I’ve been off work for a year and a half since having my baby, and although I’m very eager to get that part of my brain back, and my sense of independence, I am scared shitless of working again!
How do I mentally prepare for this? I feel like such a huge space queen now. (I’ve always been spacey, but it’s much worse since having the baby; except for when it comes to the baby); I barely have the focus to write a cover letter, let alone the time. I’ve just started looking for work again and I’m torn- I feel so guilty and miss the baby already, yet I feel if I don’t return to my career soon, my skills will be become obsolete (and so faded it won’t matter anyway)!
How does a person who values her independence, yet doesn’t want someone else raising her baby, find a balance? I’m torn!—Torn
This article appears in Apr 22-28, 2010.
Well good fucking luck finding a job in this shithole. It won’t happen.
it’s a job, the same one you left, nothing usually changes for the drastic. i was away from where i worked for over 2 years, went for a visit to see old friends, just like the day i left, still running fucked up, and half assed. don’t sweat the small stuff, if you know what you are doing, just do it.
Just don’t take the “Maternal Galileo” route. “I’ve discovered the center of the universe; It’s my precious little child” You’d be surprised how quickly that loses it’s charm. Treat your job as the 40+ hours a week that you have to swap in order to pay for the other 126 and you’ll do just fine. Good luck.
LS… By the sounds of it the OP is not going back to the job she had before having the baby. She is writing a cover letter and has “just started looking for work again”…
OP… I think you should look at this like you looked at it the first time you attempted to enter the workforce. Only this time, you are not applying at clothing stores and fast food joints (I don’t think, anyway… ??) Also, you have much more experience and professional maturity to offer. After all, since you have left the work force you have, technically, been working 24/7. Having a baby is no vacation and you should be able to look back on what you have done and feel confident. As for the skills you may have lost while away, you will have to be trained in the job no matter where you go. Don’t look at it as “the skills you have lost”, but rather the skills you are taking into the job on the first day.
I would imagine there are programs or counsellors out there who deal with these specific issues; shouldn’t be too hard to locate something through HRDC or something like that.
Best of luck to you! I just hope you’re not returning to work at my office, cause you don’t wanna have to put up with our crap….haha
As far as I am concerned women (or men) should not get 12 months off for maternity leave. I will be honest and say taht when I am hiring someone, if I have a choice between a man and a woman, I will hire the man because I know that I will not need to find a replacement every two years while she is off having a baby.
men can take paternal leave too Bobby, Just sayin.
Glad to know sexism is still alive and kicking.
And now, while I’m on the topic and bugged by it:
Why is it that sexism is the most open and accepted form of discrimination.
I’m not some crazy politically correct feminist, and I’m NOT saying that other forms of discrimination don’t exist, but it really seems to me that sexism is the most openly accepted, and it bugs me.
Just sayin’
Sexism exists because we let it. We give different rules, different treatment to the genders, rather than just treating people as people.
I hire on a contract basis for my business, and I really never want to have any permanent employees, because the idea of parental leave offends me. I’m not paying for you to reproduce. Make proper arrangements or hold off until later, but don’t expect me to pay for your special bonding time. /rant.
angels.. I think fatties are more discriminated against…. but it’s on the personal level and not the professional level which can be more influential and damaging.
professional… race is a big one but yes, I can see sexism being right up there.
sad and true.. but the fact is a LOT of the women leave and never return.
Turnover in a company is not desirable because of the costs associated with finding and ramping people up to speed to perform productively. I remember adjusting schedules and changing things when one of my guys was having twins. We adjusted and accommodated of course but it can bring chaos at times.
And let’s not forget Age discrimination, I just wanted to get my 2 cents worth in, back in my day 2 cents could get you a Pyramid built, a trip on Noahs Ark, a date with Cleopatra – and still have enough leftover for a blizzard at DQ.
I think my Depends are leaking again…..
zZz, gop: You caught me. I was spacey apparently. I’m gonna blame it on a loooong day, and a fast food coma. Thanks for the heads up. 🙂
and zZz: your comment to mindsnap may have been collateral damage in the fixing process. apologies.
awww. you killed it. damnit.
oh well, I suppose there are worse things. I may just post a highjack thread when we plan on doing something later on anyways.
no worries. been enough of that lately….
Not sure how to take you either Mod…
you’re certainly already a much desired upgrade from 3.0
while I’m thinking of it, you wouldn’t happen to be a certain person “keeping us in the loop about up-coming HM events and contests”, would ya?
just trying to start a round of the whole “get to know your moderator” I guess.
I don’t mind answering questions if you’ve got ’em. In fact I was thinking about crafting some kind of introduction to post here sooner than later. If I did what do you folks want to know?
As yer question above… This may make me seem even spacier than my earlier guffaw but I’m behind on coffee consumption today (usually I’m more on the ball) but what does HM stand for?
I imagine I’m going to get it for that, but I guess it has to happen sometime. 🙂
HM… Halifax Match!
Yes, indeed I am.
Cracked another case!
yeah, I wanted to keep it vague in case you wanted to conceal your identity … the clark kent to your Mod 4.0 superman if you will…but it seems you’ve told the bitch world now…
unless you remove your posts… you do wield that power.
oh to have the power… to alter the gravity in this bitch world of ours.
you seem to be using your powers for good.
We like that.
wow bobby, you’re a real prick
i hope you get hit by a bus and need medical leave
As a proud young female childfree member of society and staying that way, I can honestly say that casually dropping my absolute lack of desire for babies during the job interview has nudged me that extra little inch to gainful employment.
The sad thing is that a lot of employers view younger women as a liability because we’re all supposedly set to go baby crazy around 27 years old or so. Really irks me.
This is a genuine concern for a lot of women. Family vs career? I believe it also parallels our social justice vs free market society as well. The nordic countries do a pretty good balancing act….
Look people it is what it is. All I am saying is that to be honest, myself and other employers give alot of thought to whether the woman we are hiring wants more kids. I have a friend who runs a business who has had to find a replacement for one of his sales reps who has had 3 babies in 7 years. He has two problems. Number one, finding someone competant who would actually want a job for a year and the other being that by the time he gets the replacement trained, the mom is ready to come back to work. It is what it is. As an employer, you cannot say that it does not cross your mind when you are hiring! As tralala says, she has gotten jobs by casually slipping in that she is kid free and has no intention of having them.
This is so NOT a sexist issue people. It is about having to run a BUSINESS. And it is much easier to run a business without having to find a replacement for someone every couple of years. Just like I am not going to hire a man with health issues that may keep him off the job, I am not going to hire a woman who may be out all the time having babies. When it was 3 months leave, it was one thing. You could have everyone pitch in to help out and cover. But I truly believe that when the government started allowing a year, it hurt women’s efforts to gain equality in the workplace. Hate the truth, but don’t hate me. It is what it is.
whle things like getting preggers does happen, people usally do not plan it. sad but true. if a person wants a job, they should make a commitment to themselves to stay child free for a few years, never mind the hump and who gives a shit attitude that some bimbos have today.
if you want kids, get a stay at home job. as bobby33 says, employers don’t want to constantly train other people for your job, because you got knocked up. there are actually ways to prvent that, you know, birth control devices.
but there are those, that will work for a bit, get preggy, and then collect a fat check for a year from the government. just as there are kids that need a home and family right now. but who really gives a flying fuck, right?
it is a sexist issue, it’s also a human rights issue
should every woman who wants a career never have a child, what then?
should every woman who wants a child never have a job? what then?
saying “it is what it is” over and over is a lazy, pathetic attitude.
islary- I appreciate your opinion. I am not saying that a woman who wants a child should never have a child. I am saying that we, as employers, have a CHOICE regarding who we will or will not hire. And many of us choose (and trust me, there are many employers out there,. male and female, who share my opinion) not to have to deal with finding replacements for my staff everytime they get pregnant. It costs us a ton of money in staffing and lost business. Make it sexist if you will. It is nothing more than a good business decision. Live with it.
i’m not saying i don’t see the logic behind it, financially. I work for an enormous corporation. I also know that their are a million temp agencies in halifax, who employ many talented and smart people, formerly me, who are waiting for their big break… temp agency. temp place to fill. wow!
and considering your attitude I doubt you have many women high up in this company so i doubt you’re looking for replacements for managers
hey Mod 4.0… I totally don’t give a fuck about this thread so just throwing this out there…
don’t know if you skipped over or didn’t want to post some of the bitches you’ve got recently…..
just do what you want.
at least someone reads them and knows and that’s better than nothing at all….
I’m 28, currently pregnant and have yet to drop the baby bomb on my boss… but can’t wait to! haha Guess I fit into this
zZz: I do read them, all of them. But sometimes it takes a bit to get them posted. Whether for practical reasons like Thursday and Friday being really busy, or because I need to save some things to post later. Unless there’s a real problem they get here hopefully sooner than later… In other news it seems you could use a real genuine hug, so from someone whose been there consider this the cyber version.
mod. 4.0