Every bouncer I have ever encountered at a bar or club is a complete fuck tard. For some reason they think they are at the pinnacle of human existence. ItÂ’s like working the door at a club is something I should want to be doing. Bouncers need to stop acting like they are movie stars and realize that they work a shitty job like the rest of us. After all, bouncers are the sober dumbasses sitting outside while everyone is having a drunken good time inside.
Most bouncers are 35 years old, overweight and work at bars or clubs where the predominant age is 21-23. Your weight is the only reason you got hired in the first place. Physically nobody wants to fuck with you because you could smother a small family in your fat folds.
When I was at a club a few weeks ago while standing in line, a stereotypical Down Syndrome bouncer plowed into me while my back was turned and yelled at me to “Move! We got VIP’s coming through! Front of the line!!!” I turn to see a bunch of 16-year-old girls tiptoeing to the front door. I want to say to him, “Look man, those girls are not going to have sex with you. A thought of you will not enter their minds once they are inside. They are USING you!” Bouncers don’t seem to get that simple fact. Nobody likes you; you are being used to get inside the establishment. Everyone has a friend of a friend who knows a bouncer so they get into certain places. We are all nice to you for that split second of interaction, and then I want to end my own life for doing so. You aren’t worth the chair that is straining to hold you off the ground.
I have absolutely no respect for bouncers. Writing this makes me feel sorry for all of them
I need a beer.
—Yoda!
This article appears in Feb 5-11, 2009.
Oh, calm down. And referring to one of the bouncers as “a stereotypical Down Syndrome bouncer” is just plain ignorant.
Agreed w/Adi.
It’s not fair to those who have to live with Down to compare their intellect to that of bouncers.
Ah, you’re just jealous. They may not be fucking every 18 year old that gets in but you know that they get their fair share of them.
Often when we are not secure with ourselves we critize others
Bouncers ARE as you put it, “working a shitty job…”, You must be one of the losers waiting out in the cold to get into whatever shitty club they work at. Should they kiss your self entitled ass because you are so… pleasant and nice to them? What exactly do you expect? Asshole.
Half the people that get the shit beat out of them usually deserve it, because they’re causing shit in a crowded bar. Your argument is also flawed, because most bouncers aren’t 35 years old, they’re usually 25 years old or less, and they’re just doing the job to get through university, just like you, arsehole. You’re just angry because you can barely lift your laptop to write this bitch.
Jesus Christ, who do you all represent? Do you work for the Canadian Doormen Association? I thought a rant was an opportunity to aggrandize a topic by using colourful language, metaphors and similes to put a comical spin on a something we can all relate to? No? I figured most of you would be smart enough to realize that. This isn’t a formal report or a business proposal! It’s a chance to poke a little fun. Lighten up, ok?
No, this is supposed to be a place to air a legitimate bitch, not somewhere to take the piss out of hard working people who have to put up w/ fuckwads like you every time they go to work for their measly pay. One bad bouncer might be believable, but all of them? It’s not them buddy, it’s you.
You thought? Likely story.
fucking amen. there are more important people out there. personally i don’t like obama but i’d like some bouncer to meet him for a day and see how he feels after that.
micmac32: that was the dumbest comment ever.
Buy a flat of beer, invite your buddies over to your place, no bouncers, no problems. Just make sure no one drives drunk.
Yoda:
You gotta start going to bars that don’t need a surplus of meathead bouncers. This city has plenty of watering holes where less of that BS goes down.
And there are bouncers who aren’t assholes. Just that the few give a bad name to the rest.
Dr. Fever:
What about the half of people who get knocked around by bouncers who DON’T deserve it? Your defense of senseless acts of violence is flawed because you make allowances for acts of violence against people who don’t deserve it. In this country we have laws about that. Normally associated with the word “assault”. Yeah, LAWS. Maybe you should grow a cerebellum and read about them!
bouncing sucks ass….
and I never did it for the girls or the ‘prestige’.
It’s a job you do for money, otherwise you’d be out having a good time too. Personally though, I’m with neverbot when it comes to watering holes. It’s the Pubs and smaller places that have character. The larger places have more of a sticky floor/yesterday’s vomit type vibe.
NB– I’ve seen only a few instances of that actually happening, and in all actuality, those people may have actually been doing something, but in all fairness they are the minority. If you cause shit, you get shit. The reason why there so much of an uproar is usually because the drunk ass that they’re throwing out is some rich kid under the age of 20 and has had nothing but Jagerbombs all night, turned down by the chick he was fondling at the Dome, then he started with a fight with her boyfriend. He gets the shit pounded out of him because he thinks he can fight 5 guys that weigh twice as much as he does (10 Jagerbombs will do that). LAWS are there protect everybody. Not just those you deem worthy to protect. It’s not assault if they use equal force, in which case it’s called SELF-DEFENSE. When bouncers exceed that, they are charged and rightfully so. As you stated though, those people are in the minority.
Two points to add…
1)”After all, bouncers are the sober dumbasses sitting outside while everyone is having a drunken good time inside.”
Have you ever considered this is part of the reason they are…less than diplomatic at times? Drunken idiots are far more intolerable when you are sober..
2)Someone mentioned Assault laws etc…I wonder if you realize just how difficult it is to prosecute after a bar fight…were in Canadian Law both participants are considered willful participants, unless irrefutable evidence can be provided showing that it was clearly only one persons aggressions and actions.
so we all have our good/bad bouncer stories but in MY opinion: MOST bouncers are like MOST police, or MOST SOURCE(d) out security people. they are power tripping big time. throwing people out for being obnoxious when it’s freezing cold and stormy outside is just dumb. get their fucking coat for them and then kick them out. put them in a cab, call the cops to drive them home or SOMETHING. what’s really stupid though is the reason why they are so obnoxious: the bar kept giving them drink after drink after god damned drink – to get their money – not giving a shit about the safety of anyone at the bar – or the customer – because the good ol’ above the laws will toss ’em out in their t-shirts.
get a real fucking job assholes. and the chick guards around other places, even the well known “peter’s fruits” need to tone it way down. there is absolutely no need to say in a rude tone, “Ummmm WE’RE CLOSED????” to a little old lady on new years day. you know who you are because I told you off for it. duggface….
Dr. F:
I used to think very much as you do in your last comment. I gotta point out though, that when bouncers exceed “equal force” as you call it, they are very rarely identified and even more rarely charged. Some bouncers aren’t acting in self defense. They are there looking for trouble. They will get away with it and many (the bad ones) know it. They take out their life’s frustrations on smaller bodies who have been drinking and are unable to defend themselves. I’ve seen bouncers pick fights and they rarely see any consequences.
Laws only protect folks when people follow them and when they are enforced. Some bouncers are selective about the rules that they respect.
NB— sure, but here’s my issue with your scenario. Bouncers wont do anything to anybody that don’t deserve it. If you’re not causing shit, they leave you alone. If you’re passing out, starting fights, so on and so forth, you get tossed. That’s common knowledge and people are forewarned about it. I have never seen a bouncer “pick a fight”, the fights pick them. Sit down and talk to a bouncer one night and they’ll tell you all about what they have to do and deal with in the run of the night. I’ve been lucky to have worked with a few of them (during their day jobs, because bouncing does not pay well) and have found that I would probably act in the same manner that they do, given the circumstances. As to the serving drinks issue RR, that’s not the bar’s responsibility. That’s yours. You need to know your limits and when to stop. If you don’t then I’d say you have a drinking problem. If you say that the bar is responsible to see you get home because you are drunk, then that would need to be enforced every single night, and to anyone who was drunk, lest they be held liable for the consequences. Think about that. Really. That is nowhere near feasible. Maybe they should employ people to wipe your ass for you as well.
Bars are responsible for the alcohol they serve. They are responsible for checking ID’s and they should be responsible for cutting people off. The servers don’t care at some bars so long as they get tips. The bouncers will deal with them eventually, after all. Yes, we do have to remain responsible and reasonable when we’re drinking but some people do have drinking problems. No ass wiping needed BUT don’t you think that the bar has a certain responsibility to it’s customers to not keep feeding you booze when you have obviously had enough?
and a big p.s. for you dr. f: bouncers will certainly go out of their way to cause shit with people who don’t deserve it. I’ve seen it happen a million times as have many others. Wake up and smell the puke.
So by your reasoning, they’re responsible for drunk drivers?
Dr. F, indeed that’s the case.
Under Part IV-General-Civil Liability in the NS Liquor Control Act:
“140 (1) Whenever any person has drunk liquor to excess and, while in a state of intoxication from such drinking, has come to his death by suicide or drowning, or perishing from cold or OTHER ACCIDENT caused by such intoxication, the person or persons who furnish or gave the liquor to such person when in a state of intoxication, or on whose premises it was obtained by the intoxicated person while intoxicated, shall be liable to an action for a wrongful act and as a personal wrong…”
Working with the public sucks … and a bouncer can see some pretty stupid and outright crappy stuff. So they grow a little bitter and a develop a thin skin. It’s called being human.
I used to work as a doorman in Winnipeg. The doorman there now require official training. Too many people were being put illegal chokeholds, and getting sucker puncked by them and getting badly injured or killed. Halifax need the same. And a screening process to weed out the asshole repeat offenders from going bar to bar, just like the bouncers weed out the public.
People with thin skins shouldn’t be bouncers. Pretty simple, really.
I think some bouncers are fucktards that are powertripping, while other are just there to get a pay cheque. The only places I’ve ever had a problem with bouncers is the Alehouse and the Palace…The Dome is pretty hit or miss, there’s only one bouncer there that I think powertrips.
OP: I’m pretty sure bartenders get more skin than the bouncers.
Dr. F- anyone who works in a bar is responsible for someone drinking and driving…it’s our responsibility to take their keys from them and ensure they don’t do it and if they resist, to call the police on them.
Just remember, kids: nobody invited you to the bar/establishment. Its private property and your subject to “house rules”, meaning what the establishment says goes.
The owners and staff consider it a privilege for people to be in their bar and it fundamentally is. We as just simple party goers have no right to be there. We enter under the premise that we understand the house rules and will adhere to them.
If not, get the fuck out. Like I said, nobody there invited you. You’re a guest and are expected to act accordingly.