Can’t shit in peace without these flaming gnomes giving me surprises. Someone get me some Aspercreme.
—Unhappy bumhole.
This article appears in Mar 12-18, 2009.
Hemorroids
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That’s nasty.
Ass gnomes are bad news, especially if they start gnawing on your ass cheeks.
You can either beat them to death with a shovel or have a surgeon rip them off with a pair of wonky pliers. I had the latter done – big regret – now I always feel like I’m sitting on a rock hard Timbit.
gotta lay off the ‘roids or you won’t be inducted into the shit hall of fame.
Past winners include Stan Marsh for overall volume,
Pretty Kitty’s kitty for most spherical shit,
and TTFN for shitting what appears to be a human eyeball.
One day I hope to be inducted for my work on “the molecular affects of wet turds in zero-gravity”.
Man, am I with you! Sucks to have ‘roids!
damn, actually it was Randy Marsh but let’s say Stan accepted the award on behalf of his father who needed a full-on colonoscopy afterward.
Never had em, hope I never will. Knock on wood.
My crotchy ol’ maw used to say take a couple of teaspoons of mineral oil and them ol’ turds will be hurtling down yer poop shute like a couple of baby seals.
excuse me zZz, why was I not included in this ‘Shart Hall of Fame”? I admire the length of my turds thenk yeu….
this thread is officially over.