To my ex-stepfather: You are slime. How dare you take a low paying position just to avoid paying my mother child support? You worked as a courier driver for over 25 years and could easily get a trucking job that would pay you more than enough to send Mum the money to cover my three sisters. Instead you take a job paying just over minimum wage and repeatedly tell her that you only have $200 left at the end of each month, just enough for groceries, not enough for her. Oh and that you aren’t interested in looking for anything higher paying.
Something in my head is telling me that this isn’t legal and while Mum doesn’t have the money to pay for a high powered lawyer to drag you through the court systems, I am on the hunt for someone—ANYONE—who can help her. You made my teenage years shit and I will NOT see you do this to my mother and my sisters! —Just Another Angry Chick
This article appears in Mar 25-31, 2010.
Kiss the fucking door he walked out of and be thankful he is GONE. Now, move on and not be indebted to him by taking support whether warrated or not! Best of luck to you and your mom.
sounds kinda like my real dad and my step dad. except my dad moved to the states so he wouldn’t have to deal with any responsibilty. My step dad is still married to my mom. married to the idea of killing her slowly but surely. I hate the fat cocksucker but what can you do.
sweetheart, that’s the way it goes. the law can’t make him get a better job, even if one was open. your mom is pretty well fucked,again.you and your sisters are in the same boat. unless you are going to go sell your ass on the street, the courts have no option for any more cash than he can give. yes, i know that is hard to hear, but it’s the way these fucking judges are geared. no, i didn’t mean to tell you to hustle yourself, i would never do that. i used that as an anology, to your plight. i do really feel sorry for you tho.
Life Sucks…how could you even say that to someone! The OP’s mom isn’t the ‘fucked’ one here. Your logic is. As a single mother, the woman not receiving child support has options that do not include prostitution. Shame on you LS for even suggesting such a thing! I know plenty of single moms who went back to school to improve their education so they could earn a decent paycheque of their own! What is wrong with you man?
Just Another Angry Chick: The deadbeat gets what he pays for. Nothing. When you and your sisters are older with families of your own and the deadbeat is old and alone without the joy his children and grandchildren could have brought to his life he will have himself to blame. Don’t let your anger get the best of you. Use it as fuel toward gaining education and opportunities so that you can help your mom and never be in the position where you have to depend on a man to support you and/or your children when it is your turn to have a family. And don’t despair. Not all men are scumbags. Just the one’s who think they are getting back at their ex by refusing child support payments, when in fact they are really just depriving their children of a decent life. In the end the get what they pay for.
“…and alone without the joy his children and grandchildren could have brought to his life he will have himself to blame. ” They’re not his children; he was the STEP father, who knows how long that relationship was. Or was she only interested in his money?
There’s a law about become intentionally under-employed as described in section 19 of the Child Support Guidelines. Take a look.
Get a trucking job – so he can bust his ass, ruin his health, work long hours and drive around N America ?
He has a job.
He cares nothing about you and your mother.
He is not worth shit.
Balls, I think that these were his kids and half-siblings to the OP. I could be wrong.
OB where is your natural father? Shouldn’t he be the one paying support and not the step’s. And I’m sure you were a picture of politeness to him too.
Heres some more help:
“Low Paying Job
The federal Child Support Guidelines include provisions that allow judges to examine cases where a spouse is (or is considered to be) deliberately unemployed or underemployed to avoid a child support obligation.
If this situation occurs when you and your spouse are still finalizing the support order, you should make sure to request that the court examine your spouse’s pattern of income from the past three years to see if his or her new job status is unreasonable given their earning potential.
You can also petition the court to re-examine your spouse’s income pattern at any point during the duration of the order. If the court finds that your ex-spouse or partner has quit or deliberately become underemployed to avoid a child support obligation, it has some power to act to ensure your child support will be reasonable.
The court can impute an income that it considers appropriate to your ex-spouse and then require her or him to pay child support commensurate to that income.”
http://www.childsupportlaws.ca/
Your Mother chose him so what does that say about her character? Obviously the guys is useless but she must have seen something in him.
Oh Bobby please! Lots of people have deep dark secrets and creepy fucked up thoughts….unless you’re a mindreader you can’t know, for sure, every aspect of someone’s life….I could list a million examples, but do you really think that its the mother’s fault for choosing him???? We all know people that choose arseholes….just look in the paper, most criminals have significant others that have no idea what’s been going on until their other half is arrested!!
Hear..hear..lorilulu! It’s too easy to attack someone’s character without knowing all the facts. I’ve yet to meet the perfect human being so that makes the throwing of stones even more laughable!
I believe its her step dad but her sisters real father.
Also, if he doesn’t or is unable to make support set by the court, he will owe the money. If he doesn’t pay if, eventually it’ll start being deducted from his wages and pension.
I’ve never met my father but he rarely paid my mom child support. When I was in my late teens she decided to go after him and her money. I’m 26 and he’s still paying all the back pay.
$200 bucks or not at the end of the month, he *still* has to pay SOME part of his income in child support — he can’t get off paying nothing.
Anyway, get your mom to go to legal aid. They do a lot of family law cases there (a lot of great lawyers in the city take on legal aid cases — many who charge hundreds/hr will take on legal aid cases and your mom may not have to pay anything).
And you know, this bitch pisses me off because it’s deadbeats like this asshole who does anything he can to get out of paying for his responsibilities (his kids!) that make all divorced fathers look bad — my dad worked two jobs just so he could make his child support payments, and that’s with a new wife/child (both my parents worked, and dad had two jobs). In fact, dad’s second job actually caused COPD which he’s suffering with now.
But he never, in 15 years, missed a payment.
Don’t people go to jail for not paying child support? I heard about someone who got
her ex put in jail because he wasn’t paying
child support.
boo hoo. Everyone has had a hard childhood, you, and your silblings are NOT alone. Yeah, some fathers are total assholes. Get over it. Money doesn’t solve all your problems, and court probably wouldn’t solve too much after paying for all the court fees.
I maybe one of the few people who would actually take my step-dad over my real mom, for reasons I won’t get into here, but getting back to the matter at hand, I really do feel for you, this clown deserves to be shot and pissed on and any of the fucking knobs who blame this on you/your mom/or your sisters deserve the same. I can never understand how some people on here can become such assholes! A person pours their heart out over something as major as this and all get is shit and abuse. Have some compassion or at least have the empathy to understand how this chain of events could make someone feel.
Money may not solve your problems but it will sure as hell pay your rent, buy you food and clothes and pay your utilities…
I too hate the demonization of divorced dads society puts them through! My parents are also divorced, yet my dad was one of the few who actually got custody of my sister and me rather than my mom. Mom never had to pay any “child support,” yet my dad was the one who was considered a piece of shit and hated by my mom’s family and friends for apparently “stealing” us kids away from her, apparently our rightful owner.
Not all dads are deadbeat losers and not all moms are innocent victims of men’s wrongs, though many women still like to play victim. Also, many women prefer to go for the “bad boy” asshole type rather than nice guys who will actually respect and support them. Nice guys are just no fun!
I was married to a person who tried to play that lawyer card (she hired him thinking I was going to have to pay him ).2 years of my life before I was able to get into a courtroom, seized bank accounts, shut down my credit, a complete audit on my books for over 5 years, seizure of property, restraining orders, damaged property, break in my new residence…fucking nightmare !
She didn’t fool the judge, but she really tried.
I’ve got 2 friends who’ve also been fucked over, 1 by a woman who’d rather dump the money he paid for his 2 kid’s into a machine…or into her drinking habit, than buy them food or clothes & another who’s lazy assed ex, quit her job when they split & went after him for everything she could get…saying their teenage boy’s needed her home now !
Everything was fine before they split with them both working. Once the boy’s reached 18 THey kept dropping out of school, & she would re-enroll them everytime he found out,& tried to go to court, to reduce his payments now they were not in school & working….”back to school boy’s, we gotta keep those payments coming !
IT isn’t always cut & dry when you hear tales like this one.
AND
We’re only hearing one side of the story as well !
White trash?
Well if I do the math correctly, it would appear that this was Mom’s second marriage (at least)? I say that because the stepfather would have no legal oligation to pay child support. If that is the case, maybe Mom should stop getting married and just concentrate on raising her kids.
Jen cleared that up Bobby
Yes, More- one side of a story coming from someone who has disliked this guy since she was a teenager. I’m guessing the mother knows the ropes by now, (she would have had a similar situation with the OP and her dad.) The mother is airing her dirty laundry to her daughter and she is airing it to The Coast. I wonder if the mother has started to constantly bad mouth the dad in front of the kids. Does she keep him from visiting? Did he really take a lower paying job out of spite or is that all he can find right now.
Bluenoser -These situations land up in court to hear both sides of the situation. But you, like others made your decision, base on a rant.
This is a Bitch board not a pity party.
for some reason, my follow up comment never made it here. i will try again. when i was at dal, studying child welfare services, i had occasions to see both sides to this type of story. some of them would make you cringe in your boots. there was no intent by me, to tell anyone to peddle their ass. i said that as some would believe, that if she wanted cash that bad, she would. i did not imply in anyway, that she actually do it. now the next part is dicey too.he is your stepdad, are any kids in your family, actually his. if not, he really has no responsibility to them legally. the real fathers are the ones that mom should be hauling in court. methinks there is a great deal more to this story than is being told here.
Even a day in court is not always fair – an acquaintance of mine cried poor and said that her kids needed more child support becsuse they were about to start university.
The Judge upped the support, but both of her kids were told to get jobs and pay for their own tuition and expenses – not one cent went to either kid’s education, and she spent her extra monthly money on herself.
So just because you get your day in court doesn’t mean the outcome’s fair.
I thought the Op was supposed to do the bitching? Not every Tom, Dick and Mary? Seems somewhat defeatist your way.
Sure thing there Blue, maybe Mod 3.0 will shut down the comment section on her last day. Until then the board is open.
@Balls – He’s my stepfather, he and my mum got married when I was 7, he is my (half)sister’s bio-dad. I probably should have said that in my original post, I was just so angry I wasn’t thinking clearly. Mum doesn’t bitch to my sisters, I am 10 years older than the oldest one of them and I am here for her when she needs to get things off her back. Half the reason (more than half the reason) I posted this on here was because I didn’t know where to look for help for her, I haven’t been through this myself, I was frustrated. Sarey was wonderful with that 🙂
@BroTim – My father and I get along just fine, thanks.
So your Ex-step father was supporting you, and that’s why your mom hasn’t been through this already with your bio-dad?
That’s great that you’re trying to help, there’s nothing wrong with that, just weird that your mom isn’t taking more responsibility.
So Does she keep him from visiting? Did he really take a lower paying job out of spite or is that all he can find right now?
When there is so much hate, the truth is blurred. Please update us after talking to a legal aid.
On a side note when a women says “fine” watch out!
JAAC, thanks for more info.
BTW you’re mother is a jerk for using you as a shoulder to cry on. Neither parent should be using their kids as sounding boards, as pawns/hostages, or anything else in divorce/custody cases. it is for the parents to solve and the kids (regardless of age) should be left out of the conflict.
And if he’s not paying child support for his kids, he’s a jack-off too.
But do yourself a favour and stay out of it. If either try to talk to you about it, just say sorry but you don’t want to hear it.
Boo Hoo
Lots of people grew up poor with shitty parents, so suck it up, no sympathy here. You can’t hire a lawyer to force your dad be a better father either… well you can, but you will lose. If you really want to help you mom, give the ‘lawyer money’ to her and then some. Oh, but that’s your money…
If she can’t afford a lawyer she can go to legal aid. Most of the cases LA takes are family law and criminal cases. Your tax dollars pay for legal aid services, and a lot of decent and very good lawyers take on LA cases.
Also, Fizz, no one’s trying to force this man to be a better father, but the guy’s got responsibilites — LEGAL responsibilities, which include providing financial support for his children. Sure a lot of people have shitty parents, but that doesn’t mean OP’s mom and her sisters should just roll over and take it up the ass. And like I mentioned — even if he’s working min wage, and only has “$200 at the end of the month” or whatever, he still has to pay SOME portion of that in child support. I’d like to see his reaction if they garnished even a small portion of his $200. I’m sure he’d get himself a better job after that.
Your step dad probably thinks he doesn’t have to pay anything because his income is so low…well NEWSFLASH, according to the NS child support guidelines:
“An undue hardship claim may be made by either the party requesting the payment of child support or responding to a claim for the payment of child support. An undue hardship claim may be used to increase or decrease the amount of child support payable. It does not mean that the paying party will not pay any child support. “
For information on the National Guidelines go to this site:
http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/pi/fcy-fea/li…
Perhaps your mom could read it over, highlight and tab the appropriate parts and send it to your step dad? Probably won’t do anything, but it *might* get his attention.
Sure there’s two sides to every story, but the point is: op is frustrated and doesn’t know where to direct her mother for help. And maybe OP already DOES what she can financially. Give her mom “lawyer fees”, Fizz? You do realize that these cases can cost in the thousands, right? No wonder her mom or OP doesn’t know where to turn.
Again, if OP’s mom can’t afford legal services go to legal aid or call the Lawyer Referral Service where she can get a 1/2 hour consultation for $20.
This information sheet is directed towards seniors, but it has the most concise information regarding where to get legal information. Your step father might think that your mom’s situation means she won’t be able to do anything about this situation because she can’t afford to get legal services — so just taking the initiative MAY help her situation. ANyway follow this link for more info: http://www.gov.ns.ca/seniors/pubs/elderabu…
And everyone who says it’s OP’s mom’s own problem/fault and that they should just suck it up needs to get bent.
PK, the thing is, the mother should never ever have her kids (regardless of age) involved in this in the first place.
Ahhh gotta love having to pay for the step kids. Everyone always goes out to get a great job to pay for rug rats that aren’t theres.
I don’t get it – why should a guy have to pay for someone elses kid just because he was doing the Mom? Isn’t the real dad paying ?
SO ledts get this str8 . This chick can literally bang half of halifax and all them guys would have to pay for the kids that aren’t his? She should be rich soon .