If you are thinking of bringing your kid to our university class this week: PLEASE DON’T. You’ve been dragging your kid to class for weeks and he’s disruptive and whiny. Probably because he’s expected to sit there for hours and do nothing. Seriously, not even a coloring book to keep him occupied? How are any of us learning when he’s pitching a fit every 20 minutes? I would too, if I were him.
I’m already nervous about doing well in this class, I don’t need this obstacle thrown in there too. You have time to make other arrangements instead of letting him yell and scream in a university classroom. This is totally unacceptable. >:(
— Selling My Eggs Now.
This article appears in Mar 26 – Apr 1, 2009.
If the kid’s not paying tuition, they should boot him out.
Have you emailed the prof about it? The prof is probably irritated by it as well, and if he/she has complaints from students he/she might be able to get the department/university to tell this person to quit bringing their kid to class.
Bringing kids to class is totally unacceptable.
Its probably the profs kid. SMU profs…. yeesh
The prof is probably too scared to say anything, especially if they’re not tenured. One complaint, and blammo, they’re gone.
I didn’t even know this was an option!
ever occurred to me.
wow,the gall of some people.
(It’s a student’s kid, not the prof’s).
If really bothers you that much then do something about it. I’m sure there is policy at all universities with regards to class disruptions.
Do not e.mail people! Speak to them face to face about the issues in the classroom and get your prof involved so he/she doesn’t feel blindsided by what you are doing. Bring some of your classmates with you to illustrate it’s just not you feeling this way.
In short, don’t have a pity party on the internet. Be an adult and handle your adult issues face to face.
What class goes on for hours? They’re usually an hour and half, MAX, unless it’s summer. If this was a full year course and the caretaking stopped just a few weeks ago, then the parent wouldn’t be able to withdraw form the course. Maybe a family member was looking after the kid and then they died during the last bit of the term or something. Who knows? Think of the class as teaching you tolerance and patience. Tolerance will teach you how to handle the world a bit better than most other lessons you’d learn in university anyways. There’s almost always SOMETHING annoying in class anyways, be it cell phones, ditzy people gabbing, eating in class, using their laptops, I mean this is a disruption that actually has some actual reason behind it I’m sure. I was in a class a few years back with a girl who’d broke her leg and there were people complaining that she took too much room in the aisle.
Lilac, it’s totally unacceptable. People pay thousands of dollars for an education, and it’s not fair for any of them to deal with a whining child. Yeah, there are occasional annoyances (whispering, salami sandwiches), but they are being caused by other paying students, and generally they get curbed by the prof or by other students.
You don’t go to school to learn tolerance unless the course is Tolerance 1513 or something. You’re there to learn the material being taught in the classroom – tolerance and patience are things your parents should have instilled in you as a child.
I’ll stop there, but I disagree with almost everything you just said.
Lilac, I like that you are an advocate for family and mother’s rights and all….but there is really no way to justify taking your kids to class with you. It’s completely inappropriate, even if the kid was well behaved, which he isn’t. If the university wants to be sensitive to student mothers or whatever, then maybe they could offer daycare services.
Lilac please tell me you’re joking.
Plus there are lots of weekly classes at every university that are 2-3 hours long.
Yeah I would say that at least 90% of my classes in university were 2 hours long and I had a few 3 hour ones as well.
Having a squirming kid in class that long is unacceptable for your peers and really unacceptable to the child. He would definitely have a lot more fun and be happier in a daycare or babysitter environment. I’m sure there are options.
Plus, I mean, people are paying a shitload of money to learn. Minor inconveniences are expected but I don’t think anyone expects to attend a university class with a screaming kid. I know I would have been PISSED.
I agree with previous posters, talk to the prof and get some other students to go with you. I also agree that this is a better issue to tackle face to face with your prof.
Yeesh Lilac, I agree that you are on about the mother’s rights yada yada yada…but what about the rights of the students who pay a SHITLOAD of money to go and learn what the prof is teaching them, NOT learn that you never want children…sweet mary and joseph, why the HELL would you bring a small child to class? As much as we want to learn, most of us adults can barely sit still that long….man.
Yea, I know, I know, I go on sometimes. Um there isn’t adequate daycare at the universities. They do have daycares at some of them but the waiting list goes on for years with university staff using the same daycares as the students. The daycares also give priority to people using them full time for 5 days a week and most students, of course would require university daycare during class time (which is commonly not between the hours of 8:30- 5:00) so it doesn’t really meet the needs of parents attending classes. It also puts such services out of the financial reach of student parents as well as full time daycare costs more than most people would pay for shelter.
I’m part of a sitting swap inititiative put on by the Dal Women’s Centre, where we try to co-operate with student parents to provide last minute childcare. You wouldn’t believe some of the stories I’ve heard. There are only 250 single parent students attending university in the entire province of Nova Scotia. It’s the lowest figure by far in the entire country. Let’s try to make it easier for them.
Even my high school had a daycare center for teen moms. Universities should have a better solution for single moms/dads who want to better their lives.
Shit, I have a 3 hour evening class once a week. I can barely tolerate it, I’m sure even the most well behaved kid couldn’t. And by the end of class I’d probably want to strangle the little bastard.
There’s no justifying bringing your kid to class with you. If you can’t handle both school and family responsibilities appropriately, then you obviously shouldn’t be going to school in the first place.
They should LadyS, but if Lilacs numbers are right, there might not be enough programs in place because the need is not really there. 250 student moms don’t make up a large percentage of the student population. However, that is not to say that programs shouldn’t be made available…just a reason why they are not.
It seems as though there is an implication in Lilac’s post that the small number of university moms is due to a lack of support for them. Is it also possible that there are so few university moms because the demographic that goes to university (young (18-21), mostly middle to upper income bracket families, career oriented, academic achievers) is simply less likely to have children?
Again, I think it’s a good idea to support those mom’s seeking a university education in every way possible, I’m just not sure that lack of support is really keeping enrollment down.
Not that I am siding with the person thinking a small child with no side activities is NOT going to be a disruption in a University class, BUT…
PK – your last comment about “no justifying bringing your kid to class” and not being able to handle both responsibilities might be a bit harsh.
What if, as someone suggested, the main caregiver passed away, and it’s either miss out on classes you paid for (ostensibly in order to better yourself), or miss them and have wasted money you can’t afford to waste – especially if you’re a single parent trying to do better for your kid?
In a case where you have difficulty finding someone to take over as a caregiver (regardless of the reason you no longer have one), what would you have this person do?
Having said that, though, it’s obvious this is not a one-shot deal. OP has a few options.
1) speak directly to the parent in question (I am assuming here that you have not). Here’s an example where you might “catch more flies with honey”, though, so starting out with “your whiny little brat is screwing my ability to learn” might not be the way to go. Especially if we assume that the parent probably has just as hard a time concentrating over his/her child already without compounding the problem of his/her brain looping over the “Oh my God everyone in this class probably hates me” that’s running around in there.
2) Chain of command, people – if speaking to the parent in question doesn’t help, go to the Prof.
3) If said person sits in the same place, leave a note if you feel the need to be anonymous
4) take up a collection from the other disrupted students (or go to the Dollar Store) and buy the kid some crayons and a colouring book. Present it with a smile and say “I thought this might keep little Knothead from getting bored”.
5) write a letter to an online bitch forum with all identifying information stripped out and pray like Hell the parent sees it and figures out alternate arrangements for childcare.
I suggest you avoid #5 – it’s probably the least likely to work.
Well, I should’ve clarified, Gidget: I don’t think not being able to find someone to take care of your kid once here or there is bad, but in this situation I think it’s an ongoing occurrence, so that’s really where I’m coming from on that one.
I had a class at acadia where one student brought her little sister once (she was 6 I think?). She sat there and coloured for the 1.5 hours and then watched a DVD on her sister’s laptop and didn’t make a sound. I have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with is when people cart their kids to class because they can’t get a sitter. If it’s that desperate a situation, perhaps you should re-think your schooling plans and/or your class schedule. I know departments that have waived required courses because of this (and because the class was only ever offered during that specific time). Unless you’re in a certain program at a certain “high school” on robie street — then it’s their “business” to fuck you over…but that’s a whole other bitch in itself.
The need for childcare is there. Many of these parents who go back to school are in their mid to late 20’s, quite often mature students, who had to leave schooling, until their children were old enough for them to go back to school. Many single parents don’t attend university because of the lack of support. Imagine the hassles of student loans when you have to feed a toddler or two on that amount of money? Working to support one’s entire family while attending school and paying for tuition through their own funds is obviously going to be a really tough thing to do. It might be do-able in a person’s late 30’s or 40’s when they have money saved and established careers, but that’s not the time that most women have children. Women tend to have their kids when their bodies are at their strongest and most fertile, it’s also the time when they’d be most financially vulnerable and quite possibly, attending university as well.
I hate to sound cold and a complete bitch, but too bad for them, lilac.
The more people who get university degrees, the more devalued mine becomes. It’s like inflation. The more money people have the less it’s worth. If fewer people got university degrees MAYBE those of us who already have them would have some sort of a fucking edge.
I hate to say it, but the world is a cruel place and we don’t live in a magical world of sunshine and cupcakes where everyone has all the same advantages in life as each other. It sucks, but that’s the way the world works and sometimes you just have to suck it up and make the best of what you have.
Thanks for the additional info Lilac. It’s an interesting issue.
Another side of it, I guess, is that many university-educated women (and men) ARE having kids in their 30’s because they commit so much of their 20’s to career advancement. This has it’s downside too, because you almost miss out on your prime child-bearing years. It seems that either way, one has to make a bit of a sacrifice between family and career.
um, am I the only one that thinks gidget’s #4 is totally messed? shouldn’t the mom be doing that already?
kinda like saying, ok have fun on this class trip, and not packing a lunch or giving the kid a jacket or something…..
I’m going to have to say, it’s the mom’s bag to ensure that kid shuts up for everyone to be able to focus, much like kitty pointed out.
I think her suggestion was sweet and more importantly proactive. Doing something like what she’d suggested wouldn’t just be sitting around (or typing) around and bitching about it. She’d potentially be part of the solution. Which is more than most people can say.
Hey zZz – my #4 was based on the fact that the OP said that the poor kid has squat to do, and, as illustrated by PK’s post, something to do would help make them less disruptive.
The collection part was mostly as a suggestion to get other people’s buy-in, and since I said “dollar store”, if you’re a university student without $2.30, you can collect a dime from everyone in your class and still get the screaming rug monkey a colouring book and crayons.
bring your child to school is just wrong. if it was my class i would complain too. if your a parent going to school why would you want to put up with someone elses child there. As for daycares in schools lilac said 250 single parents well take the word single out and focus on parents period then you might be listened too. I think daycares need to be replaced by condom machines in high school. why encourage motherhood in our children. there are a lot of subsidized daycare for single parents they might not be as convenent but they are there.
I’m a new mom in a new country and, I’m going back to university next year, but there is just no way I would expect to be able to bring my child with me to class…ever! (No way I’d want to, either) I understand the obstacles concerning childcare, single parenthood, etc, but this is just way, way overboard.
And hey, what about all the other broke students who also have children and have to struggle with the added expense of childcare? Should everyone be able to take their kids to class, then?
I know a few people who had unintended pregnancies during their time in university. They had the kid and finished their education just fine. Most were single parents, but some had the support of the father of the baby. And NONE of them ended up bringing the kid to class.
And that was at a university where there was no daycare. Is this class, OP at MSVU? Because if it isn’t perhaps the student who brings her kid to class should transfer, because they have daycare services for parents.