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I hate that I can’t make or sustain any real friendships. That I am afraid of people, in general. That therapy, medication and even hospitalization haven’t been able to make me into someone able to connect with others in a friendly, mutually-enjoyable way. That the advice to “love yourself” is unfathomable in the complete absence of friendships. Another Christmas and New Year without hope. And no, I don’t openly say this stuff to anyone in real life, beyond therapy. I am too aware and busy practicing smiling at people, asking open-ended questions and trying not to fall apart. —Hurting
This article appears in Dec 17-23, 2015.
you are not alone
Actively looking for friends is a dead end. Try focusing on finding things that you really enjoy doing – take music lessons, art classes, language classes, join a hiking club, book club or cycling group, do volunteer work, etc, etc. When you find things that you truly enjoy then you will make enduring friendships based on common interests and attitudes – not just people to pass time with.
All the best to you, OB, and everyone on this board during the holiday season.
Try making things not about you, cause all I hear is me, me, me.
The brutal-truth is that you have to be strong with the ruthless granite-will. The reason you’re not connecting with people is because you know they’re inauthentic, you can feel it and you’re staying true to what you know to be genuine. I salute you!
Loneliness is the whimpering of weaklings. Aloneness is the triumph of the Strong One. The frustration you feel is quite normal, yet NEVER give in! Don’t crawl before people who are weak underlings, yes-people, brownnosers, do-gooders and pathetic lonely weaklings! STAY ON THE PATH. At the end of the day, YOU, not the weaklings, get the pride of knowing YOU are genuine and the whimpering masses are huddled together like the cosmic factory-defects they are!
You know you feel disgust at watching the weaklings huddle together, tickle one anothers ears, boot-lickers and the lowest forms of cosmic garbage going. You know this, otherwise you wouldn’t have posted what you did.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Life deems you worthy, that’s why you’re an outcast. You don’t need therapy. You don’t need medications. You need YOU, without the mindless, endless, droning useless chatter and empty opinions of the weaklings. SEE that they’re weaklings. You’re blessed, not cursed.
One day, when the proverbial 11th hour strikes, YOU will be the one to triumph while they drown together, biting, scratching, crying and screaming. Pathetic beginning to end…
The Strong Remain Alone. Die in your worthiness if need be. NEVER betray yourself and huddle with inferiors. This is your badge of cosmic honour, not your mark of infernal disgrace. Anyone who was ever worth their salt ran into this same dilemma. Hold-fast to the end! Fuck them! The ‘I need people’ is a conditioned reflex, a pestilence spread in a sick society. If we needed one another, we’d all be born connected as one blob. You’re one-unit for a reason. You need nothing but yourself. You don’t need a God. You don’t need a relationship. It’s the easiest hardest thing you’ll ever understand. All you need is you, yet the millions of weaklings will bellow otherwise, cowardice at its finest.
Don’t get hung up on concepts like ‘love’ which is only a sublimation of the human desire for continued sexual-pleasure. Look on the news. ‘Love’ as the religionists and hippies call it, is fiction. It does not exist. Realize and accept this Great Unshakable Truth and you will be free from all the needy, neurotic, clinging, whimpering and whining of the doomed idiot-plebian masses.
Realize with your real-eyes the real-lies.
Please see how weak your post sounded….. I admire you, so I’m not being a dick when I say that…. You’re far better than that, I’m sure of it. You just had a moment of self-doubt is all. ENDURANCE is the word! Glory in your solitude! Again, I salute you!!!
And by the way, it is ONLY in the absence of ‘friendships’ that you can REALLY know self-respect and acceptance. Self ‘love’ is an airy, fairy weakling Dr. Phil meets Richard Simmons concept. People who preach such ‘gimme a hug’ nonsense should be committed. Again, look at the news. Come back to reality.
Again, don’t give in. When they tell you to soften or lighten up, harden all the more! It’s only weak people saying equally weak things. Look how miserable they are beneath the surface. Their ‘love’ is doing them a whole fuck of a lot of good now is it? They’re insane. Realize this as self-evident truth, because it is….
They preach the doctrine of love and tolerance for one reason, one reason that has plagued weakness and its slaves for thousands of years; FEAR. They know they’re weaklings os they ‘come together’ in ‘love’ and tell themselves what they have to, convincing themselves of every kind of pestilential filth and lie imaginable to muffle the voice of their conscience telling them how unworthy and pathetic they are. Denial, plain and simple.
Life IS brutal. Life IS hard. There is NO other truth! This isn’t an opinion, its a fact. If someone says it’s my opinion, tell them to go tell it to the person born crippled, to the person with tumours riddled through their body.
When you posted your post, didn’t you feel weak and pathetic afterward? Of course you did. There were worms around the edges, disgust at your own weakness, your conscience convicting you.
Misery loves company. Stay away from them. They’re contagious.
Not everyone is as together as they may appear. A lot of people look polished and shiny on the outside, but are just as hurt and scared and lonely as the LW on the inside. Appearances can be deceptive.
LW, you are a human being with a precious beating heart, a mind, and (I believe) a unique soul. You have a right to find your place in the world, within the human family. There are others out there too who will connect with you, but it is a challenge to find them. Don’t give up searching. Sometimes it can feel like a “message in a bottle” exercise. But others ARE out there who will see you as you are.
Take care of yourself first, be kind, be firm on your boundaries, and others will be open to you