Stop fuckin’ biting me! I feed you. Scratch yer head. Talk to you. Let you out of your cage (a lot). You generally have the run of the place when I’m home. I have cared for you for 13 years! You treat me like a piece of meat! Be good or I’ll get a kitty. -Lonely Old Man

This article appears in May 8-14, 2014.

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  2. Have you misted it with a spray bottle? They love that. Or how about a friend for him/her?

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  3. Grab it by the head and swirl it around a couple of times saying, “Bad bird. Bad.”

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  4. It’s a fucking wild tropical bird and wants to fly. No wonder it fucking bites you, keeping it in a cold climate and not letting it fly away.

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