You should know all your mutual friends warned me off of you because they were around when your last relationship ended—badly. And most of it WAS your fault. And for a long time I listened to them—I know I said I didn’t. When you would hold me in the night and say “I want you to be proud of me…” and I said I didn’t listen to gossip… but I did. I really, really did. I believed every word they said. And it kept me from getting close to you, made me scared of committing to you in any way. I always kept you in the context of a guy I could never trust and I closed myself off to you for WAY too long. And I’m sorry—because only recently did I find out how much it was hurting you. How I wasn’t just a conquest to you but a woman you were falling in love with. I didn’t know. And I saw other people. I didn’t take you seriously. I held you away from me. And yet, for some reason, you stayed.
When I had eye surgery, you clamped onto me like a barnacle for the two weeks of recovery. You asked me to be your girlfriend—you shouted it to everyone from the rooftop. Literally. And I realized that your shit with your ex was your shit with your ex. I’m not her. And you’re not the guy you were with her. I felt like a damned fool.
I’m so sorry. I wish I had just wised up long ago. But I’m glad I eventually did. You treat me like I’ve always wanted to be treated. Not like a princess, but like a fellow soldier, in a trench. And when life throws a grenade our way, you grab my hand, nod and say “Let’s do this shit.” And we run together into the fray and blow shit up. That’s all I ever wanted.
Thank you for not letting go. Thank you for being so good to me.
I think I love you too. And on Christmas Day, when we’re flying to Indianapolis, I’ll tell you. And I won’t leave your side again. —Eats Crayons
This article appears in Nov 1-7, 2012.
Flying to Indianapolis on Christmas day is always a good test of a relationship.
Nice letter, good expressive thoughts. Makes one hope that there are others like you who are “holding back” but who are going to take the chance . Thanks.
Wouldn’t you have wanted him to lay on the grenade to save you from the blast?
That would have been more in line with the ‘this is “true love”‘ sorta thing..
If you’re so inclined to believe that even exists.
HELL no. A strategic boyfriend is better than a dead one.
Besides, there is no such thing as “true love”. There is only love. There is only that feeling that one person has for another when their life is better with them in it. If you’ve never experienced that, i’m sorry.. But i think most people have. They just don’t know it or possibly appreciate it until the person (or persons) is gone. I won’t make that fucking mistake again.
Whatever you say, crazy person.
damn straight, Forever Alone.