To the guy who dated my friend a couple of times: If (a)My friend NEVER contacts you (via phone or email) on her own to initiate another date with you, (b) She repeatedly gives you excuses as to why she can’t see you when YOU contact HER (too busy, working, other plans,etc), and (c) even says you’re better off dating a woman with a schedule more similar to yours, you should be taking a hint by now that SHE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!
You haven’t gone on another date with her for 2 months because of *a*,*b*,and *c* so why do you keep trying? Fuck, she told me that on the last date, you told her that “the ball was in her court”, that it’s up to her whether or not there will be another date. By then, she realized she didn’t have that much in common with you and she wasn’t really attracted to you, so she didn’t try to contact you. So why the fuck did you still email her a week later to ask her if she wanted to go out that following saturday???
If that were ME, I would have kept ignoring your calls/emails or have told you flat out you weren’t my type! But my friend is too fucking polite for her own good, she kept writing/calling back (after I told her to ignore you!) to just say she couldn’t see you for some reason! See, she thinks you will realize it’s not meant to be and you’ll move on so she won’t have to give you the awkward “It’s not working out” routine(which I don’t think she owes you because you’re not actually her boyfriend, just someone she very briefly dated!).
In fact, she’s met someone else, and she really likes him and he’s probably better for her. For the first 2 weeks she has been seeing this other guy, she hasn’t heard from YOU, she thought you took the hint. But NO, you call her again the other day asking her if she wanted to go out for dinner and drinks! When (again!) she said she couldn’t, you tell you really like her and that you still hope to see her some time. Okay, she says you’re a nice guy and I don’t doubt that, but this behaviour is making you come off as really desperate! PLEASE leave my friend alone! She’s found someone else… why can’t you?
PS. Contact her again, and she is going to tell you off! No more politeness from her!
—Shayla
This article appears in Apr 16-22, 2009.
Why do you feel the need to bitch about something that doesn’t really have anything to do with you? If your friend is too “polite” to tell this guy how it is, then she’s just gonna have to deal with him until she learns how to stand on her own to feet and just tell him to eff off.
**two feet
xox, It’s a bit hard for me NOT to bitch when it involves one of my best friends and said best friend discusses the situation with me on a regular basis. I understand where she’s coming from as well. But I have told her to say something to him because I didn’t want to hear about it anymore, and I have convinced her to be straight with him and tell him she’s with someone else.
Your “friend”, if that is her real name, needs to grow a set and be honest with the guy. Think about how much sooner he would go away if she was just up front about her feelings. If you want a guy to get the hint you have to beat him upside the head with the blunt side of it. Sometimes repeatedly.
Your buddy needs to find the Cowardly Lion and borrow some courage. It would have saved everyone a whole lot of trouble.
Shayla:
Does your best friend have big tits? Like huge? Maybe that’s why he’s still calling her.
Maybe your friend should behave like an adult and just tell the guy straight up that she does not want to date him. She doesn’t need to be mean about it but she does owe it to him to be honest.
This has happened to her in the past (guys she wasn’t into still wanting to date her), and she did what she’s doing now. AND THEY LEFT HER ALONE!!! So maybe that’s why she felt it was sufficient enough to just give this guy excuses and not initiate anything. (She’s polite and tact, but not a coward!) But HE just doesn’t get it! Miles, you’re right, he reeeaally needs to be hit upside the head to get the hint! Honestly, I haven’t heard of anyone so fucking oblivious!
Shayla, you sound like a bitch.
Read the post AGAIN people. I know it’s long, but I’m hoping you’ll see where my friend and I are coming from.
A) She told him he was better off dating women with a schedule similar to his.
B) He tells her it’s up to HER to initate another date. SHE DIDN’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HINTS!!! Seriously, if you were HIM and were put in this situation and those two things happened, wouldn’t you get the picture? It doesn’t make her a coward/wuss/whatever, just because she didn’t yell in his face “Fuck off! I don’t want to see you anymore!” or anything *more polite*. She thought he was half-intelligent, at least socially!
How big are her tits?
Uhhhh….shayla: men are, generally, huge fucking idiots when it comes to women. You basically have to spell it out — they just don’t get it if you don’t say “I do not want to date you, please go away now and never contact me again.”
Your friend should be more direct and say “I don’t want to see you” because no matter how many times she says she’s busy he’s never going to get it. It might seem like the brush off to you and your friend, but DAMN, sometimes men are just fucking DUMB.
The stories I could share. ugh.
Shayla, you’re telling us this story like we give a shit.
She has “normal size tits” if you MUST know, Nice Goin Fat! *rolls eyes* B or C cup, haven’t paid that much attention.
And Mindy, I am a bitch! A shallow one at times! I initially told my friend not to date this guy in the first place because she was too attractive for him. (And she really is, it’s not just a biased opinion just because she’s my friend. He’s quite funny-looking, and she’s a really pretty girl).
But she argued that he might have more to offer (ie. money, good personality, compatibility) and that looks weren’t everything. Unfortunately, they don’t have much in common and she makes just as much money, if not more, than he does!
Your friend sounds like a jerk and so do you, maybe you two should date. I’m sure you’d be very happy together.
Pretty Kitty seems to be the only one who knows where I’m getting at!
ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz…..
Yeah, I date funny looking chicks b/c they *may* have cash or personality too. And I’m quite a handsome stud, sometimes shallow myself…
Maby he can’t take a hint because he is socially challenged; which would make you just plain mean. If he was in a wheel chair would you still mock him!
Yeah well chalk it up to experience, but I’ve just spent too much time on fucktarded men, Shayla.
Seriously y’all [men] are either really fucking dumb or really smart and really fucking mean and I can’t quite figure out which.
He’s just plain stupid.
Or an NDP supporter, he likes lost causes.
Well if your pal is the type of gal who will go out with a guy she’s not really attracted to just because maybe he makes more money than her, then maybe he’s better off without her, and he just doesn’t know that 😛
Shayla, repeat after me (to your friend, for her to say):
“I’m sorry I wasn’t clearer earlier, but don’t think we should date.”
Fuck!
How could you not see any options between ‘completely non-confrontational’ (now) and ‘utterly brutal’ (the only other option you are considering). Grow some social skills.
I can’t speak for Miles, but I’m pretty confident that by the upside-the-head beating he meant being DIRECT and not ACID-SPEWING…huge difference between the two!
By the way, it seems like Dude is more just less experienced than your friend’s other dates—hence not being able to pick up on female ‘hinting’. Given that, it might be a good idea to add “I am going out with someone else.” (true, right?). This might soften the blow, but ONLY if she says the first part first.
Wow, this broad sounds like the one in a group that had all the answers for everyone else, but can never get a guy for herself because she is too demanding, irritating and possessive. You know the one….
Way to direct your friend’s lives!
poor nice guy… has an awkward schedule and when he does finally get a day to go out on a date with a person who’s only giving excuses why she’s always busy…. he tries to line something up.
And HE’S the jerk?
I’m glad he’s not getting tangled with you two.
You sound mental and you’re not doing your friend any favors either.
If every guy actually got discouraged by a girl’s hesitation and gave up on her… the world would be a much smaller place. Men typically don’t give a shit who you’re fucking because, of course, they could fuck you better… OP, live your own life and just be there for your BFF as she learns hard lessons… no point in trying to control anyone
If your friend really is too polite, I’m sure he figured that out in the beginning, and thinks all of her “other plans” excuses really are just scheduling issues, and that she is too shy/polite to ask him out herself. Which is why he waited a week for her to do something, then emailed her anyway. Shy, polite, nice girls aren’t always the type to ask guys out, so give him a break for trying and just tell him the truth.
And like No dogma said, you shouldn’t go from super politely asking him to go away to super jerkily telling him off or else we’ll end up getting a bitch from him in a few days complaining about how his “thought to be girlfriend” suddenly bitched him out for trying to see her when she wanted to date him but their schedules just weren’t working out.
And then we’ll all be responding like Tim did. (which made me laugh a lot)
I’m with Tim on this one. Going back to bed isn’t that bad an idea.
To reference Dane Cook, Shayla seems like the Karen of the group. Just sayin’.
I would just leave this in your friends hands. If she is not being CLEAR to buddy maybe she likes the attention
Your friend needs to grow up and just tell him, and tell any other guy in the future that she runs into this problem with, that she’s not interested….get over yourselves. This guy’s world isn’t going to come crashing to an end because she doesn’t like him…he will live. If you don’t want to hear her bitch about it…then quite simply, tell her…if she is a friend SHE will get over it. As for the “she’s to attractive for him” comment, Wow…you must live in a really small and closed off world.
she’s totally Karen.
Back in the day…which, FF, was a wednesday…. I’d have at least tried to sympathize. now…. meh.
I’ll agree with Tim and PDG.
zZz is the best medicine.
I don’t think the guy’s a jerk at all. I kind of feel sorry for him. He really likes this girl and she is obviously fucking around with him. I feel for that because I’ve been there.
The point in all of this is, people are going to decode ambiguous communication in ways you might not’ve thought they would’ve. That’s why it’s important to just have the fucking courtesy of saying “I’m not interested in you” and maybe give a reason. THAT is the polite thing to do, not string the guy along. If I was that guy I’d probably feel like shit if I found this out and really stupid for letting myself getting strung along, when really it isn’t his fault. All he did was like a girl. That doesn’t make him a jerk at all.
Same works both ways for guys and girls. Just be fucking direct and give the other party the courtesy of a proper rejection so they don’t look stupid and end up being a subject of some random LTWWB bitch because they didn’t get your ambiguous rejections. Give the other party a little respect and let them keep a little bit of their dignity, because being rejected in itself can be rough enough in the first place.
Pretty Kitty: I completely agree
Bitches ain’t shit but hoes n’ tricks!
ahh…. I love to hear that womanizing BS
PurpleFire, read this one. Let your love shine. Such a nice respectful person, oh yes.
Or are you two more like “Natural Born Killers”? Can we expect a rampage of death from you soon?
“But she argued that he might have more to offer (ie. money, good personality, compatibility) “
Girl you’re giving us a bad name.