word ‘friend’, OP? The person who happens to be on the other end of your dick? You are a moral coward and a giant douche.
The FWB Theory is bullshit. More often than not, feelings develop. Although feelings are not always discussed in the open, the moral thing to do would be to be honest. You should have saved face. Now you just look like an asshole and your new girlfriend will see right through your arrogance. You will be a lonely, shrivelled up old man someday….and all alone! TTFN said it best “You are a moral coward and a giant douche”. Idiot!
Not only do you owe her an explanation, now you owe her an apology. Be a fucking man and take care of your loose ends!!
Get it? “loose ends”, I crack myself up.
But there are no strings to tie up.
Sure you don’t owe her anything per sé. But common courtesy would dictate that you at least let her know what’s up. If you were her friend at all you would have done that. Without saying it you pretty much told this girl that she meant less than nothing to you. You’re definitely a jerk.
It’s not like OP led her on for months getting”her all hot and bothered” then, fucked off when she showed the first sign she wanted to be more than “just fuck friends”.
When someone gets hurt they sometimes do things they normally wouldn’t.Like lash out at the one/ones who hurt them.
RE: Her repeatedly calling his cell.
OP If you played hockey with a bunch of male friends every Sunday,then one day you decided not to play anymore.Wouldn’t you owe your hockey mates an explanation?
YOU INCONSIDERATE NUMB NUT.
unfortunately o.p., it happens. and as such, you have to either move on, or become fucked up more than you are.
there are plenty of others out there, just that you haven’t found any of them yet.
What all of them said ^^^
Isn’t it “friends” with benefits not “some anonymous person” with benefits? Any person you spent quality time with, intimate time with, deserves better than to be cut off without any explanation. Seems she saw the friendship and you saw the benefits. She was deluded and you were a dick.
You’re a big giant pussy, OB.
It wouldn’t’ve killed you to pick up the phone when she called and said “look, I’m seeing someone now, so I can’t fuck you anymore.”
But no. You were too scared about the fact that you’d have to deal with a fucking human being, and not some set of plumbing you made into your own personal cum dumpster.
Even FWBs have feelings too.
You sound like a real dick, OB.
You’re TOTALLY in the wrong here for your lack of human fucking decency.
It doesn’t matter what the situation is OP, you’re a prick for not letting her know. You do know that the first part of that is “Friends”, right? Well friends don’t just stop all communication and bugger off because they have someone else. You’re a selfish cock and the one you consider to be girlfriend material will eventually see that and leave your ass.
Op, you broke the buddy part of fuck buddy. She deserved the courtesy of atleast a phonecall.
Ok, out of boredom I decide to check out this bitch column. Pretty funny, can relate to the ire of some situations. But as I read the comments, of bitch after bitch, there are the same no mind fuck wads adding their absolutely fucking moronic comments. No sensitivity AT ALL to the bitch being made. These fucking losers probably think they are actually being witty or clever. So self deluded, it is classic self indulgent narcissism run fucking rampant. Just how many of these wankers are living in their mothers basements in this city? From the looks of these comments, I’d say a few.
Now you boys go jerk off to your favorite porn star before you add another comment. Wouldn’t want you to say something while you were all stressed out now would we? Just remember, SHE understands you, even if nobody else does…….. fucking losers!
Nowt wrong wiv wankin’, ferretgirl. It’s true “friends wiv benefits” , so it is. And no potential for mixed messages , hurt feelings and angry twits, afterwards.
Now, here’s a “regimental” ferret
http://www.stevefriess.com/petcast/musher/…
Even if it was only casual you could have just said “I don’t want to be doing this anymore”. End of story. People experience varying degrees of emotional attachment even when the sex is only supposed to be casual. It would have been classy to end things more gently but I suppose you’re infinitely more callous than classy.
I wonder what your current partner would think of you if she discovered that this is how you treated the “fuck buddy” that preceded her.
Also, “fuck buddy” is just another term for a non-monogamous partner. Despite what your assertions of it being “casual sex”, there was still a relationship.
you’re a fucking loser OP. why were you SOOO against telling her that you didnt want to hook up anymore? yeah i get it, you weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend but you were FUCKING. the LEAST you could do is tell her you found someone else. If you had behaved like a mature adult, you could have told her you wanted to end your hook ups. Instead, you PRETENDED as though you had never even met her. It’s actually quite cowardly and pathetic. It’s about character. You have a weak one. Why were you soooo against telling her that you no longer wanted to hook up? So you can take the pussy but youre not man enough to say when you dont want it anymore. What a fucken idiot cunt you are. Learn to respect yourself, your sex life and the people you bring into it by acting like an adult.
Not exactly the sensitive type are you OB?
OP, sounds like you didn’t say anything to your fuck buddy, so you could keep them on a string in case your current interest didn’t work out–bad idea (back in the 80s I’d say you were wearing ‘bad idea jeans’)…..if you really care about your new interest take a little advice:
1) drop the fuck buddies if you are really serious about the person you say you are interested in–otherwise, you aren’t worth taking seriously because you don’t seem honest enough or respectful enough to understand how to handle FWBs or nurture a monogamous interest (i.e by themselves, let alone at the same time),
2) have both the decency AND the balls to tell your fuck buddy to her face that you’re done–nobody likes being strung along as a ‘just in case’, that is just user-behaviour, and even if your fuck buddy wasn’t a nice person (maybe that’s why you don’t think of her as “girlfriend material”?), you should still afford her common courtesy, unless you are comfortable going through life as a douche, and
3) perhaps ask yourself if you are really the person you want to be/think you are right now–it sounds like you have allowed your id needs to demolish any personal sense of social maturity, and relationships of ANY kind DO require at least a modicum of maturity, social and otherwise, IMO.
OP, I really hope you listen to the feedback here by ALL the commentors. Don’t just be pissed or think that people don’t understand you. People have taken the time to give you a much-needed kick in the arse, and you should think about what has been said. Disrespect and disregard are very mean behaviours–blowing someone off like they never existed at all is painful and can be damaging to a person. As I stated before, even if your fuck buddy was not a kind person, that does not give you the right to level meanness back at her–that is just really immature to say the very least. Sounds like it’s high time for you to step up your behaviour in the adult world, unless you prefer the sandbox.
Just because it was “NSA” doesn’t mean you are given a pass from acting like an honourable person, OB.
If you were a FRIEND with benefits, you’re acting like a shitty friend by not taking into account the feelings of the other person. If you guys had an arrangement to have sex because you had no other options, good for you- I’m not a prude, I get it. It is still a relationship of a sort, and in any other relationship of a sort you would act honourably and take into account the other person’s feelings.
So why are you being a dickhead on this?
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes for 2 seconds and see that they would like to treated as i they have value.
Or was this all a one-sided thing about you getting to fuck and to hell with everyone else in the world?
You sound like a great catch, OB.
p
dewsh…
when you want to burn a bridge, you definitely intend to light that thing up.
You may have had a chance getting back in if this new chica doesn’t work out, but you just put the TNT to that backup plan, didn’t ya?
@Zed: Probably one of the smarter moves this guy has made….and definitely kinder for all involved–old fuck buddy deserves some honesty from this guy, and maybe this BITCH is the closest to honesty she’ll get from him……but if he can’t be bothered to delay his gratification for a while to see if things will work out/are worth working on with his new interest, what else can’t he (‘won’t he’) be bothered with, and how much does this new chick really mean to him?….just sayin’. A little more food for thought for the OP I guess…….
They both agreed to the FWB bit, NSA is fucken NSA. If something changed, so be it, wasn’t a fucken relationship officially, NOW you’re pissed off about it? If the OB isn’t in a “relationship” with the fuck buddy, he owes no explanation, she knew the situation and the possibility of it ending. People are fucking stupid.
Is Bullet the OB?
This is a matter of human decency, not the definition of a relationship. People often do good things for others because it is the right thing to do, not because they have an implicit or explicit contractual obligation to do something nice.
OB should have known that there was a possibility of his “FWB” developing certain emotions toward him, and that his picking up the phone to end things gently could have potentially saved her some emotional pain. Of course I’m working on the very strong assumption that the OB is not completely aloof. Based on his post, I’m not sure that’s a fair assumption.
Good one, Canned! My money’s on Bullet here!
Maybe next week we’ll hear from “Girl Who Escaped an Asshole”? Hey, maybe even the two of ’em? LOL
I love when people use the word decently. This was not a relationship, it was not a friendship (prior friendship was never mentioned), it was two people who got together for one reason and one reason only – to fuck. There is nothing in this that warrants any loyalty, just two animals fucking. Two ships meet in the night. They both got what they wanted out of it and that was to fuck. She got into it for the same thing. I have no sympathy for either party, either her for getting pissed off or him for being bothered. They both got what they deserved.
Bullet, hanging out and having sex regularly for months qualifies as enough of a relationship to be worthy of some kind of acknowledgement when one party decides its over. Surely you’re not so callous that you can’t see that.
Dim Tim, the word is “decency”, as in human decency, not “decently”.
And your argument does not refute mine. A relationship is not a necessary condition for human decency. People hold doors open for complete strangers, give money and time to charities, help old ladies cross the street, and so on, without any exchange-based motives (as in a relationship). The difference in this case is that the woman in question offered up a lot of trust with multiple months of fucking. He could at least reciprocate that by offering up some human decency regardless of how committed he was or how committed he though she was. If he said “it’s over” and then she did this, I would be on his side.
Lou, that’s strictly what a woman would take from it, time investment must mean that the rules have changed from what it used to be,and that’s bullshit. And no, I’m not the OB. Was the OB supposed to have a weekly fucken debrief to make sure the other half was still good with the casual fucking? Did SHE indicate that she was invested? Probably not, but “assumed” that was the case based on time, got burned and went ape shit on this poor fucker. Now, him putting it on here was just asking to be called the proverbial “douche bag”, but he’s not in the wrong, even though he may come across a little rough.
Bullet are you OP’s mommy?Well you told us….NOT!
http://cdn.indulgy.com/W2/Z3/yA/5629568254…
what everybody else said
Holy shit, I made a typo. Kill me now for my transgression.
Well you’re also a buffoon. The typo was just icing on the cake.
Hey any two people who get involved for sex only and expect more are only deluding themselves. They weren’t dating, they weren’t going to the movies or out to eat, they weren’t doing all the things that couples or friends normally do, all they were doing is fucking. And once again the danger of that is someone will develop some sort of feelings as displayed by the person who was “hurt”. They were both idiots getting themselves in this situation. Stupid is as stupid does.
You, OB are an asshat. That’s my mature comment for an equally mature post.
Get over yourself.
save one post that I saw we all agree you’re an ass.
no long emotional conversation required, just a quick phone call (or text if you don’t ever talk, just fuck) to advise ‘I’ve met someone so we’re off’.
you can always bridge into ‘can I come back should it not work out?’ if you must
So NONE of you commenters here have ever blown anybody off eh? Not once have you ever avoided the conversation and just stopped returning calls. Come on..
Not really taking sides here but people do this shit. All the time. I find it hard to believe that none of you have ever done it. Yes it’s cowardly but people do it all the time.
tj902, I confess I’ve been an asshole in the past and dodged hassles instead of dealing with them but, unlike the OB, I owned the fact that I was an asshole. I recognized that I blew someone off and they were probably hurt and confused because of it. Buddy who wrote this bitch comes off like a remorseless, narcissistic, mofo who treats people like trash. I’m not saying that the girl blowing up his phone and getting crazy over it is cool but buddy’s not off the hook either. ‘Moved on to a better girl’; I feel sorry for that girl.