There were two grams of you in those sugar free freezies I ate last night. It’s 7:30am and I’m STILL awake because I might as well have eaten a box of ex-lax for supper.
Word to the wise: any sweetener with “ol” at the end should just be labeled “world’s greatest laxative,” according to 4am-in-between-paying-homage-to-the-porcelain-gods sessions research; “ol” sweeteners are sugar alcohols and can’t be absorbed by the body. Kind of like that olestra crap they made “diet” chips with in the 90s that caused anal leakage and stuff. NICE.
I’m kinda sure I won’t have to take a dump for at least another week after last night’s ordeal. —Exxxxxxxhausteddddd ugh
This article appears in Jul 22-28, 2010.
Beethoven’s Fifth…
You should probably eat some probiotics yogurt to help your guts recover from this ordeal. I once tried one of those canned nutrient supplement stuff and had a similar experience. I avoid fake sugar at all cost now.
Gargle with shredded cabbage.
Fake sweeteners…I don’t trust them. And they taste awful!
all those x’s, make me think of something you could do to pass the time away.
Fill a large tumbler with single malt scotch.
Place plastic wrap over the top and poke a hole in the plastic wrap. Insert a straw through the hole and sip the scotch but not too slowly.
This will help you forget about the ‘ring of fire’ that is your bum and will make you happy. It also works on fruit flies.
Mmmm artificial sweeteners. I love them ;D! I get a kick out of the people who tell me that they’re bad for me, and those people always smoke. Sorry, didn’t mean to bring in smoking, just stating the irony.