I walk into an empty public bathroom and enter one of the many available stalls. You walk in after me, and which stall do you choose? Of course, the one right next to me! Why? There are many empty stalls to choose from. Why would you decide to pick the only stall that has someone else beside you to sit down and take a dump? It wasn’t even the closest one to the door, you actually had to walk past several clean, empty stalls to sit down next to me and cut loose! Next time use a little common sense and pick a stall in the back if you are going to drop a bomb! —Will Now Avoid Public Toilets
This article appears in May 24-30, 2012.
haha, like when you’re at the beach and there is miles of empty sand and someone plunks their towel right next to you. maybe the pooper was lonely^^
Did you check the side of the stall for “advertising”? He may have thought you were a prospective “client”
Why the fuck does this even matter?
Exactly, ‘gasmatron!
They’re shitters. Their main purpose is for shitting.
If this is really something you feel impacts your life so badly that you have to write a bitch about it, you might want to re-evaluate your priorities in life, OB.
1st world problems, in some places you just do it on the side of the road
A good friend of mine once did the Camino de Santiago. She came around a corner to find a young Spaniard squatting by the side of the road with his trou at half-mast. He was actually just having a wank. *True Story*
I’m betting this is a chick OP…
and maybe she wanted to challenge you to a game of battleshits.
if you’re only peein why you hangin in there so long? GTFO, bitch be tryin to pinch a loaf!
she’s too busy updating her facebook status to let everyone know she’s on the turlet.
Some of our fellow humanoids just seem to love to share their rare “air” with others. Annoying and probably gag inducing to some but there is no law (so far) that states the seating plan in a public loo. Be thankful there was a door and partitions around your stall. In some places these comforts do not exist in a public toilet – if you can find one at all.
Be thankful you don’t use your left hand as a shitrag.
That is the PERFECT opportunity to have a little fun at their expense, OB. Start grunting and groaning really loudly, like you’re realllly straining to….*uhhhhhhhhhhh*…push one out. Totally play it up and go way over the top. Lots of cursing and grunting. For full affect, start pretending to cry in the middle of your performance. I’m talking great big sobs, yelling, “Why?! Why won’t it come out??!! Oh Jesus, it hurts so much!!” Pounding on the walls of the stall works too, like you’re trying to desparately find something to grip for leverage.
If they haven’t left at this point, you can start stamping your feet on the floor and increase the intensity of your groaning and crying, like you’re reaching the end of your battle. Then, go quiet for a second or two and finally let out a long, satisfying groan like you just suddenly dropped 20 pounds. Some feigned heavy breathing from all the exertion and then, let out a horrified cry of, “Oh. My. God!!! Th-th-there’s s-s-so much b-blood!!”
If they try to see if you’re ok, just sweetly reply that you’re fine, thank you. If they have any sense, they will have left at this point, whereupon you can finish your business in blissful privacy. If, when you leave your stall or the bathroom itself, they are waiting to see who it was sitting next to them on the shitter, just wash up and go along your marry way like nothing ever happened. I find whistling helps. If they ask you anything about the ordeal, deny everything.
… while I do understand the frivolity of this bitch I’m with the OP. If you’re in a bathroom with multiple empty stalls and they choose the one next to you to number 2 then … it would certainly get a WTF from me. A bitch though … unlikely.
“Who does Number 2 work for, Vastie >; )
..anal…much? 😉
One time I was in a public washroom, a woman went into the stall next to me, then all I could smell was someone cooking fishsticks. I got da fuck out. Who eats in the washroom?
I’m punching the next person who says ” *insert random issue here* etiquette” in the throat.
depends on your co-workers, mel. i could see folks hiding in the bathroom during lunch, kids do it in schools. people do anything they want in bathrooms, have sex, do drugs, have cat bathes, twitter and facefart
Apparently, this person doesn’t acknowledge bathroom etiquette. Although it may have been the only decent stall to do the do-do.
Some people just shit and piss all over the place because they know it’s not their’s to clean up in a public place.
just be fucking glad they never got over the top rail, and shit on your head. but of course, i think you might already be one, a shithead douche.
“Although it may have been the only decent stall to do the do-do.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyVIFqh1Xes
Just think of what it was like in the days of ancient Rome OP. The public latrine was a very long bench with a hole every three feet. No stalls, no partitions.
Bicuit. You’re on to me. I’m a Simspons fan since ’89.
Sometimes I don’t realize I’m going to pinch a loaf until I even sit down. Relax OB, there’s worse things in life than smelling poo in a bathroom.
All I can think of now is kramer eating his sandwich in the shower…
…and preparing salad
SHITTING IN ANCIENT DELPHI
This bitch explores an interesting apect of our modern cultural mores, particularly the intense craving for privacy while shitting. It was not always thus.
While visiting Delphi – the home of the magnificent Temple of Apollo underneath which lived the famous Oracle – I had occasion to inspect the public shitters. Situated over a slowly running brook, the shitter consisted of about 10 seats ranged in a row without partitions. It was made of white marble. In contrast to today, shitting was clearly a convivial, communal exercise if only for men. (It was not clear where the women shit.)
In Freudian terms, of course, our craving for privacy while shitting bespeaks an incomplete psychological development – the anal stage – as compared to the full genital stage enjoyed by the ancient Greeks. But why is this so? Could our incomplete psychological development be traced back to Thomas Crapper’s 18th. century invention of the water-closet and it was all down the tubes, so to speak, from there?
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!