Why does a guy make eyes with a woman for most the night, then proceed to chat up her friend. Said ‘friend’ then tells me he has a girlfriend. When hot guy finally makes his way over to me to chat/flirt he bolts as soon as I mention my daughter. Wow, I have a 14 year old at home, not a brood of 5 whiny brats….where is a man who is both attractive AND nice? Does one exist? Oh yeah, he has to be single too!!!
—Disgusted!
This article appears in Jun 25 – Jul 1, 2009.
It pisses me off that people who make terrible misakes as teenagers expect everyone else to love them for it.
Here’s a clue: The nice guys who will be OK with your daughter are NOT in the tavern. They might be nice enough to give you another kid, but probably won’t stick around to help you raise it.
Good one, Miles. Meeting a ‘nice’ guy in a tavern is like getting a ‘healthy’ puppy from a puppy mill.
That’s what I was going to say Miles. I have so many female friends who bitch and complain about the lack of nice guys around, but who only look for men in bars.
Ok…so where are the nice guys? I’m new to the city, I’ve tried E-harmony, Plenty of Fish (don’t get me started)….where are they? Are all the pubs in the city off limits??? Help me out guys? My office is comprised of 5 people….not a place to meet men and of the friends I have met, their friends are all married.
As for the comment about ‘people who make terrible mistakes as a teenager’….I hope you aren’t talking about me getting pregnant as a teenager…as I wasn’t a teenager, and I am not some hard up single mom…I am a professional and I am NOT looking for someone to raise my child, I can do that myself, thank you. Nor am I looking to have more kids, I would just like to meet a nice guy.
What do you want people to say? It’s not like they all congregate in one area. I met my “nice guy” BF in school. There’s probably nice guys and dicks everywhere you go, more or less.
My guess, for someone in your situation (professional working mom) your best best would be to get involved in some extracurricular activities that interest you to meet people. The pubs are so random and the easiest people to meet there are usually there just to pick up. You can meet a nice person in the bar, but you will have to sort through a lot of crap first.
Finding an activity that you like puts you in a social group where you are more likely to meet people your age, with your interests and in a similar position in life. For example, running groups often have a large cross section of people and there are good opportunities to chat and socialize during and after the activity. The Running Room is constantly organizing clinics.
There are countless ways to get involved in the community here in Halifax and any one of them can be an opportunity to meet people with qualities more redeeming than “lets go get drunk and get laid”.
There are lots and lots of nice guys around this city. But too many women want Mr. Wrong, Mr. Hot guy with lots of confidence, they guy who walks into a room and every girls head turns. Well guess what…that guy has learned that he can get away with just about everything because too many stupid hot chicks let him walk all over them…and then ask themselves “what’s wrong with me?” Grow up! stop looking for guys in bars! and stop looking for the hot guy! I have had many attractive nice guys ask for my number and try to peruse me in the last few months…and when I’m ready I’m going to date one of those cute (pardon me – but kinda geeky in a cute way – nice guy). Because I’m an adult who knows that if a man isn’t interested in me because I have a kid…then that’s not the kind a man I want around me or my child!
And People are stupid – Pardon me but fuck you for calling a child a terrible mistake!!
While I do think that a lot of children ARE terrible mistakes, my previous post reffered to the act of accidentally getting pregnant as a teenager, which is almost always a terrible mistake.
Well said, Miles. Good advice.
Thanks for the good advice Miles.
As for the comments about those kinds of guys in pubs..I guess I figure, I’m a nice woman, and I’m in the pub, having some drinks with some friends so maybe there are some guys like me here too….and Real Chick…I don’t always go for the traditionally ‘hot guy’, I learned a long time ago what happens, but this guy was ‘my kinda hot'(Speedle from CSI Miami! : )
it is so hard to find someone in the city!
i will be the crazy cat lady fo sho
It’s nice to know that there’s a few girls out there like realchick that aren’t fooled by the “hot guys”. I just wish there were more like you. As a guy, I can spot that type of guy from a mile away, but whenever I try to warn my female friends, they don’t wanna hear it.
junebug: Eharmony? Plentyoffish? Seriously!? You’re never going to find anyone there. If you want to find the “nice guy” in the bar, he’s the one who’s NOT hitting on you, because he’s too shy to talk to you – unfortunately, that’s not what girls want.
‘Nuff said.
I guess you can’t judge a book by the cover…sometimes the hot looking guy fails to measure up on the inside.
PAS – I retract my FU – I understand that teenagers make bad choices – but the results are pretty amazing.
NeverMind – It took me a long time to grow up – I dated mostly hot guys aka Mean guys for awhile. I think having a kid is what smartens you up…you stop looking for the guy you want to be seen with…and you start looking for the guy you want your child to have as a role model. My son has a great dad to look up to ..but he deserves to be surrounded by nothing but the best of people…and I won’t ever date the ‘hot guy’ again. (unless he’s super nice and has no idea how hot he really is…lol)
It’s all about the hot guys who don’t know they’re hot. Like the ones who are only hot when they’re happy to be talking to you. Other people see them from across the room and think, not hot so they don’t get an ego, but as soon as they know and like you and open up, they’re instantly hot again.
PAS: What?
What honks me off is why these men have girlfriends while trying to poke every pair of clamflaps in sight.
A volunteer centre. Nice fellows do volunteer
work.
TTFN: It’s because they know they can and know they can get away with it. And you women are just as much to blame for fucking these guys and giving them the ego to begin with.
I love how women lie to themselves and anyone who will listen. You’re not looking for nice guys … especially at a bar. Saying otherwise is denial. Human psychology is a messed up, weird, but beautiful thing. Learn it. Know yourself.
What you really want is attraction, a hint of mystery and danger with a dash of treats-me-like-crap-but-I-like-it.
lol oh please. I’m sick of women whining about not being able to find “nice” guys. Then those same women turn around and date jerks.
Why?
Because while the nice guy is usually too shy to talk to them, the jerks ooze confidence. The jerks will tease them, make fun of them, and the women eat it up. They want a challenge.
The nice guys offer to buy them dinner, call them five times a day to say they were thinking about you, and the women are driven away. It’s too easy for them.
Yes, it’s not logical but then again what woman is?
I used to be a nice guy that sucked up to women. Thank jebus I learned my lesson.
Calling five times a day = stalker, unless (and perhaps even if) it’s a LTR.
PS OP, beware self-professed nice guys.
Wow, that was a lot of abbreviations
Hey refinedsugar
I’m lying to myself am I? I never said that all nice guys are ugly guys. There’s just a different kind of attractiveness with a lot of nice guys. Haven’t you ever met someone you weren’t instantly attracted to and as you got to know them you started looking at them different. Just so you know GIRLS want to be treated like crap – WOMEN – not so much!!
What bothers me is that the OP is upset at all. She gets pissed when he bolts because she has a kid but doesn’t mind him coming on to her when she knows he has a girlfriend. WTF is that.
what tavern was this? i’m going to go hang out there in the corner by myself reading a book and sipping a hot buttered rum.
Nice Goin’ Fat… You notice they never say what bar it is as well ‘eh.
Whenever I see a post like that, I just put “Palace” as the Bar name & everything becomes clearer 😉 lol
I guess I never had that desperate ‘Gotta-find-a-prick-to-bring-some-drama-to-my-fucking-dead-boring-life’ quality when I was young. I used to dropkick male egos with great ease, perhaps since nearly all my childhood friends were male. Men are pretty uncomplicated – it’s women who complicates things. Women want some fucking fantasy and men want to spread the joy in pud pudding.
Ha, I hear you on that one, More. But hearing “tavern” makes me think of “Seahorse” or “Ginger’s” or something related.
Haven’t heard the term “Palachi” in a while though.
I don’t go home with moms. Just a personal thing I guess.
My first couple years in university I used to bring girls back from the Dome or whatever that I barely saw or talked to the whole night. Maybe one quick grind at 3am and then it’s her place or mine. Sometimes I even picked up at pizza corner after sharing a slice, not proud about it, but it happen. Always wore a rubber though.
In my later years I got bored of that, I wanted to chase. It’s like a cat, if you place a piece of string in front of it, it doesn’t care, move it and it loves it!
I’d go to the same few bars at the same times every week (alcoholic then), just have a few beers, not get totally wasted. Give some girl the eyes. Maybe a little chat. Lead her on and then leave, leave something to her imagination. Sometimes I would see them again the next week, sometimes the next year, sometimes never again. One girl I thought was totally out of my league, chased her for three years before I got with her. Totally worth it.
Went home with a lot less girls but it was a lot more fun and didn’t feel so greasy.
Was this off-topic? Ermm…just being melancholic I guess.
Wow, you’re quite the little pelt collector. Honestly, however, if you are a single guy, I don’t fucking blame you – who needs the complications of that emotional powderkeg. If you’re in a relationship and playing this shit, then you’re an insensitive, self-centered, infantile peckerhead who should have his ass button plugged by a rusty, very dry drive shaft.
Nah, I was never in a relationship, well, not for more than a couple weeks. Too emotionally immature for a relationship they told me, which I translated to: Asshole, drunk, bad lay, etc.
At first I was just over-compensating because I came to university in Halifax as an 18 year old, small-town virgin. Pretty soon I realized that a lot of girls are desperate: a smile, a quick joke, a drink if they are playing hard to get, and you’re in! It feels good, you feel wanted, at least for a night.
They weren’t all 10s though. For every fox there was a dog.
PS: You’re very articulate in your feelings. Nice one!
You know what? I don’t blame you one iota, yorkke – marriage is way overrated and when you hit my stride at 55, you realize you don’t want a fucking relationship to define you. I have a few friends like yourself and if I was a male, I’d be doing the hound dog thing myself. Maybe you are emotionally immature to some babe with Bride magazines in her can. As far as I can see, you’ve made the conscious choice not to inflict infidelty on some female – I admire you for that, bud.
I tried to post the name of the pub but the moderator (or whatever, sorry – new at this site) put ‘Tavern’ in. In response to someone’s comment, when the woman I was with told me he had a girlfriend I knew he was off limits, it bugged me that he kept making eyes if he was ‘taken’…when he came to speak to me we were just chatting and I knew nothing was going to happen (the fact that he had a partner was 1st strike, then the way he left after I mentioned my daughter was the 2nd strike). I get the feeling this tri-level place is a bit of a meat market (no, it’s not the Dome) but I like to dance and I like to have a few beers with my friends and if I see a man I find attractive then of course I would like to meet him and chat, but at 35, I’m just not into the one night stand’s….it’s just tacky!
You’d do better looking on-line than in a fucking tavern. At least you can screen your candidates to some degree. Plus think of the money you’d save having a few beer at home.
I bet he was from Sackville!
LOL…yeah, though I am starting to like this Celtic pub music….it’s starting to grow on me!
LOL Andy.
I did my “free profile” once on eharmony for shitz and giggles and I had NO matches. NONE. In ALL OF CANADA. HAHAHAHA.
Also: sometimes the ‘nice guy’ is way too effing clingy because he doesn’t get a lot of play because he might not be as confident as the random hot jerk out there…and…A LOT of women are turned off by the clingy.
If he’d screw around on the girlfriend he’d screw around on you. Look past the peacocks and stick with a trusty pheasant. These are your feelings we’re talking about. It’s worth it to save them for someone trustworthy.
Yeah, but the OP seems pissed he didn’t go home with her. Then she wonders where the nice guys are. Well nice guys aren’t interested in wopmen who would fool around with guys who have girlfriends.
Bro Tim, I didn’t want to go home with him!!! I found him attractive, he kept staring at me so I thought maybe we could exchange numbers, maybe go out on a date(is that old-fashioned?) but whether he had a girlfriend or not I was NOT going home with him that night. I was pissed that a guy with an (apparent) girlfriend would flirt that much and give a gal the signal that he is interested only to find out he is taken. Honestly, it’s been a LONG time since I’ve been with a guy and as easy as it would have been to bring a guy home (if not him then one of the others that flirted/ bought me a drink, etc) that is not what I am looking for. If I am going to get laid (and lordy I hope it’s soon before I forget how) it’s going to be with a boyfriend. And yes, maybe the pub is not the best place to meet a ‘boyfriend’ but with me new in town and with a small circle of friends I don’t get the opportunity to meet many single men so if I am at the bar/ pub naturally I will want to try to meet a guy. Pretty Kitty, LOL about you E-harmony comment…I did try it and had 1 match that I thought was worth pursuing!
ok
1) dude was an ass for doing that when he had a GF.
2) nice guys do go to pubs but, yes, are usually too shy to doing the ole hittin-on thing.
3) pubs/taverns/bars/lounges/etc are jsut as good as any other place to meet somebody
4) celtic music pub is fun
Don’t worry about forgetting how to have sex. It’s just like riding a dyke…I mean bike….no I don’t.
Well, if it doesn’t happen soon I’m gonna go ride me a dyke…I mean bike (while listening to Celtic music of course) ; )
Oh, and what does OP stand for….opening post, original post….?