A family member is sick in the hospital, and has ZERO idea anyone is there to visit.
You’re right, I was not there to see them when they were “coherent”, maybe you should have contacted me to let me know they were sick in hospital!
I IMMEDIATELY went when someone mentioned how sick they actually were, and I sat vigil with the rest of the family who did nothing but stare at their basically lifeless body, wiping at their faces with kleenex while calculating the size of the estate. (FYI, there isn’t one. I didn’t go to make an appearance to be added to the will like some of you).
I did not stay as long as some of you, I have done the bedside vigil before, I find it an insult to the patient’s dignity, and would prefer to remember them hale and hearty. What we were there for was support of each other, which, FYI, nobody else DID and I was berated for attempting.
You don’t have the right to judge me. Martyr yourself all over Facebook and in the hospital as the “doting” relative who has been there every day (which is bullshit). You can go fuck yourself.
I prefer not to watch the dying exhalation of someone I loved so I can relive it over and over again every time I think of them. Good luck with that. But then again I am sure you’ll love to tell the story to everyone who will listen about how horrifying it was to witness.
Oh, and if you could afford to be at the hospital “every day”, you can probably afford to pay the funeral expenses. No? Didn’t think so.Good thing I am in on THAT plan. Although I am sure you’ll forget about that when telling the story to your friends about how “horrible” I am. —Been there, done that.
This article appears in Nov 21-27, 2013.
We coasties would have been none the wiser but you just had to tell us in drawn out detail that you were there ….. and are helping with the expenses and about how you were treated terribly. Kinda like you say they are doing about you on FB ….. I don’t see a difference, can you see a difference?
Let someone die….I guarantee the vultures are soaring above them with razor sharp talons ready to grab whatever scraps are available.
Hm. You didn’t realize how sick they were?
Let me tell you something. If someone is in the hospital, THEY ARE SICK. So you should have been there a long time ago. You know, during the time that they WERE coherent and wondering where you were? Yeah. That time.
I get that lots of people are uncomfortable in hospitals. They’re awful places. That’s hardly a reason to blame everybody ELSE because YOU do not want to be there.
Trust me.. they know you’re there. I’ve sat a few of these vigils in my life. And i stayed. To the end. And it sucks. The weak people drop away long before it gets ugly.
If you can’t, I totally understand. But don’t slam your residual guilt on grieving family or friends. You talk about dignity. You need some yourself. You’re not the only one grieving. How DARE you tell somebody who IS there “Good luck with that…” What kind of person ARE you??
trust me, if you love this person, you’re going to regret this choice. I just hope it doesn’t eat you alive like it does most people.
I don’t get why some folks get their shorts all in a knot over:
a) how other folks choose to conduct their lives
b) what other people think
MYOB and concern yourself with your own conduct.
Irrespective of what the peanut galleries may state:
You did NOTHING wrong OB. We all manage this shit differently. No one way is right or wrong. Not visiting is perfectly okay too.
If you weren’t there when they were coherent, why should you be there when they’re incoherent? Doesn’t make sense and doesn’t matter to the incoherent one. That’s all that matters.